I really need to vent. I hope you all don't mind listening. I tried writing it all in a journal, but I really just need someone to hear me!
First of all, in general I love being a SAHM. I have no desire to have a career and I truly enjoy being with and raising my children and taking care of my home. I'm planning to homeschool.
That said, it's really really difficult! I feel like no one else really understands how much I do all day. I have 3 young children. Ages 5, 2 and 9 months. When I wake up in the morning I already have a huge to do list and at any given time during the day I always have around 5 immediate things that need done right then. Example: I need to clean up that spilled milk then change a poopy diaper then stop the 2 yr old from playing in the sink then answer that text then make lunch because everyone won't stop whining that they are hungry. And then as soon as I get one thing done something else gets added to the end of the list so that I never sit down!
Sometimes I fantasize about being on bed rest or breaking my leg so that I can just lay in bed all day and my mom would have to come help and do everything that I do. I just want to sit down and tell her what needs done each day and then have her do it so someone else can experience what I have to live everyday. Then she would be totally exhausted and worn out and have a whole new respect for what I do. I just wish someone else really understood all that I do!!!
DH works nights from about 4:30 pm to 1am. His day usually goes something like this: Wake up around noon go sit on the couch or pittle around the house until he goes to work. Nothing really on his mind just hanging out. Sure if I ask him to help me with something he does it happily but I can't help but be resentful that he doesn't have 642 things listed in his head that need done right now like I seem to have. Then he goes to work, comes home to a quite house because everyone is sleeping. He then plays video games or watches TV, sometimes he invites his work buddies over, and generally hangs out until around 6am when he goes to sleep right about the same time I'm waking up for the day. Then I get to listen to him snoring all morning while I run around like a chicken with my head cut off. Do I EVER get to sleep in? Nope. I get up every single morning when the kids wake up sometime between 5am and 7am.
I feel bad complaining about him because any time I ask for help he always helps me and he always tells me he knows I do a lot. But I can't help but feeling like he really doesn't know. Also I don't want to be the Nagy wife. I don't want to be constantly complaining. I know that because of his job he needs to sleep in later. I can't blame him for taking advantage of the quite house to relax and have fun. But it makes me crazy that he gets 5+ hours a day to hang out when I get about 30-45 minutes if I'm lucky and the baby is actually sleeping for a bit after the big kids go to bed at night.
DH will watch the kids while I go out to the grocery store or whatever but I really don't feel recharged from that. I'm an introvert and I want to curl up on the couch with a good book to relax, not go to a coffeshop where I feel all self conscious and can't relax.
I just don't know what to do except nag and complain and I feel like when I do that people just get annoyed at me for complaining so much because it can't be that bad can it? I mean I only work (out of the home) one day a week. Easy right?
(By the way I'm not a brand new member like my post count says. I've been around for a while but I decided to start a new profile so I can be more honest and have more anonymity.)