Interesting moral dilema... WWDY?

[lia_joy]

This is just a hypothetical question, that I thought was interesting to contemplate:

If you KNEW that your baby would be born with an injury, and you KNEW there was nothing you could do to prevent it (you've been given a glimse into the future both ways: UC and hospital birth) but you KNEW that you'd get blamed for it, would you still choose to UC? or would you consider going to a hospital to avoid blame?

Note: I edited out the explanation of what made me think of this question, because I felt it was making it unclear that the question is Completely Hypothetical -- Like, 'who would you rather be stuck on a desert island with' -- totally unrealistic & simply an exploration of how we feel about appearances and blame. 

 I do have an actual, real exploration of where to birth this baby going on and I don't feel comfortable with that process getting confused with this conversation in any way especially when I know there are people who lurk here & share posts other places.

Edited by lia_joy - 12/13/11 at 6:24pm

[stik]

If I knew that my child would be born with a birth injury, or was likely to have a condition that could result in a complication like CP, blame would be the last thing on my mind.

I would research the issues likely to be present at birth or during labor, and I would choose a birth setting based on those issues.  

[lia_joy]

Originally Posted by stik 

If I knew that my child would be born with a birth injury, or was likely to have a condition that could result in a complication like CP, blame would be the last thing on my mind.

I would research the issues likely to be present at birth or during labor, and I would choose a birth setting based on those issues.  

Just to clarify, I'm not asking this question as a way to make my decision about this birth -- that's a totally seperate, ongoing process that of course includes researching CP and other things this baby will be at higher risk for.

It's just a hypothetical question, assuming that we already know the outcome would be the same (which obviously you can't ever really do)  I thought it was interesting to explore the feelings about this hypothetical situation... Didn't mean to imply that I believe my baby has CP & I'm trying to decide on birth location based solely on this train of thought.

[tracymom1]

For me, and I realize this is not the popular opinion here, I would go to the hospital. We have an amazing hospital near us with a level 3 NICU and excellent care. When my first was born via planned c-section due to vasa previa, bleeding, and PTL, I was told there was a high risk of him having a birth injury. He ended up being just perfect, but that experience made me realize that if I knew something out of the ordinary was going to occur, I would be more comfortable in a medical setting - especially one where I had a very positive and wonderful experience.

IMO, it is not about blame. It is about peace of mind. Achieving that is different for each of us - even us crunchy sort! These types of questions are always hard to answer because they are so far from reality. It is hard to put myself in a position where I can "know" a future outcome, KWIM? Interesting topic, though!

[BroodyWoodsgal]

I understand where you're coming from with this question.

I happen to have an incredibly supportive circle of friends and family who have nearly identical values and place high importance on the same things I do as far as birthing, etc are concerned, so they understand where I'm coming from. But more than that, it means to me, that I would be talking to them about all of this as it unfolded and wouldn't shy away from being open about the problems I thought would arise, the reasons for my belief that the place I chose wouldn't effect the outcome, etc. I would share all of this with them, so that they would understand what was going on, but also because my family community serves as a "gut check" for me and I count on them to help me see different perspectives and I can't imagine a situation where it would be more important to have those perspectives than when I was trying to make a choice like this.

If my family and friends agreed that the place of birth wouldn't matter, that we'd be looking at the same outcome anywhere we decided to do it, I know they would be supportive of my staying home...however, if any of them thought that I was being reckless or that I was wrong....they would say it, respectfully, and that would have heavy impact on me, you know? If even one person was able to say something, show me something, etc that would shed light on the possibility that going to the hospital could be beneficial, I would be glad for that and I would take it seriously.

I don't think that there is anyway to be able to truly judge something like that while they are still in your uterus. No blood test, imaging, scans or doctors opinion can ever say with certainty what is going on in there.

If there were something wrong with my baby and it was an absolute SURE bet that there was a catastrophic "not compatible with life" type of problem....I would stay home. But if I discovered some other type of injury, something like CP or some other problem where small interventions and procedures AT BIRTH could mean the difference between a kid with mild delays and a few problems that can worked on with therapies....and a kid who will never walk or talk....well, for that I'd probably go. You just can't tell.

Blame doesn't come into the equation for me just because I know everyone in my family would support me, even if they thought I made the wrong choice, because they would believe with every fiber of their beings that I made what I thought was the best choice.....and as for "other people" blaming me, I just dont care.

My OWN guilt would be what I would run from. I don't make choices that send me down roads I can't bear to walk. you know?

But if I had a baby we knew was going to die (I've known people this happened to)..I wouldn't abort. I'd let nature take it's course and I'd do it at home. The hospital is for sick people. Injured people. If I'm having an injured baby, I will go to the hospital so that he can be treated. If I'm having a baby who cannot live, who will surely die...I will be home...as I believe that just as home is a better place for coming into this world, home is also the better place for leaving it. People judge so hard for that, I've found. But again...I don't really care.

[BaileyB]

Home. That is one of the top reasons I am interested in UP/UC. When we had our stillborn we were obviously sad but we were glad that she wasn't born struggling and then pounded on when trying to revive, and poked and pricked, and tubed, and scared. I was glad she died in her safe comfortable place. (my tummy!)

[ilovetchotchkes]

HOspital for sure. I know someone whose baby got taken away after a HBAC because the kid had shoulder dystocia. The thought of my kid/s getting taken away is one of my biggest fears. However, I WOULD find a provider who I was cool with.