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Alone at Christmas... non-vaxing and a "menace" - Page 2

post #21 of 69

Holiday Hugs to you candle.gif..yes, at this point all you can do is start your own traditions with your family, and move on from there..i too, was in the same kind of boat with the sibling influence/favor...since i had distanced myself from their drama, it has only made our family stronger.  We can  only hope somewhere down the line they hopefully would learn to at least hear the other side, rather than shut them out continuously. It's good to stand up you your mother, it shows her you have grown up with your own opinions no one can bully you about, and i'm willing to bet she doesn't know how to handle this new "you".  And she's upset to think you are not going to cowtow to chris on this one and it is a frightening thought to her.  Does he bully your mother too, on other issues?(just curious)........    Just remember,  you are doing what right for your family, just as your brother thinks he is doing right for his, and the two of you clash when it comes to upbringing. If your mom is going to choose sides, she will be the one losing out in the long run, as will anyone else who chooses to be so ignorant about your decision.  

post #22 of 69

bygones - I'm so sorry you're in this position.  I'm glad you are making a holiday of it with the family, just not like you wanted it to be.  Do you think you could make an ally of other brother with hippie wife?  And, then maybe build a family tradition with a coalition of the kind.  I'm sorry your brother Chris is a bully.  The only thing I can think is to slowly exorcise him from your life.  I'm sorry some people are like that. 

 

grace's mama - Are you up for lieing?  You would have to be very convincing.  But, wait about a week and you could just tell them that you really feel for her concerns so you decided to just get one vax for rubella for dd.  New moms are, overall, very nervous creatures.  We all know people who didn't leave the house the first few months or insisted people wear masks around their child or that disinfect everything.  Be very careful.  You would have to lie to everybody.  It'd be pretty convincing if you told them you just got the one shot and would reconsider other shots as time went by. 

 

Good luck.  I'm sorry you guys are going through this. 

post #23 of 69

Here I am wondering if this baby will go to day care b/c that baby will be getting everything and it's mother there! This whole thing makes me sick!

 

Obviously it's nothing new to you and that totally stinks but remember you have your own family now. I was estranged from my family for 8years at one point...it can be lonely that is for sure...grouphug.gif

post #24 of 69
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by emmy526 View Post

Does he bully your mother too, on other issues?(just curious)........   



Yes.  He is a bully in general, with everyone in the family.  He regularly bullies my dad about politics (they hold opposing views).  My dad is not an aggressive person, so Chris gets on his platform for hours, reveling in making my dad uncomfortable.  My mom entitles him to do so.

 

But the part that kills my husband is that Chris is REALLY against corporations.  My dad is a business guy, so Chris would lay into him for hours how terrible it is that corporations are so powerful in this county.  Um... so what does he think pharmaceutical companies are??!  

 

No one else sees the hypocrisy.

 

post #25 of 69
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Xerxella View Post

Do you think you could make an ally of other brother with hippie wife? 

Whatever Chris does, Matt follows.  He's already told me they will also take some distance when they have kids.  The difference is, it won't come with a lot of grandstanding and screaming. 

 

Chris had said previously that maybe for some special occasions the kids could be in the same house as his daughter, but he reserved the right to terminate that at any time.  And that they couldn't "breathe on her."  I can't have him holding that over my kids' heads; they wouldn't understand why they got to see their cousin once and then never again if he changes his mind.   Right now, we're telling them that Maddy is little and can't be around big kids because of germs.  They haven't questioned it yet.  I'm hoping we move to Phoenix before it becomes an issue.  That's cowardly of me... but how do you explain to your kids that they're not vaccinated?  If they share it with other children, it could become a big issue. 

 

I wish it wasn't so complicated.

post #26 of 69
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by sosurreal09 View Post

Here I am wondering if this baby will go to day care b/c that baby will be getting everything and it's mother there! This whole thing makes me sick!

 

 

 


Actually both grandmothers watch the baby while the two of them work.  I'm assuming that means my mom won't be able to watch my boys while I work (I direct children's theatre part-time Jan-March).  I'm lining up sitters, but with the hour commute, this will be my last season.  The childcare expenses will be too much. 

 

Ryan always said the help from my mom would end once Chris had children... but I never imagined it would happen like this.

 

Thanks for listening to me spout, and for all the support.

post #27 of 69

Could you solve the problem by lying and telling them you have decided to start vaccinating again? You could tell them you read, "Autism's False Prophets," http://www.amazon.com/Autisms-False-Prophets-Science-Medicine/dp/023114637X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1323733829&sr=8-1 and you've realized the error of your ways.

 

That won't help for this Christmas, but it should help for next Christmas, when both your kids have had time to "catch up" on the schedule.

post #28 of 69

Regardless of the issue, letting anything come between family is selfish and immature and I would be soo pissed off if my brother treated me that way that I would speak my mind for sure (personally...don't know if that's best in your situation).  It sounds like you have some family/friends lined up for Christmas that will make it wonderful for your kids, good for you.  I absolutely do not breath a word of my kids vax status to anyone but a few select people that understand my alternative parenting style.  But one positive of you "coming out" so to speak, is now you know who your real family is.  People that love and accept you are your family, they don't have to be blood relatives. 

post #29 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by ma2two View Post

Could you solve the problem by lying and telling them you have decided to start vaccinating again? You could tell them you read, "Autism's False Prophets," http://www.amazon.com/Autisms-False-Prophets-Science-Medicine/dp/023114637X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1323733829&sr=8-1 and you've realized the error of your ways.

 

That won't help for this Christmas, but it should help for next Christmas, when both your kids have had time to "catch up" on the schedule.


Personally, I would not lie in this case. I definitely think that the best thing the OP could have done in the first place was not tell them (or anyone else) her kid's vax status, but to lie now and say she's changed her mind isn't a good idea IMO. What if her kids got chicken pox or another "VPD"? How do you explain that? I think it would further damage their relationship if they found out she knowingly "exposed" their children to her unvaccinated kids and lied about it. Besides, I wouldn't give that bully the satisfaction of thinking he was right.

post #30 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chloebelle View Post

What if her kids got chicken pox or another "VPD"? How do you explain that?


No vaccine is 100% effective, and many are a lot less effective.

 

 

post #31 of 69

you still have a 50/50 chance of getting whatever disease vaccines are for.

 

I wonder if chris and the grandparents have gotten all 40 vaccines recently. You know those wear off right? I'm guessing that guy doesn't have a clue

post #32 of 69

 

Quote:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chloebelle View Post

What if her kids got chicken pox or another "VPD"? How do you explain that?


No vaccine is 100% effective, and many are a lot less effective.

 

 

you could explain it by saying that vaccines shed, so how would they know where it came from?  ANY child or adult could have been shedding the germs after being vaxed. 

 

post #33 of 69

I realize all that you guys, but that would be just adding to the pile of lies, and it would just get complicated. Besides, a person as thick and argumentative as the OP's brother would unlikely accept the argument that her child got CP from shedding, or that vaccines aren't 100% effective and her kids just "happened" to get CP. He'd realize that he had been lied to, and it would make things much worse IMO.

post #34 of 69

She could get informational pamphlets from real live doctors and studies that state facts such as shedding, wearing off, etc not just word of mouth ya k now.. and leave them laying around or post on her fb wall

post #35 of 69
Thread Starter 

In hindsight, I never should have told any of them.  But Thomas was so sick, and I was so sleep-deprived and desperate for answers.  I opened my mouth far too often.

 

I couldn't lie at this point.  They know how strongly I feel about this and they'd never believe it.

 

But as one poster said, I know who my family is now.  I do think everything happens for a reason, even it's painful at the time.

 

 

post #36 of 69

Bygones -

 

Eh gads, your brother sounds like a piece of work. How does his wife stomach that kind of behavior? Honestly I know he is your brother and it is sad whenever there is conflict in any family, but I would not want such a negative narciscist around me or my family much anyway, so perhaps like you said this was all for a reason and now you know. I just hope you can find a way to make things better with your mom. Hugs to you and here is to creating your own special X-mas - just you and your kids!

post #37 of 69

I am a vaxing mother of a 5 month old, who of course is in the most at-risk age group for pertussis and can't be vaccinated for it yet, If I found out friends or familiy lied to me that they had had their kid vaccinated and they did spread pertussis to my child, "furious" would not even begin describe my response.

post #38 of 69


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Katie8681 View Post

I am a vaxing mother of a 5 month old, who of course is in the most at-risk age group for pertussis and can't be vaccinated for it yet, If I found out friends or familiy lied to me that they had had their kid vaccinated and they did spread pertussis to my child, "furious" would not even begin describe my response.



Pertussis is not a particularly effective vaccine.  It is 59-89% effective in preventing pertussis, according tohttp://www.immunizationinfo.org/vaccines/pertussis-whooping-cough.  

 

I wouldn't lie to you or anyone else about vax status if asked - but I think worrying so much about vax status is misplaced.  In many cases the chances of your child getting a disease are close to zero, in some the diseases are pretty mild, and in others the vax isn't overly effective.  

 

In general (not directed toward you): I guess we all have our own thing - but the paranoia around the unvaxed drives me insane.  When all is said and done - your chance of being hit by a car is higher than dying of a VPD (infants and pertussis may be an exception). I think it is a witch hunt - and it is sad when families succumb to mass hysteria.  

 

 

post #39 of 69

And I would be furious if a new vaccinated baby was brought around my child as they shed the disease for a month. It is truely the reason why I think diseases are so prevalent in school. One person shoots up and sheds the virus to all vaxed and unvaxed kids to catch

post #40 of 69

If you're following the recommended schedule your babe would have already had 2 DTaP shots. 
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Katie8681 View Post

I am a vaxing mother of a 5 month old, who of course is in the most at-risk age group for pertussis and can't be vaccinated for it yet, If I found out friends or familiy lied to me that they had had their kid vaccinated and they did spread pertussis to my child, "furious" would not even begin describe my response.



 

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