I need to find some peace about how my SILs are raising their babies.
They are doing the opposite of everything I believe in. Even DH who is more understanding and less passionate about infant care says that his sisters are too "lazy" to do what is best for their babies.
Life is still all about them. They are un-attatched and want to be apart from their kids. ILs help them too much because they "need" it. I believe SIL1 is codependent with them. SIL2 could handle it on her own if she had too, but the dynamic of ILs offering alot and her taking advantage of it is still there. I think that adds to the problem of life still being all about them and not their babies. I feel sad for the SIL/DN relationship, angry at SILs for not doing what I think is right, and kind of misunderstood because our situations, emotions and beliefs are so different.
I can give examples of attitudes and situations if you think it would help to give advice. I've purposely left it out because it's not the point. They aren't doing anything illegal. In fact, their actions are actually the majority. It doens't affect me beyond seeing and hearing about it.
What I'm really looking for is how I can feel better about this. Right now I can't respect SILs as mothers. I don't want to be around them or their babies. I don't like hearing MIL (who I actually really like and respect) talk about how hard SILs have it when, actually, it seems to me as if they got off incredibly easy.
I grew up if a family that was critical and judgemental. I don't want to pass this on to my kids. I don't want to waste my time and energy stewing about something I can't solve. So how do I change these thought patterns?
I think this is a little off-topic, but I'd also like some reassurance that being connected with my kids now doesn't mean they'll be codependent. I know that's the opposite of what AP is supposed to accomplish. I guess the biggest similarity that I see is that AP believes children will (sleep all night, potty train, learn to read.....) when they are ready. It seems like ILs are still thinking SIL will (pay her own bills, take care of her baby...) when she's ready.