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What age were you (the parent) potty trained?? - Page 5

Poll Results: At what age were you (the parent or grandparent) potty trained?

 
  • 4% (4)
    0-12 months
  • 7% (6)
    13-14 months
  • 7% (6)
    15-17 months
  • 28% (23)
    18-20 months
  • 13% (11)
    21-23 months
  • 19% (16)
    24-26 months
  • 8% (7)
    27-30 months
  • 9% (8)
    31 months +
81 Total Votes  
post #81 of 91

But not once did anyone say it was always harsh. I'm aware it was not always harsh. I think it was much more often than it is now because at an early point in history parenting in total was harsher than it is now. You just have to look at old parenting advice books - read excerpts online - and I don't mean from the 80s.

post #82 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post

But not once did anyone say it was always harsh. I'm aware it was not always harsh. I think it was much more often than it is now because at an early point in history parenting in total was harsher than it is now. You just have to look at old parenting advice books - read excerpts online - and I don't mean from the 80s.



 

Seriously. One of my "favorite" child-rearing books is a great tome my MIL gave me, as a joke, when I was pregnant with DD1: "You CAN Raise a Decent Child," or somesuch, from the 60s. It's like 90% "give your kid an enema" and 10% "discipline" methods that make blanket-training and Babywise look gentle.

 

I mean, it's hilarious, but also quite saddening given the number of children who were subjected to such things.

post #83 of 91

I'm starting to think about PT my 19 month old, since I was trained at about 1 1/2 yrs old. My plan is to wait until summer when she can run around in fewer clothes and play outside more. I was a January baby myself, and I'm thinking that's why my mom trained me at 18 mos. My daughter was born in June. 

 

My ex's family of 10 siblings all had bed wetting problems until the age of 8, so it may be that DD will wear pull-ups at night forever like most of them (the older ones were treated in all sorts of ways until their folks gave up). Who knows. I do notice every morning she still has a completely soaked diaper. She doesn't pee nearly as much during the day. 

post #84 of 91
Thread Starter 

Seraf, I really appreciate you chiming in here. Your story is wonderful. I'd be interested to hear whether your children "completed" the cycle of EC by consistently going on their own accord or if you "taught" anything here or there (like sitting, like it's their job now, etc). Because those ages are cognitively and developmentally when babies (IMO) should be wrapping up with EC and become PT....but unfortunately many ECers don't finish til much, much later. Please PM me!

 

We also EC our 16 month old and he has fewer than 1 or 2 pee misses per day. He regularly signals, wears underwear, and asks to go in the potty because that is all he's known. We have changed less than a dozen poopy diapers in his life, or less. EC is most definitely our preferred method and will be for future babies. It's easier for me to take him to the pot (he has also held it long enough for me to get there, from about 1 month old) than to change a diaper. At 13 months I taught him how to sit on the potty using a modified 3-day-method (a non-coercive yet firm and clear one) and modeled him taking himself to the potty for 3 days straight. It totally helped him by handing him the baton to start doing it himself vs. me doing all the work for him. We've never forced, tried to keep it about meeting his needs, and we've totally had our difficult days when I put him in a cloth diaper back-up to "re-set" us both. Overall, it's been a positive experience...fun even!

 

I don't think PT has to be coercive (although I have also read of coercive methods of the past, and present), and (take a deep breath!) I don't believe that some kids aren't "ready" (barring emotional or physical limitations, naturally). I do believe that most of the 3 day methods out there are harmful (they rely on bribes, rewards, and pressure...all external vs internal motivation). My best Mama friend does train 20-30 month olds with her 3 day program and NONE of them do NOT finish within 3 weeks...regardless of whether the parent thought the kid was ready or not. She's trained 1,000's. I think there is a bunch of disappointment around a parent thinking they're not "measuring up" where others are being successful. And I totally understand and empathize with this. And lots of parents *choose* to train at 3 years and that is totally the parent's choice. We just need to be easier on ourselves as parents...it's not a competition.

 

Our babies are born signaling their toilet needs. So if one chooses EC, then one might see this in action, if even part-time.

 

If someone has an older child and PT isn't working, it's likely the method, not the parent nor the baby's readiness or aptitude.

 

All of this is my opinion so please don't whack me for it! :)

 

PS - What I was wanting to find out in this survey was more the "story" behind the PT experience of us, the parents...not necessarily statistically-pure results. :) Because it's shifted dramatically in just 2 generations.

post #85 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by AndreaOlson View Post

My best Mama friend does train 20-30 month olds with her 3 day program and NONE of them do NOT finish within 3 weeks...regardless of whether the parent thought the kid was ready or not. She's trained 1,000's.

 

If someone has an older child and PT isn't working, it's likely the method, not the parent nor the baby's readiness or aptitude.

 

 

If she has published anything on this 3 day method, a blog perhaps or posts on MDC even, I would love to read it!  If there's something I'm doing wrong, I really want to know what it is. 

post #86 of 91

My mom said my sister and I both trained between 18-20 months, me in 1991, her in 1995, and my brothers were both 3 when they finished training, in 1986 and 1990, respectively. She cloth diapered the boys and disposable diapered me & my sister. 

 

 

My DS was mostly disposable diapered, but once we started potty training at 2, he wore cotton training pants. It took over a year for potty training. FWIW, he had a lot of other health and life factors playing into this. My DD is 12 mo and we are using EC, and she wears cloth. I'm really hoping the whole process will be "over" so to speak by the time she's 2. 

post #87 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by kayabrink View Post

My feeling is that earlier potty training relies on adults being consistently aware of the child's needs in a way that is no longer feasable for all families nowadays. To pt a young child ( and I have done it twice and seen it done many times over with NO shaming or punishment) you need to anticipate the baby/toddler's potty needs for a few months, until they get the idea. even then, they need consistencey and absolute dedication to pee. What I mean by that is, no matter what you are doing and where you are, if they ask to pee you must immediately respond. That is more difficult in this day in age with so many things vying for our attention. 

I introduced the potty at 12 months- after waking/ when kids were good tempered...Both my kids were out of diapers at 15 months. I was still largely responsible for taking them to the potty until about 18 months. DD (25 months) is 100 percent trained- ok, 90 because I still wipe poops but she does all the rest: goes to potty, pulls down pants, pees, wipes, (tries to empty potty to my dismay), flushes. And all of the nieces and nephews (and they are numerous) on dh's side were trained thus. The latest kid in dipes was 2.5. But ALL these kids had one or two, consistend caregivers looking after them. Daycare can't do that with the child/adult ratio, it's not feasable or fair to expect it of the kids or caregivers. Plus, look how long it took to pt my kids: six, eight months, you could argue a year. Wait til a kid is three, take of dipe, it can happen in one weekend. 

So this really long rant to say I think it's based on multiple societal factors including but not limited to:

number and types of caregivers and childcare settings, belief system of entourage, social environment at large, method of training (I personally think you have to take of the dipe and accept that pee happens a few... or lot... of times), childs receptive vocabulary and ability to indicate needs (by gestures, signs, or verbally)...

 

SO, what age were we potty trained, but also what other variables came into play for us?

 

I was pt around 2 with two working parents, but I always cared for by parents (worked different shifts). My parents were both on the extreme end of laid back, and I wore disposables. 


I agree with this. We "delayed" pt, for a number of reasons. We had a few false starts, where both kids at 2, 2.5 showed resistance/lack of readiness. I backed off. At 2.75 & 3, both dd & ds were totally ready & trained basically on their own, in a couple of days. It was truly a nonevent in our home - ds has never had an accident & is now 5. Dd had a couple missteps, but had it down by day 3. For us, waiting was the path of least resistance. I had no desire to push & make it happen & wanted it to be stress free for all of us. For our family, waiting worked well. We never used pull ups, nor training pants. But, ultimately, I believe each child & family dynamic is different & what works for one family might not work for another.
I was potty trained at 18 mos. - my mom claims I taught myself & she was surprised I learned so early.
post #88 of 91
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by pranava View Post

 

If she has published anything on this 3 day method, a blog perhaps or posts on MDC even, I would love to read it!  If there's something I'm doing wrong, I really want to know what it is. 


 

She has lots of info in blog posts and vids! {Sorry I spaced on writing back for a while...we've been traveling with toddler.}

 

Jamie is her name...here's the link: http://ecsimplified.com/pottytraining

 

I think she's dealt with just about everything, and is in-line with gentle parenting techniques.

post #89 of 91
Thread Starter 

Quote:
Originally Posted by anjsmama View Post

My DD is 12 mo and we are using EC, and she wears cloth. I'm really hoping the whole process will be "over" so to speak by the time she's 2. 



I think that if you expect to be done by 24 months, it *will* happen. So many folks in the EC circuit don't think we should have an expectation of finishing, but just as we help our kids master climbing stairs, brushing teeth, feeding themselves, and self-dressing, we can also help them master (and "do it myself!") using the potty after ECing for however long.

 

We are personally planning to wrap up EC next month (18.5 months), as that's the age that my potty training friend starts with her method (which signals to me that, given her 100% success rate, my son will be no different), so I'm looking forward to ending the 1-2 "misses" per day that have come with EC and to helping my son be potty independent, because I think he deserves that autonomy. He loves "do it myself." He's definitely ready (ie: his brain has developed the ability to recall repetitive things, like singing songs and such, which happens during months 14-18).

 

Good luck! And remember that you can help guide it to completion, no matter what others say, and you can do this in a non-coercive, EC-friendly way.

post #90 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by AndreaOlson View Post



 

She has lots of info in blog posts and vids! {Sorry I spaced on writing back for a while...we've been traveling with toddler.}

 

Jamie is her name...here's the link: http://ecsimplified.com/pottytraining

 

I think she's dealt with just about everything, and is in-line with gentle parenting techniques.



Thanks!  I watched the video on that site and it makes perfect sense.  Except, her #1 tentant is "It's all about you"  Well, when your child is in daycare 50 hours a week, it not all about you.  I do think DS would have been done by 18 months with EC if I had not gone back to work.  Now at 35 months he's doing great at home, but just starting to have dry days at daycare. 

 

ETA:  These blogs are great!  June 2011 blog talks about daycare.  Don't know if I agree with her course of action, but she a funny and up front lady!

 


Edited by pranava - 2/10/12 at 9:52am
post #91 of 91

Hey! Man, did I get to the party late! WHAT GREAT CONVERSATIONS happening over here! Love it!

 

I wanted to share a couple of studies that have been done regarding the "right" age to pt.

This is from the Journal of Pediatric Urology

And this is from Parenting Science

What I particularly like about the latter article is that the author clearly separated out age from method.

"Early potty training got a bad reputation because it was once associated with bad training methods".

 

I don't think there's a right age but I do think there are windows of opportunity. I think largely what's happened is "ready" and "capable" got confused somewhere along the way. I believe this happened when Pampers started lining the pockets of some very vocal pediatricians and they mucked things up.

 

I usually ask parents what "ready" looks like. Most people think it's some version of the child pretty much asking to use the toilet on their own. This can happen but not usually. For me, ready means capable. And being a mom, I know we all underestimate our children's capabilities. To nudge us the parents along, there are pretty standard age markers for things. I was by far not the only mom crying on the first day of Kindergarten. None of us thought our babies were ready for the cold world of school. They all were and are thriving.

 

I often use the example of my son learning to tie his shoes. He never really asked me if he could learn this. Velcro has certainly made my life easier. And yet, I know tying shoes happens sometime around Kindergarten and I think it's a pretty important life skill. I made a concerted effort to only buy tie shoes (because I knew if I bought Velcro, I'd cave in a rush in the morning) I set aside 30 minutes every morning to teach this. There was a fair amount of frustration (me feeling inept that I was not being a good teacher, although I've been tying shoes for years) and a fair amount of patience required for both of us. But after 6 days of consistently attending to this...voila, my son can tie his own shoes. Did he show signs of readiness? or did I use spidey mom sense to know he was CAPABLE. I definitely used an outside age marker and some of my spidey sense.

In my experience, kids are capable and may even show outward signs of readiness. But I think in our very busy lives, these subtle signs go undetected. I also think most people think the desire and willingness to sit and go will increase with time. So if he asks to go on the potty once in a while, next month he should be asking to go everyday. Again, just my experience but I've found if you don't seize that window, the kid just moves on and forgets about it.

I also know that individuation begins at around 3. This is when kids learn they are different and separate from you. They push against you, testing limits. This is typically the age of ye ole' power struggle. I just don't think it's the easiest thing in the world to add pting to individuation. Remember: this is probably the first and only time your child actually, literally has the power.

 

And yeah, Pranava: I hear you!!!  It does take a village, for sure. By "it's all about you", I mean...your overall vibe and the idea that you can guide your child towards something you know they are capable of. The bummer about a daycare not being helpful is that for most moms who work full time out of the home, the next move for your child is pre-school. Then you're screwed. Daycare wouldn't help and now you have to be pted. It's a mess and disheartening. (I'm working on a daycare program)

 

Yay for no more diapers! Whenever you choose to do it!

Peace and Potty Training, Jamie

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