I thought I'd give an update. DS is four and had seen a specialist about his behavior (it was thought that he had adhd). The specialist questioned whether ds actually had adhd and he really wanted him to attend a developmental preschool. Also, our pediatrician is a church friend and we had her and her family over for lunch one day after church. She was able to observe ds at home and for a few hours. then I met with her at her office and she said she thought it looked more like sensory processing problems, so she gave us a referral for an OT evaluation.
We had the evaluation last week and it turns out that he definitely has Sensory Processing Disorder. I had wondered this for awhile actually, and it really makes sense! He is sensory seeking big time, which explains his aggression and his bouncing off the walls and crashing into everything and climbing and hitting, etc. He also has some other sensory modulation issues, which explains why he freaks out at public places.
So he's going to OT once a week and he LOVES his OT and the huge sensory room. Seriously. He really took to the OT (which he doesn't usually do with new people) and he was talking about her all week and wanting to bring her coffee. lol.
I am so happy that we finally know what's causing everything. And the OT is great and is really trying to find out more and what his body is doing and has good ideas of things for us to try.
Oh, and he did qualify for the developmental preschool for speech articulation and social/emotional stuff, so that will be....interesting. Hopefully really helpful too.
So, thanks for all your help and comment and support. It's nice to know there are people who understand what it's like to have to keep trying to figure it all out. :)