1st time mom planning homebirth needs words of wisdom

[Ahimsa]

I am 36 weeks pregnant with my first baby. I am planning a homebirth. I'd like advice from experienced homebirthers. What do wish you had known or what do you wish you'd done differently in hindsight? Any words of wisdom to pass along? Any and all advice is welcome. I've been reading through the threads and they've been helpfull, but I want to know more.


Ahimsa

[momto l&a]

Just relax, enjoy and go with the flow.

I would change nothing and there isnt really anything that I wished I had known.

I had done a fair amount of reading about hb's and watched afew vidios.

I will be having my third hb come October

[lilmiss'mama]

Congratulations! My first dd was born at a birth center and my second was born at home. The only place I would ever want to birth is at home! It was a wonderful experience for me.
I was going to say that my advice would be to find a midwife that you love, but I see that you are 36 weeks, so you probably have that all taken care of. Do you have a birth plan set up with your midwife? Do you know what her policies are for after the birth? Have you told her what you want to happen. i.e. not cutting the cord until it stops pulsing, want to try nursing right away, waiting awhile before weighing and measuring, etc... I guess I would get things assembled that make you feel comfortable, music you like, food or drink you might want, candles, etc... Of course once you are in labor everything you thought you wanted may not be right!:LOL Just be open and try to go with the flow.

[Elyssia]

at 36 weeks, you have done everything you can
to prepare yourself mentally and physically for this
now all you can do is try to relax
try to let go of any expectations you have about your birth
and let it reveal itself
trust in your body
and in your midwife
and just enjoy the ride

[melamama]

I'ved had 2 homebirths and wouldn't have done it any other way.
I wanted to second everything everyone said and especially Elyssia about the letting go part. Since you're 36 weeks you've probably done all the homework, now you just want to keep yourself wide open for your journey.
With my first I really looked at labor/hb like it would be an endurance test sort of triathalon type, and although it was that in some ways, I also felt nauseus and had back labor so I felt yuccky. During my labor I really had to be accepting of the unexpected, and harness my ability to cope.
Prepare as best you can, then let go and let it unfold.

[katja]

I would say make sure you know how your midwife deals with certain situations. Ask a lot of questions, and make sure your midwife knows how you want things done. I assumed that mine would not do directed pushing or anything like that because her assistant, who taught my prenatal class, said nobody does that anymore. I didn't have a birth plan because I thought a homebirth with a midwife wasn't a situation that called for one. Imagine my surprise when I wound up on my back listening to the midwife yell, "Hold your breath! Pushpushpushpush!" It was really awful. She seemed so great in my prenatals.

If you have an uneasy feeling about something, don't be afraid to speak up. Make sure your partner is prepared to stand up for you, since it can be hard to think clearly in the throes of labor.

BE VERY CLEAR ABOUT YOUR WISHES!

And good luck! Even though my dd's birth was far from perfect, I can't wait to do it again. Labor and childbirth are such an amazing experience.

[violet]

I agree with all this advice. Good stuff. Definitely, first get all your questions answered and make sure everyone understands and agrees to your plan and all that. Then STOP.

My advice is to give yourself a couple weeks at least to avoid all the stories and books and expectations and all that. Relax and be positive. Be selfish for the last time and focus on you and the babe because you will need that mommy intuition during labor and you need a bit of time to shake off the world and focus inward.

I stopped reading the birth books and quit weighing myself, quit worrying about what I ate and put my swollen feet up. I quit work early because I was swelling up so much and I was exhausted, so get as much rest as you can - these may be your last opportunities to sleep through the night in a verrrrrrrry long time

Basically, surround yourself with the positive and absolutely eliminate the negative. For me that meant not talking to my mother. I went so far as when people would ask me if I was getting close and if I was excited, I begged off that I was tired of talking about it all and that I was taking a break until the baby actually came. I'd let them know when that was. Most people laughed and said they understood. I went for long walks and visualized my ideal birth. I took a mental vacation from considering the heavy topics of birth and babyhood.

You life is about to change in the biggest and best possible way. Take this time to yourself and enjoy it and get in touch with the baby. Maybe start a baby journal or write some letters to the baby about your thougts on life and dreams for him or her. Putz around the nursery or refold the newborn clothes. Immerse yourself in the fun of it and relax relax relax.

That's my advice.
Violet

[mattjule]

My only advice would be to accept what comes and assume it is the normal course of events. I had a fast, hard labor and while I wasn't afraid when I went into it, the intensity did surprise and scare me. So practicing acceptance is definitely a good idea!

I also wished later that my mw had gotten to my house earlier. My latent labor (the no big deal part) was 7 hours, but my active labor (the concentrating, intense part) was only 2 1/2 (the last 20 min was pushing). I went from 4 cm (I was 3 cm before labor ever started) to completely dilated in 2 hours. My mw lived 40 min away and when I last talked to her, my ctx were not yet intense so she had no way of knowing what it was she was walking into when she came in the door. Since she didn't know what was going on, everyone sort of lost direction and it became painful and scary pretty fast. I feel if she had been there before my water broke and things started happening very quickly, she could have seen the progression and everyone would have felt better and safer. So make sure you have your mw come when you want her to be there, not when she thinks it is a good time. My mw had 20 yrs experience and my birth threw her for a loop! That said, she was awesome and my hb was still incredible and positive and miraculous. It was only that short time that things got a little weird.

I made sure this time to have a mw that was willing to hang out at my house for 2 days if need be. (though I would have used my last one if we still lived in the same state)

[MamaAllNatural]

I second everything that Violet said. She should start writing a birth bible! :LOL

I guess it comes down to gettng out of your head, getting in touch with your body and baby, and letting go of all fears and expectations. Try to just ease into it. Even when early labor starts, keep doing your normal daily things. Birth is normal. Just let it happen. That's how it's supposed to be - natural - just ease into it and be confident. This is what our bodies are designed to do. By having a homebirth you get to revel in the full magic, wonder and empowerment of birth. Enjoy the ride.

p.s. don't forget to let us know how it goes!

[loved]

Swim more.
Draw, paint, color....lots & lots!!
Long, sweet dates with DH. More lovemaking.

Belly cast.
Talk to my mother about my birth.
Then draw, paint and color some more...

Peace,
Lesley

[sistermama]

I ended up transferring to the hospital because of exhaustion but I had such a nightmare time that my first piece of advice would be not to transfer unless your's or your baby's health were at risk. Ours never was so I wish now I had just stayed home and pushed through it.

Second, just in case, be prepared in case you do have to transfer. I didn't make any leaving preparations (like packing a bag) because I didn't want to "jinx" myself. So after making the traumatic decision to transfer, I then had to try to gather some stuff together, etc. and ended up with nothing I wanted at the hospital, which definitely made it a lot harder.

But, before I get you down, my midwives haven't had a hospital transfer since me almost 2 years ago. So I'm sure everything will go great and you will have a beautiful birth.

[tinyshoes]

Originally posted by sistermama
I ended up transferring to the hospital because of exhaustion but I had such a nightmare time that my first piece of advice would be not to transfer unless your's or your baby's health were at risk. Ours never was so I wish now I had just stayed home and pushed through it.

I'm sorry, sistermama...and please let me use your experience to illustrate a point I learned and used to enhance my homebirth experience.

Be a good laborer: stay hydrated, maybe eat light little snacks/fruits, to stay energized during labor

If you go into labor at night, pretend to sleep all you can, just to save your energy for the work ahead.

When I was interviewing homebirth midwives, and I asked each about hosptial transfers...

...I was amazed to learn that in each of their experiences, a tired, thirsty mama was the reason--not some giant scary bloody drama. These tired mamas would get a glucose IV in their arms, perk right up, push out their babies, and slap their knees DARN, 'cause they had missed out on their homebirths. They missed out, 'cause they got sooooooo excited to be laboring, and forgot to drink, drink, drink.

HTH

[MamaAllNatural]

Originally posted by tinyshoes
If you go into labor at night, pretend to sleep all you can, just to save your energy for the work ahead.

...I was amazed to learn that in each of their experiences, a tired, thirsty mama was the reason--not some giant scary bloody drama. They missed out, 'cause they got sooooooo excited to be laboring

I just wanted to point this out again. It's the most important advice in the world. Getting excited too early and focusing on the labor are the worst things you could do. Ignore it. Let your midwife know that maybe some early labor stuff is happening but trust me, when it's the real thing it won't let you ignore it anymore. The less attention you give to early labor, the more energy you'll have. If you are having lots of contractions at night - go to bed! Get all the rest you can. As a doula and a mother x 3 this is the best advice I've ever given or taken. Don't give early labor any attention, carry on as normal, rest (don't go on a hike at this point! That's for when labor is already active) and just ease into it. I know I'm saying the same thing over and over again but I think it's one of those things that can't be said enough.

[sistermama]

Tinyshoes - This thread really isn't the place for this (sorry Ahimsa), but making assumptions about someone's birth experience is a little insulting. I was exhausted because I had been laboring for 36 hours before I transfered (counting from the time I was 5 centimeters dialated and contractions less than 2 minutes apart) with a 10 lb baby who kept corkscrewing from posterior to anterior, causing my dialation to go to 9 cent. back to 6 over and over and over again. I have very competent midwives who know how to keep a mama's spririts, fluids and energy up.

Not that I don't think your advice isn't good, it certainly is.

[MamaAllNatural]

T

Originally posted by sistermama
I was exhausted because I had been laboring for 36 hours before I transfered (counting from the time I was 5 centimeters dialated and contractions less than 2 minutes apart) with a 10 lb baby who kept corkscrewing from posterior to anterior, causing my dialation to go to 9 cent. back to 6 over and over and over again.

poor sister mama! It will be better next time! I just saw that you're expecting another so I'll be thinking positive thoughts for you. As a doula I've been at births similar to yours. It's so hard (for the mom I mean).

[tinyshoes]

Originally posted by sistermama Tinyshoes - This thread really isn't the place for this (sorry Ahimsa), but making assumptions about someone's birth experience is a little insulting.

My apologies, sistermama.

I most certainly did not intend to make any assumptions about your homebirth experience. Rather, I thought you were sharing your experience:

I ended up transferring to the hospital because of exhaustion but I had such a nightmare time that my first piece of advice would be not to transfer unless your's or your baby's health were at risk. Ours never was so I wish now I had just stayed home and pushed through it. Second, just in case, be prepared in case you do have to transfer. I didn't make any leaving preparations (like packing a bag) because I didn't want to "jinx" myself. So after making the traumatic decision to transfer, I then had to try to gather some stuff together, etc. and ended up with nothing I wanted at the hospital, which definitely made it a lot harder. But, before I get you down, my midwives haven't had a hospital transfer since me almost 2 years ago. So I'm sure everything will go great and you will have a beautiful birth.

From that piece you shared about your experience, I thought the key points you were making included:

-exhaustion can happen during a homebirth

-you wished you had stayed home and pushed through it

-you wanted to share that being prepared for a transfer to a hospital is wise

When I posted with my reply, I wanted to underscore the wisdom of your words, with words that my wise women told me, when I prepared for my homebirth--the tenants of resting in early labor and drinking fluids/staying hydrated.

I was not suggesting that you should have done anything differently, I did not intend to suggest you should have had more fluids to drink, nor could I have dreamed of assuming the position of your baby, or your baby's weight. s