Lost

[kwhit]

I am going through a divorce and am having an issue with the child involved. We got pregnant before we married and when we went to get married we found out that her x hadn't paid his lawyer fees so the divorce was never finalized. I paid the fees but then found out that I couldn't be put on the birth certificate since the child was conceived while she was still legally married. We seperated in Iowa where she still lives. I as well as my mother have asked her several times to do whatever needs to be done to put me on the bc so I would have some parental rights but she hasn't. I am not allowed nor do I have the money to drive from Alabama,where i live now, to Iowa to see her and the times I have tried her mother backs out. I can't take the head games any longer other than paying child support for a child I have no rights to what can I do?

[Imakcerka]

First you need a paternity test.

[Mama2ChicknLil]

Ditto on the paternity test, and as for the child support, I am guessing it's self imposed (good for you) because no state would require someone to pay child support for a child they have no technical legal ties to. I've had clients in this situation, and the worst part seems to be the cost. Paternity tests tend to be pricey (you have to pay out of pocket)...usually around 300-400 in CA, might be cheaper where you are. If I were you I'd look into advocacy groups in Iowa and Alabama and see if there is some legal way to demand the baby be submitted for the paternity test (again, I'm just assuming mom isn't being particularly compliant). Maybe contact Fathers an Families, see if they can help? Once the paternity test is done showing you are in fact the father, your name can be put on the birth certificate...for a fee of course.

Oh, and for the love of goddess...keep track of everything you pay towards child support! My DH pays under the table (waaaaayyyyyy more than a court would ever require he pay) for his two older sons, and we make a direct transfer to their mom's account every month from our bank account so we ALWAYS have proof of payment. Quick question, why are you not allowed to drive to Iowa?

FWIW, I am always so impressed by the dads I meet who are in it for the long haul. Your baby is very lucky to have you for a dad, I hope you dont let the overhwleming amount of work ahead of you stop you from making that child know s/he is loved by you.

[tccandlsccmom]

Your commitment to parenting is heartwarming.  Have you thought about mediation?  Having a chance to talk through the issues might help, even via skype or something like that because of the long distance.