LilyTiger – I second the point MamaChickadee made.
As for me I had a really challenging home birth last time and despite that I would do it again in a heartbeat if I could afford it. Since my insurance fully covers hospital births and most birthing centers shear finances dictates a different birthing experience this time. So I am asking around and setting up tours and visits. Kinda bummed though.
LillyTiger- I have a very strong opinion about this as a doula with hospital birth experience. Feel free to take it or leave it. But if it were me, or a client of mine, we would run away quickly. In my professional experience, it's challenging enough to have a natural birth (obviously it's possible and this is a generalization. But US stats prove this generalization to be quite true). It's challenging even with an agreeable OB sometimes. There are many that tell you what you want to hear, but really don't believe in it. And of course, there are some that are on board. But when you come across one that plainly lets you know they think it's a bad idea, IMO, you're not in a good starting position for the kind of birth you're looking for. And she did. She let you know quite frankly, what she thought of it. She wouldn't even stop to talk for a minute, and then she told you that in their practice it usually ends up the opposite of a birth plan. Need she really say more?
In reading your post, I feel you're having gut feelings. You said: "I left feeling really depressed and feeling like the entire process was out of my control." The fact that you already feel that way at only what? 10 weeks? And you haven't even discussed anything on your birthing plan. Please don't ignore your inner guidance. Your birth experience is too important. The hassle of finding another OB is worth your experience. It matters.
I'm not at all trying to make you feel worse. I want all women to be educated and empowered in their pregnancy and birthing choices, no matter what they are. If you're feeling out of control already, then you probably are.
This is just my personal opinion. Again, feel free to disregard if it doesn't resonate with you. Everyone is different and I completely accept that.
Hey LilyTiger - You're still super early pregnant - if I were you... I would totally reach out just to meet with some homebirth midwives and then if one is really awesome... make a date to meet with you two as a couple - so screen them and if they're great - then let your husband 'interview' them. Many husbands are opposed to homebirth at first - they are concerned for your safety and a hospital seems a logical choice before one is educated about the fact that homebirth - given the right circumstances - can actually be a better (and safer) option for many women. You could also just start logical conversations from your own reading/research to begin to address your husband's fears about homebirth.
My husband wasn't totally opposed at the beginning - but he was rightfully skeptical and then as my pregnancy progressed and we explored together - we both mutually, eventually, decided that homebirth was the best choice for us. This was after reading 15 books (no joke!), touring hospitals and meeting with various midwifery practices.
Maybe this is an option you've already started to explore - but I wanted to mention it because pregnancy is long and as a couple - you really do have time to discern this together.
We're having a CNM attended hospital (water?) birth with the assistance of a Doula. I am actually meeting with one tomorrow to see if we mesh. The hubs is TOTALLY against having a homebirth with out first child. So - we have found the next best thing. There are no birthing centers close to us - and even the hospital is about 15 minutes away with NO traffic. I've had my first appoint with my CNM and I love her to pieces. I'm excited about it.
LilyTiger - I also agree that you can search for other options. If you already feel like you're not going to be in control of your pregnancy and your birth - that is NOT the OB for you. Perhaps even another OB might be more open to your plan. I hope you find something better. Good Luck.
I should also mention that I was pleasantly surprised with my CNM. I told her I had concerns being that I've m/c'd before and she said - "ok, would you like an ultrasound?" I also mentioned that the tech said she might want to do more ultrasounds because of my growing fibroid and she said - "I wouldn't really worry about it - it's up and out of the way. But if you want more - we can have it." They office asked me about the NT scan and told me it was totally up to me as well as the amnio - I opt'd out of both and they haven't mentioned it since. They also "offer" the 18-20 week body scan but told me I didn't have to have that either. They also put in their welcome letter that if you haven't had a pap in the last year - they "offer" one at your first visit - but that it's totally up to you.
Basically - you should be in control of what tests and procedures they do or don't do - and it's totally reasonable to have that type of care - unless you have some type of condition that requires certain types of procedures to be done. And 9/10 there are always alternative/ less invasive procedures that can be done. Pregnancy is not a disease or a condition and a lot of health care providers forget that. Our bodies are made to do this.. and sometimes we need a little assistance - but really - it's so natural. Some docs just don't give your body a chance to work it all out.
I'm hoping my OB is a good one. She's the only one I ever considered - I think she may be the most natural minded OB in the tri county area. I felt very comfortable talking to her about my concerns when we met last time, and was very happy to learn that the practice highly encourages birth plans, and she'll go over mine with me to let me know ahead of time which doctors may give me trouble with particular items so I can go in strong and prepared if she's not the on call OB. There was no assumption of a scheduled c-section or anything like that, just a vibe that we'll take things as they come and I felt like I was an individual which was nice.
Thank you everyone for the responses! It's really helpful to hear from other people who have or are going through the same things. The good news is that the hospital birth center that is 2 minutes away from our house already does a lot of the really important things: sleeping in, immediate skin on skin contact, no leaving the room for weighing, immediate latching, etc., so I'm happy with that option.
I did a little digging, and there's a natural birth network in our area that meets at local libraries. I'm going to their next meeting at the end of January and hope to get some good ideas from them on naturally-minded OBs. My insurance covers everything at the hospital and wouldn't cover a midwife for a homebirth, so monetarily homebirth might be challenging, but I also agree with LizBiz that there's time to talk things out with my husband. He was really upset with how the last appointment went, and he even admitted that it was exactly what I had been worried about in terms of medicalization of birth that he didn't believe really happened. So, he may be able to stretch a little more than I originally thought.
Jamie, thanks for your words of encouragement. We're definitely going with a doula, and it really does seem like taking the energy now to look around and take control is the best thing to do. I don't want to feel the way I felt after that appointment again, and I certainly don't want to look back after a forced C-section and wish I'd done something differently. I'm fine with medical interventions when necessary to save the life of mom or baby. Things happen, and I understand that. I just object to how we turn this whole process into an illness that needs to be "fixed". I'll let you all know how the various meetings go.
Thanks again for all your support!
I am in a little bit of a tricky situation. I am currently living in CA but will need to return to NY by no later than Sept. 1st (due date is August 2nd). There is some small possibility that I could stay in CA for another year but it is not likely. Unfortunately, there is a great baby-friendly, water-birthing hospital near my home here that I would be thrilled to birth at. I really want a natural water birth (my first birth was a hospital nightmare, no control, stuck in bed even though I was totally healthy) but appreciate the security of the hospital. Near my home in NY there are far less options and none ideal (a combination of insurance / practices issues). I do think it would be easier to drive cross country (with a dog in tow) pregnant than with a newborn but I am not super thrilled about the birthing options there. To make it harder, I cannot move back to NY until mid July so I cannot really explore options there to feel more comfortable. I am sure it will work out either way. I am really excited about the water birth option though (I am a complete water baby -- anytime I do not feel well into the tub or shower I go) so wherever I am I want that to be part of the plan.
Quick update: My friend gave me the name of a doctor in town who has admitting privileges at the hospital around the corner from me who used to be a home birth midwife before she got her medical degree! She's taking patients, so I'm calling this morning to see if I can meet her for an interview. I'm really excited that I might have the option of having someone who doesn't treat birth like a medical procedure. If she doesn't work out, I also found a midwifery group associated with my local hospital that looks good too. The birth network meeting is at the end of January, so I'll update as things get closer. Very excited to have some options. 
Great great great LilyTiger!!
UPDATE!
I just had my first meeting with my potential new doctor, and I love her so much I could squeeze her (but I'm trying not to scare her off).
She was super awesome about discussing her own philosophy and then what my concerns were, and her outcomes are amazing. She has a 6-7% C-section rate and she can't even remember the last time she's done an episiotomy. She was a homebirth midwife and she had homebirths with all five of her children (!) and now her own kids are having homebirths. I was like crying with happiness and trying to jump over the table to hug her. Fortunately, self-control reigned supreme. She highly recommends doulas, especially for first births, and she delivers at the hospital up the street from my house. I'm transferring my medical records after my 13 week ultrasound February 2, and then I have my first appointment with her the next week. She was super supportive of my working out and didn't put any restrictions on anything as long as I was doing it before I got pregnant (and it doesn't hurt).
The only potential downside is that she is just one person, so I could end up having to birth with her backup, though she said the practice she has backup with (her old practice) is still pretty non-interventionist, though she's the most non-interventionist. So, I'll just have to accept that part of this may be out of my hands. Either way, I'm just freaking out with excitement. I just felt so comfortable with her, and usually it takes me a while to warm up to doctors because I have a weird attitude toward authority figures. But she was super comfortable from the beginning.
Finally, because she's a family care doc, she'll be able to continue my care and the care of the baby after birth, which is really really cool. No interviewing pediatricians and no screwing around with multiple doctors' appointments. ACK! I'm so excited! This is such a switch from my feeling like I was losing control over the whole process just a few weeks ago. I also got a full night's sleep last night (thanks to my beloved tart cherry juice), so I'm abnormally energetic today.
Hopefully everyone is finding the birth options that work best for them!
That sounds AMAZING! Also, I'm pretty sure that no matter what type of practice you use, sometimes the backup has to do the delivery, if the midwife or doctor is indisposed. The anecdote for me is that my OB said, "Okay, I will be out of town April 5-7, but since you're not due until the 20th, that should be okay. Stay put, baby!" When did Cecilia come? April 6, of course. 
So excited for you, LilyTiger!!
And a big "yeah that" to what CM said - SIL's OB was out of town for the weekend, she went into labor right after she got back into town... and her OB had a stomach virus! Not exactly the kind of thing she can push through to be at your delivery! Luckily, after some tense hours, SIL did end up with a back up OB that would deliver her twins vaginally. I hope you get your doc for delivery, but if not - you get her for the rest of life, so not bad!
I'm so excited for you LilyTiger! What a happy turn of events!!
LilyTiger, how wonderful. I am so happy for you!
LilyTiger that is great great news! I'm super happy for you!
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