Curbing the bossiness!

[WindyCityMom]

My soon to be 4yo is the bossiest kid I've ever met.  Things need to be just as so when she plays- her little sister is getting really frustrated (as am I).  I'm getting a little tired of her constantly running up to me and screaming "MAMA!  M won't ________ like I told her to".  

I've tried talking to her about it, I've tried explaining that her little sister is still young and learning to play in her own way, a whole bunch of things.

What helps you?

Anyone want to commiserate??

[Emmeline II]

The only thing that really got through to dd was the negative reactions of other children once she was in school, though she was only about 1/3 as bossy as ds. For ds it's been more difficult as his SNs cause problems with pragmatics and he is in ST for that.

I think I just told them both (a lot) that X doesn't have to do what you tell them to and if you don't like how they're playing, don't play with them -- 4yo does tend to be a bossy age.

Edited by Emmeline II - 12/24/11 at 7:52am

[gigima]

My 4 yr 3 mo dd has the same problem. She gets really upset when her 1 yr old sister does not do what she wants. She screams and hits her sister for that sometimes. Like you I have tried explaining why it is not OK to force her baby sister to do things her way. But it doens't seem to work I dunno what else to do other than wait for her to grow out of it. Hope someone else can have better suggestions.

[meemee]

are the actual words she is using bossy, or the tone of voice. 

unfortunately she's also at the ego stage when its all about her. and asking her to play with others is the opposite seh wants to be. 

repeat, repeat, repeat. but dont push. dont make a big deal out of it.

everything you have written there is sooo NORMAL. so spot on. its a phase. you have to guide her how to work thru that phase without shaming her for it (i know you dont do that).

both ur dd's are at the place where they should be. i think the person who needs to stay calm and nunjudgemental is you. 

[NiteNicole]

My daughter is not bossy, it's just never been in her nature, but my niece is.  I just keep reminding her that she is only the boss of herself and she can't make/tell anyone else what to do.  If she continues, eventually the other kids refuse to play with her and she backs off for a while. 

[One_Girl]

Does the bossiness happen with other kids her age or just with her sibling?  It is very normal for kids not to understand that a younger child is just acting their age even with a lot of repeating and the relationship between siblings seems to carry a lot of deeper dynamics than relationships between peers.  I am not sure what to suggest for a sibling problem other than reading up on books giving advice for raising siblings and maybe a shrug and a "that's her choice, what else are you going to do?" so you don't get sucked in to a battle that will probably work itself out quickly on its own.

When my dd went through her bossy phase I tended to stay out of it unless someone was getting hurt or was about to get hurt.  If she came to me angrily I would pretty much say the same thing that I suggested above and try to stay out of it as much as possible.  If she was sad I would try to do questions like "how would you feel if X told you your game was stupid and he didn't want to play it?"  We also talked later about sharing the game and letting each person decide on ideas and about how she would feel if she didn't get to have any ideas for the game.