Bitter Sushi Ladies - December 2011 - Page 2

[rcr]

Originally Posted by PoorUglyHappy 

rcr - wow, you have truly been through it!  It is great that you have IF infertility coverage.  My insurance is supposed to cover a lot of things, but they are very free with their "reject" stamp.  :)  So with your two future babies, are you hoping to knock it out with twins in the next IVF cycle?   Do you have the dr implant more than two embryos?

Thanks for the welcome. We did only one last IVF cycle, because only one made it. We had poor fertilization. How many we transfer this time really depends on the quality. I am hoping for two high quality blasts (which is the best embryo there is for IVF), but if we have poor quality again, and are lucky enough to get a few, I would be open to doing three. I am hoping for twins, I can not imagine going through this again after I finally do get pregnant again, and I will be even closer to 40, so it will be even less likely to happen.

[wissa19]

Gemmine - It's always good to get good results.  fingers crossed you get something out of it!

rcr - I admire your faith to keep going for 4 years. I'm at 2.5 and sometimes I just want to move on...baby or not.  I think like you at first I was bitter, but the more time passes the more I'm ok with whatever happens.  I guess I'm just more able to keep things in perspective. I have friends that always wanted a family, but haven't even found their Mr. Right yet. So, I really don't have much to complain about.  

PUH - Christmas Break...I've always loved it!  I taught school so I know what you mean about not even caring about the Holiday part.  It's just nice to be FREE.  Update (just because you asked).  Cyst is gone, no sign of it or any others.  Nurse said my ovaries actually look very healthy!  So, I'm on CD9 and just took my last dose of letrozole.  Will go in one day next week for a scan and hopefully a trigger shot.  I'm trying not to get excited, because 1. It might not work   & 2. Just because you O doesn't automatically mean a BFP.   This will be my fourth cycle after surgery.  First cycle was 34 days no O.  Last 2 cycles where each 29 days with signs of O on CD15, but clearly no BFP.

Skee - Hope things get better for you! December is generally never a good month for me. Even the year my DS was born in Dec...my grandfather died right after he was born and never got to see him.  So, I'm thinking I'm crazy to even attempt a medicated cycle this month. 

[rcr]

Wissa - yea, it is strange how some people become less bitter as time goes on. I would have thought that by this point I would be even more bitter than before, but it is just the opposite. I guess I have gotten so used to IF, I just decided that I can't mope over it anymore. It may not happen, so at some point I just have to move on, y/k.

[PoorUglyHappy]

Wissa and rcr - I hope to someday move past this bitterness like the two of you.  I always planned on having kids.   I was caught completely off guard.  No one ever told me I'd have to worry about this.  I am bitter that I feel guilty when I have a cup of coffee or a beer.   I am bitter when other people get pregnant on the first try or by accident.  I am tired of being asked about having children and having to fight back the tears.  

[toothfairy2be]

I think the bitterness comes and goes over here. For the most part I am able to stay hopeful instead of bitter, it has been a lot of months to work out the emotions. There are certainly plenty of things to be bitter about, like you said PUH, wham bam thank you mam first try pregnancies, unexpected BFPs (and the complaints about how inconveninent they can be), baby bellies every where (church, restaurants, patients), and then other not pregnancy related bitterness. I think praying keeps me going at this point... I know there are many who aren't believers, but honestly, I think God keeps me going, I just know I have a baby waiting for me... at least 3 if I go with my gut instinct, and that first baby or 2 is coming.

Wissa- I am SO glad to hear the cyst is gone and you are are all done your meds for this month! What a relief. I hope this December brings you a turn-around on your end of year luck. When is your first U/S potential trigger etc? I'll be thinking of you!

rcr- thank you for sharing your story. When is your next IVF cycle scheduled? Twins would be a nice completion to your family. I think these days 37 isn't all that old to be having babies, but I know the egg quality/male factor makes it more difficult than that, I have hope for you to graduate!

skeemama & gemmine- I know I caught up with you both on the IF thread, but I'm thinking of you!

AFM- 2 DPIUI- I'm still having cramping which is really annoying, it honestly feels like 3 days of gas pain, but no gas & I'm really not constipated either so I don't know what is causing it. Just taking it easy over here.

[kparker]

Are we in December already? I have been gone too long.

You might have IF if you are out thousands of dollars and have given up on being a mother to anything other than animals; also, if you find out that all your friends are pregnant and you ask the ones that don't want the babies if you can have them.

I don't think I did that right! Were the "you might have" posts supposed to be funny or clever? :\

[PoorUglyHappy]

Lol, kparker, my IF ifs were bitter as well...

cbaa, for a successful IUI.

[Kinza]

wissa, would you mind moving me to the BFP section on the front post when you get a chance?  Due July 2012.  Thanks so much.

[PoorUglyHappy]

Went to have an HSG this morning.... both tubes blocked.   A lap is scheduled next. I am guessing endo.  I guess my IF is no longer "unexplained."  

At least I can stop TTC in the meantime.  

[toothfairy2be]

PUH-  I hate to hear that, but I am glad that you have an answer. I'm not sure what the options are with blocked tubes, can they unblock them or just turn to IVF? Will you consider IVF as an option? Endo can be so hard on women, do you have other symptoms? My mom had endo so that is always  worry for me...

[wissa19]

kinza - I loved being able to move you to BFP!!!  :)

PUH - So sorry to hear both your tubes are blocked!!  When have they scheduled your lap?  I guess you won't know more until they get in there and actually look. 

One of my tubes was blocked and they were able to unblock it.  Tissue had grown over the hole leading to the tube in my uterus.  Are they also going to look in your uterus? I only ask because I don't think they would not have been able to fix my tube just by doing a lap.  I had a hysteroscopy as well.  My RE said it could have been caused by endo or even my C-section.  And the best part is --- it could always grow back over.  (Grrrr)

 From the research I did it there are a lot of factors when it comes to blocked tubes.  The closer your blockage is to the uterus and away from the ovaries the better.  When they get blocked ovary side it can cause fluid to build up in the tubes and that can damage the tubes.  I know this must be very upsetting for you, yet it can also be nice to finally have an answer too.  I'm assuming if the surgery doesn't work then your next step would be IVF. 

I hope I didn't give too much info...I hate that you had to get this news right before the Holidays.

Cbaa - Any news?  When do you go in for your pregnancy blood test? Hope the added IUI works for you! 

Kparker - IF if's are anything you want them to be... :) If you need to vent they can be for that or if you need a laugh they can be for that too.

Going in tomorrow for a scan...per their instructions any change in the line is a positive surge.  My line is so faint I doubt anyone not obessed would see it!  Now I have to miss Pizza/Birthday Day at preschool with DS.  If there is not an egg, I'm going to be so put out at having to miss this with DS. I have been promising him for a week I would be there!

[PoorUglyHappy]

A radiologist did the HSG.  My Dr wants to discuss my options with me when I go in to see him on Thursday but the office already started the preauthorization for the lap for my HMO.  My HMO is awful - it can take up to a month to get approval for a non emergency procedure.   I will call the Dr's tomorrow and ask for them to start the paperwork for the hysteroscopy too.    My lap won't be until February b/c we have to wait for the approvals.    This whole process is so slow.   I am so unsure of IVF because of the expense.   I am hoping we get better health insurance at work next year, they seem to change companies every year.  

We have already begun the fost/adopt procedure with the county, but there are waiting lists for everything.  So at least I have that as a back up. 

I've never had any symptoms for endo and don't have any family history.  According to Dr Google, the most common causes of blocked tubes are endometriosis or PID.  I've never had PID that I know of so I am guessing it's endo - but who knows?!   I am guessing the blockage is close to my uterus because It didn't look like any of the dye went into the tubes.  They did the procedure twice the second time with higher-contrast dye.   I was able to watch on a screen - quite interesting to see!

[kparker]

PUH - We were tentatively planning the next cycle (first one of the new year) to try our last IUI, but prior to that they were going to run an HSG. Part of me hopes they find out why my IUIs have been failing, so I too can at least have some answers!

[wissa19]

PUH - I hate that your insurance is so much trouble to deal with.  Feb is a long time to wait, but I guess it's good that you should at least be able to have it.  Plus, you make have to take some time off and that might take some planning. I think it's encouraging that the blockage looked close to the uterus.  I know a lot of women want the experience "having" their own child, but I think adoption is a wonderful thing.  If I could get DH to agee, I would just adopt.

kparker - I hope you get answers.  IF treatments are for the birds...I mean really there are so many variables.  I hope the new year brings you much luck.

me - 3 folicles 15, 14, 9.  Plan on triggering tomorrow.  Was going to trigger at home but couldn't find a pharmacy with HCG in stock, so back to the doctor.  All blood work looks good.  So, I guess it's good news...

I know it's hard not to let the bitter creep in, but I am so much happier when I focus on what I do have.  I feel like if my life is so miserable now that I can't be happy without another  baby...then a baby isn't really what would make me happy.  Does that make any sense? I cope better with all this IF stuff when I lean on my faith.  I have to believe that God has a plan for my life. He always provided me with more than I deserve.  So, I just have to trust in the future. My granddad always said you just don't know what God has in mind.

[sherryvhkb]

Hi PUH. just been glancing around and seeing your bad news. I have 1 tube after a tubal reversal. I also have experience as an OBGyn surgival assist. I am just curious- and i hope helpful. Is the lap to treat the blockage or just to diagnose a possible endometriosis? Some rotten insurances used to make us put people through a lap just to diagnose- then have to schedule any treatment or follow up surgeries as a seperate procedure!! Often a hysteroscopy is included as part of a laroscopic procedure.

As long as your checking in with Dr. GOOGLE haha have you seen anything about recanalization? I "heard" a lot about that on some of the tubal reversal blogs when i was fearing that both of mine may have blocked.

Also some pelvic infections that cause tube blockage can be "silent" or symptom free. Then taking antibiotics for something else can wipe it out before it was ever diagnosed. Best of luck. I sure hope you dont have endo.

[skeemama]

Arghhh, I got a letter from our insurance today that says no more compounded hormones will be covered.

WTH, I would have thought they would cover that & not the pricey Crinone????

Morons.

Meditating more the next 48 hours as my SIL will be here & she is ZERO support for us having a baby.  DH rolls his eyes at her....yet he is taking her to the mall at the crack of dawn tomorrow....hmmmm, that is jacked.

Just FYI, my temps have been all over the place.  What's that about?

[Kinza]

Thanks for moving me, Wissa, and happy holidays to all who celebrate them!

[lavatea]

Happy Holidays to my BSLs! Hang in there. Thinking of you.

[wissa19]

Sherry - Thaks for info about the tubes, hyster, &labs.  It  answered some questions I had.  I hope it helped PUH too.

PUH -skeemama - Sorry to hear about your insurance troubles.  IF is so frustrating.  I don't know why insurance won't cover most it at least.  To me IF seems health related...ovaries are an organ.  They control a lot of our hormones and can impact our future health if they aren't working. 

I always think if I were wealthy I start are foundation or a non-profit to help women with IF.  Offer counseling, info, and maybe even grants to pay for treatments.  I think so many times women with infertility feel like they carry a stigma...something that needs to be kept quiet.  Maybe we need a ribbon too.

lavatea - Thanks for the thoughts! :)

[skeemama]

Thanks Wissa19.  It is frustrating. 

I am going to stop in & talk to the compounding pharm tomorrow & ask for help.

Also, this cycle I have had a horrible crazy headache off & on.  Anyone else get that with progesterone?