Things people say.... « Back to Group Discussions

[LilyTiger]

I had my first prenatal visit today.  It was just a talk-through with the nurse to go over medical history, etc., and get blood drawn for random tests.  I was feeling good about the whole thing until she says (without any preparation or segue), "Unfortunately, miscarriage is very common.  About 1 in 4 pregnancies end in m/c.  If it happens, it'll happen between weeks 6 and 8". 

I just happen to be at the end of week 6.  And she said it so offhand, like it was no big deal, and if it happens I should have expected it.  What the hell?  

So now I'm rethinking our decision to tell our close family members and so on, and I'm really pissed off.  I mean, seriously, I know the stats, but there are ways of talking about this stuff to a hormonal ball of rage that don't totally freak her out. 

So, my question for all of you is: what things have people said to you that were just unnecessary or mean or whatever?

And, of course, I shouldn't really be that worried, right?  I mean, I know it can happen, but... ugh.

[IntuitiveJamie]

I find that extremely rude b/c it not helpful in any way. It if was to offer you information as how to prevent (which you can't do anyways) or something like that, that would be one thing. But to just say that without any regard to the sensitive state of a pregnant woman and for it to serve no purpose but negativity, really irks me. I'm really sorry she said that to you. That is obviously someone that has been working her field for so long, she not longer has or feels the need for sensitivity towards her patients. Screw her.

I would disregard the comment and move forward in positivity. You're pregnant! Hooray!!

Anyone that knows me knows how much I've always wanted to be a Mom. It was one of my biggest dreams. And when I got pregnant the first time I was beyond thrilled. I would call my Mom in excitement and want to talk all things baby. I was about 5 or 6 months along and she says "I just can't get excited with your for this long. I won't really be that excited until he's here and I'm actually a grandparent."

Umm.....narcissist much?

[~Demeter~]

I had a doctor say something similar because I wanted to talk about L&D in our consult before she even examined me. She told me in a condescending tone let's make it out of the first trimester first and then we'll talk about all of that. The first appt I had out of the first tri I brought it up again and she was such a rude woman I stopped going and switched docs. I have no tolerance and patience for someone's jerkiness, lol. It worked perfectly because I found an amazing doctor who agrees with me on so much and is amazingly gentle. :) Too bad he doesn't deliver babies anymore otherwise I'd be with him in a heartbeat.

[lactomom]

That's horrible!

While there is nothing that can be done for a silent miscarriage, "Wise Woman Herbal For the Childbearing Year" by Susan Weed does have an herbal tea for threatened miscarriage.

I also think the high quantity of phytoestroges people eat has a huge bearing on the rate of miscarriage.

We told everyone 2 days after our BFP.

People have a tendency to say horrible things to pregnant women, the worst being horrible birth stories. Be honest and tell them that the negative they are offering is of no benefit to you.

Sent from my phone.

[Sol_y_Paz]

Congrats to you on your pregnancy.  

I wonder how many happy pregnant women that person makes totally bawl.  I can't believe that was said to you.   I went to my first appointment and nothing at all like that was even brought up.   

[andaluza]

I'm sorry about your experience, LilyTiger. Mine wasn't exactly the same (it was a day after my bfp, so you could have told me anything terrible and it would have bounced off my happiness). But my ob/gyn tends to be very brusque and businesslike and she did say: I need to inform you that if you have this sort of bleeding it means this, that sort you should go to the emergency room, etc. She didn't dwell on it, though.

[LilyTiger]

That's not too bad, Andaluza.  I think it's important that women know that m/c are common and that they are not the mother's fault.  I also think providers need some training on how to talk about it gently.  Telling a pregnant lady that "if it's gonna happen, it'll happen this week or next" is super unhelpful.  Plus, she seemed to be implying that the rate increases or something in those weeks, which is not what I have heard.  She probably just meant that the risk goes down after week 9, but that's not what she actually said.  Oh well.

We told our parents last night, so that was super exciting.  Now just waiting for the first U/S.