Eye contact?

[WeatheringStorm]

Hi Everyone. 

I've very new to this forum/website! First post!

My son, adopted, is turning 3 months old in 4 days. He's a very serious baby. I'm starting to get concerned about his lack of eye contact with me and my husband. So here's the situation:

If he's in his crib, changing table, cradle, swing, or on his play-mat, he will make eye contact with me and smile.  But, if I'm holding him close (24 inches or closer), he refuses to look at me. In fact, he'll actively try to get away from my gaze. He will avoid looking at my face at all costs, straining to get his head to look in a different direction. He's like this with everyone. 

My pediatrician says that it's "nothing to worry about", until he's 4 months old. However, I know that avoiding eye contact is a big warning sign for several processing or attachment disorders. 

Does anyone have any thoughts? Am I just being a paranoid first-time parent? Or is this something I should be concerned about? It's freaking me out a little. 

Thank you so much!

[Mama2ChicknLil]

Honestly I'd be more concerned if he wasn't making ANY eye contact. It sounds like he has a harder time with the proximity, which is not in and of itself a concern at this stage...considering how much has happened for him in his short life. :) How long have you had him? Was it a planned adoption or something you stepped in to do? It sounds like you are doing an excellent job, and the fact that you are concerned just speaks to how much you love him.

Realistically there is still TONS of time to get him over any negative attachment issues and get him safely and securely attached to you...and I'm sure you are doing all of it. Congrats on the new baby and good luck!!!

[Hymanroth]

I read something, cannot tell you where bc Im a 1st time new mom and I read everything, but thats totally normal

What I got from what I read is, babies can get easily overstimulated and look away. They'll avoid something so exciting to them bc they cannot handle how excited they are. You should just go with it and never force eye contact. He feels safest when you let him turn away ....

Does that make sense?? My son would do the same thing. He's 4 months old and stares me down now I feel like he never links sometimes bc GE stares at me so long!

I even had to tell everyone about this bc some people would just keep walking around him trying to force contact and to protect my baby I let them know about what I read and that he will look when ready! Lol.

[rainface]

I had this same question...thank you for asking it first. My DD is 8 weeks old today and does the same thing...my mom commented the other day that she avoids eye contact when you're holding her. She will make eye contact with me when we're nursing, but other than that she generally avoids (and is usually looking up and past your face). It struck a chord with me only because her father has a diagnosis of Asperger's so while I'm not very worried about her being on the spectrum, it is something that I'm sensitized to look for. That's good to remember about the overstimulation...

[WeatheringStorm]

Originally Posted by Mama2ChicknLil 

Honestly I'd be more concerned if he wasn't making ANY eye contact. It sounds like he has a harder time with the proximity, which is not in and of itself a concern at this stage...considering how much has happened for him in his short life. :) How long have you had him? Was it a planned adoption or something you stepped in to do? It sounds like you are doing an excellent job, and the fact that you are concerned just speaks to how much you love him.

Realistically there is still TONS of time to get him over any negative attachment issues and get him safely and securely attached to you...and I'm sure you are doing all of it. Congrats on the new baby and good luck!!!

Thank you for the reassuring words! We've had him since he was a few days old and he was a planned adoption. He spent the first few days in NICU after a very traumatic birth. We trying to be the best parents we can....aren't we all?