Meredith, you poor thing. It just keeps coming, doesn't it?
I think your words and your attitude and your compassion and kindness are wonderful. You're very inspiring.
As for amnio, well, I wouldn't agonize over it too much. Do you think having the info would help you? If so, I know the risks have improved greatly and I've researched anything from 1/400 to the 1/1600 mentioned by a pp. They do it with ultrasound, so they can see the baby the whole time. My MFM told me that the biggest problem with calculating risk is that they can't factor out women who are basically going to lose their babies anyway (many women have amnio while in preterm labor to see if the lungs are developed) or women who have severe complications to begin with (which is why they are having amnio). It's not always easy to say whether the loss was caused by the amnio or would have happened anyway.
That being said, I decided not to have it. However, if subsequent ultrasounds continue to show problems, I will probably have it. Mainly because genetic testing done after the child is born is expensive, can take months, and is not always covered by insurance.
I think once some time passes and you make a decision, either way, you will be much more at peace and excited about the baby.
Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you...