I have really screwed up my kids already. I have a 4.5 and nearly 3 year old. I feel 'at home' with the UP style as laid out in the book Unconditional Parenting. However, I have NO IDEA how to change myself or transition to that parenting style since I have never experienced it myself. I mean, my parents and in-laws still try to control me and my husband as well as our children and we are 30 and 37 years old!
I have a real problem with anger - it seems to be my one and only emotional expression. If I'm not angry, I am most likely withdrawn. I cannot seem to engage with my daily life or my children or my husband anymore. I don't believe I'm depressed so much as completely tired and upset with myself/my life and I am shutting down because I don't know what to do, just that I need to do something to change it all.
My family does not listen to me - whether I am saying something extremely important or not. For example, I can ask 10 times if anyone would like a snack and get no response. Two things could happen: I fix myself a snack and get crying/yelling from one or both of the kids who want a snack NOW or I go ahead and fix them a snack just in case and they gobble it up without a word to me. Why can't they just tell me if they want a snack? And yes, I am making eye contact, usually physical contact too, when asking, down on their level. They both just turn away or keep talking about whatever it is they want to talk about.
My house is trashed right now because I am the only person who cleans it. I am six weeks away from my due date with pulled groin muscles - I'm not exactly bending down and picking up stuff 24/7. So why can't anyone else put away their things? Why do all the toys get strewn across the house and never put back into the playroom (which hasn't been cleaned in weeks)? I have nearly fallen and/or stepped on something every day and that is not safe!
My husband does not help out with housework or errands or anything unless I get angry and start yelling. He is a good person - he just does not seem aware of the needs of the household. His mother does everything for everyone, never asks for help, never accepts offered help and then will blow her lid every few weeks about 'having to do it all' - then go right back to doing it all without asking for help. I honestly don't think he ever learned to do anything around the house and now I have to suffer the aftermath - NO HELP!
These are just some of things that constantly come up and that I am tired of dealing with - I want to change them! But I really have no honest idea of what to do or how to do anything differently. I also am aware that this post may not make a lot of sense or relate back to the title of the thread.
Well, any information anybody can offer on how they transitioned to a different parenting style (hopefully similar to or full-on UP) would hopefully point me in the right direction for myself and my family, or at least get me thinking. Thanks.