My teen dd borrows things from me a lot. She usually does not return them without me asking for them repeatedly, and frequently they come back unwashed, and sometimes stretched out.
I have told her, repeatedly, that she may not borrow my things any more. This has gone on to the point that I just can't allow it. And yet, it still keeps happening.
She has plenty of clothes - too much actually - and does not NEED anything of mine. She also has a job and can afford to buy her own clothes, if there IS anything she wants.
This morning, when I was getting ready for work, preparing to be on camera, I realized that my eyebrows needed grooming. And my tweezers (which I have hidden, because she has taken them frequently, without returning) were, once again GONE. (She figured out where my hiding spot is.)
OK, I went to work (she was asleep, it was early). Came home. Told her that she may, under no circumstances, EVER borrow my things again. She just does not show respect for me saying "No, you may not borrow my things." And I told her that if she did it again, that I would have to go beyond just saying "You can't do that" and that there would be consequences.
And tonight, while trying on alternative outfits for an event tomorrow, she came in wearing MY jacket. This jacket was hanging in my closet yesterday - I had touched it, and considered wearing it to a business dinner last night. When I saw what she was wearing, I told her that it was mine and reminded her that she may NOT borrow my things.
And then SHE LIED, and said that it had been hanging in her closet since last spring (when I loaned it to her to wear to a funeral)! I KNOW that jacket was in my closet - she had to have (once again) gone into my closet without permission and pull something of mine out. She kept the lie up, argued with me, and appealed to DH. Finally, she admitted that she had lied (while DH was out of the room).
Then she said she thought it was hers. That's also a problem with letting her borrow things - somehow she ends up thinking that they are then hers (or claiming this to excuse not returning them).
She has planned an event for next week, where I would be driving her and three of her friends two hours to a theme park, spending the day, and driving them home. I am considering cancelling this. I just do not have it in me right now to cheerfully, willingly, spend an entire day doing what she wants, when she has shown so little respect for me!
Is this a reasonable consequence? Are there alternatives?
Just saying "You may not borrow my things" has had absolutely NO effect with her.
By the way, I've gotten absolutely ZERO support from DH about this, this evening. After I had firmly established that she had, indeed, lied to me, he asked her "Did you lie?" and she said "Yes, but..." and once again claimed that she thought that the jacket was hers. He said NOTHING. At. All. I know, this part of the situation goes in Parents as Partners, and I might post there later.
I thought I was angry this morning when my tweezers were, once again, missing. But now? After her borrowing something without permission again, and then lying about it?! Now I'm REALLY angry.
Edited by Ann-Marita - 12/18/11 at 8:29am