My worst fear used to be having a SN child. I remember praying each time I was PG and telling God/The Universe that if I had to have a SN child I could handle him/her having a physical disability, but I couldn't handle a child who had "mental challenges" (for lack of a better word.) My absolute WORST fear was having a child with (God forbid!!!) AUTISM! I didn't want a child I couldn't relate to, who wouldn't care about me or let me touch him/her, who would sit in a corner staring at the wall while rocking.
When I first realized my DS2 had autism I cried and laughed at the same time, thinking what a COSMIC joke this is!! I said I could handle anything but autism, and what did I get?
But you know what? I CAN "handle autism"! It's not the horrible death sentence I thought it would be. DS2 is extremely loving and affectionate. He loves giving me kisses and being tickled. He loves going on walks with his older brother and Daddy. And guess what? He has eye contact! Sure, not ALL the time, but yes, he looks me in the eyes. He loves music and art and numbers. He loves Yo Gabba Gabba. He can be a challenge, I won't lie, but he brings me so much joy. And yeah, he sits and rocks sometimes, usually when he's upset and he's trying to calm himself. It's not horrible, it's what he needs to do, you know? *shrug*
"Before autism" I used to pity parents of SN kids. They made me feel uncomfortable and fearful. I used to think about how awful their lives must be...now I know how SO NOT true that is!
I know what it means to not want your child labeled b/c they are different. I know what it means to hate the words "normal" and "abnormal". I know what it feels like to hate being pitied by others. I now know what SN parents meant when they said their SN kids were "smarter" than people think- I used to think they were in total denial...now I know they were telling the truth.
I'm no longer fearful or feel uncomfortable around children (or adults) with SN. I see these kids for what they REALLY are, their inner AND outer beauty. I no longer pity them or their parents, I think how lucky their parents are to have such adorable beautiful children.
Having a SN child has changed me forever, and for the better. I didn't ask for this, but I know why I was chosen. I want to say thank you to my beautiful, special, unique son who has made me a better person. I you!!!!!!!!!!!! God bless all of our SN kids, they are amazing and teach us more than we could ever teach them.
How has having a SN child changed YOU??? :)