or Connect
Mothering › Groups › November 2011 Due Date Club › Discussions › Birth in retrospect

Birth in retrospect

post #1 of 46
Thread Starter 

Now that its been at least a few weeks for everyone, what are your feelings looking back on your birth? 

 

Im kind of surprised at my lack of feelings.  I had a long, hard induction that left me drained and took away my "after birth high".  I had intervention and a terrible resident in charge of my care for the first and last hour- but when I look back on it I'm not disappointed, and I can find things to laugh at (like telling the terrible resident my foot was really close to her face, and if she didn't stop adjusting my hips while I was in transition I was going to kick her in the head).  Its almost like I have NO feelings at all about it either way.

post #2 of 46

Thanks for bringing this up, Ash!  When I reread Avery's birth story, I'm a little surprised by it- especially by how negative I felt.  Now that I'm physically much better, my emotions toward the birth are improving as well.  I'm feeling grateful for all that did go the way I had hoped instead of focusing on what did not.  While I still wish that I could have the sense of pride, accomplishment, and transcendent amazement that I had with my first two, I am really happy that I did not end up transferring for more intervention.  Reading some of the other stories from our group has been helpful to me to put things in perspective.  I also think it's very interesting how so many of us having our third babies ran into similar malpositioning issues.  It helps to know that this must be pretty common and probably what most often puts the wild in the "wild card" reputation of #3.

post #3 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaimee View Post

Thanks for bringing this up, Ash!  When I reread Avery's birth story, I'm a little surprised by it- especially by how negative I felt.  Now that I'm physically much better, my emotions toward the birth are improving as well.  I'm feeling grateful for all that did go the way I had hoped instead of focusing on what did not.  While I still wish that I could have the sense of pride, accomplishment, and transcendent amazement that I had with my first two, I am really happy that I did not end up transferring for more intervention.  Reading some of the other stories from our group has been helpful to me to put things in perspective.  I also think it's very interesting how so many of us having our third babies ran into similar malpositioning issues.  It helps to know that this must be pretty common and probably what most often puts the wild in the "wild card" reputation of #3.



ITA - especially about all the 3rd baby malpositioning issues! Looking back, it's still definitely very different from my second birth (first homebirth - very calm, easy, healing birth), and there was about as much intervention as you can get at home, but I'm ok with it. It was a long, hard labor, and while it definitely makes me reconsider having a 4th, I'm not feeling as negative about it as I thought I would. I have no doubt I would've been sectioned in the hospital, so it's easy to see all the things that went well. My only regret is that I didn't go with my gut and see a chiropractor the last few weeks of pregnancy. I think that would've helped with the positioning issues and alleviated some of my late-pregnancy pain as well. But what's done is done, and everybody is happy and healthy, so I can't complain!

 

post #4 of 46

For me, I know this sounds weird, but it feels like it didn't happen. I keep reading my birth story and it doesn't seem like *I* did it. Everything turned out great, except when Levi had to go to the hospital 9 hours after his birth for 3 days. I don't know if that was traumatic or not.... I thought I'd be able to read my birth story and feel all this emotion and pride for doing something that I'd wanted to do for so long but I don't. I'm glad you brought this up, Ash.

post #5 of 46

I spent my whole pregnancy waiting to have my amazing, beautiful, natural VBAC..... I got the VBAC part and for that I am incredibly grateful, but the rest was not at all what I expected.  With my DS I labored for 3 days and than had an emergency C-section.  His whole labor was pretty "easy". This time with DD I went straight into a very intense active labor.  No nice early laboring at home.  Got to the hospital and BEGGED for an epi (SO not the plan!!) which I got....but did NOT work.  Purple pushed, cord was cut right away by Dr..... I guess I could feel angry at myself for getting the epi...for purple pushing and not saying shut up and let me do it my way (ha!), but instead I'm just happy I got my VBAC. Happy I got that beautiful baby girl.  And I suppose I still did it "naturally" since my epi didn't work haha.

post #6 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by IwannaBanRN View Post

For me, I know this sounds weird, but it feels like it didn't happen. I keep reading my birth story and it doesn't seem like *I* did it. Everything turned out great, except when Levi had to go to the hospital 9 hours after his birth for 3 days. I don't know if that was traumatic or not.... I thought I'd be able to read my birth story and feel all this emotion and pride for doing something that I'd wanted to do for so long but I don't. I'm glad you brought this up, Ash.



I understand this. Even after a horrific labor, it still felt like he was somebody else's baby for a few days. It's weird. My first son's birth I had all that - the birth high, the "I did it!" feelings - but not so much this time. I think a lot of that was a long labor and a baby born at 3 am - I just went straight to bed afterwards, so there was no time to process and think about it. In some ways, I just woke up in the morning and a baby was there.

 

Maybe not having had him able to stay at home with you made it feel less real, somehow? My DD spent her first 2 days in the NICU, and I felt the same way. I'd been asking permission to hold her, etc for a few days - it felt weird that all of a sudden she was MINE to take care of, not the hospital's baby that they "let" me see.

 

post #7 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by meesh933 View Post



I understand this. Even after a horrific labor, it still felt like he was somebody else's baby for a few days. It's weird. My first son's birth I had all that - the birth high, the "I did it!" feelings - but not so much this time. I think a lot of that was a long labor and a baby born at 3 am - I just went straight to bed afterwards, so there was no time to process and think about it. In some ways, I just woke up in the morning and a baby was there.

 

Maybe not having had him able to stay at home with you made it feel less real, somehow? My DD spent her first 2 days in the NICU, and I felt the same way. I'd been asking permission to hold her, etc for a few days - it felt weird that all of a sudden she was MINE to take care of, not the hospital's baby that they "let" me see.

 


Maybe. When he was in the NICU, I was to either nurse him in the nursery and give him back or nurse him in the room and page them when I finished and he'd be taken back. After I got home with him from the hospital, I was running on 8 hours of sleep over the last 3 nights and then the next 2 nights, only got 3 hours each night because I felt anxious about his oxygen intake and on top of that, DH snored so loudly because he drank those two nights. For his whole first week, it was a blur, so it makes sense that there's some sort of detachment but I know I love him like a mother should love him. There's somehow still a void that I feel like I need to fill with another birth, so I can have the birth AND afterbirth I'd dreamed of. I wanted that peaceful babymoon and didn't get it. I feel a little petty saying all of this because alot of people went through alot more to get to their babies, but it still gets in the way of fully enjoying being a mother of three.
 

 

post #8 of 46

I feel sheepish after this last one. I knew I could never top my second, but this one was hard. If I had hired a midwife he would have been born at home instead of the car. That suppOrt from anyone with medical knowledge would have helped. 

 

I felt like my partner did way better than I ever expected, calmness wise. I feel bad that I scared her so about labor, tho. 

post #9 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by seraf View Post

 I feel bad that I scared her so about labor, tho. 


lol.gif This is her first birth, right? I'd have probably freaked out if I witnessed a car birth while pregnant with my first!

 

post #10 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by meesh933 View Post


lol.gif This is her first birth, right? I'd have probably freaked out if I witnessed a car birth while pregnant with my first!

 



Me too! My first birth was "birth control" for my sister for 5 years and she's 2 years older than me. lol She didn't like how much pain I was in.

 

post #11 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by meesh933 View Post

lol.gif This is her first birth, right? I'd have probably freaked out if I witnessed a car birth while pregnant with my first!

 


 

Yes, first birth to witness and first pregnancy. She caught him.  She was shocked to see me express pain.  I'm pretty stoic so it surprised her quite a bit.

post #12 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by IwannaBanRN View Post



Me too! My first birth was "birth control" for my sister for 5 years and she's 2 years older than me. lol She didn't like how much pain I was in.

 



Haha. My second birth was like that for my sister.  And of course she came for two days (that were supposed to be well after baby) this time and ended up being at this one too.

 

Looking back on my birth I'm still pissed as hell about being risked out of my homebirth and about all the crap with pediatrics at the hospital.  I'm sad that I didn't get my birth high, and that I was separated from my family by being stuck at the hospital the day after.

 

BUT I do have a sense of pride and accomplishment now that I didn't have right after, that I walked into the hospital for an induction and had a two hour labor with just AROM and no induction medications.

 

I kind of don't know what to tell people who ask who knew I wad late and say "oh were you induced?"  "uuuuum. kinda?"

post #13 of 46

Becky, do you think some of it also has to do with the fact that you birthed Levi alone?  That no one else was there to truly witness what you did?  I also know EXACTLY what you mean about wanting to go through birth again in order to make it 100% the way you envisioned.  That's how I felt after ds1.  His birth was amazing, but the postpartum period was awful with so much family drama.  I felt robbed of my babymoon.  Well, #3 didn't really resolve anything for me b/c the birth wasn't what I expected and then the postpartum period wasn't any blissed out vacation either.  At this point we know we're done, but even if we wanted another, I have learned that you cannot put such high expectations on birth b/c you just never know what's going to happen.  And when your expectations are too high, even a good experience feels inadequate.  Sigh...

 

Sarah, I could totally see how your birth experience could freak out your partner as a FTM.  But at the same time, what you did and what she did was nothing short of amazing.  You both should be very proud of your unintentional UC and use that strength to realize that you two can get through just about anything that birth could throw her way when her time comes.  Does she want a hospital birth or a homebirth?

post #14 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaimee View Post

Sarah, I could totally see how your birth experience could freak out your partner as a FTM.  But at the same time, what you did and what she did was nothing short of amazing.  You both should be very proud of your unintentional UC and use that strength to realize that you two can get through just about anything that birth could throw her way when her time comes.  Does she want a hospital birth or a homebirth?



She was on the fence before but now wants hospital birth with epidural.  And really I think that would be better for her.

 

OT, I figured out what FTM means in this context, but to me it means female to male so it always makes me giggle to see it.

 

Sara

post #15 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by seraf View Post


OT, I figured out what FTM means in this context, but to me it means female to male so it always makes me giggle to see it.

 

Sara


 

Me too! The first few times I saw it, I was like, "Cool... a pregnant FTM. MDC is pretty diverse." Then I realized there couldn't actually be that many pg FTMs here. lol.gif

post #16 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaimee View Post

Becky, do you think some of it also has to do with the fact that you birthed Levi alone?  That no one else was there to truly witness what you did?  I also know EXACTLY what you mean about wanting to go through birth again in order to make it 100% the way you envisioned.  That's how I felt after ds1.  His birth was amazing, but the postpartum period was awful with so much family drama.  I felt robbed of my babymoon.  Well, #3 didn't really resolve anything for me b/c the birth wasn't what I expected and then the postpartum period wasn't any blissed out vacation either.  At this point we know we're done, but even if we wanted another, I have learned that you cannot put such high expectations on birth b/c you just never know what's going to happen.  And when your expectations are too high, even a good experience feels inadequate.  Sigh...

 

I think you're right. There's also disappointment that the only documentation of my UC is my memory, no pictures, no video.

post #17 of 46
Thread Starter 
Sara- I do see why your SO would feel the way she does about birth after the birth you had. I love that you can recognize in her that she would be the type who would need a hosp birth, and that you can support that.

Re: 3rd births- my birth was also so shockingly not what I expected, I totally believe the third birth theory.

I'm impressed with myself in that even though I did not want the epidural I accepted it when the doc recommended it and my husband asked me to get it- and I somehow found in myself the ability to NOT be disappointed. I am, however, disappointed that I went through all the emotional and physical turmoil and the friggin thing didn't work...ok, I take that back- the anesthesiologist said it took about 15 minutes to work, bettie was born 7 minutes later, and 15 minutes later (right after. I delivered my placenta) my legs went completely numb. Go figure right?
post #18 of 46

I'm quite pleased with my third birth.  It was actually quite different than my first 2 labors, but it was different in a good kind of way.  It was shorter, more intense, but still totally manageable.  It was all very well timed and went off perfectly.  I really couldn't have asked for more.  I feel very lucky.

post #19 of 46

I still think about my birth a lot and I am so unbelievably thankful to have had such an amazing experience, and I feel very, very pleased with how it all went.  I have zero complaints, really.  The thing I always tell people about it is "I would have never dared to hope that it would be so perfect".  What I mean is that I know labor is so unpredictable, so all throughout my pregnancy I envisioned a nice birth but felt as though there would be *something* that was a little off.  Not that something would go "wrong", but just maybe a few heart rate decels, or perhaps poor timing and DS1 would be freaking out and totally get in the way of my laboring, or perhaps that I had to call DH home from work and there would be some drama there.  Just *something* that wasn't perfect, so I didn't dare set my expectations too high.  But from start to finish it was amazing.  Just wonderful.  Even my attitude about being a week late at my last prenatal was great- I was very laid back and ready for another week of pregnancy- not impatient or anxious at all.  

I could go on and on (I really think about it all the time, so I have a lot to say, ha!)  But yeah, I couldn't have asked for anything more  orngbiggrin.gif

 

And that's exactly why I feel good about stopping at two.  There's no way anyone's talking me into a 3rd birth- I've read too many "wild card" birth stories on here lol.gif

post #20 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by IwannaBanRN View Post

I think you're right. There's also disappointment that the only documentation of my UC is my memory, no pictures, no video.



I'm disappointed about this, too. He looked so different when he was first born vs a few hours later when we finally got a picture! At 3 am, the last thing anyone was thinking about was pictures, but I'm still bummed.

  Return Home
  Back to Forum: November 2011 Due Date Club
Mothering › Groups › November 2011 Due Date Club › Discussions › Birth in retrospect