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What age were you (the parent) potty trained?? - Page 4

Poll Results: At what age were you (the parent or grandparent) potty trained?

 
  • 4% (4)
    0-12 months
  • 7% (6)
    13-14 months
  • 7% (6)
    15-17 months
  • 28% (23)
    18-20 months
  • 13% (11)
    21-23 months
  • 19% (16)
    24-26 months
  • 8% (7)
    27-30 months
  • 9% (8)
    31 months +
81 Total Votes  
post #61 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by serenbat View Post

I see a hugh difference. If this was reversed and you were dealing with walking or babbling, etc not until age 27 months (not within the normal time frame) that would be view medically as a delay- why isn't this? It is occurring outside of the medium age (at least would normally would have been) be it because of something- is it not?

I don't know, my DS had some social/emotional delays, maybe that is why he trained late, but I'm not sure what to say about his toddler friends who also trained late but have no other delays. I guess I am disagreeing with your average or "normal" age of potty learning. You seem to be saying that the normal age is 12-18mos. I'm saying I feel the normal age is more like 12-36mos. I don't think that this is a big change from years ago, I think it's just more apparent now because coercive & abusive methods are no longer in use -- in other words, I think a lot of trained 18mo kids years ago would not have been trained so early if gentler methods had been used. I also think that no one has properly defined "potty trained" -- does it mean simply out of diapers? Does it mean completely accident-free? Does it mean the child needs no reminders? Does it mean dry at night, too? How can you say kids trained earlier years ago, if we don't have a working definition for "potty trained"?

I don't see why there can't be a large range of readiness... at 2yo, my DS could talk like a 4yo, used scissors and crayons like a 4yo, etc. but that doesn't mean other kids his age were 'behind' because they talked like 2yo's and had more limited fine motor control. There has to be room in developmental milestones for the large range at which kids will meet them, and I believe this applies to pottying too. Maybe years ago, people were ashamed to have a 3yo still in diapers, so they kept quiet about it... who knows??
post #62 of 91

I am not all that old, so maybe that is why I was potty-trained at 2.5.  

 

DD was using her little potty (for number 1s and 2s) without prompting or suggestions and with no bribery at 19 months.   She took herself to the potty when she had to go, pulled down her pants, wiped, and pulled up her pants from the very beginning.  She has about 5 accidents the first 6 months, if that.  She was out of diaper at night before he turned 2, but was keeping them dry well before that.  We did not EC at all and only casually introduced the potty.  We bought it at 13 months, put it in the bathroom, let her sit on it when she wanted with clothes on, and only introduced what it was for at 18 months (after a friend shocked me with her attempts to train her son who was the same age.)  I am pretty sure she was showing bladder control months and months prior to that, because we always kept her naked for about an hour after her bath and she never wet anything.  I though nothing of it at the time.

 

As far as readiness.  Obviously there is a physiological element, but I think there is also a cognitive element as well.  The child has to understand what is wanted.  Then there is personality.  And, that is just the wild card.  Also, there are so many developmental phases between 18 months and 3 years.  If a child becomes physically and cognitively able to potty train at 18 months, but then enters the defiant stage early, it is just not going to happen.  Everything came together for DD.  She was able to do it and she was in a phase where she aimed to please.  Had I asked her to start potty training at 24 months, I have no doubt it would not have gone as smoothly.

post #63 of 91



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by ellemenope View Post

  If a child becomes physically and cognitively able to potty train at 18 months, but then enters the defiant stage early, it is just not going to happen.  

So very true!!  My DS has been physically capable for a long long time now.  He can stay dry overnight (10 hours) and then refuse to potty after waking and stay dry for another 4 or 5 hours.  Why?  Straight up defiance.  He has taken control of this situation and his body.  If I do or say anything about the potty, it backfires.  I have to wait until he decides that it is his idea to use the potty.  I call him Captain Opposite!  I say put your left foot down and he says - no, right foot up.  No exaggeration.  Captain Opposite strikes again!  It's his super power superhero.gifOh, and reverse psychology doesn't work either.  He can see right through it.  So yes, I think it all has to come togehter and personality is a huge factor.

post #64 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by pranava View Post



 

So very true!!  My DS has been physically capable for a long long time now.  He can stay dry overnight (10 hours) and then refuse to potty after waking and stay dry for another 4 or 5 hours.  Why?  Straight up defiance.  He has taken control of this situation and his body.  If I do or say anything about the potty, it backfires.  I have to wait until he decides that it is his idea to use the potty.  I call him Captain Opposite!  I say put your left foot down and he says - no, right foot up.  No exaggeration.  Captain Opposite strikes again!  It's his super power superhero.gifOh, and reverse psychology doesn't work either.  He can see right through it.  So yes, I think it all has to come togehter and personality is a huge factor.



 

This describes my son to a T.  Trying to convince him to use the potty would backfire.  He had to do it on his own terms.  He didn't like reminders either.  

 

For those of you that did potty train before 2.  Was your child capable of using the bathroom on their own without assistance or reminders?  

 

I think back to when DS was 18mos to 2 and there's no way I would have been able to train him.  He was hardly talking and didn't know when he had to go.  

post #65 of 91

I was potty trained in the 70's. My mother said that she started my brother and I when we were about 2 yrs, and we were trained by 3 yrs, we were both cloth diapered.

She said there was no pressure and she could not comprehend why others made such a big deal about the training (the when and how of it). She did have diaper service, maybe that was a factor.

 

post #66 of 91

I wait until my kids are ready, and they want to. If i try to hard they back away. so i stopped trying. and my oldest was completley before 3 no accidents or anything! my youngest now likes to go any time his big brother goes just working on pooping, he realizes after he poops that he wants to go potty so hopefully soon he will realize that he got to go to the bathroom before he poops not after lol and he is 2.

 

my mother was potty trained by 1 along with all her sibilings.. i honestly dont know how they did it, but they did! i think it was not an option to not be potty trained back then for financial reasons. 

post #67 of 91

I don't know when I was PT but my mother commented recently that my younger brother was so hard to PT, that she didn't even start with my youngest brother until he was past 3. 

 

With my DD, we started with potty sits at about 17 months but went about it really loosely and only when I was at home after work for a long time. Around 25 months we jumped on the PT wagon and she was fully day and night trained at about 28 months.  She had gross motor delays, social delay, and emotional delay, but these only affected PT in that she didn't walk until past 21 months which made getting to, from, and on/off the potty harder for her.

 

With my DS, we had potties around the house from about the same age but our schedule has been so hectic that we didn't start to really do much until 2.5 weeks ago.  Now he's been in undies most of the last 2 days.  If I had the gumption to take him to the potty when he wakes up at night I suspect he'd be dry all night, too. 

 

OP, have you read "Diaper Free Before Three"?  The author summarizes a lot of actual scientific research that's been done on PTing and makes a pretty strong case that it's healthier to train earlier rather than later, and does present fairly solid data showing that the age of PT has been getting later and later over the last century. 

post #68 of 91
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aufilia View Post

 

OP, have you read "Diaper Free Before Three"?  The author summarizes a lot of actual scientific research that's been done on PTing and makes a pretty strong case that it's healthier to train earlier rather than later, and does present fairly solid data showing that the age of PT has been getting later and later over the last century. 


Aufilia, I haven't made it thru that book just yet but I'm bumping it to the head of the line. I researched thoroughly while writing my book on EC, online and in libraries, and Laurie Boucke's book on EC is practically a historic encyclopedia on potty training! :). Thanks for reminding me of Jill's work!

 

I must say that this thread is an interesting blend of both mainstream and natural (Mothering-esque) parenting perspectives (which surprised me). I am so excited that all of you have such diverse input on the topic.

 

And, Serenbat...I'm really resonant with your posts. Thank you for the eye-opening comparisons (to eating and walking) and for bringing this topic around to a less personal space, as this seems to be more of a social trend IMO too (especially when viewing it from abroad at the moment).

post #69 of 91

I guess I disagree that this is even a "mainstream" vs. "mothering-esque" issue. I know plenty of very mainstream moms who potty train early because they think it's important as far as discipline goes and would probably compare it too teaching children to self-soothe to sleep and being left to CIO in a crib as being a necessary part of learning to be independant. And I  know lots of "Mothering-esque" parents who would say they would follow their childrens' lead, no matter what age it is.

post #70 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post

I guess I disagree that this is even a "mainstream" vs. "mothering-esque" issue. I know plenty of very mainstream moms who potty train early because they think it's important as far as discipline goes and would probably compare it too teaching children to self-soothe to sleep and being left to CIO in a crib as being a necessary part of learning to be independant. And I  know lots of "Mothering-esque" parents who would say they would follow their childrens' lead, no matter what age it is.

I agree 100%.

This is no more a "mainstream" vs. "mothering-esque" issue than homemade baby food vs. baby-led weaning. They are two different ways of accomplishing the same goal and they both focus on what the parent feels is best for the child rather than some societal convenience/ideal.
post #71 of 91

 

 

Quote:
I know plenty of very mainstream moms who potty train early because they think it's important as far as discipline goes and would probably compare it too teaching children to self-soothe to sleep and being left to CIO in a crib as being a necessary part of learning to be independant.

 

 

again I totally disagree - if I lived in sub-saharan africa and didn't have access to abundant water if would not be viewed as "discipline"

 

 

post #72 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by serenbat View Post

 

 

 

 

again I totally disagree - if I lived in sub-saharan africa and didn't have access to abundant water if would not be viewed as "discipline"

 

 


So if we live in the US and have plenty of water, we should follow sub-Saharan African standards of toilet training & make sure they are trained by 18mos, by whatever means necessary?? Should we also knock down our homes and build new ones out of cardboard boxes so our kids can have a more 'natural' life? And buy them bags of Cheetos, since that's what many poor kids survive on, so it must be healthiest, best, most natural?
post #73 of 91
Another thought -- I wonder if the (perceived, at least) change in age of potty training could have something to do with the more widespread use of indoor modern toilets, esp. in the second half of the last century? The more natural way to eliminate would probably be squatting outside over a dirt hole... Maybe some kids have trouble overriding that instinct to instead sit on a noisy porcelain apparatus or a plastic potty...
post #74 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy View Post


I don't know, my DS had some social/emotional delays, maybe that is why he trained late, but I'm not sure what to say about his toddler friends who also trained late but have no other delays. I guess I am disagreeing with your average or "normal" age of potty learning. You seem to be saying that the normal age is 12-18mos. I'm saying I feel the normal age is more like 12-36mos. I don't think that this is a big change from years ago, I think it's just more apparent now because coercive & abusive methods are no longer in use -- in other words, I think a lot of trained 18mo kids years ago would not have been trained so early if gentler methods had been used. I also think that no one has properly defined "potty trained" -- does it mean simply out of diapers? Does it mean completely accident-free? Does it mean the child needs no reminders? Does it mean dry at night, too? How can you say kids trained earlier years ago, if we don't have a working definition for "potty trained"?
I don't see why there can't be a large range of readiness... at 2yo, my DS could talk like a 4yo, used scissors and crayons like a 4yo, etc. but that doesn't mean other kids his age were 'behind' because they talked like 2yo's and had more limited fine motor control. There has to be room in developmental milestones for the large range at which kids will meet them, and I believe this applies to pottying too. Maybe years ago, people were ashamed to have a 3yo still in diapers, so they kept quiet about it... who knows??



I totally agree with this. Going to the potty is a social milestone, not a biological one.  Being totally developmentally ready is a combination of a bunch of physical milestones, that I'm guessing are usually in place between 24-36months, but actually willingly going into a bathroom and sitting on a toilet to do your business - that's a larger range of readiness.  And I wouldn't compare that to milestones like walking or talking, which kids just pick up on and try without prompting.  It's more like putting on appropriate clothes and a warm coat when it's cold out, using a napkin to wipe their mouth, or walking a friend to the door and saying "goodbye, thanks for coming over"....  parents can place great importance on any one of those things and insist kids learn to do them at an early age, or they can lead by example and mildly encourage these things and wait for kids to want to do them on their own, and everything in between.  And how important any of these social behaviors really are depends on the family and their circumstances.

 

I don't know how old my sisters and I were when my parents potty trained us.  My boys were each recently-turned-3.  I'm lazy perhaps. I didn't mind changing diapers.  I didn't use cloth.  I chose not to deal with potty training a 2yo when I was about to have my second baby (I had made some rookie attempts, used pullups, etc., but dropped the idea for a while!).  Each of them learned in a weekend that I chose to concentrate on making it happen.  It was relatively easy, a positive experience for them, not annoying for me, and I would do it that way again! 

 

post #75 of 91



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by reezley View Post



I totally agree with this. Going to the potty is a social milestone, not a biological one.  Being totally developmentally ready is a combination of a bunch of physical milestones, that I'm guessing are usually in place between 24-36months, but actually willingly going into a bathroom and sitting on a toilet to do your business - that's a larger range of readiness.  And I wouldn't compare that to milestones like walking or talking, which kids just pick up on and try without prompting.  It's more like putting on appropriate clothes and a warm coat when it's cold out, using a napkin to wipe their mouth, or walking a friend to the door and saying "goodbye, thanks for coming over"....  parents can place great importance on any one of those things and insist kids learn to do them at an early age, or they can lead by example and mildly encourage these things and wait for kids to want to do them on their own, and everything in between.  And how important any of these social behaviors really are depends on the family and their circumstances.

 

yeahthat.gif Lots of social norms have nothing to do with what is natural.  Given the natural feedback of wetness down the legs, I'm assuming most kids would eventually find a way to potty so it doesn't get on them or things they care about.  Now, what they care about is totally different than what adults care about.  Pee on the floor is as of little interest or importance to my DS at the spaghetti sauce he flings on the wall.  That's my learned social norm - spaghetti sauce doesn't belong on the wall - pee doesn't belong on the floor.  He's not internalized these norms yet.

post #76 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by serenbat View Post

 

 

 

 

again I totally disagree - if I lived in sub-saharan africa and didn't have access to abundant water if would not be viewed as "discipline"

 

 



 

 

No for moms in sub-saharan Africa, it probably wouldn't be viewed that way, but for many mainstream moms in the US I know, it is viewed that way. I'm talking about reality here and now, not reality at some other time or elsewhere.

post #77 of 91

My mom said at 18 months they showed me how to sit on the toilet and I never had an accident again, but my brother wasn't potty trained until he was almost 3.  I was born in 1980.  I don't know that 18 months was the norm because she couldn't find a daycare that believed I was potty trained.

 

I don't have a toddler, I came here from the new posts.  My kids have all been ECd from birth.  They were not punished or praised for the products of their bowels and bladders.  They were potty trained at 19 months and 18 months.  I consider a child to be potty trained when they initiate consistently with enough time to remain dry.  Neither of my kids could manipulate their own clothing at 18 months but to say they were not potty trained would be confusing to the parents who saw tiny briefs peeking out of their trousers and felt inclined to ask.  

 

When my second child was born I was thrilled that my son was already potty trained.  He had no regression at all.  

 

My youngest is 2 months old.  He pees in his pants 5-6 out of about 25-30 pees a day.  I do not have to run to get him there in time.  I have time to lay him down, unfasten his clothes and take him to an appropriate place.  I like clothing that is easier to handle because I don't like to have to refasten them every time.    He is, by my view, continent of bladder tho he does squirt a tiny bit of poo when he coughs and passes gas.  I think we've had less than a dozen poopy diapers in his life outside of those small incidents.  I feel that means he knows when he needs to go but lacks full sphincter control.  We are expecting another baby when he is 7 months old.  That baby will also be ECd.  I don't know if that will make him more likely to potty train later than his older brother and sister.  I don't feel like taking a baby to the bathroom every 20-40 minutes is excessive during the day because that's how often I went during pregnancy anyway.

 

I did once read a book about parenting from 1951.  Parents were instructed to bowel train their children beginning at 8 months by buckling their child onto a toilet seat insert every morning and then leaving the room for 5 minutes to give them privacy.  The buckle was for safety to prevent a fall.  I personally wouldn't do it that way, but I am mentioning it for the people who might worry that their parents were strapped to a toilet for several hours a day.

post #78 of 91
Just chiming in here to say that before-2 training doesn't have to be harsh. My grandma had 4 kids (all in cloth, the first 2 with an outhouse!) and were PT from 17-26 months. My grandma was/is a SUPER attentive and loving parent, very opposed to CIO and the like. According to my mom, I was PT at 18 months and my sister was at 19 months. We were in cloth and she was a SAHM without a car. She is also incredibly patient. I don't think they cared about being "potty independant" -- I'm sure they were pulling down pants, wiping butts, and reminding/initiating (heck, my mom still asks me if I need to pee.
post #79 of 91

I don't think anyone is saying that it *has to* be harsh or *always was* harsh, just that it sometimes was, and perhaps often enough that it could skew the results of a survey like this. If more parents spanked back then, which I think is likely, then more parents probably spanked over potty training and used harsher potty training methods. (Especially if you take into account the very popular 70s pareneting book "Potty Training in a Day.") If more parents were harsher wity potty training in the 70s and before, then that might PARTLY (not totally by any means) explain why babies were potty trained younger. It just isn't an apples-to-apples comparison IMO. It's a fruit-basket-made-up-primarily-of-apples to fruit-basket-made-up-primarily-of-fruit-other-than-apples comparison.

post #80 of 91

 

Quote:

 

 

Quote:
I don't think anyone is saying that it *has to* be harsh or *always was* harsh

 

 

 

 

I want to be clear that I don't think it has to be harsh. Not at all. I just think that in the 70s and earlier, it often was, and if we look at statistical data, we should view it with that understanding. 

 

 

given how many time the word "harsh" has been used (it's so easy to see that word why bother quoting it) I clearly see how one could read it as harsh

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