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Kids are missing their bio father

post #1 of 2
Thread Starter 

My 5 year old has been so emotional about EVERYTHING lately. Its so hard to deal with. Im sure it has to do with her age, starting kindergarten, being a middle child, missing our extended family since we recently moved about 300 miles away for work. Her bio father had his visitations taken away for a little while due to drugs (ugh) and she misses him a lot. I know all of this is a lot for her. I have been giving her more one on one attention since it started to get worse. I have been reading up on anything I can online to improve my parenting for her. I just feel so bad for her and wish I could do more. I'm considering looking into a counselor for her.

post #2 of 2

Just wanted to offer hugs! hug2.gif We are going through a similar situation: DS is 6yo and hating kindergarten (he has dyslexia, ADD, maybe mild Aspergers & alot of anxiety), and he misses his bio father who hasn't seen him or his little brother in over 2 years. He has to deal with all this, plus a new "dad" (whom he loves, but doesn't call him dad) and 1yo baby sister.  We try our best to be so understanding, but it is difficult to deal with the emotions that run so high.

 

I have found that it's great to have some 1:1 dialogue with him, and just be honest about everything.  I listen to how he feels, and answer any questions.  I tell him nothing is his fault - that his father is a big boy & made his own choices, that I don't know why he's chosen to do what he has, but no one else can change it.  When he gets angry & hurt, I tell him he needs to let go, and doesn't have to let his dad hurt him anymore. I tell him to gather up all those bad feelings in a tight little ball & throw them back at his dad as hard as he can, saying "This doesn't belong to me, you gave it to me - you take it back!"  That seems to help him, as he experienced a great deal of abusiveness from his dad & is terrified that he will come back someday...although he is so conflicted, because he still loves him in spite of it all & is hurt that his dad doesn't even call him.

 

I hope you can find a happy solution for your DD, I know how hard it is to see them hurting and not be able to do anything about it!  Remember that she is still so young, and in the end when she's grown, she will know she always had your unconditional love & support with everything she's been through.  That is the most important thing - make sure she knows that no matter what, you will never abandon her and will always love her.  Good luck!

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