I figured I might get better answers tailored to DS1 here rather then other forums. DS1 is 2.5y and speech delayed. He has been in ST for a year and still has the expressive skills of a child under 2y. We now know that he understands most of what we say, well I think anyway. He is a very silent boy and stubborn so it is hard to tell at times. For a while we have been having an issue that if he gets his feelings hurt, anything happens, I tell him he can not have a lollypop or we have to go, he very carefully and systematically goes around and destroys things. Let's say a sister (there are 4 kids) runs in and starts playing with a toy he considers his, he will walk downstairs and tear apart the entire train table, not frantic or in anger, it is quite controlled, dropping every single piece to the floor and then he moves onto other things but the train table is always first. It is getting to the point where anything happens to him and this is the response, destruction. A glass of milk is dumped out, an entire water bottle. Nothing is ever thrown across the room, I swear that he carefully scans the room for potential items to wreck havoc with. Clean laundry thrown piece by piece into the glass of milk on the floor, huge bonus!!
To say that I am tired of cleaning up after his "temper tantrums" is an understatement and he is starting to do it at the science museum, anyplace. If we are out and I say/do something he does't like, he will calmly turn around and dump out my diaper bag, very item out of my wallet. When I say no or offer short simple sentences, he then pouts. He will lay there for 30 minutes, or an hour yesterday, refusing to play at his favorite place. Or climbing underneath the X-Mas tree and getting stuck... He rarely cries, when he does, I know his feelings are REALLY hurt. He prefers to lay down, pout, or hide behind something, he likes to hide his face. He will not allow me to pick him up or comfort him. Redirection does not work, he does not forget and move on. With my other kids I could get by without saying no, I could redirect and move them away, it just doesn't work with him. And he holds a grudge, if something happens, I do manage to distract him for a few minutes, he will still remember and go repeat his pattern of chaos. Autocorrect is on the loose tonight, so sorry!