6 month old separation anxiety? - Page 2

[branditopolis]

Originally Posted by azhie 

Lots of people (almost everyone, come to think of it) says she will be spoiled and too dependent on mommy. Not even based on her behavior, although people do say she's a good baby in general, but based on my responses to their questions (e.g. co-sleeping, breastfeeding on demand, babywearing, etc). 

Yay for AP! :)

I get this from my whole family.  Isn't it frustrating?!

[NinasMommy]

i've found the same, alicemay! just in the past week or so, we've seen a lot of improvement in how she takes me going away. i always say bye, give her a hug and kiss, and tell her i'll be back. 

after thinking about it, i felt like sneaking out just wasn't right. how could it be? i don't think i would like people sneaking out on me, and i'm not even a dependent baby!
 

Originally Posted by AliceMay 

Sorry - I haven't read through everything so apologies for repeating stuff! Just wondered if you had tried telling your daughter what you are doing, and if you have to be out of sight "Mommy will be right back..." kind of thing? I find sometimes with my LO (now 8 months) that if I set her down and went to move away she would be unhappy but if I told her what I was doing, or that I'd be right there, or right back, it seemed to help. I really think she learned to trust me. She still isn't crawling, and of course i'm not leaving her alone, but if she is sitting on her mat and I have to go get something kind of deal.

Also, I know that many people suggest slipping out on your baby, so that they don't get upset seeing you go, but this just makes them distrust you and be even more clinging, so if you ever are leaving her, maybe be sure to always say goodbye.

[boater]

I love this:

Originally Posted by Mama2ChicknLil 

Here's how I have explained the whole "babies cannot be spoiled" thing to clients.

1) Imagine you are on a boat in the water somewhere offshore of some Carribean Island (I'm from the Domincan Republic). Imagine it's 100 degrees with 100% humidity, and the water is clear and beautiufl, all you want to do is jump in and take aswim. Now, let's say the anchor of the boat is not fully engaged, or is not heavy enough to hold the boat in place. What are the odds you're going to jump out of the boat? It may be there when you come back, but it may not. Your job as a parent, while your child is still dependent on you for all of her/his basic needs, is to become the strongest, heaviest, most engaged anchor possible. That way, when your baby finally is ready to jump out of the boat (preschool, sports, college, etc), they will feel confident that it's safe becuase they will know their boat will still be there when they come back, if they need help. Now, since actions do actually speak louder than words, the only way you can help a baby understand that you are their anchor is by attending to their needs. Every time they express a need for something, be it by crying, fussing, pulling on ears, rubbing eyes, whatever, and you respond by trying to help them, you are making their anchor more and more reliable.

2) If I woke up tomorrow in Japan, paralyzed from the neck down, unable to do ANYTHING for myself (not even pick my nose or scratch my butt), I would cry...a lot. No one around me understand me, and if I am left alone, eventually I will stop crying but not becuase I have learned anything...because I feel helpless. No one is there for me, I am all alone, and I am scared. If there is someone, who tries hard to help me meet my needs, despite the fact that this person cannot understand my language, I will feel connected and attached to this person, and as I recover from my mysterious paralysis, this is the person I will come to trust and revere.

It is impossible to spoil a baby. I second and third what megan73 said about Object Permanence and want to also add that as babies become more mobile and begin to get nourishment from places other than mom (generally speaking), they also begin to realize they are not the same as mom. So not only are they begining to see that they are seperate entities, but they also now see that mom can leave and possibly never come back. How terrifying? The best way to help them with this is to keep attending to their needs, read those cues, and remember, all of this ridiculously hard and exhausting work is going to lead to happy, well adjusted, securely attached children one day. Hopefully before we all lose our minds...

The paralysis example is similar to how I often explain it.

I haven't read every response but just wanted to add- I had a similar experience with a baby who never before minded being put down suddenly fussing when I would lay her down for one second. She would make an unhappy face and flap her hands and make a sound my mom calls a "fake" cry. as soon as I picked her up she was happy. My dh started to worry that we were responding too quickly and she was getting "smart" and we shouldn't respond to things that are just "wants" not needs. Basically he thought we were spoiling her by being over attentive. Then soon after that we discovered that she was having a flare up of a breathing difficulty that was aggravated by reflux (which we didn't know she had). Lying on her back she was in pain; the change of position made it better and she could breathe more easily. So it turned out she was doing the best she could to communicate with us about how to help her. It really renewed my dedication to trust her and let her trust me. I would feel really bad if I had tried to let her "self soothe" and it turned out I was making her struggle to breathe and have painful reflux while feeling suddenly abandoned by the person she depends on for help and comfort. When a baby feels good inside, all filled up by plenty of love and snuggles and mama milk and feeling listened to and responded to I think they fuss less and are more pleasant to be with as opposed to being more fussy and spoiled. In this situation there is usually a good reason for fussing even if you don't figure out what it is.

Edited by boater - 1/20/12 at 5:33pm