Sept 09 mamas - check in here! How are your 2 yos doing?

[cristeen]

I haven't seen a thread in ages, so I figured I'd start one.

DS is doing well - he's been dx ASD and we'll be starting therapy after the new year.  I'm hopeful it'll make a big difference for him, since we're mostly house-bound at this point.  I just can't handle him in public on my own, he's so big and strong that I cannot control him (moving him into 4T clothes as soon as I get them washed, but behavior is more in line with a willful 18 mo).  So we stay home where he's mostly calm, or only go to friend's houses who understand what we're dealing with.  We have a zoo trip planned for Monday and we'll see how it goes, since there's plenty of space to run and not much trouble he can get into (other than wet/dirty).

I'm doing well, expecting again, due in May.  This pg is completely different than the previous 2, so we're hoping that means it's a girl.  This is it for us, and I'm not sure how I feel about the possibility of having a third boy. 

How are the rest of you ladies doing? 

[diana_of_the_dunes]

Hi (again) Cristeen!

Ethan and I are doing really well.  He has an amazing vocabulary and talks NONSTOP.  In full sentences.  I know it's not out-of-the-ordinary, but it just blows me away that this little person that I gave birth to can talk to me!    It bothers me that people keep saying, "You can tell you work with him!"  No, we don't "work" with him.  We pay attention to him and talk with him.  It's probably silly that I feel this way, but it bugs me that people assume that children need to be made to learn.  They're like little sponges; they just absorb everything.  Okay, rant over...

We're squarely in 3T clothes; he's about 37" tall and weighs about the same.  He just keeps slimming down, but he's a really solid little boy.

I'm also expecting again, after having miscarried the twins in July.  I'm 9 weeks along and cautiously excited.  I'm nowhere near as sick as I was with DS or the twins, and I'm wondering if maybe it's a girl.  I'm also excited that I'm going to be a mostly SAHM after the new LO is born.  So many changes....!

I hope everyone is doing well... 

[coldandsleepy]

Hey there, cristeen and Diana!  Congrats on both your pregnancies!  Diana, I'm so relieved and happy to hear that things are going well with yours this time-- the loss of your twins was heartbreaking just to read about, and I can't begin to imagine living through that.

Grey is, well, he's a two year old... he alternates between being extraordinarily sweet and extraordinarily bossy/kinda jerky.

Sweet - He started saying "I love you" about a month ago and will also spontaneously hug/kiss now too, and he also just comes out with these things out of nowhere like, "I really like being your helper, Mommy."

Bossy - Every other sentence out of his mouth is "I want..." or some sort of directive.  "Take my shoes off Mommy.  I want you to take my shoes off Mommy.  Mommy, I want my shoes off."  And every request/demand needs to be repeated seven thousand times or however many times he can manage before whoever he's bossing fulfills his request.  We went to pick him up from preschool the other day and he was sitting at a table with one of his friends, telling him, "You need to sit in YOUR chair Henry.  Not that chair.  This chair is your chair.  Henry, sit in YOUR chair.  Sit HERE."  Oy vey.

He talks a ton and sings constantly... he's finally getting to the point where sometimes he approximates an actual tune.  :)  He is OBSESSED with Christmas music and seriously sometimes sings Frosty 'Noman in his sleep.

He's getting taller but not gaining any weight... still hanging tough at about 32 lbs and about 36 inches.  He's been wearing 2T since he was 9 months old but is finally sizing out of some of it by height.  He was suuuuuch a fat baby that sometimes I look at him and can't believe he's the same kid.  Though he does still have his mama's chipmunk cheeks and some sweet squishy thighs.  (Why can't they look that good on *me*?)

I'm due with #2 in the middle of next month.  Another boy, planned to be our last.  I always thought I'd have a daughter some day, so that's been a hard mental adjustment for me to make, giving up that dream. 

Grey is SO excited about the baby-- who he insists is named Frodo-- and about his new status as someone's brother that the enthusiasm is infectious... I'm not  particularly looking forward to going through the newborn phase again but can't wait to see them together and see their relationship develop. 

[cristeen]

Coldandsleepy - I seem to recall your guy and mine were neck and neck for a while in size.  That's interesting.  A is about 38 inches now and I weighed him at 40 lbs the other day.  He's been averaging 1/2 an inch a month for about a year now.  We calculated that if he keeps this up he'll hit 6 ft by the time he's 8 (daddy was 6 ft at 10).  Congrats on #2!  I'm also really looking forward to the interaction between the kids - A is great with younger kids, not so great with ones his own size though (who are all older than him, of course). 

A does say "I love you", but he has echolalia so little else of what he says makes a whole lot of sense without reference points (quoting movies or books or random conversations we've had).  He labels things and repeats things, but no real conversation at this point.  It makes communication difficult.  But he has an extensive vocabulary, shockingly so, according to the therapists we've consulted with.  But I never know what he understands and what is just a word to him, since he can't communicate that to me.  I'm really looking forward to therapy starting in January.  It's going to be difficult (25 hours/week of therapy), but at the same time everyone says it's extremely helpful. 

Ok, I think I need to go find some breakfast.

[diana_of_the_dunes]

Coldandsleepy - I'm relieved too!  I'm having a pretty rough time right now, since I almost certainly would have had two newborns by this time if things had gone differently.  It's hard to mourn for the twins while being grateful for the new pregnancy.  I feel like a walking contradiction most of the time.

Sweet and bossy.  That sums it up really well!  Ethan is the same way: "I want", "I need", "Mom do...", etc.  And he talks constantly!  I always wonder if I'm supposed to respond, because I can tell some of it is just stream-of-consciousness-type talking.  If he starts repeating something, then I figure he's making conversation instead of just talking to himself.  But I definitely have a new appreciation for silence!

I keep wondering what gender this new LO is.  It would be hard for me to give up my dream of a little girl too, since this is also going to be our last.  That's so funny that Grey thinks the new baby's name is Frodo!  Is there a story behind that?

Cristeen - Wow, 25 hrs a week is a lot!  Is that 25 hrs with a therapist, or 25 hrs of activities?  I know a bit about ASD, but not in so young a child.  What types of things will you be working on with him?  The communication difficulties must be very frustrating for both of you.  I hope the therapy helps quickly.

[sunnygir1]

Wow, you all have some big boys!  I don't know how tall ds is or how much he weighs, but I'm pretty sure he's under 30#.  He's in 2T and 3T clothes.  He also talks and sings incessantly.

I love how he and dd (5 in Feb) play now.  He doesn't really get the hiding part of hide-and-seek, but they will play for long periods of time with her running away from him to hide at one end of the house then calling to him to find her -- he laughs and runs to find her.  Then she runs to the other end of the house to do it again.

Of course, they also argue and fight.  He is really in to taking things from her to hear her scream.  He will also hit her or pull her hair if he doesn't like what she's doing, if he doesn't get his way, or sometimes just if he's bored.

I have given up on trying to force naps, so he skips them often.  No matter how much sleep he's gotten he usually wakes up at 5:30 or 6am for the last month or two.  The other day he slept until 7:15 and I thought I was in heaven!  Then, when he talks me into getting up with him he is often a total bear for the first hour -- insisting I nurse him (which I refuse when my breasts are empty), hitting, biting, screaming, etc.  I am really struggling with his emotional outbursts.

While dd was out of daytime diapers by 2, ds has only successfully used the toilet a couple times.  I am sick of diapers and poop and pee on the floor and furniture.  I am also tired of being kicked in the face while I change him.

I don't think I would be very nice to my next child if I were having another -- I am just so over all this stuff!  It makes me feel like a bad parent sometimes, but I am just out of patience with the demanding, hurtful, exhausting aspects of parenting babies and toddlers.

Despite my crabbiness, I am totally in love with both of my children and they bring me such joy every day.  I LOVE the talking and singing right now.  Even though I wish for quiet sometimes, I cherish every word and the way he says them -- all too soon, that will be over.

[cristeen]

Originally Posted by diana_of_the_dunes 
I keep wondering what gender this new LO is.  It would be hard for me to give up my dream of a little girl too, since this is also going to be our last.  That's so funny that Grey thinks the new baby's name is Frodo!  Is there a story behind that?

Cristeen - Wow, 25 hrs a week is a lot!  Is that 25 hrs with a therapist, or 25 hrs of activities?  I know a bit about ASD, but not in so young a child.  What types of things will you be working on with him?  The communication difficulties must be very frustrating for both of you.  I hope the therapy helps quickly.

Diana - that dichotomy of feeling is so hard!  My boys were spaced further apart, but I still know I wouldn't have A if DS1 had lived (either because of his health problems or because my marriage wouldn't have survived).  Pregnancy was so very hard emotionally for me because of those feelings, and I have to say it really affected our bonding.  I'd really encourage you to work through those feelings before birth, I really wish I had. 

I'm also wondering girl vs boy.  I'm really feeling girl, and really hoping girl.  Not sure how I'm going to feel if it's another (3rd) boy.  This is our last also. 

As for the therapy, that's 25 hours of active therapy.  Hands-on with a therapist for 5 hours/day.  It is really intense, but from what everyone who's been through it has said you can see results within weeks.  Thankfully it's in our home, and I don't have to be in the room for all of it - so I'll be able to sort baby clothes and do some decluttering and cooking and the like that I can't really do while he's awake right now, although I can't leave the house.  He'll get that until he's 3, at which time Early Intervention turns him over to the school district, and we'll have to figure out where we stand at that point.  Pretty much they'll want to put him in preschool, and hopefully even pay for (at least) part of it, since we can't afford it otherwise.  They're hoping that because we caught it so early (most parents don't catch it until around 3, but we started the testing before he was 2) and because he's so high functioning he'll be able to mainstream by kindergarten (not needing Special Ed, but being in a regular classroom with or without extra help).  The earlier they get therapy, the more it helps. 

[diana_of_the_dunes]

Originally Posted by cristeen 

Diana - that dichotomy of feeling is so hard!  My boys were spaced further apart, but I still know I wouldn't have A if DS1 had lived (either because of his health problems or because my marriage wouldn't have survived).  Pregnancy was so very hard emotionally for me because of those feelings, and I have to say it really affected our bonding.  I'd really encourage you to work through those feelings before birth, I really wish I had. 

I'm going to respond to this in the Rainbow thread; I don't want to hijack this one!

[Sharon, RN]

Wow!  I'm expecting again, too, in June. Must be something in the water. :-)

I don't know how tall Noah is, but he's almost 26 lbs. and I think he feels so heavy- no more complaining from me!

Well, we are a little worried about him. He doesn't talk- at all. He can make sounds and babble, and he definitely wants to communicate with us and finds ways to do it, but no words. I used to think he said da-da and mom-mom-mom, but he doesn't even really do that anymore. I'm really worried. I had hearing loss as a child, and while they restored some of my hearing for years, in 2008 I started losing my hearing again.  I now have profound hearing loss, so.  My biggest concern right now is that Noah has a hearing problem, since he doesn't respond to sound very well.  He seems to use a lot of visual cues, which is something I recognize that I do often because of my hearing loss. He'll be seeing my ENT on January 9th.

Sorry.  I just had to let that out. Otherwise, he's a great kid and I love hanging out with him!

[sunnygir1]

Originally Posted by Sharon, RN 

Wow!  I'm expecting again, too, in June. Must be something in the water. :-)

I don't know how tall Noah is, but he's almost 26 lbs. and I think he feels so heavy- no more complaining from me!

Well, we are a little worried about him. He doesn't talk- at all. He can make sounds and babble, and he definitely wants to communicate with us and finds ways to do it, but no words. I used to think he said da-da and mom-mom-mom, but he doesn't even really do that anymore. I'm really worried. I had hearing loss as a child, and while they restored some of my hearing for years, in 2008 I started losing my hearing again.  I now have profound hearing loss, so.  My biggest concern right now is that Noah has a hearing problem, since he doesn't respond to sound very well.  He seems to use a lot of visual cues, which is something I recognize that I do often because of my hearing loss. He'll be seeing my ENT on January 9th.

Sorry.  I just had to let that out. Otherwise, he's a great kid and I love hanging out with him!

Oh, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with that.  Sometimes waiting for the appointments is the worst part -- waiting and wondering.  Big hugs to you.
 

[cristeen]

Congrats!!
 

Originally Posted by Sharon, RN 

Well, we are a little worried about him. He doesn't talk- at all. He can make sounds and babble, and he definitely wants to communicate with us and finds ways to do it, but no words. I used to think he said da-da and mom-mom-mom, but he doesn't even really do that anymore. I'm really worried. I had hearing loss as a child, and while they restored some of my hearing for years, in 2008 I started losing my hearing again.  I now have profound hearing loss, so.  My biggest concern right now is that Noah has a hearing problem, since he doesn't respond to sound very well.  He seems to use a lot of visual cues, which is something I recognize that I do often because of my hearing loss. He'll be seeing my ENT on January 9th.

I can't recommend enough starting the assessment process.  I don't know who you would call in your area, but here they only do the intensive therapy until age 3, at which time they get put into preschool.  So you want to take advantage of whatever you can get.  And they don't need to be autistic to qualify for services, they just have to have a significant delay in any area.  Also, the earlier you start therapies, the better it works.  The entire assessment process (from first call until final diagnosis) took us from August to November, so the sooner you start, the sooner you get the services you need.  Hope you find some answers. 

I will warn you about the hearing test though - we weren't able to finish it because A was getting peeved.  I still got a bill for $900 from Children's (I had to pay half, insurance covered the rest).  Ticked me off.  Especially with the accompanying recommendation that we reschedule to attempt to complete the test at a later date. 

[Sharon, RN]

Thanks for the info, Cristeen.  After the hearing test, we will look into other assessments and interventions.  Luckily, our insurance covers 100% of the audiological exam- I know, because I have to have several done a year!  His appointment is on the the 9th, so we are keeping our fingers crossed for some news.