Hi there. I'm so sorry for your frightening deliveries. Both of them must have been scary. I can relate to you a little. I had a c/section with my first baby because of non reactive fhts. She stopped moving at 37 weeks and I had to have an emergency c/section.
My next two births were attempted VBACs. I labored 5 days with the first attempt, got to 9 cm and my cervix swelled. It took me 12 hours to get there from 6 cm. The second attempt was very similar. I labored for 4 days with no descent and ended up with another c/section. This was an attempted HBA2C.
I searched for years trying to find an answer to why my births went the way they did. About 3 years after the birth of my 3rd baby I had a car accident, was x-rayed and found that I have a fused sacrum. My last vertabrae is fused to my sacrum...and it is inflexible for birth. It was something I was born with and not something that the accident caused.
When I got pregnant with my 4th baby, I found a fantastic OB (ruled out homebirth b/c I'd tried that already, I felt I'd need some intervention) and I paid a TON of attention to the position of the baby and the position of my pelvis. I learned that position is much more important than size and that a huge baby in a good position could come out but a tiny baby with a slightly crooked head could be stuck forever.
I know that you've already had shoulder dystocia and gotten stuck, so my advice to you would be to find a provider who has some very gentle ways of inducing you if you reach 42 weeks again...herbs, EPO, membrane stripping if needed, acupunture/pressure, etc.
Take yoga classes to get your pelvis accustomed to opening...get on www.spinningbabies.com frequently and use it as your bible for pregnance and labor. I did. Don't ever sit for long periods of time leaning back. Always keep your belly button pointing straight ahead or down. (keeps baby from being posterior) See a chiropractor regularly to make sure that your pelvis/hips/back is aligned. (www.icpa4kids.com is a great place to look...you want someone webster certified...this will also help you go into labor when you are ready) when you start labor, keep yourself upright no matter what, walk, squat, dance, sit on the toilet, move, sway, stay in hands and knees...if you have to lie down, alternate sides. I, literally, spent 2-3 hours every night in the hands and knees position when I was pregnant.
I did end up having a VBA3C with that doc, but it wasn't easy. I found out that my second baby was posterior and that's why I had the cervical swelling. Position is so important, don't underestimate it... and you might want to check your anatomy (by x-ray) to see if there is something unusual going on. I had no idea. You might need some specialized positioning if there is an abnormality...and most of all, you need a supportive provider who will guide you on all these things.