So today we get informed by the ex that while she does not have a problem with me being around the kids (I live with their father, so she doesn't really have a say in this although she seems to think she does), she wants the kids to only spend time with her or their father, not with me alone (this new idea has probably come from the fact that I took her daughter out to a movie and to see a live reindeer last weekend while my BF took his son and my daughter to a museum. I am sure the 8yo went to mom and told her what a great time she had with me). It's pretty obvious that I'm a permanent fixture here and nothing negative has every been brought up about me (from her or the kids), so she does not seem to have any specific concerns. I am positive if she did, she would have brought it up by now.
I realize that there are a lot of emotions that might be going on with her...she doesn't want to be replaced, she could be upset/jealous that her ex is with someone else, that her kids are spending time with another "mom", etc...but it is very hard to feel sorry for her because she cheated and left her husband, so what did she expect? She's not a stupid person. She knew he'd find someone else eventually.
Anyway, we'd like to get the kids for a couple of days over winter break. There is nothing in the divorce decree about who gets the kids during winter and spring break and we are pretty open about which days it is, but we'd like them for 2 days in a row. She is saying no because she knows he will not be taking time off of work and she does not think it is right for the kids to spend time alone with me. She wants the kids to only spend time with a parent and if one parent is not available, the other one should get the kids. We feel like she sees the kids every day and it would be nice to be able to have them for 2 days in a row. He probably will take one of those days off of work, but not both and we don't feel like he should promise her he will take that day off. She never tells us about the kind of childcare she provides for the kids on her days (and we know she's had a man watch them that has a record of child alienation with his previous wife and kids...), so why does he need to explain to her who is watching the kids? Again, I feel like she wants to control every aspect of the kids' lives, even when they are in his custody.
She's also requested he pick the kids up from her house at 3:50pm on Mondays starting in January so she can go to work (her schedule changed). Kids get out of school at 3:30pm and the school is a 5 minute walk from his job and our house. She refuses to let him or me pick the kids up at school on Mondays. She wants to pick them up at 3:30pm, drive them home where they will be for 5 minutes, and then dad will pick them up and drive them home where I will watch them until 4:35 when he gets home from work. He'll have to leave work at 3:35 when he can leave at 3:25 to pick them up and then go back to work or I can go get them. It's ridiculous. Personally, I think bouncing the kids around like that is wrong. On top of that, I just realized the 8yo has karate on Mondays at 4:15 now so he'll have to drop the kids off with me, go back to work and I'll have to load them into the car and bring them all to karate! I've suggested dropping Monday night karate, but then the ex will be responsible for taking her the other two days per week (she has to go at least 2 days a week to test up to the next level) and he doesn't think she'll go for that. I am tempted to tell him to tell her to just pay a babysitter until 5pm when he normally picks them up at this point because the whole thing is insane! It just makes sense that we pick them up at school if she has to leave the house by 3:50! Am I crazy? Am I missing something? I don't get it.
**ETA She drives right past his work and house when driving from school to her house, so I don't see why she can't drop them off if she doesn't want us to pick them up.