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[iixivboots]

Who we are:

• andaluza: 35, EDD 8/14
• bootsvalentine: 32, EDD 8/9. BFP after 17 months TTC
• eleutha: 35, EDD 8/10/12
• lakeruby
• lilytiger
• monkeyscience: 27, EDD 8/14/12 with #1 after 1.5 years TTC!
• sol_y_paz
• veritas vitae: 29, EDD 8/28
• willovia

I think those of us who will be new to the whole parenting thing need our own space to wonder, vent, and maybe get advice, although are we going to be getting tons of that whether we want it or not?

I suppose how we prepare has a lot to do with what our plans are for parenting, etc. I really don't want us to get too much useless crap but I also know that sometimes having an extra thing (like a bouncy seat or a swing) can save a parent's sanity. I also know that when I was a baby I loved my swing :)

I've just been focusing on actually enjoying things like making over the baby's room (even though we plan to have the baby in our room for an indeterminate amount of time.) I told my mother in law I'm still focusing on the fun stuff. I'm also ready to start reading about breastfeeding but not so ready to start thinking about labor and delivery.

We waited so long to get pregnant I am trying to enjoy it. On 12/28 we should go in to the see the baby's heartbeat and I expect hopefully it will ease some of my anxiety.

I also will be working pretty soon after the baby is born and I'm going to have to talk to HR in my school district and figure that out, as well as find some kind of daycare. I wish things were different but I love my job and we need my income. It's possible my husband will be able to stay home with the baby a few days but childcare expense is going to be a big reality for us.

Edited by iixivboots - 12/27/11 at 10:06am

[Sol_y_Paz]

1st timer here, have been ready for this experience for years.  Dh and I have discussed kids and parenting styles, but now it seems like a more relevant topic than a hopefully someday thing.  I have been reading up a lot.  Breast feeding is what I plan to do but the books I have read give me the impression that it doesn't seem easy as I had imagined.  Probably better to know that now then wonder what I am doing wrong in the moment.  But easy doesn't matter because I will do what is best for the baby.  Haven't thought of the baby's room yet as far as decor or painting too much in depth, but that will be fun.  I am so excited!

[iixivboots]

Hey Sol, what books have you read?

I just ordered the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding and the Dr. Sears Baby book. So far I've only been reading online and the Mayo clinic Pregnancy book, which just happens to be the cheapest reference book I found besides "What to Expect" which I heard so many negative things about.

I totally know what you mean about breastfeeding sounding a little daunting. I have sensitive breasts and I know there will be a big adjustment for me. Thankfully I have some women in my knitting group who are LCs, etc. I think I will get support if I need it. Hopefully someone will loan me a pump because I can't imagine $300 for one right now.

I can't quite bring myself to start reading about labor and birth yet. It's just too far away and too scary. I wanted to start reading about breastfeeding because it seems like something I'll have more control over.

[Willovia]

Thanks for starting this thread!

I kinda did my reading backwards. I read about breastfeeding, labor/delivery and am now just starting to read up on pregnancy. I've picked up a few books, but I do not feel like reading at all anymore. I've read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and her Guide to Breastfeeding. I've got the Dr. Sears Pregnancy and Birth books, Your Best Birth, and the Natural Pregnancy Book by Aviva Jill Romm. The Natural Pregnancy one I like, but I find myself a little frustrated at that the thought of having to find all the ingredients for the herbal remedies. I probably shoulda looked into having them on hand a little sooner.

While we were TTC, I tried to be as prepared as possible. Now that I'm 6 weeks, I feel like I just want to keep my head above water with all the symptoms I'm having. I just posted this elsewhere, but there's an overwhelming fear I've got going on about what's to come. I haven't told my mom yet - I had the brilliant idea to wait for Christmas. So this past weekend, when I was in tears over the fear, I leaned on my sister and a friend to tell me I wasn't going crazy.

I hear you about going back to work, boots. I'm going to be starting a new job in January (another brilliant idea) and it's going to be a great opportunity - one that I can't pass up. DH is going to be gracious enough to stay at home. Luckily, my new income will afford it. And in all honesty, he is the better homemaker out of the two of us. He would just bring so much to the table in terms of making our home a place I look forward to coming home to. But it doesn't take away some of the anxiety over what's to come. If I had done this before, I might have a better gameplan. But something tells me, it's overwhelming no matter how many times you've done it.

Oh, and breastfeeding? I'm determined to make it work. My mom breastfed me until I was almost 2 and I'm convinced I'm the most well-adjusted, normal one out of my siblings.  Although right now, the thought of anything touching my huge, swollen breasts, makes me cringe.  

[Sol_y_Paz]

Boots, those are great books you ordered.  I have both of those and have been reading them a lot, since I got my BFP they haven't left my side pretty much.  Also reading the Nursing Mothers Companion by Kathleen Huggins, and Breastfeeding and the Working Mother by Mason.  I also have that Mayo Clinic reference book, not the online version.  It is big and heavy.  I bet the online version is more up to date.

I attended a La Leche League meeting and if I am not put on bed rest will attend as many as possible.  They are quite a drive for me (over an hour) but I really got so so so much out of the meeting and I think it will set me up to succeed.  If you can I would check out a meeting if possible.  I know they are not everywhere though.  That would be nice if you could get a pump loaned to you.

Willovia, LOL about you being the best of your siblings.  I do hear you on the tender thing, it is hard to think about such things right now for sure - ouch!  I am sorry about your fear, I think that is normal, especially for first time moms.

[andaluza]

Hi ladies! It´s so nice to read others who are working through similar issues, preparation, happiness, and worry.

And thanks so much Boots, although I read with interest the other women in this group who discuss their children, etc. but I think this thread is necessary!

Dh and I have been together for so long, 4 years even before we married (now over 10 years),  and I thought we would have kids sooner, but school, career issues and moves, and dealing with our careers have been impediments. I think back to when I wanted to have a baby in grad school and wish I had done it, but I can´t change that. We seem to agree on most aspects of parenting, but need to talk seriously about it more.

We have an extra room (which was pink and dh painted it blue when we moved in--hope he doesn´t have to paint yet again!) but we have a lot of open space in our bedroom that can easily be filled with baby stuff, so that will be our route for now. 

I will be able to spend the fall and early winter at home with the baby and plan to breastfeed/pump. I worry about finding childcare before 6 months. Absolutely no family around here for us. :( My parents relied on both families within 10 minutes when my brother and I were growing up and they worked full time. Dh's mom is retired, but we couldn't convince her to come all the way out here, whereas my mom may be more likely. She's close to retirement but I can't imagine bringing a family member here to take care of the baby, unless they insisted. My workplace has childcare, but for infants it is very limited and nearly impossible to get a place. Plus, I think it is also required to be full time and I can often work from home. I guess I could adapt and always work in the office, since I'm sure working at home with a baby will be highly distracting.

I have downloaded tons of pregnancy and baby books onto my kindle and need to choose one to stick with. I got many books over the summer at a yard sale (pregnancy after 35 week by week, another on attachment parenting, and one for dh) and so far so good, but I think I need something more comprehensive, so I was thinking about the Dr. Sears Baby book. 

[Willovia]

Originally Posted by Sol_y_Paz 

I attended a La Leche League meeting and if I am not put on bed rest will attend as many as possible.  They are quite a drive for me (over an hour) but I really got so so so much out of the meeting and I think it will set me up to succeed.  If you can I would check out a meeting if possible.  I know they are not everywhere though.  That would be nice if you could get a pump loaned to you.

Oooh, you attended a meeting already? That's a great idea. Were the moms receptive of you joining this early? I should get on that...once I can get over this 5 pm morning sickness garbage.

[Knitting Mama]

Originally Posted by Willovia 

Oooh, you attended a meeting already? That's a great idea. Were the moms receptive of you joining this early? I should get on that...once I can get over this 5 pm morning sickness garbage.

Great minds think alike-- I was actually coming in here to post about this. In my experience, LLL members LOVE having pregnant moms come in, because it really shows their dedication to breastfeeding. If any of you are concerned about how breastfeeding will go for you, definitely get involved as soon as you can, for a few reasons. 1) If there is more than one group in your area, you might find that you are more comfortable with one group over another, and it would be pretty sucky to discover that when you're panicking over your newborn not latching, not getting enough, etc. 2) Building relationships now can really help you later on. If you get super close to a LLL leader, chances are she'll be there for you no matter what time or how "silly" you think the need is when the baby comes. 3) Being around other breastfeeding women really helps you to feel like you can handle it. These are all YMMV things, I suppose, but I think they are pretty universal to LLL.

[andaluza]

My mom was a LLL member when she had me and bf me for several years (I think 2). I have been thinking about checking it out around here, so thanks for the votes of confidence Cecilia's mom and Sol_y_paz!

[eleuthia]

I'm also a first-timer. I'm trying to decide which kindle books to buy & which to have my partner read... I've got a pretty big list already & I doubt I'll get them all read in time!  

And... I made my first baby item purchase today - a soft-structured carrier, on sale for 42% off regular retail, so too good a deal to pass up even though I feel a bit superstitious buying things this early. 

Unfortunately, LLL meetings in my city are held at 10am on Tuesdays, and it seems that a lot of other parents groups are also held during the day on weekdays, which is really not much help to working moms like me. I guess I will be able to go when i'm on maternity leave, but other than that, I feel kind of left out. 

I'm also worrying a bit about child care. I work normal business hours, and right now I have a flex schedule (can arrive between 7-9am and leave between 3-5pm, working 7.5hr/day & can bank up to 3.75 hours during the week to take off during that week) but I will be moved into a new area (not sure where yet) in the next few weeks and I'm not sure what their schedule will be like. My partner works in a restaurant, Wednesday thru Saturday, and usually has to be to work at 4pm. So it may be possible for me to bank extra hours Monday & Tuesday so I can leave early enough on W-Th-F so we don't need regular childcare. But we WILL need it occasionally, because my work does things like schedule meetings at 3pm with two days notice. And he may need to work Thursday lunch on call. So we will need affordable drop-in care. I'd prefer care in someone's home, but that may not be possible, especially if I want to use a flex childcare account. 

[andaluza]

Sorry about the bad timing for those meetings eleuthia. The LLL meetings here are at a nearby hospital here in the evenings, which is great!

What a great score! We were at a lovely yard sale at a beautiful house over the summer, which is where I bought all the books, and they had tons of great baby gear. I just couldn't do it then, though, although I kind of wish I had! I am going to have my husband checking estate sale and yard sale listings for baby gear.

The books I have on my kindle are all samples and I just counted 22! I am still waiting because I do have some books and I know that I'll find tons in the clearance section of Half Price Books; there were so many there when I was ttc. At least I remember seeing a row of  "What to expect" all priced 1$.

[Sol_y_Paz]

Originally Posted by Willovia 

Oooh, you attended a meeting already? That's a great idea. Were the moms receptive of you joining this early? I should get on that...once I can get over this 5 pm morning sickness garbage.

They thought it was great.  Everyone was very welcoming.  Many of the members at that meeting said they had come when they were newly pregnant and a couple had very young babies and came when they were pregnant too, so it was pretty neat to hear what they had to say.  I wasn't experiencing this all day sickness then thank goodness.  What have you tried for your sickness?  I am going to pick up some ginger candy, hopefully it helps, the crackers and bland foods help somewhat too.  They said I could also try B6 at night.  Also I try to eat every couple of hours and focus on protein.  I have seabands. But sometimes I just feel the continuous nausea anyway.  I am not a candy person but maybe the ginger candy will help?  Let me know if anything works for you or anyone else feel free to chime in as well.  

Edited by Sol_y_Paz - 12/19/11 at 5:57pm

[Willovia]

Originally Posted by Sol_y_Paz 

They thought it was great.  Everyone was very welcoming.  Many of the members at that meeting said they had come when they were newly pregnant and a couple had very young babies and came when they were pregnant too, so it was pretty neat to hear what they had to say.  I wasn't experiencing this all day sickness then thank goodness.  What have you tried for your sickness?  I am going to pick up some ginger candy, hopefully it helps, the crackers and bland foods help somewhat too.  They said I could also try B6 at night.  Also I try to eat every couple of hours and focus on protein.  I have seabands. But sometimes I just feel the continuous nausea anyway.  I am not a candy person but maybe the ginger candy will help?  Let me know if anything works for you or anyone else feel free to chime in as well.  

That's awesome. I've emailed a local chapter and am waiting to hear back on their meeting times/locations. I'm guessing they're also during the day, which isn't ideal, but if I have the day off for whatever reason, it'd be nice to drop in.

As far as sickness goes, everyday is a different battle. I'm still trying to figure out what works. I tried the Preggie Pops and the day I got them they were great. Now, not so much. Eating every two hours helped, but I'm at the point where nothing seems appetizing so I have to force myself to eat. And crackers and toast make me gag. I actually ate Wendy's twice yesterday - for lunch and dinner - and it was all that I could handle. I did go to CVS and bought Sea Bands wrist bands and the Sea Bands Ginger Gum. It was bizarre because I put on the wrist bands when I got home, chewed some gum after dinner, and I was all of a sudden bouncing with energy - I finally got my xmas cards done! I felt so good. I wore the bands to bed, and today, eh, not so much. I read somewhere that you're supposed to take the bands off at night so they can "reset" with your body, so they're more effective. I'm going to try that tomorrow.  But it is so tough. I keep hoping what everyone says is right and that this will pass. I can't see myself doing this for 10+ more weeks.

[lakeruby]

I'm excited to be here!  I got pregnant much quicker than I thought I would-- in our second cycle of trying.  I got my BFP on 12/18/11, at 12 DPO.  I just googled "when is my due date" and figured out that I'm due at the end of August 2012!  Eeeek.  Still can't really believe it!

I've wanted to be a mom for soooo long-- and I've been collecting books and baby things over the years.  I have a huge stack of "to-read" on my nightstand right now. Currently enjoying Prenatal Parenting.

I can't wait to look around at all the threads and see what everyone is doing and how we're all feeling.  This is so exciting! What a happy holiday it will be...  Speaking of that, I am planning to tell DH on Christmas.  I feel a wee bit bad about not telling him right away, but waiting a week seems doable, since we are both incredibly busy this week and haven't been awake at home at the same time yet and probably won't until the holiday!  I don't wanna tell him over the phone....

Anyways, yay! I'm happy to meet you all.

[beckyrenee]

also a first time mommy here but i am 3 months in.  with regards to the breastfeeding, it is so very hard but rewarding and at times magical.  go to several LLL meetings prior to giving birth and you will meet women who will help you along your way.  its always good to have a girlfriend to turn to in those tearful days when you are wondering if you will ever make it through.  i agree that you have to be stubborn when you want to bf.  i started out with a nipple shield due to my little ones high pallet.  in turn, my milk supply was suppressed and she didnt gain weight well.  getting her weaned from the shield caused painful feeding resulting in blisters.  after seeing 2 different LC i was told my technique was great but my little one needed to grow more before her mouth was big enough for a non painful latch.  i started taking herbs and motilium and pumping every 2 hrs all day and night.  i had to even resource to a milk donor which ended up being a god send!!  i am proud to say that we are still trunkin' along the bf'ing path even with all these set backs and fingers crossed it will soon get better.  not many ppl tell you how difficult bf is but you just have to stick with it, the end results are so very wonderful.  the first time your baby looks up at you with a huge smile and milk running down her chin your heart will melt and all those hard/painful nights will vanish!

[LilyTiger]

Hello everyone!  We're expecting our first.  I've been trolling the internet like a madwoman, but haven't bought any books yet.  My best friend let me borrow her run of the mill pregnancy guides (What to Expect, anyone?), which she admitted were pretty limited.  If anyone is interested in something a little different, there's an amazing book by Sarah Blaffer Hrdy called "Mother Nature: Mothers, Infants, and Natural Selection".  Hrdy is a primatologist and she goes through all the different hormonal mechanisms that occur in pregnancy through lactation, including maternal/infant bonding and what may be a cause for post-partum depression and other really fascinating things.  She's a brilliant woman who was one of the first evolutionary thinkers to point out that life is not all about men throwing sticks at each other, and that a lot of important human activity takes place between mothers and infants.  Anyway, not really a traditional preggo book, but very cool if you're the type of person who geeks out about the various biological and physiological mechanisms of lactation, bonding, and so on.

My husband and I are still talking about daycare options.  I don't really want the bambino in full time daycare until much later, and DH just took a job, so we may have to figure out a flex schedule for him.  My job is flexible in terms of time in the office, but I have to do a lot of work from home, which will be difficult with a baby.  A friend of ours quit her job to raise her little dude, so she and I were talking about having her watch the babe for a day or two to get her some extra money and me a break.  We'll see what happens.

I'm scared of breastfeeding too.  DH is a dietician (and therefore, a lactation consultant) and he always grimaces when people talk about it being "natural".  It may be natural, but it can be really really hard.  Hopefully we manage.  It's really important to me.  

Finally, one the of coolest things I did (before I was even preggo, but only by a month or so) was to hang out in the hallway where my friend was giving birth.  I popped in during the labor to say hi when she was in the tub, but after that she was painfully back laboring, so I scooted.  The labor was really long and really difficult, but she did it!  It was really empowering to hear someone go through all that.  And it underscored the importance of doulas and a good coaching team.  My friend was lucky enough to get a rockin' nurse who had given birth naturally and together with her doula they got that baby out of her.  The doctor was said  more than once that she would have given my friend a c-section had it not been for that nurse.  SO, we're definitely using a doula and I'm hopefully going to start Bradley classes early next year. 

Anyway, sorry for the long post.  Very excited for our first!  I'm so excited I might throw up!  Wait, that's not excitement.  Best of luck to all you first timers as you make these crazy difficult decisions.  We'll make it through, somehow. 

[monkeyscience]

Thanks so much for starting this, boots! Will be back with more when I feel better!

[iixivboots]

I just got my Dr. Sears Baby Book and I love it. It's written in such a reassuring way, and it truly has everything you could think of.

I'm starting to think I'm excited to announce to more people because I really hope that we get offers of STUFF. At first I was unsure if I would want to take stuff from people, (like my BIL and his wife who may as well be rich compared to us) but I think it's just silly not to.

I want an arm's reach cosleeper and I'm thinking I'll get it from a resale shop if I can find one. But then I'm kind of paranoid about bedbugs for no really good reason, so maybe not.

I'm curious about the necessity of a crib but I'm not 100% sure about cosleeping forever, so I want one.

[Willovia]

Originally Posted by bootsvalentine 

I want an arm's reach cosleeper and I'm thinking I'll get it from a resale shop if I can find one. But then I'm kind of paranoid about bedbugs for no really good reason, so maybe not.

I'm curious about the necessity of a crib but I'm not 100% sure about cosleeping forever, so I want one.

Oooh, I want one too. Initially, I was hoping to re-use things from other people, but I realized my idea of "necessities" would not be the same as my family's. So I think we're going to be selective with what items we take in and what we buy. Although, my boss casually mentioned that she has "so many clothes from her daughter that are too nice to donate" and I almost salivated...

[eleuthia]

I also want the arms reach cosleeper, but I'm not sure it will work with our bed. We do not have a boxspring (it won't fit upstairs - and it's only full size) so I'm not sure how we would secure the plate. There is a small newborn crib in the family that everyone passes around, but... it's old (was used for my dad, I think?) so it doesn't meet any modern safety requirements and I don't know if it's been tested for lead paint.