Emotional Health Check-In Thread « Back to Group Discussions

[MrsKatie]

I vote we need one of these... what do you guys think?

I have definitely moved past the "Baby Blues" and into the "Holy Crap What The Bleep Did I Get Myself Into" phase.  I am beginning to feel the reality of my life with a baby.  It is... a big adjustment.  It's tough for me to relinquish control of my body.  I'm hanging on to all this extra weight... and can't seem to do anything about it (yet).  My boobs are huge and tender and leaky and... no longer mine.  My sleep is utterly dependent on that of this tiny being.

DH is still in Oregon and he's coming down for Xmas on Monday morning.  So the last few days without him have truly driven home the reality of my new life as a mother.  There is no break.  Even when I went out to get my brows waxed and left KJ at home for an hour with my sister, I was thinking obsessively about her and NEEDED to get home ASAP.  All these people want to meet her and I'm hesitant to make plans because each night is so different, and I have no clue how I'll be feeling on any given day.  I'm getting a little overwhelmed.  And I have such an easy baby!  I am less overwhelmed with her than I am with the reality of her, kwim?  I had no clue how easy life was before!

I am over the moon in love with my daughter and couldn't be happier that she is here and she is healthy.  And I am also feeling a little freaked out at the moment, being 100% attached to and responsible for this other person.

How is everyone else doing with their new babes?

[birdhappy85]

Great idea for a discussion thread! This is much needed! A lot of what you said resonates with me, as well. DH works 12-hour night shifts and then sleeps all day so on his work days I really only see him awake for maybe 2-3 hours and I'm lucky if he changes one diaper and holds the baby briefly in that time. It's so overwhelming to be doing everything on my own on his work days and then most of the time on his days off. And I'm secretly feeling bitter towards DH for the fact that his life hasn't really changed at all with the addition of the baby... (except for the increase in joy, obviously) He sleeps the same amount of hours. He has pretty much the same routine as before. He hardly has to do any of the "labor intensive" parts of taking care of the baby... but I realize it's not like he has much of an option since I'm the one breastfeeding all of the time. I can't hold that against him. I still feel this way, though.

I'm loving motherhood for the most part and feel like I was made to be a mother; it's the most amazing feeling in the world to me. I actually do feel "complete" having a child to nurture. I love my baby so much. But besides that good stuff, I'm mentally feeling more anxious than I was before, and I didn't think that was possible. It scares me so much. I've always had racing thoughts about something bad happening to me, but now I have those same racing thoughts happening only on an extreme level about both me and my baby! I'm scared of social situations. I can't leave the house just me and the baby without me bursting into tears and panicking. I forced myself to get out to the chiropractor this week and I cried the whole drive there. It sucks. I hope it's just temporary and passes soon.

Edited by birdhappy85 - 12/18/11 at 8:51am

[Mal85]

A lot of what you're saying rings true for my first baby. I remember feeling like I couldn't make plans in the evening because I never knew if she'd be cranky or when she'd be ready for night-time sleep. I felt like as soon as she was ready for bed, I needed to go to bed to take advantage of the sleep. So, we were rarely out of the house in the evenings. It made me feel anxious too, especially since we were usually the only ones in our group of friends with a baby around. 

For me, the anxiety and that feeling of being tied to the house got much better. I did adjust. I don't remember how long it took, probably a few months, but I got there. I don't feel those same anxieties this time. I'm much more laid back about when she sleeps and I feel like I can handle it a lot better if Greta gets crabby while we're out. I'm a lot less likely to let her schedule dictate what we do this time around. 

The first two weeks were rough. I was anxious all the time. I truly did not know how in the world to handle a newborn and a toddler together. I really wondered if we had done the right thing having a second child and if I could really handle this. I felt so overwhelmed knowing that there was no turning back. We now have this baby and we are solely responsible for her... and the daughter we already have. It was a lot to process. I cried when DH went back to work after one week, I was not prepared. But we survived and every day that week that we survived made me feel more confident in my ability to handle it. Now that I'm physically back up to par, I really feel like I'm rocking this whole having two babies thing. We get out frequently and it almost always goes well, and I feel like I'm able to handle it when things aren't going well. Like yesterday, we went to Walmart, the bank, the post office, my sister's house, then I took Greta with me to my 6 week check up... and I never once felt overwhelmed having the both of the out running errands with me. Two things that have saved me: 1) Luck that I got such an easy baby. 2) My Beco!

[Mal85]

Originally Posted by birdhappy85 

Great idea for a discussion thread! This is much needed! A lot of what you said resonates with me, as well. DH works 12-hour night shifts and then sleeps all day so on his work days I really only see him awake for maybe 2-3 hours and I'm lucky if he changes one diaper and holds the baby briefly in that time. It's so overwhelming to be doing everything on my own on his work days and then most of the time on his days off. And I'm secretly feeling extreme bitterness towards DH for the fact that his life hasn't really changed at all with the addition of the baby... (except for the increase in joy, obviously) He sleeps the same amount of hours. He has the same routine as before. He hardly has to do anything... I don't tell him these things but it is really eating away at me, this resentment. It's not like he has much of an option since I'm the one breastfeeding all of the time so I can't really hold anything against him. I still feel this way, though.

In response to this, do not be afraid to ask your husband for help. I know you're home with the baby and he has to work, but do you get to clock out? I tell my husband once he clocks out at work, that does not mean his day is over. He still has responsibilities to his family. These kids are ours, not just mine. When we had our first baby, he would complain about helping me, and trust me I expected his help from day one. When I went back to school, I made him help me with the night-time parenting too. Even now, I'm home on maternity leave. I'll let him sleep most of the night, but once I consider it morning (around 6 am), I do not hesitate to pass her to him and tell him I need a little sleep.

The most important thing to me was to make sure my babies trust Daddy too. They need to know that he is able to care for them and meet their needs just like I do. They need to have a relationship and form a bond as well or else they would always be completely dependent on me. And, trust me, I don't want that. I love taking care of my babies and I love being a mother, but I need to be able to take a break and know that they are cared for and happy even when I'm not there.

[KayPea]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mal85 

In response to this, do not be afraid to ask your husband for help. I know you're home with the baby and he has to work, but do you get to clock out? I tell my husband once he clocks out at work, that does not mean his day is over. He still has responsibilities to his family. These kids are ours, not just mine. When we had our first baby, he would complain about helping me, and trust me I expected his help from day one. When I went back to school, I made him help me with the night-time parenting too. Even now, I'm home on maternity leave. I'll let him sleep most of the night, but once I consider it morning (around 6 am), I do not hesitate to pass her to him and tell him I need a little sleep.

The most important thing to me was to make sure my babies trust Daddy too. They need to know that he is able to care for them and meet their needs just like I do. They need to have a relationship and form a bond as well or else they would always be completely dependent on me. And, trust me, I don't want that. I love taking care of my babies and I love being a mother, but I need to be able to take a break and know that they are cared for and happy even when I'm not there.

During the newborn phase, I fully expect my husband to share the nighttime parenting duties with me, when he can. When Oren needs a diaper change in the night, that's his job, for example. In a few months we'll stop changing diapers in the night, and then DH can sleep more. At the moment, since Oren often won't sleep unless being held, and neither of us can sleep with him on our chests, we take turns holding him and watching TV through the night. We both have to be tired at our jobs the next day - I consider staying home taking care of our kids just as much of a job as his paying employment. And since DH gets coffee and lunch breaks from his job, I expect to get similar breaks from mine. So I insist on times when DH has to take both kids so I can have a 45-minute bath, or a solo walk or a half-hour to craft or read a book. Maybe not every day now with two, but often.  This is something that took me over a year to learn with DD, but was essential in helping me recover from PPD/A and also a huge reason why I am feeling so good emotionally so far. When it was just DD, I needed A LOT of me-time, and it needed to be DELIBERATE. As in, "I am taking this 15 minutes right now to leisurely drink my coffee and relax, which is good for me." I get less now with two, but I still make sure to make time for myself many times a day.

[jbk21]

I totally understand everything that has been said.  It is a lot easier this time with #2, so I guess I can say that there is light at the end of the tunnel, first time mamas!  Things do get better, otherwise people wouldn't have multiple children.  Heh.  That doesn't help you much *right now* while you're in the thick of it, but all you can really do is be gentle with yourselves now.  You'll get through this and you'll be pros in no time.  

I will say that some of those feelings may never be completely gone- though they will fade a bit.  I still feel like "what did I get myself into?!" because the reality of life now is just so very different.  Even before I was pregnant with #2 I was still a little sad at the loss of my "old life".  I don't know that it will ever go away, especially since we'll always be around people who have no kids and we'll think "man, those were the days, right?!"  But then we'll also realize the blessings we have.  The grass is always greener, no?

And re: working husbands, those feelings of resentment will come and go too.  It still pops up for me, and I'm nearly 3 years into this gig.  I think it's easy, when we're feeling the most rundown and overworked and touched out, to look at our relatively unscathed husbands and think WOW he has it so easy!  And in a lot of ways, they do.  They talk to ADULTS at work, and are recognized for their accomplishments!  They get out of the house and don't have these mama bear hormones pulsing through their bodies that make them think about their kids 24/7.  They get to focus on other things.  They get to take hot showers and eat hot meals and smell nice instead of reeking of sour milk.  and they get to SLEEP!  For the love of all that is holy, what we mothers wouldn't give for a good nights' rest.  But we have to believe that it is hard for them to go to work for 8+ hours and then come home and be expected to be dad of the year.  (if your DH comes home and sits in front of the TV then we need to have a serious talk....)  It all comes down to the fact that we can't understand the other person's reality.  

My DH is returning to work tomorrow after a 3 week paternity leave.  He is sobbing on the couch right now.  He is so unbelievably sad to be going back to work.  He wishes he could stay home all the time.  I think this was a good break for him- he got to see what it's like to be home (not easy!) and he also now knows (hopefully) that he sometimes takes being a dad for granted.  I'm sad that he is so torn up about it- but I also think that it was a good reminder of how much he enjoys spending time with us, and I hope that when he is home from work he will be more present with me and the boys.  Don't get me wrong- he was an amazing dad before, but we had the usual "you have it better than me" discussions as well as "I work so hard all day and then come home and blah blah blah" talks.  I think he'll be much more likely to help me out without complaining when he's home now, know what I mean?  I think he'll be more likely to ENJOY that time rather than see it is an encroachment on his ability to relax after a day of work.  I'm just thankful he was able to be here for so long- it made the transition a LOT easier for me.  

My mom is here for a few days, so I will not yet be alone with the boys (except the hour or so before she arrives in the mornings- she is at a hotel).  I am nervous but thankful that Mal said each day gets better- pretty soon I hope to be rocking this mom-of-two thing as well!  I'm terrible about getting out of the house... we'll see if I can do it.  I also need to be less testy with Owen and give him more attention (DH has been on Owen-duty, LOL).  I hope I can juggle both Owen and Dylan's needs.... and still squeeze in a shower?

We'll see. I'm scared!


 

[Abraisme]

I'm totally with you here!  My MIL is leaving in a few days and I'm getting nervous about taking care of both young kids alone..

Originally Posted by jbk21 

And re: working husbands, those feelings of resentment will come and go too.  It still pops up for me, and I'm nearly 3 years into this gig.  I think it's easy, when we're feeling the most rundown and overworked and touched out, to look at our relatively unscathed husbands and think WOW he has it so easy!  And in a lot of ways, they do.  They talk to ADULTS at work, and are recognized for their accomplishments!  They get out of the house and don't have these mama bear hormones pulsing through their bodies that make them think about their kids 24/7.  They get to focus on other things.  They get to take hot showers and eat hot meals and smell nice instead of reeking of sour milk.  and they get to SLEEP!  For the love of all that is holy, what we mothers wouldn't give for a good nights' rest.  But we have to believe that it is hard for them to go to work for 8+ hours and then come home and be expected to be dad of the year.  (if your DH comes home and sits in front of the TV then we need to have a serious talk....)  It all comes down to the fact that we can't understand the other person's reality.  

My DH is returning to work tomorrow after a 3 week paternity leave.  He is sobbing on the couch right now.  He is so unbelievably sad to be going back to work.  He wishes he could stay home all the time.  I think this was a good break for him- he got to see what it's like to be home (not easy!) and he also now knows (hopefully) that he sometimes takes being a dad for granted.  I'm sad that he is so torn up about it- but I also think that it was a good reminder of how much he enjoys spending time with us, and I hope that when he is home from work he will be more present with me and the boys.  Don't get me wrong- he was an amazing dad before, but we had the usual "you have it better than me" discussions as well as "I work so hard all day and then come home and blah blah blah" talks.  I think he'll be much more likely to help me out without complaining when he's home now, know what I mean?  I think he'll be more likely to ENJOY that time rather than see it is an encroachment on his ability to relax after a day of work.  I'm just thankful he was able to be here for so long- it made the transition a LOT easier for me.  

My mom is here for a few days, so I will not yet be alone with the boys (except the hour or so before she arrives in the mornings- she is at a hotel).  I am nervous but thankful that Mal said each day gets better- pretty soon I hope to be rocking this mom-of-two thing as well!  I'm terrible about getting out of the house... we'll see if I can do it.  I also need to be less testy with Owen and give him more attention (DH has been on Owen-duty, LOL).  I hope I can juggle both Owen and Dylan's needs.... and still squeeze in a shower?

We'll see. I'm scared!


 

[meesh933]

I've been on my own with three since last Tuesday. Actually, DH had to spent his last 3 days of paternity leave OUT OF TOWN. So I went from 24/7 help to 3 days of doing it completely alone. Which was scary, but I think that the complete, sudden immersion made it seem a lot easier now that he's coming home in the evenings. Getting out of the house is still rough, though. I tried to take all 3 kids out to breakfast yesterday, because I was too exhausted to even make oatmeal. I keep forgetting that DS1 really has to be carried in and out of places if we want to get there in any reasonable amount of time/without breaking everything in the store on the way in. That makes things a lot harder. I always heard people say that the transition from 1 to 2 was hardest, but in some ways this transition has been a lot harder. I never felt like 1 or even 2 kids slowed me down as far as getting ready in the morning or getting out of the house, but 3 sure do. And forget taking a shower unless DH is home. I could still manage that with 2, but there's no way I can now. That 3 days DH was gone, I flat out just didn't bathe, lol.

Emotionally, I feel pretty good now that we're 3 weeks in. My pregnancy irritability is pretty much gone, so I'm able to  be a much better mother to my bigger kids. DD is still pushing my buttons and adjusting, but it's getting better. Night time is still rough, and DS1 is waking to nurse more and refusing to let DH put him back to sleep, which SUCKS. Last night he only woke twice, though, which is an improvement. They had both been waking every 2 hours - but on opposite hours. So there were several nights in a row there where I was up every.single.hour. Hard to be a decent person to anyone the next day after that. But other than that, we seem to be adjusting well, and coping. I've been very glad to see that my hormones levelled out quickly. My mom had horrible PPD with both of us, so I've always been nervous about it, but I seem to have gotten lucky and come through relatively unscathed all three times.

[Jaimee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrsKatie 

I have definitely moved past the "Baby Blues" and into the "Holy Crap What The Bleep Did I Get Myself Into" phase.  I am beginning to feel the reality of my life with a baby.  It is... a big adjustment.  It's tough for me to relinquish control of my body.  I'm hanging on to all this extra weight... and can't seem to do anything about it (yet).  My boobs are huge and tender and leaky and... no longer mine.  My sleep is utterly dependent on that of this tiny being.

There is no break.  I had no clue how easy life was before!

Originally Posted by birdhappy85 

I'm secretly feeling extreme bitterness towards DH for the fact that his life hasn't really changed at all with the addition of the baby... He sleeps the same amount of hours. He has the same routine as before. He hardly has to do anything... I don't tell him these things but it is really eating away at me, this resentment. It's not like he has much of an option since I'm the one breastfeeding all of the time so I can't really hold anything against him. I still feel this way, though.

What you two are feeling is TOTALLY normal.  I cannot even tell you how often I felt resentment toward dh for what seemed like a much easier reality than mine as a SAHM.  He would make the time to go on runs and go to the gym during his "work" day and yet I couldn't even get a shower in.  I would seethe when I saw him sit down with a magazine to read or turn on the football game while I was doing laundry or nursing the baby.  And don't even get me started on his grumbling at night when I'd wake him up to help with a diaper change or hand off a fussy baby that I had been comforting for several hours already.

Originally Posted by jbk21 
And re: working husbands, those feelings of resentment will come and go too.  It still pops up for me, and I'm nearly 3 years into this gig.  I think it's easy, when we're feeling the most rundown and overworked and touched out, to look at our relatively unscathed husbands and think WOW he has it so easy!  And in a lot of ways, they do.  They talk to ADULTS at work, and are recognized for their accomplishments!  They get out of the house and don't have these mama bear hormones pulsing through their bodies that make them think about their kids 24/7.  They get to focus on other things.  They get to take hot showers and eat hot meals and smell nice instead of reeking of sour milk.  and they get to SLEEP!  For the love of all that is holy, what we mothers wouldn't give for a good nights' rest.  But we have to believe that it is hard for them to go to work for 8+ hours and then come home and be expected to be dad of the year.  (if your DH comes home and sits in front of the TV then we need to have a serious talk....)  It all comes down to the fact that we can't understand the other person's reality.  

we had the usual "you have it better than me" discussions as well as "I work so hard all day and then come home and blah blah blah" talks. 
 

YES!  All these things are exactly what I feel about dh's day... adult conversation, using his brain, able to use the bathroom and eat when he needs to, breaks when he needs them, recognition for his skills and accomplishments... totally.  Being a SAHM is largely a thankless job and really, only other SAHM's can understand what you're going through.  And I still think that it's the hardest job there is.  BUT, that doesn't mean that it isn't hard for the working dad, too.  Hard to leave your kids each morning, hard to come home itching for quiet time and getting none, needing to dive into helping out right away, and dealing with the stresses of a paid job with little sleep.  So J is right on when she says it comes down to the fact that we simply cannot truly understand each other's realities.  We can guess and imagine, but we can't truly know.  Oh, the "conversations" we've had (i.e. fights) about this very thing...  they are pointless and hurtful words get said.  But somehow we just kept on having them over and over again. 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mal85 

do not be afraid to ask your husband for help. I know you're home with the baby and he has to work, but do you get to clock out? I tell my husband once he clocks out at work, that does not mean his day is over. He still has responsibilities to his family. These kids are ours, not just mine.

The most important thing to me was to make sure my babies trust Daddy too. They need to know that he is able to care for them and meet their needs just like I do. They need to have a relationship and form a bond as well or else they would always be completely dependent on me.

So this is pretty much where we are, too.  We had to make expectations very, very clear to each other so that no one is guessing what the other one is thinking and feeling.  Air it out and come up with a game plan.  If you're burning out b/c you're simply doing too much that will not be good for anyone, including your dh.  The spousal relationship gets hit the hardest during that first year with a new baby.  How can you possibly be expected to have time to meet your dh's needs if you cannot even meet your own needs b/c you spend all your energy meeting baby's needs?  It just plain doesn't work.  And if baby is totally dependent on you b/c you've been the only one to change diapers, nurse, put to sleep, comfort, etc. then you will be the only one who can do anything for about two years (give or take depending on your child's temperament).  Daddy must play an active role in all the areas that he can so that both of you can comfort baby and get baby to sleep.  Trust me, you will seriously start to go insane after years of sleep deprivation with no decent breaks from the baby.  It really takes its toll.  Just imagine the future for a moment... you have to be home for every nap and every bedtime.  You have to be present for every feeding and every bump and bruise.  You have to be there for every nightwaking and every illness.  When dad can help out with any of these things life becomes much, much easier and if you want it to happen prior to two years of age (give or take) then he needs to be an active care giver from the start.  So now is the time to figure out a healthy balance.  Don't wait until you are thoroughly burned out and on the verge of a total break down.

A book you all might find helpful and interesting is And Baby Makes Three by John Gottman.  Those of you from the Seattle area may have heard of him and his Love Lab at UW. 

Anyway, I certainly do NOT have this all figured out and we're still learning here with baby #3, but I can say that this time around has been much better.  Dh and I have been doing a great job of communicating and remaining respectful and nice to each other even in the middle of the night.  I largely credit dh for it, though, as he has been totally on board with this baby- helping in every way possible, which was not true with the other two. I wonder if part of it is b/c he saw how hard the labor was and what a difficult time I was having those first few days.  He has thanked me on more than one occasion for everything I have done to bring these three kids into the world- sacrificing my body.   It's refreshing and validating and I know that it will lead to a better future for us as the sleep deprivation piles up and the realities of three kids hits hard over the next couple years until this little one is STTN, potty trained, weaned, etc.  I hope we can keep it up. 

[jbk21]

YES  I second the rec for John Gottman's book.  He is the leading relationship therapist and an amazing psychologist and researcher.  Baby Makes Three is sitting on my bookshelf right now :-)

[xakana]

I'm moody, but like mild PMS moody, nothing severe. Just all my emotions are stronger than usual. I do wish I had someone to help when DH isn't home--I get lonely and overwhelmed by my older two (though I have had friends coming over, every time I feel like reaching out, I recoil at the messy house and I'm just too tired to keep up with it well).

[Mal85]

I'm starting to get emotional about going back to work. I only have 2 weeks left. My heart sinks just typing that out. I'm not so upset by the going to work part. I think I'll be okay being separated from the girls, especially since it's only 3 days a week. It helps that my 2.5 year old is driving me nuts, so I kind of look forward to a break from that. I'm just really worried about how overwhelmed I'm going to be. We're barely able to keep up with the dishes, laundry and clutter now, I can't imagine how awful it's going to be when I'm not home everyday. I just don't feel like we've fully adjusted to our new family yet and gotten in any kind of routine. I can totally see now why people in other places of the world need a year off when they have a new baby. I think I'd be more okay with this if we had some kind of routine happening here at home, but we don't. I have a feeling it's going to be a long spring semester...

[Jaimee]

Mal, I cannot imagine gearing up to return to work right now, but you do have two whole weeks more.  A LOT can happen in two weeks, so maybe you'll have more of a routine down by then?  ((HUGS))

[CDsMom1031]

Originally Posted by Mal85 


In response to this, do not be afraid to ask your husband for help. I know you're home with the baby and he has to work, but do you get to clock out? I tell my husband once he clocks out at work, that does not mean his day is over. He still has responsibilities to his family. These kids are ours, not just mine. When we had our first baby, he would complain about helping me, and trust me I expected his help from day one. When I went back to school, I made him help me with the night-time parenting too. Even now, I'm home on maternity leave. I'll let him sleep most of the night, but once I consider it morning (around 6 am), I do not hesitate to pass her to him and tell him I need a little sleep

The most important thing to me was to make sure my babies trust Daddy too. They need to know that he is able to care for them and meet their needs just like I do. They need to have a relationship and form a bond as well or else they would always be completely dependent on me. And, trust me, I don't want that. I love taking care of my babies and I love being a mother, but I need to be able to take a break and know that they are cared for and happy even when I'm not there.

Yup. I'll say stuff like, "Your demon child has been up since 5am and woke up 3 times to eat last night." And he'll go, "... Why didn't you wake me up?" Well, shit. I didn't know that was an option!

But then other days, he'll be at work all day, I'll be home, kiddo will scream his face off all day, so as soon as DH walks in, I'm like, "HERE. I'm taking the dog on a walk." Then I'll come back inside after 10 minutes to myself and he's all grumpy pants because he doesn't ever "get to relax". He works all day then comes home and has to be Daddy...

... COOL. I have to be Mommy all.day.every.day. I don't get to leave for work THEN come home and be Mommy.

He really is awesome though. He has his moments, as we all do, but he's very active in being a Daddy and our LO loves him. He even tells me sometimes that he wishes I didn't BF because he wants to feed him sometimes, LOL. How cute. But if I didn't BF, he'd never get to feed him, because he'd be working two jobs to pay for the formula. =D

Him and his father have a very strained relationship so he's said from the beginning that he's going to try his damndest to have an amazing relationship with our son... And so far, he's done just that. I got super lucky.

And regardless of our level of exhaustion, we ALWAYS end our nights together. Even if it's 5 minutes after we get LO to sleep, or even going to bed together and cuddling... We always make sure to squeeze in some "us" time. I think it's vital to a successful relationship and so far, we've been doing amazing.

My only complaint is the cabin fever. I'm excited to go back to work on Monday (GAH! MONDAY!!!) only because I'll get to leave the house for a few hours a day. I'm SOOO BORED ALL OF THE TIME. I just sit here. Alone. With kid. But when kid's sleeping, it's just me and my recorded episodes of Judge Judy. Lalalalalalala. I'm going insane.

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by TTCChloeOrConner 

My only complaint is the cabin fever. I'm excited to go back to work on Monday (GAH! MONDAY!!!) only because I'll get to leave the house for a few hours a day. I'm SOOO BORED ALL OF THE TIME. I just sit here. Alone. With kid. But when kid's sleeping, it's just me and my recorded episodes of Judge Judy. Lalalalalalala. I'm going insane.

I hear you there!  With mt first I remember being trapped in the rocking chair with a nursing or catnapping baby all day long.  I would watch House of Babies and Runway Moms over and over again, weeping at all the births.     It gets old quick and I would just count the minutes until dh came home.  That's when you know it's time to find some playgroups... and by playgroup I mean a mom and baby group where you can get some adult interaction.  There are usually groups at libraries, birth centers, sometimes hospitals, baby and mom yoga, little gym, LLL, and API (I'm not sure where you live to know if there is a chapter near you), holistic moms, etc.  Search Yahoo Groups and Meetup.com for local online groups that also meet IRL.
 

[TalkToMeNow]

It's funny, I totally had cabin fever with my first. Very bored. Now, I have this little one and the older three are in school during the day. I am loving every minute of it. I tell people it's like being a first time mom but without all the worrying. I am so content to sit on the couch for hours and hours reading Agatha Christie novels. Before this, I was working as a high school teacher, and before that I was a sahm to two little ones. I'm loving this break. There is no way I could've appreciated it/ felt this way with my first. I just keep thinking that there will probably not be another time in my life that I will have this excuse to do so little!

Unfortunately, I'm starting my grad school classes online again in Jan. I'm studying Technical Communication and Information Design it is very hard and time consuming. I'm not sure how I'm going to do it since so far I only manage to open my laptop about twice a week. (I post here on my phone.)

[LexiDrewMama]

NAK.... I NEEDED this thread!! I am so on board with the DH resentment/bitterness, and I really thought that was just me being a grouch.  He really is super great with DD, but he works nights and than comes home and has "his" time til 6am-ish and than sleeps during the day.  It's driving me nuts, but for whatever reason I feel like I can't say anything (yeah I don't even know...)

[seraf]

Mal, someone will be with the kids, why can't they do dishes and laundry?

 

Regarding cabin fever, I don't think I have managed to spend 2 days in a row in the house since he was born. We live in a rural are so there is t much to do but I am not a stay in the house kind of girl. 

 

Emotionally I'm doing pretty well. My DP has been out of town for 10 days. I had the big kids 5 days and had a hard time keeping up with housework and then when they went to their mama's for a week, my mom and I decided to take a road trip to see my brother and their new baby. 16 hours in the car was a lot but camping and the beach was very lovely for the winter blahs. I'm excited forDP and the kids to come home but I have a lot of laundry to do tomorrow. 

 

I go back to work in a week. I am not thrilled. I'm only going 2 days a week but they're 16 hour days with travel. I don't know what pumping will look like and I have a history of mastitis that makes me nervous of not pumping enough. 

 

I can only hope things go well with DP and the baby at home for so long. I am choosing to believe it will be peachy. 

[jbk21]

Whoa Sara!  16 hours!?  That's awful.  At least it's just two days!  I hope it goes well at home while you're away.  May I ask where in OH you live?  You said rural- I am from rural OH but, well, most of OH is rural haha.  You don't have to answer if you don't want :-)  I was born in Findlay area and lived in Cleveland for 3 years before moving to Portland.

 

I think getting out of the house is intimidating but so necessary.  It makes the days go much faster and it helps my toddler to not get too antsy from being in the house for too long.  So yeah, no cabin fever here.  I don't know that i really get cabin fever anyway, though- I generally am a homebody :-)  

 

 

 

 

[seraf]

We are in southeast Ohio, tho I have lived in Columbus and Cincinnati. My partner is from the Cleveland area so we have all the corners covered besides Findlay. We live in a village, about 5 miles from the closest town with grocery stores and a library but 20 minutes from a "city." needless to say,Shay is pretty used to the car. We usually have someone sitting beside him still for outings but he and I drove home from Cleveland together alone and we have to drive to Pittsburg Sunday so I'm glad he is happy to sleep in the car. 

And yeah, I work a 14 hour shift and commute an hour each way. I really really like my job and it pays well enough that I can support the family on 2 days a week so I'm not going to complain.