First-time mamas! - Page 17 « Back to Group Discussions

[Sol_y_Paz]

Boots, LOL!  Here also it is like every purchase/decision I go into full out research mode which takes for-e-ver.  That is along with all the reading I have been doing and taking classes.  I can't wait to wrap this part up and just have the stuff there, only waiting to add baby.  There is just so much that goes into all of this.  Can't wait to see your nursery.  

Newmumjoy, that is a great book, are you reading the updated version?  I found a lot of difference between the old and new version.  I also recommend these if you are feeling like reading: So that's what they're for! Breastfeeding Basics, The Breastfeeding Book (by Sears), New Mother's Guide to Breastfeeding, The Nursing Mother's Companion, and Breastfeeding and the Working Mother.  

[LilyTiger]

I hear you all on the FTM crazies.  I'm behind on everything, most notably my own work, and the baby stuff is a close second.  DH was looking at stuff last night and said, "we have a LOT of onesies".  I said, yeah, but not nearly enough.  We probably have 20 or so in all different sizes and considering that they poop and pee and spit up all over them, we'll need a fair number of each size.  We also don't have enough cloth diapers yet (still waiting on my last shower July 7 to see what else I have to pick up) and we won't get our bassinet, car seat, or other stuff like that from my SIL until around July 10.  It's a waiting game for now, apparently.

NewMum, I hear you on the reading too!  I'm still getting through the Sears Birth Book and want to read the Womanly Art of BF too, but I still have so much of my own writing and things to do that I just don't know when it's going to happen.  I bought the Sears Baby Book too, which I figure will make good readings while nursing.  I'm going to ask my doc about delayed or spread out vax, but otherwise I just don't think I have time, energy, or expertise to truly understand the various pros and cons.  I trust my doc, so I may just put that decision squarely in her court.  This kid's not even out yet and I'm bucking responsibility.  Oh well.

One crazy FTM thing I really want to do is put together cheat sheets from our Bradley classes with the positions worksheets and tips for DH on relaxation, counter pressure, and other helpful stuff so we have a little packet during labor.  He's not going to read The Birth Partner, which I bought especially for him, so I might as well make it as easy as possible for him to know how to help.  Our doula will also be great for that too, of course. 

[LilyTiger]

Also, is anyone starting to worry about husbands/partners more?  DH is training for a triathlon and has to do long bike rides and swims and it's 90 degrees here and I keep worrying about his running out of water or getting hit by a car or something.  I'm much more paranoid now than I used to be.  I guess there's just a lot more at stake now.  I'm like his mother though, making sure he's wearing his helmet and putting on sunscreen. 
 

[iixivboots]

I totally am freaked out my husband is going to get sick (he hasn't been sleeping well since I haven't been sleeping well) and I'm like dude, if you get sick, I'll die- since he does most of the cooking/cleaning and I am a zombie.

So I came to no conclusions about pacifiers vs. thumb/finger sucking, but I was sooo tired and sick of not sleeping after all that googling, ended up twirling my hair and sucking my finger. Mmmm self-soothing. Maybe my parents should've tried a pacifier after all. ;) Still had braces!

Edited by iixivboots - 6/19/12 at 3:45pm

[LeAnn A Doula]

Yes to the FTM craziness! Thanks for bumping this thread, Boots!

Unfortunately this move has all baby prep on hold and DH is making me crazy. He just doesn't get the urgent need I'm feeling to get everything in place before the birth. The bigger this LO gets, the more aware I am of the very definite deadline we are facing. We still have to make ALL of our major purchases (not to mention the move expenses) and he actually told me that he needs to get new woods and a golf bag yesterday!! Excuse me?!? i don't think so buddy! Clueless. I've been trying not to nag him about getting on the ball w at least squaring away the necessities but I think that's going to have to change. He's a notorious procrastinator and we cannot wait until 38 wks to start checking things off our very long list. Sigh...

I'm working on the Dr Sears Vax book now. It's a lot of great sttraight forward info. I'm thinking a delayed/selective vax schedule sounds best for us. I also read through a good chunk of The Baby Book, more good info. The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding is next on my list.

Other than that, I think most other prep is going to wait until after we move. I am planning to refinish the baby armoir that we have next week. I'm excited to see how it turns out. All other nursery planning will depend on what kind of space we end up w and what we find out at my US tomorrow! Fingers crossed this LO is (finally!) ready to show us the goods!!

One thing I've been thinking about is how to let people know that we just don't want a bunch of synthetic baby stuff. I really want to keep it as natural as possible. Cotton, wooden toys, natural products. But I feel so bad when we recieve gifts that are given w such sweet intentions and I just really don't want to use them. But I feel like it will come across as snobbish if I preemptively put it out there. How do you draw that line between what you feel is best and compromise? THis mama stuff is tough...

I apologize for the long posts. Apparently I have some things on my mind. :)

[NewMumJoy]

Originally Posted by LeAnn A Doula 

....One thing I've been thinking about is how to let people know that we just don't want a bunch of synthetic baby stuff. I really want to keep it as natural as possible. Cotton, wooden toys, natural products. But I feel so bad when we recieve gifts that are given w such sweet intentions and I just really don't want to use them. But I feel like it will come across as snobbish if I preemptively put it out there. How do you draw that line between what you feel is best and compromise?

I feel the same way!  I'm super picky about having non-plastics around the house.  We're purposefully holding off from all toy purchases until he is at the right stage to need specific learning tools - that's mostly b/c we are moving frequently and I don't want to be lugging extra stuff all over the country if we're not yet using it.... and these "good" items are expensive!  But for my shower in April, we rec'd a few (very plastic) baby items/toys, so now I have a drawer full of plastics that I'm not sure what to do with.....

Fortunately my parents are on board w/wooden and chemical-free products.  My plan to get the message out to the rest of our family & friends is to mention in conversation when we've made our next (eco-friendly) toy purchase and show them our enthusiasm for having chosen this type of toy over the more "traditional" plastic products.  Hopefully they'll get the hint....

Oh and good luck LeAnn getting your DH to snap into high gear baby mode!  He won't be enjoying his new clubs on the course if he's running out at all hours of the day/night to pick up baby supplies in August while screaming baby and mama are home waiting!!

[LilyTiger]

I totally agree on the plastics thing.  I put some nice wooden toys and rattles on the registry and no plastic stuff whatsoever (except a pacifier or something) -- even the bottles I registered for are glass.  I figure that between giving those suggestions on the registry, getting gift receipts from people in most cases, and being willing to donate really useless plastic stuff, we'll be able to balance it.  Some of my students bought me a really sweet gift basket and unfortunately, there was a ton of plastic food containers and stuff.  It wasn't a brand that I trusted and I don't even use plastic to store our food, so I'll be using them for art supply containers or something like that later.  Other little plastic supplies that can't be returned I think can be safely given away to someone who might appreciate them.  You're right though that it's a tough balance between sounding like a paranoid control freak and letting all sorts of junk in that you'll never use....
 

[iixivboots]

For anyone who still needs a bath tub/sink bath pad, the bloomingbath is going to be on zulily in one hour (6 a.m pt) Last time i think it was down to 30, and then there are some coupon codes:

http://promocodes2012.com/zulily/promo-code/

I think I might splurge and get one...Even the simplest infant bath pads are still $25.

My baby gear obsession continues. The big items we still don't know how we're paying for but desperately need/want are the breast pump and the baby carrier (we decided on a boba3g to fit both of us). Also, I don't think anyone is going to get us a breastfeeding pillow, I am not sure a boppy will work for me due to size, registered for a boomerang shaped luna lullaby one, but just as many plus size moms say regular pillows work, so we'll see.

We also need to order our crib mattress from amazon...

[Veritas Vitae]

Re: Nurseries: Q's room is still a work in progress, but we now have half a sheet set for the bed in lime green, and new crib bedding from Pottery Barn Kids, they just had a big sale.  Here is her nursery before the things I just mentioned were added.  The bedding from Pottery Barn has birds on it as well, so it goes with the black and white bird curtains from IKEA we have in there. We got only a sheet, stroller blanket, and quilt from the collection.  I also want to sew some of the fabric triangle bunting in bright colors that coordinate with the rug.  If my sister comes up for the summer she is bringing her sewing machine so I'm hoping she can teach me what she knows.

Re: Worrying about partners/spouse: Yes! If I'm not with him, I'm worrying about him. When he is traveling for work it is really bad, especially if he has to drive to another state. 

Re: Plastics: I did the same as you Lily, I registered for natural toys and glass bottles. I'm hoping that gives people an idea of what we would personally purchase and keep for our daughter, and that people will sort of follow suit.

Re: Reading: I am currently reading The Husband-Coached Birth and Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way.  I will start The Womanly Art and of Breastfeeding soon, and I was about halfway through the Sears Birth Book, before I started getting assigned reading from the aforementioned books for my Bradley Class.  I've also downloaded the Sears Vaccine Book on my Kindle, but I figure I should start with the birth and feeding books since I will need that information first.

Re: Gear: Thanks for the reminder Boots, I have got to order my breast pump through work (they subsidize the Medela Pump In Style), register with the work lactation consultant, and put in my paperwork for maternity leave....this month!  Holy cow, and it is our fiscal year end so I also have to do my success plan and make sure I've met all my CPE requirements before the end of the month too.  Argh.

LeAnn, I hope your DH gets on board with all the prep! Now that you guys know for sure it is a girl, maybe the prep will come a bit more naturally.

[iixivboots]

Crap we still need, according to me: I am starting to worry about money, just made a huge amazon order with a gift card and the completion discount. I hope maybe some saner people than me or experienced mamas can step in and eliminate some of this for me:

-baby socks (we have two pair. it's hot, so I assume he'll wear a onesie a lot and need socks, more than two pair i don't know. i do have some gowns and footed sleepers)

-side-snap t-shirts (for early days when we don't want to pull a onesie over his head...people say very very useful ? )

-waterproof king pillow protector(s) for cosleeper mattress (I think this is pretty non negotiable, we have an older model and the mattress isn't waterproof)

-cloth diapers for burp cloths (we have three of those silly little carters ones, four flannel receiving blankets, and will eventually have 7 muslin blankets, and we have two ikea burp cloths we just bought. i just don't get how many of these things are truly multipurpose and how many we will need. Also I just ordered a bunch of large terry bibs, maybe I can just use those? )

-newborn/size 1 diapers

-baby wipes

-baby wash/soap of some kind

-disposable breast pads

-lanolin

-small step trash can for diapers

-extra tub of coconut oil for baby

I haven't bought any "baby medicine" type stuff, I assume that is best purchased as needed?

We still don't have our breast pump either but our friends have told us they are buying it for us (Thank goodness). I'll be going back to work at 8 weeks and I know it can be useful before then, too.

I am just sort of having a lot of anxiety about STUFF that is just a cover up for my anxiety about the entire situation! I just wish I could fast forward about seven weeks and be sitting in the nursery rocking my baby and have gotten through all the crazy out of control birth/first few days stuff. Sometimes I almost feel like that day will never come or I will be a completely different person by then.

[LilyTiger]

Ahhhh!  This thread reminds me to add stuff to my to-do list.  Sigh. 

Boots, all of that seems pretty important, but with that being said, I don't have most of it.  We just have normal onesies, I haven't bought boob stuff yet, and we have exactly two pairs of baby socks and I'm not buying more (they don't get dirty that quickly and can be reused between wash days, I've been told -- they also fall off and get lost a lot too though).  I might order more burp cloths if I were you, but it depends on how much your baby spits up and how big the terry bibs are.  I was amazed at how much my friend's baby spit up.  You really needed a full size cloth for that one.  Others aren't so bad. So you could potentially wait and see on those.  Breast pads too you could see whether you actually need them.

We had a wonderful shower this weekend and got sooooo much stuff!  It was great.  We're pretty much set on clothes, diapers, wipes (I was hoping to do all natural stuff, but we got three packs of normal wipes... I'm sure they'll come in handy, but blah...), furniture, blankets, and everything else.  The stuff we didn't get was all "luxury" stuff like a matching rug for the nursery, which isn't that important and I probably won't bother with.

Baby related things I still need to do: (there's probably more, but I'm brain dead)

Get breast pump

Figure out maternity leave paperwork

Finalize hospital bag

Mail preadmission form to hospital

Get folder with everything else together and in hospital bag 

Install car seat and buy final stroller options (car seat adapter, etc.)

[monkeyscience]

Don't really want to think about what we don't have/what isn't ready! But I am thinking about it, and my task today is to inventory what baby stuff we have, and figure out what we need from there. I was actually quite excited at my shower last week that SIL brought me a gallon ziplock full of hand-me-down baby socks. Having no socks was one of my major worries! I was actually surprised how few clothes I got at my shower, but that is okay - baby will probably wear 75% hand-me-downs for the first six months. Too bad his cousins are moving out of state next month! I may just tell SIL I'll pay the postage for her to ship me whatever she doesn't want to keep.

Is anyone else completely freaking out at the thought of being a parent? I'm so excited to get to see and snuggle this little guy, but it keeps hitting me that I'm going to really, truly be responsible for him, and that there will not be an instruction manual or a second chance! I also feel like there's so much dh and I haven't discussed about raising him, partly because I just don't know where to begin and because dh isn't really interested in the conversation, and I feel like that has the potential to turn into all sorts of fights down the road. I know from experience that we both often assume that the other is on the same page as us, when we in fact have completely different ideas of what is normal, right, or good. Sigh. At least we're finally discussing vaccines a little.

As tired as I am of being pregnant, I hope baby doesn't get any notions about coming early - I am not ready for him!

[NewMumJoy]

Ahhhhkk - vaccines!!!  I haven't even begun to research that and time is running out, oh dear..... My family has become very anti-vaccine lately too so I've been subjected to negative stories and really need to give myself a good education on this topic.   ..... Which also reminds me that since we'll be moving back to the US this fall (at about 8-10 wks postpartum) I'll need to find a good doctor there asap.  .....Which then reminds me to sort out this LO's US/Canadian citizenship, and get him a US Passport to travel - is that needed for babies this young???  (I know I had a passport as a baby, when we moved to the US from an overseas airforce base....)

Anyways....up to THIS point I've only been concerned about: breastfeeding, breastfeeding, breastfeeding!!!  I'm about halfway through LLL's Womanly Art book and although it has useful info, I'm getting overwhelmed by "the message" that bf'ing is THE most-important-all-consuming-life-defining-be-all-end-all-answer-to-everything-the-baby-needs.  No pressure there!!  I GET how important it is, and I'll be damn sure to give it my 110% best effort to have the best BF'ing relationship w/my LO despite the inevitable trials and tribulations.... but their advice against "convenience" tools such a pumping, occasional bottles, or pacifiers is starting to make me feel like I'll be trapped in my house w/LO attached to my boob 24/7 for the next 2 years - and that I should give up on the life I was hoping to reclaim after moving back closer to my friends and family this year.... *sigh*     I know there are so many BF'ing moms out there who are making it happen and hardly think twice about it, I'm just worried it's going to be a really long and tough adjustment for me....

Remaining baby gear/items on my short list have sort of fallen by the wayside - I can send DH to the store nearby as needed - although I still need a good nursing bra and tanks (so that I can leave the house at all!).  Our other "big" thing that needs to get sorted out sooner vs. later is to confirm w/our hospital how everything is going to get paid for!  As temporary residents here in Canada, we don't have provincial health cards which would have covered us 100% - and they don't direct bill our US insurance.  So we'll have to settle the bill on our own before we leave the hospital (hopefully they'll let us check-in without issue!!)... just need to make sure that we have plenty of room on our credit card, as I have no idea how much they'll charge for delivering a baby!

[monkeyscience]

Yeah... need to read up on BFing. Not there yet! And totally unsure what to do about a nursing bra, as I hear you've got to wait till your milk comes in to know your size, but not sure what to do in the meantime.

As far as vaxing, you do have some time - the only thing you need to decide on before birth is the Hep B vaccine, since that's commonly given at birth. Nothing else really gets given till 2 months. Not that I'm saying you'll have tons of time to research after the baby comes, but it could conceivably be delayed!

I'm all about getting things after the baby comes, too, but, uh, don't even have a sheet or anything for our cosleeper, or wipes of any kind, so I've got to get a few things!

[Sol_y_Paz]

I just went ahead and got a good nursing bra beforehand. I hated to spend the money on it but now that it is here and I have been wearing it I am glad I did.  I figure if it doesn't fit after my milk comes in, it will 6 or so weeks later.  I think I am suppose to get engorged then go back down, not to pre pregnancy but probably to where I am at now.  Some ladies I read don't even get engorged.  I also have sleep nursing bras and a nursing tank from target.  

Newmumjoy, at the LLL meetings I attended BF babies had pacifiers and there are moms including leaders who depend on pumps/bottles since they work outside of the home.  I read the book but didn't get the same message, maybe because I have a different version, not sure.  

[pennywhistle]

Originally Posted by monkeyscience 

Is anyone else completely freaking out at the thought of being a parent? I'm so excited to get to see and snuggle this little guy, but it keeps hitting me that I'm going to really, truly be responsible for him, and that there will not be an instruction manual or a second chance! I also feel like there's so much dh and I haven't discussed about raising him, partly because I just don't know where to begin and because dh isn't really interested in the conversation, and I feel like that has the potential to turn into all sorts of fights down the road. I know from experience that we both often assume that the other is on the same page as us, when we in fact have completely different ideas of what is normal, right, or good. Sigh. At least we're finally discussing vaccines a little.

As tired as I am of being pregnant, I hope baby doesn't get any notions about coming early - I am not ready for him!

I'm definitely there with you!  Over the weekend we realized that my husband was born at 34 weeks, and I just hit 33.  The thought of having a baby in just one week was seriously overwhelming.  I may have checked out a bit.  Luckily my husband is excited enough for both of us.  Because HOLY SHIT.  That's where my mind is, these days.  So happy, so excited, and so freaked out!

[iixivboots]

Anyways....up to THIS point I've only been concerned about: breastfeeding, breastfeeding, breastfeeding!!!  I'm about halfway through LLL's Womanly Art book and although it has useful info, I'm getting overwhelmed by "the message" that bf'ing is THE most-important-all-consuming-life-defining-be-all-end-all-answer-to-everything-the-baby-needs.  No pressure there!!  I GET how important it is, and I'll be damn sure to give it my 110% best effort to have the best BF'ing relationship w/my LO despite the inevitable trials and tribulations.... but their advice against "convenience" tools such a pumping, occasional bottles, or pacifiers is starting to make me feel like I'll be trapped in my house w/LO attached to my boob 24/7 for the next 2 years - and that I should give up on the life I was hoping to reclaim after moving back closer to my friends and family this year.... *sigh*     I know there are so many BF'ing moms out there who are making it happen and hardly think twice about it, I'm just worried it's going to be a really long and tough adjustment for me....

I agree with Sol, I have not read the book cover to cover but I did not get this message. I sort of started to read the beginning and then I decided to just read the part about going back to work/pumping because that is my huge fear. The big thing I got out of it was that you should take it one week/month at a time. What is stuck in my head from that book is "make it a serious goal to breastfeed for one month." I can do that. If I start thinking about trying to make it all school year through months of pumping and night feedings and any problems we might have, I start to freak out, especially reading about the pain that new moms go through with cracked/bleeding nips. I have really sensitive nipples (didn't you say before you do too?) so this freaks me out. We are going to our breastfeeding class tonight with the hospital's LC.

Nursing stuff, I have one nursing tank and one sports-style (no padding) nursing bra, I ordered another of the same nursing tank. I have some sports bras I think will work for awhile, I have no idea where I'll go to be fitted for a nursing bra once the size settles down. Sigh. I also hate how much I know I'll have to spend to get enough decent nursing bras that I can wear to work.

I am freaking out about being a parent but I am so sick of being pregnant. I am terrified of having to care for any post-partum body issues, too. I just feel like I want to walk away from this baby for one minute, and maybe if I can physically walk away for a few minutes and know he is with DH, I will feel better. My biggest fear is being talked into an induction that leads to a c-section for no real reason, but I might fear going to 41 weeks more. That's going to eat into my leave a lot and I know I will be going crazy.. I know it's pretty likely with a first time mom, though. *facepalm*

[keuriweo]

We have a lot left to do.  Honestly, we've done a fair amount of prep work (taken classes, read books, engaged in discussions) but we just don't have all the stuff we need (and by that, I do mean the basics not stuff that would be nice to have but isn't really necessary.)  The car seat should arrive on Weds. but we still so not have diapers (MIL should be sending us some), enough clothes (though we could probably get by with the little that we at first), or a place for her to sleep (uh, I guess I'm the one that was supposed to order that...)

I am concerned about breastfeeding as I have an autoimmune condition that affects my glands.  From the anecdotal evidence I've read, the worst case scenario is that I won't produce milk at all.  I don't think this will be the case for me (knock on wood), though, because my symptoms are pretty mild.  Low supply is a possibility, though, and nipple pain seems to be very common among women with my condition...Yay.  Trying hard not to make any assumptions, though, as there is just so much variation within this particular condition and it's impossible to know how and if it'll affect my ability to BF until baby is born.

[iixivboots]

Can I just say ugh, hospital bag. We haven't started on that at all.

Keuriweo, I know that since you have a condition that might cause it, this might not help, but the LC who ran my class said that undersupply is so much more rare than oversupply. I have PCOS that was diagnosed like the month I got PG, but also pretty mild case (I was ovulating, I think, maybe just needed a push with the clomid and don't have any other obvious hormone issues) That can cause undersupply too but hopefully we'll both be okay!

[NewMumJoy]

I hope we can stick around on MDC and have a postpartum/breastfeeding thread to see how we're all doing in the weeks/months ahead.  I've been lurking around on the June/July DDC boards to get an idea of what's happening......