Christmas gift for your ex?

[mamatoemily]

My husband and I have been separated since April and will be getting a divorce.  Lately he has been indirectly trying to win me back, even though he lives with his new GF.  He bought me an expensive gift for Christmas (which he already gave me), under the guise that it is from our DD to me.  I am not sure what the etiquette is on gift for Christmas for your ex's.  His GF does not know he bought me anything because she would not approve (she doesn't even want us talking...but that's another issue).  I had some professional pictures done of my DD for her 1 yr birthday, so had planned to get one of the pictures printed off and put it in a nice frame for him "from her."  But, now that he gave me this gift I feel like I am supposed to do more?  I feel conflicted...part of me would like to be nice and guy a nice gift, but the other part wants to be appropriate and doesn't want to give him the wrong message.  My BF says that just the picture is enough.  I know I shouldn't compare money spent, but I suppose I am.....Thoughts?

[doubledutch]

you should stick to your plan.  when your dd is old enough, you could also let her pick out something small (like under $20).

[DCMama01]

I think the picture (or nothing at all) will suffice. He lives with his new GF. She can worry about buying him a gift. Buy yourself something nice instead!

[mamatoady]

Your daughter is 1 year old?  I wouldn't worry about it.  The picture is enough (without a frame).  When she is a little older you can do your part as parent to help her come up with gifts for others...this might include making something or a low cost item (as you might do for a school friend).  You can encourage your daughter to come up with something to give as you would for friends, aunts, uncles etc., but NOT NOT NOT your responsibility to make sure your daughter has something amazing (or anything at all) for her dad for Christmas, his birthday, father's day etc....start now what you want to carry out for the next 17 years.

Sarah

[captain optimism]

It occurs to me that if he decides he's not interested in winning you back, he might try to claim that the expensive gift is part of child/spousal support. Please keep the gift receipt, if there is one, in case he attempts this. 

Do not buy him a fancy present. You can see yourself how confusing it is to get an expensive gift from your ex who is living with a new partner. 

Originally Posted by mamatoemily 

My husband and I have been separated since April and will be getting a divorce.  Lately he has been indirectly trying to win me back, even though he lives with his new GF.  He bought me an expensive gift for Christmas (which he already gave me), under the guise that it is from our DD to me.  I am not sure what the etiquette is on gift for Christmas for your ex's.  His GF does not know he bought me anything because she would not approve (she doesn't even want us talking...but that's another issue).  I had some professional pictures done of my DD for her 1 yr birthday, so had planned to get one of the pictures printed off and put it in a nice frame for him "from her."  But, now that he gave me this gift I feel like I am supposed to do more?  I feel conflicted...part of me would like to be nice and guy a nice gift, but the other part wants to be appropriate and doesn't want to give him the wrong message.  My BF says that just the picture is enough.  I know I shouldn't compare money spent, but I suppose I am.....Thoughts?

[mamatoemily]

Thanks ladies....I am just going to continue as planned and give him the photograph :)