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Mothering › Groups › August 2012 Birth Club › Discussions › Are you going to be honest with your provider about your due date?

Are you going to be honest with your provider about your due date?

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 

We are birthing at a birth center, and our first was born at 42 +0. The last two weeks of my pregnancy were filled with anxiety and fear that if I went over 42 weeks I would lose my birth center birth and be induced at a hospital.  The midwives work with a group of OBs and they have a VERY strict policy of never letting anyone go over 42 weeks. I LOVED being pregnant, but those last two weeks were pretty much the worst weeks of my life.

 

I ended up going into labor on 41 +6 and DD was born 36 hours later.  I started at the Birth Center but ended up transferring because I was stuck at 8cm for 5 hours - I wasn't progressing and I had lost the ability to cope with the pain.  I got an epidural and slept for a few hours and then pushed DD out 2 hours later.

 

Anyway, I haven't yet told my midwife the date of my last period, and I thought if I just moved it up by 3-4 days it might give me a little breathing room.  I just want to avoid the terrible anxiety I had the first time around.  I doubt that the dating ultrasound would be able to determine 3-4 days.

 

Would anyone else do this or do you think it's a bad idea?

post #2 of 16

Go for it.  I lie about my period...but to make it more honest, if that makes sense.  I have long cycles and they just go with the 28 day wheel thing, so I try to adjust.  Luckily I knew I had 35 day cycles with my first or I would've been really scared when they said "well, we'll see...it is measuring a full week small and has a slow heartbeat".  I was like "no, as I mentioned, I have 35 day cycles, so it's measuring perfectly by my calculations".  They were like "uh, sure.  we'll have to keep a close eye on this". 

 

My neighbor had her baby three weeks late at home and had to explain that is was how all the women in her family birth...they just gestate an extra month!!  It was hard for her to find a midwife that would take her and no hospital would.

 

 

post #3 of 16

I don't feel like lying to my HCP is really in my best interest, so no. However, I don't plan on providing the date of my LMP to anyone, as I know it's completely useless. I know I ovulated on CD34, and I'll be happy to provide my ovulation date, or my due date, but the date of my LMP is completely irrelevant, in my case. I think accredited birth centers in the US aren't allowed to take women past 42 weeks, so that part does stink, but I'm planning to stick with the rules. It's also a factor, in my case, that I don't fee comfortable going past 42 weeks, so I'd be willing to try some things to get labor moving in my 41st week, or give up and have an induction at 42 weeks.

post #4 of 16

I was vague about conception yesterday, because I do have a shadow of a doubt. Early ultrasounds are far more accurate than later ones in determining size/gestational age, so I will accept whatever mine says next week. Cecilia came at exactly 38 weeks, though, so I don't worry too much about going over.

post #5 of 16

Honest with midwife- most definitely. Honest with general public? Haven't decided yet. I get really annoyed at the end of pregnancy with all the phone calls and emails of "Have you had the baby yet?"  I'm the woman that leaves a kind of mean, but honest outgoing phone message that says "I have not had the baby yet. I will tell you when I have!" Bascially I mean, "stop calling me!"

I don't know why I find it so irritating, but now I have FB to contend with. I didn't with either other pregnancy and due date. So this will be a new experience. I've watched other women I know as their page filled up with "yet? yet? yet?!"  So annoying. I do not find that cute or sweet at all. nono.gif

 

(I should go take a nap, I'm kinda cranky today. lol)

post #6 of 16

I totally agree with you on that one. I plan on saying something vague on Facebook like, "baby coming sometime in August" and leaving at that, no matter if people press me for a more concrete due date or not.

post #7 of 16

I didn't fudge with Elsa because I knew I ovulated on what happened to be day 14 of my cycle, so it didn't matter how they calculated it.  And she was born that day, 40 weeks exactly. 

 

This time I did because I ovulated on day 19.  I told the NP my LMP was five days later than it was.  Even though Elsa came on time, I knew I was going to be on the "big baby" fear train from day one and I don't want the medical community's fears and assumptions to take over so I want to be going by the correct due date.

 

When it comes to the general public, I'm the type to just say "early August" to keep them off my back.

post #8 of 16

I'm going to be honest & hope my months worth of charts (& lab work) will prove I never ovulate on day 14. Fortunately, my early ultrasound is at least partly consistent with my date (gestational sac size matched, crown rump length was a day ahead). 

post #9 of 16

I think you could fudge the date, and not feel remorse.  Frankly, many midwives are just as due-date strict as many doctors - and if you want a bit more wiggle room - then build it in for yourself.  I would not see that as lying, personally... I'd see it as making a rational decision to advocate for yourself and your needs in a system that does not always take into account that women gestate babies for varying amounts of time.  And if that system will not accept any other date except LMP, then make it work for you.  

 

However, if your midwife is sensible to the fact that you're LMP isn't that helpful - then I'd just be upfront.  So, it depends on your midwife.  

 

I'm not much for lying - but some people can't accept the truth :).  KWIM?  I birthed unassisted and we do not tell everyone that it was purposeful - we reserve the right to tell certain people we think would judge us that the baby just came too quickly, and leave it at that.  

post #10 of 16
Thread Starter 

I should also mention that DD was born exactly 8 pounds, she still had quite a bit of vernix, normal size nails, and no wrinkling.  She was absolutely NOT a post-dates baby despite being born so long after my supposed due date.  I know this little one is going to go late too and I am much more concerned about being induced before baby is ready than trusting my body to go into labor when the BABY is ready, not the midwives.  

post #11 of 16

1st time mama, I hope your birthing experience goes just as planned this time, I am sorry about last time.  I think if you move it a couple of days and that makes you feel good/safe then that is that.  It never occurred to me not to be honest with my doctors about the date.  But I do love the suggestion about being vague with the exact due date to the general public at large.


Edited by Sol_y_Paz - 12/28/11 at 6:37pm
post #12 of 16

Oh yeah, mine is awesome though. The nurse kept insisting "July 29th" and i'm like "no, dude, August 3rd or 4th". Then I gave them the kicker once my midwife came in, "dude, there is no possible way it could be earlier than the 3rd, I only had sex ONCE in November". My midwife laughed and put it down as the 4th. 

 

LO, I had a dating ultrasound (hospital policy for the Alternative Birthing Center). August 4th it is!!!!! 

post #13 of 16

I carry my babies long... All of them except for my fifth were induced between 41 and 42 weeks, they were big babies but not overly so... their placentas were beautiful, healthy and thriving. None of them looked post dates. I have no problem with fudging dates a little bit because most of the OB providers here (midwifery isn't fully legal in my state, I mean it is... but there's a lot of rules and regulations and not many legal midwives to go around) will induce as soon as you hit 40 weeks... the latest they'll 'let' you go now is 41 weeks. It's ridiculous.... so if I feel threatened that I'm going to be forced into an induction I will by all means (because I know my body carries babies longer than the average woman) manipulate dates. I haven't yet settled on what exactly I'm doing in regards to care. Once I decide I'll figure out my dates a bit better.... I think I'm currently around 8ish weeks.

post #14 of 16

I'm honest with ovulation dates, but it's just so much fuss to explain each and every time - my LMP was this date, but I ovulated on this date so I am due here.

 

This time I can't even remember my LMP, but I know my ovulation date so I'll just go with that.

 

Although it was funny at my late u/s at 34 weeks?  I had to tell my LMP then ovulation and she tsk tsk'ed me. But then she dated the baby and told me the correct date.

Hmmmmm "I told you so"?

 

I don't think I need to worry about being too overdue, although this one will throw me for a loop.

My first was 9 days late, the second was 14 days early and third came on her due date.

What other options are there??

post #15 of 16

Heh, I was honest with the midwife with my first, and told her I knew I had conceived on Day 34. She kind of rolled her eyes at my chart, but I felt very vindicated when the dating u/s that she sent me to gave me a due date that was only one day off from my estimate ( but 3 weeks after her estimate using LMP alone). It still took her months before she changed the EDD on my chart to the correct one. 

 

This time, I'm going to use the EDD that the u/s next week gives me. I'm not sure exactly when we conceived, the way I was the first two times. But I've found the early u/s to be very accurate with dating for both previous  pregnancies, so I'm fine with going with that.

post #16 of 16

I'm seeing a home birth midwife, she knows when my last period was (during our interview). She will be here on January 6th for our first prenatal appointment. Because it is illegal for her to attend a birth after 42 weeks, and I have gone over every time, I'm going to ask if we can fudge the numbers on the paper work at least a week. We knew ovulation and conception with my second (thanks to chairing) and he still came at 41 weeks (42+ based on last period).

 

This pregnancy was a surprise and I was doing almost no charting (not keeping track of intercourse, not taking temp, not checking cervical fluid only taking an ovulation predictor test when I thought ovulation was coming and when I thought it was over). So I do have an idea when ovulation could have happened, but obviously my calculations were off somewhere (probably because I wasn't charting properly) I know DH is not comfortable with an unassisted and I'm not comfortable with the hospital, so that is the best way to guarantee a positive birth for us.

 

My EDD (estimated due date) based on first day of menses is 07/27 so I would like to bump it to 08/03,  I really think I ovulated late or a second time... 

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