First-time mamas! - Page 18 « Back to Group Discussions

[sallyrae17]

As a second-time mom, I just wanted to give you ladies some "advice" about breastfeeding. Yes, it's hard, but then again, everything that is worthwhile in life is hard (in my opinion). Don't be afraid to set long-term goals. My goal was to breastfeed for two years and my son self-weaned two weeks before turning three. Also, things like mastitis and thrush happen. I had thrush three times and plugged ducts, but they never stopped me from breastfeeding. I was just so determined to make it work. You can really do anything you put your mind to. I had so many people who questioned my decision to breastfeed beyond one year and always received a ton of criticism, but I guess I just didn't care. I knew I was doing what I felt best in MY situation for MY baby. That's all you can ever do! I'm impressed that you are really thinking about breastfeeding at this point in the pregnancy, though, since most first time moms I meet seem to focus so much on the birthing part (which is really the shortest part of the entire relationship with your child if you think about it). 

One more thing, most moms who succeed with breastfeeding have a lot of support from their partners. If the partner isn't supportive of breastfeeding and the mom really worries about how her partner feels about breastfeeding, then more failures seem to happen. Give breastfeeding 6-8 weeks. It's way easier after that and it usually takes about that long to figure out your breastfeeding relationship. Good luck ladies!

[NewMumJoy]

Thanks Sallyrae!!

[LilyTiger]

ZOMG.  We just finished unpacking all the stuff we got from my SIL and we are totally swamped with baby stuff.  We now have approximately 1000 onesies, numerous little fleece things that I can't identify, tons of baby socks (good thing I didn't buy more), a swing, a vibrating chair, two playmats, an outdoor screened play thing, a bassinet, two car seat bases and a car seat, a moby and two other slings/carriers, and even more unidentifiable fleecy things.  Also, a tiny pair of fleece lined baby boots.  Normally something I would totally not bother with, but these things are CUTE.  She just sent along the unisex stuff too, so if we have a boy we're in for a serious tsunami of baby clothes.  I'm almost hoping the kid spits up a lot just so we actually get some use out of half of this stuff.

How are the other FTMs doing?  I've narrowed my final shopping list down to just a few things, mostly nursing related.  I need nipple cream now, but I'm going to wait on the pump, milk storage bags, and nursing bras until after birth.  We got some Target gift cards, so I'll probably take an early post-partum jaunt to Target to get nursing bras/tanks in the second week PP.  Until then I have a few loose silk bras and low cut tanks and tops that will be fine for early nursing days.  We also need a backseat mirror for DH's car and I'll probably get some backseat sun shades just because.  But I think that's it.  I'm still wrestling with packing the hospital bag (not sure why this is so difficult) and putting together a labor cheat sheet for DH (relaxation techniques, labor positions, etc.). 

Edited by LilyTiger - 7/12/12 at 3:20pm

[monkeyscience]

LilyTiger - Yeah, we just inventoried all the stuff SIL gave us, too, and we have a ton! Still might need a thing or two here and there, but we're pretty set for clothes.

Hospital/birth center bag... ARRRGHHH... don't even want to think about it! But I did get my abdominal binder in the mail today. At least that's something!

Also, does anyone else feel insane pressure to 'succeed' with natural birth? I mean, I want to succeed for my own sake and for the baby's, but I also feel intense pressure from all the people watching me, waiting to see if I really do it. Not people who are already on board with natural birth - I don't really care whether they think I tried hard enough, or did it 'right' or whatever. I mean all the people looking at me like I'm a nut for not wanting an epidural, or for birthing out of the hospital, or all that jazz. Like I don't want to be their future horror story for themselves or others: "Oh, I had a friend who was going to do it all natural and stuff, and she ended up in the hospital with a c-section/epidural/dead baby/whatever, so don't even bother trying." I know at the end of the day we'll do whatever it takes for me and the baby to be okay, but I feel like so many people are watching. And I'm also so sick of all the people (mostly men) who completely roll their eyes at a drug free birth, and tell dh he's really in for it, and they want to hear an audiotape of how it all plays out, etc. UGH. And because I haven't actually given birth, anything I say about how it's really not so crazy/impossible as they think falls on deaf ears. (I just spent 3 days out of town with dh and a bunch of male coworkers, so this may have something to do with things!)

Annnnyway... on to writing my birthplan. Another UGH. Just because I'm tired and don't want to sort it all out, even though I know most of what I want. But we're having our private lesson time with our Bradley instructor tomorrow, and we're supposed to bring a rough draft. We've only been to one class so far, and it's been decent, but so much of it seems geared towards hospital birth/fighting the system, which is just not that relevant with a birth center. Which is, of course, why I CHOSE the birth center - I didn't want to have to fight the system while in labor, and knew dh would have a very hard time with the task. But now I will quit whining and get to doing!

[eleuthia]

I went on an informal hospital tour yesterday and suddenly everything seems more real. And fast-approaching. I just tallied up what we need to purchase yet (was waiting for completion discounts that just arrived) and I'm feeling a bit of panic over spending a bunch of money right before going out on leave (6 weeks paid, up to 6 weeks unpaid). I don't have nearly as much saved as I'd wanted, though my partner has quite a bit socked away. I'm just worried that all of the little expenses are going to add up once the baby's here and things may be tighter than we expect. 

Plus there is so much to DO! And my sister called today to say she can't be here 2 weeks before my due date as she'd planned (her washing machine broke so a separate trip is no longer in their budget). She'll still be coming with my mom & sister when I go into labor, but I was kind of counting on her motivating me to get everything organized - on my own I get overwhelmed and just don't know what to do with anything. She'll still do a bunch of organizing/cleaning when she gets here, but I need to find some things that are buried in boxes and to at least clear a space for everyone to sleep! I tried to sort through some piles of clothes but it makes me sneeze (dust mites I guess) soooooo I'm watching golf and making lists instead. If I put "give birth to baby" last that means I'll get to everything else first, right? 

[iixivboots]

I so wish I had packed the hospital bag several weeks ago when I had more interest in preparing!  Or at least made a list. I am so not into it. I did get a few toiletries at Target for the bags, but I have no list or whatever.

I also want to make a bare-bones birth plan, just emphasizing things like no circ, breastfeeding, etc, but I have no interest in doing that, either.

I did turn in my maternity leave paperwork today which was a big accomplishment but I still feel like I need to check with HR and make sure it's all in order, so I don't count that done.

Still need to buy those things I listed in my last post. I am just going to freaking stop worrying about money and do it, I will feel better when I have those things, I think, and we are more set up for diapering and breastfeeding.

Emotionally I feel a little withdrawn. People keep asking if I'm excited and that's not my primary emotion at all. Hm... I don't know what is "normal" for FTMs, I guess we probably run the spectrum...

[Veritas Vitae]

If it helps, Boots, I can tell you what is on the "birth center bag" list that was given to me by my midwife (I always like to have a starting point)

For Mom:

-Comfortable clothes or pajamas for labor (including anything you'd want to wear in the birth pool) and socks/slippers

-Clean change of clothes or pajamas to wear home, including full-coverage underpants

-Food: Healthy snacks such as fruit, granola bars, yogurt, nuts, etc.

-Drinks: Water, juice, healthy electrolyte drinks

-Music: iPod, CDs

-Cell phone and charger

-Large maternity pads and/or bladder incontinence pads (Poise)

-Hairbrush and items to pull your hair back

-Toiletries (shampoo, soap, hairdryer, toothbrush/toothpaste, deodorant, lip balm, glasses/contacts/saline)

-Cameras/camcorders

-Extra pillows/Boppy

-Small Cooler for Placenta (optional)

-A good meal for after the birth, hot with protein is best (refrigerator and microwave available)

For Baby:

-Clothes, including onesies, hat, and socks (in newborn and 3-6 month sizes)

-Diapers (including diaper covers if using cloth)

-Receiving blankets

-Car seat

-Any keepsake you would like footprints on

For Dad/Birth Partner

-Change of clothes

-Swim shorts for shower or birth pool

-Toiletries as needed

Hope this helps! I'm feeling very much like I'm not ready to do these things either.  But my sister should be coming up next week, so I feel like I will be more prepared to get into baby prep mode once she is here. 

[Tizzy]

My one piece of advice for FTMs is to have some granny panties on hand for afterwards, especially just in case of a C/S. I usually wear bikini cut, but they sat and rubbed right on my incision. My mom asked if I needed anything at the hospital and I actually had to ask her to buy me a pack of underwear lol!

Monkeyscience - I completely know what you're talking about, and my first, which ended up as a C/S was a big disappointment on so many levels. I was actually looking forward to giving birth which was weird to everyone in the first place. I wish I hadn't put so much pressure on myself, and so much importance on everyone else's opinions. For thr next births, we would just say "we're planning for a home birth again" to include thst flexibility.
Even so, anyone who knew I really wanted a natural birth, still gave me the line of "well at least you have a healthy baby" if I expressed any dissatisfaction or disappointment with how things happened

[ilovetchotchkes]

Originally Posted by Tizzy 

My one piece of advice for FTMs is to have some granny panties on hand for afterwards, especially just in case of a C/S. I usually wear bikini cut, but they sat and rubbed right on my incision. My mom asked if I needed anything at the hospital and I actually had to ask her to buy me a pack of underwear lol!
Monkeyscience - I completely know what you're talking about, and my first, which ended up as a C/S was a big disappointment on so many levels. I was actually looking forward to giving birth which was weird to everyone in the first place. I wish I hadn't put so much pressure on myself, and so much importance on everyone else's opinions. For thr next births, we would just say "we're planning for a home birth again" to include thst flexibility.
Even so, anyone who knew I really wanted a natural birth, still gave me the line of "well at least you have a healthy baby" if I expressed any dissatisfaction or disappointment with how things happened

Nothing drives me to epic RAEG more than the "at least you have a healthy baby". WTF, of COURSE you're happy you have a healthy baby, but its OK to be upset or disappointed that you have to recover from oh I DONT KNOW, MAJOR ABDOMINAL SURGERY in addition to taking care of a brand new baby!!

I'm already getting the "well, dont' be disappointed if you don't get your natural birth, AS LONG AS YOUR BABY IS HEALTHY THATS ALL THAT MATTERS" 

B.S. no. its not. 

[Ninetales]

Luckily I didn't get too much of that afterward.  Most people said stuff like "I'm glad everyone is safe."  Which doesn't bother me as much, because we were.  It's not the same as saying the other thing, which basically sounds like you don't have a right to be sad about losing your birth dream.  I think most people who are close to me knew how much it meant and I feel like they did let me grieve, which helped a lot.

I worry a bit about what will happen if I end up with another section for macro.  I really don't know how I will react.

[iixivboots]

I'm a little confused about the c-section/inductions for macrosomia, because I keep reading that it is no longer recommended, etc but it seems to happen to a lot of people and doctors still seem to be making that call. And how macro is macro? I mean, a 9 lb baby just doesn't seem that huge to me, but my doctor was like, well by mid August he could be 9.5 lbs, I'm sort of like so?

[Tizzy]

I think the comments really bugged me because in no way did I ever feel like we were "in danger". It was the whole cascade of interventions thing going on, maybe I could have processed it better in my mind if I actually saw it as an emergency and "Thank goodness they saved us".

[Ninetales]

Yeah, being told "I'm glad you're all safe" didn't bother me because you can look at it like, surgery is risky and they're glad we came through with no physical complications.

Boots, I don't know if my first was actually for macro.  I believe it was the result of a number of things.  If I had to guess, I would say it's on my medical records as failure to progress, possibly cephalopelvic dysfunction.  Because it wasn't an emergency, the baby just wouldn't come.  But my baby was over 13 lbs, so I know that was a contributing factor too.  They don't expect me to schedule a section for this baby, even if it's likely going to be a similar size, but honestly I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of doctors would push for it regardless of the ACOG recommendations.

[NewMumJoy]

How are you all getting any indication of Baby's size during your MW/OB visits?  Is it via ultrasounds, or is there another measurement (such as the tape measure) from which they can tell you baby's approx. current size/weight?  I always recall other friends reporting an estimated weight when they'd come back from their appointments..... but for me, my doc has never even "guesses" the baby's weight during my checkups, and I ask for this every time.  He only does the tape measure and tells me I'm "on track".  Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out a lot of info in my prenatal care as they are so "hands off" here in Canada.....(although other times, I appreciate that approach....)

[ilovetchotchkes]

Mine kinda... plapatate my belly. 


The "guess" my midwife made with my son was spot freaking on. She said "between 7'9 or 7'11". 2 days later I gave birth, 7'11!!!

[Ninetales]

They've never given me a number.  They just feel around and say that he seems very big, and they are also going by my fundal measurement, which last time was 44 cm.  I have an ultrasound on Tuesday so we'll see what they say.  I won't schedule anything based on it, but it's information that I do want.

[Tizzy]

With my third in particular, there was some concern about fundal height and by feel, they were concerned about IUGR. Oddly enough, she came at term and was my biggest by 8oz. You just never know

[LilyTiger]

NewMumJoy,  mine just tells me how many cm I am.  Those measurements can be off by a LOT though, as I found out this week.  My preggo buddy due the same time as I am was measuring consistently 3 weeks behind, and our doc thought the baby felt small so she sent her in for an u/s and the baby was already measuring over 7 lbs.  So certainly not the little three pounder they were worried about.  I think that's why a lot of doctors don't bother giving any estimates at all, because it doesn't actually mean anything.  My doc also said fundal height depends on your height and how you're carrying too, making it even less desirable to start estimating baby's size off such an unpredictable measure.  Even the u/s estimates can be grossly off, so it's hard to know until the baby is out and actually being weighed. 

[iixivboots]

Cervical check today and I"m a fingertip dilated. Nobody told me how painful these could be. My friend says it might be because I have a tilted uterus like she does...A;so that I am barely if at all effaced. I'm having light brown spotting now, too. Ugh.

[lakeruby]

Originally Posted by bootsvalentine 

Cervical check today and I"m a fingertip dilated. Nobody told me how painful these could be. My friend says it might be because I have a tilted uterus like she does...A;so that I am barely if at all effaced. I'm having light brown spotting now, too. Ugh.

Boots-- Is the spotting normal? I'm not sure what to expect.  When you say these are painful-- are you talking about the cervical checks or the dilation?