Santa Claus and the big revelation

[PennyRoo]

I disguised the title somewhat just in case there are some kids looking over your shoulder!

I'm wondering at what age your kids - those in families celebrating Christmas and promoting Santa - figured it out.  My oldest DD is 9 and has not said anything, but I can tell she is struggling a bit, because, I imagine, her peers are talking about it in school.  She wrote her letter to Santa in great secret the other day - if I walked past she would cover the letter with one arm - then sealed it up in an envelope.  Since she has said absolutely nothing about what she would like from Santa I was a bit panicked.  When she left the room and the envelope was still moist from being recently sealed, I opened the letter and quickly read it, then resealed it. She came into the room later and I saw her pick up the letter and check the seal (you could never have told that it had been opened) and seemingly satisfied, put it down.  It was pretty clear to me that she still believes, and wants to believe, but has some doubts.  I'm guessing kids at school are telling her "it's your parents" and that this was her was of testing that theory - like, if we didn't see the letter but Santa got the gift correct, then she would be vindicated. 

I'm fairly certain at 9.5 that this Christmas will be her last one to believe in Santa Claus.  She has a much younger sister and it is my hope that rather than be devastated, she will join me in creating the magic.  She is a very unsophisticated kid who has been sheltered thus far from most pop cultural influences and still believes in fairies, etc.  I am feeling pretty sad and nostalgic about the whole thing.  I know I will savor her belief this Christmas.

I'm curious about when your kids put two and two together?  Were they devastated?

[SunRise]

I'm in the same boat here. My son is 9 and acting similar and doubting perhaps. Kind of reminds me of the boy in Polar Express. I am just trying to make this Christmas as special and magical as any other.

[wishin'&hopin']

My god daughter was 10 (about to turn 11) last Christmas when she figured it out.  And, yes, she was devastated.  But, she was also able to understand the why of Santa (and was glad to have participated in Santa--I just want to clarify on that point).  Her paren't response was to have her take on the role of Santa for a younger family member (our infant son).  She picked out a special gift (nothing big, a stainless steel water bottle that she thought he'd like drinking from), wrapped and addressed it to our son from Santa.  

It was a wonderful way of passing down a tradition and became a lovely coming of age for her in some ways.  And, we were so delighted that she chose our son to be Santa for...it really reflects her love of him.  

[mtiger]

I don't even remember when my two stopped believing, that's how little of a drama/devastation it was. I handled it as an embodiment of the spirit of the season. I *still*U get Santa gifts from my parents, and my kids still get them from me. Santa brings something greatly desired, but not easily rationalized. The frivolous item. The heart's desire.

[LynnS6]

My kids both figured it out at age 7. Ds figured it out because his best friend is Jewish and Santa doesn't come to his house. Dd figured it out by reading books where Santa was played by other people.

It wasn't traumatic or devastating to either one. They both asked for 6-12 months if Santa/the Tooth Fairy was real. I asked them "What do you think?" and that satisfied them for a bit. When they got to the point where they responded "I think you're Santa. Are you really Santa?" I told them the truth. Ds is 3 years older than his sister and was able to keep the secret just fine. His only question was "Why do you do this?" I think I responded something like "It's fun to pretend there's magic." Dd was actually relieved about finding out because the whole "home invasion" aspect of Santa, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny scared her. She was excited to find out that it was us, and she was tickled to realize that I was the one who'd gotten her all the neat things. For reasons I can't explain, it made her more thankful.  I admit that my kids are a bit odd -- no one else's kids that I know of worried about home invasion and Santa, and yet both of my kids did.

Despite the fact that they both know the truth now, they still insist that I play Santa this year. I asked them if we could dispense with Santa now that they both knew the truth and their firm answer was "NO!". So, even when they know the truth, they like the magic.

[sunflower.mama]

I so hope we have a gradual transition. Neither dh nor I ever "confronted" or "admitted" to our parents when we figured it out, and simply kept the magic going/never acknowledged it.  This is how I hope it is with ds (almost 8.5) and his sisters.  I think when peers start talking about it you either are really curious, or ignore it.  I like the Polar Express for this reason, although I didn't like it when kids were way smaller and kernel of doubt hadn't been planted yet.

[K1329]

My dd figured it out at 7. When she asked seriously, i told her the truth. She was okay with it, not angry or upset, but, i could tell she was disappointed. She, at 8, now enjoys keeping the magic alive for her little brother, &, enjoys playing along. She still wrote a Christmas wish list, addressed to Santa!

[aHikaru]

I was 8 and I was somewhat devastated. Now that I have my own 3 yr old we plan to celebrate st Nicolas day, which was dec 6 this year and give one gift to celebrate the day. We aren't doing Santa because at the end of the day it's pointless, all this creates is questions.  I like knowing that my daughter will be able to understand where her gifts come from and have gratitude for the thought. We recently moved to the south and every one I've met does not do Santa, kids are just smarter now and I don't like to lie to my children or family.

[bright_eyes]

cassandraz, can you tell me more about st. Nicolas Day?  How does it work and what do you do to celebrate it?  I am interested as there are times when I hate the whole santa thing but also hate the idea of giving it up altogether, but I like the idea of replacing it with something else that I feel is better.

[JollyGG]

Originally Posted by sunflower.mama 

I so hope we have a gradual transition. Neither dh nor I ever "confronted" or "admitted" to our parents when we figured it out, and simply kept the magic going/never acknowledged it.  This is how I hope it is with ds (almost 8.5) and his sisters.  I think when peers start talking about it you either are really curious, or ignore it.  I like the Polar Express for this reason, although I didn't like it when kids were way smaller and kernel of doubt hadn't been planted yet.

My son is 8 and this is what I think he's doing. I think he knows but chooses to play along. If you ask him if he believes in Santa he will tell you that he does, I'm pretty sure just to enjoy the fun of it and to make sure the Santa gifts don't stop.

[babymommy2]

this is the first year that my 7 almost 8 year old knows for sure Santa is not real . He was in no way devistated. Last year he was beginning to doubt he would ask and I'd say "what do you thinl?" and he would say he is real. this fall he asked about the toothfairya nd when I asked what do you think he told me he thought it was me and I told him it was. The conversation of course went to all the other "characters" He had been telling me for awhile that he knows Sanata is real but he couldn't fugure out how reindeer fly as they can't really fly, and how he could get alll around in one night and all the magic stuff he really was doubting. He kept saying "it doesn't make any sense" so I knew it was time. He is really excited that he get to be Sanata now. I told him that it was a special thing we do because it is fun for children to believe in Sanata and fun for older kids and adults to pretend too. He wants to be the one who gets to stay up later and eat the cookies for Santa and help fill stockings.He is very excited about it. My 5 year old on the other hand, it all make sense, of course reindeer fly, of course we put out carrots for reindeer. He is a true 100% believer. I love how excited he is! It is all very fun. I had questioned for awhile whenmy first was little is we should do Santa or if it was wrong to make it all up but in the end I can remember how I belived in Sanata andhow exciting it was and I didn't want my children to miss that experience. I am so glad we do Santa.