First-time mamas! - Page 21 « Back to Group Discussions

[LilyTiger]

Monkey, my husband did the exact same thing.  Didn't read the instructions or manual for either our car or the seat.  So frustrating.  A friend of his who just had a baby corrected the situation, fortunately, though I'm still not sure it's exactly right.  Why are they so stubborn?

Still here and still frustrated.  My preggo buddy just went into labor this morning (I'm pretty sure she's in active labor now because she stopped answering my texts).  I'm super excited for her but it just makes me feel even more like this baby is never coming.  I know, of course, that's not true, but it's really hard not to feel that way.  I'm exhausted and emotionally tired of prelabor and just generally pissed off.  I hope the other mamas who are getting ready are in a somewhat better mood! 

[monkeyscience]

LilyTiger - Sorry you are getting so tired of waiting! If you're having prodromal labor, that's got to suck. :( Just chant to yourself... no baby stays in forever...no baby stays in forever... ;)

I'm actually not at all impatient for this little guy to come, which surprises me a little. I think it's because the idea of a.) going through labor and b.) being a parent continue to seem awfully scary. And some of it is probably just leftover feelings from infertility - like this is all a dream that's not ever going to turn in to anything real! We'll see if I remain patient when my due date comes and goes. I do have to say, I like seeing the look on store clerks' faces when the ask when I'm due, and I say "Next week!" or "Tuesday!"

[iixivboots]

Thinking about if I could do the last week over again (futile, I know) but I thought this could help some of you out:

Crap I wish we'd worried more about:

-talking to my doctor about labor and delivery (like if she would show up )

-finding a LC who I felt confident in going to if needed (had a ton of numbers but no more info)

-Taking my prenatals and iron supplements and getting as much rest as possible before the delivery (maybe not working)

-stocking the house with groceries (not necessarily freezer meals, just being prepared)

-having a breast pump available at home immediately after delivery

-FIBER ;)

-having some newborn diapers and clothes even if everyone said my baby would be big and not fit them

-setting up things like the cosleeper so our cats could get used to it

Crap I wish I'd worried less about:

-the risks of induction or c-sections, which weren't an issue when I went into spontaneous labor

-their stupid "big baby" predictions

-having breastfeeding supplies like pads and nursing tanks/bras

Crap we're glad we worried about:

-having a changing area. Maybe seasoned parents can use the bed and floor effectively but that would have just added a lot more stress

-having some breastfeeding pillow options to keep working on different positions

-having lots of miscellaneous waterproof/absorbant pads.

-the biggest maxi pads money can buy!  (Always overnights in the purple package worked great even when I was bleeding the most, and for my water leak)

I may edit this later as I think of things!

[Thandiwe]

Originally Posted by bootsvalentine 

-the biggest maxi pads money can buy!  (Always overnights in the purple package worked great even when I was bleeding the most, and for my water leak)

So they do work well for after your water breaks?  These are the only pads I use now PP after my last birth.  My midwife told me about them and I agree - they are DIVINE!!  But I was just thinking about it last night and don't really have a good plan for if my water breaks first.  My second child is the only one it broke prior to things ramping up.  #1 was broken while in labor in the hospital by the doc, #2 spontaneous and first and then I climbed into a birth pool so it didn't matter, #3 was while I was pushing and on the toilet.  This one, I don't really want to be a mess all over my house if it happens to break first.  How often did you have to change them with a water leak?  Do you think "Depends" or some urinary incontinence pad would be better?

[1stTimeMama4-4-10]

Originally Posted by bootsvalentine 

Thinking about if I could do the last week over again (futile, I know) but I thought this could help some of you out:

Crap I wish we'd worried more about:

-talking to my doctor about labor and delivery (like if she would show up )

-finding a LC who I felt confident in going to if needed (had a ton of numbers but no more info)

-Taking my prenatals and iron supplements and getting as much rest as possible before the delivery (maybe not working)

-stocking the house with groceries (not necessarily freezer meals, just being prepared)

-having a breast pump available at home immediately after delivery

-FIBER ;)

-having some newborn diapers and clothes even if everyone said my baby would be big and not fit them

-setting up things like the cosleeper so our cats could get used to it

Crap I wish I'd worried less about:

-the risks of induction or c-sections, which weren't an issue when I went into spontaneous labor

-their stupid "big baby" predictions

-having breastfeeding supplies like pads and nursing tanks/bras

Crap we're glad we worried about:

-having a changing area. Maybe seasoned parents can use the bed and floor effectively but that would have just added a lot more stress

-having some breastfeeding pillow options to keep working on different positions

-having lots of miscellaneous waterproof/absorbant pads.

-the biggest maxi pads money can buy!  (Always overnights in the purple package worked great even when I was bleeding the most, and for my water leak)

I may edit this later as I think of things!

Everyone will see things that they could have done differently in retrospect.  I hope you are not beating yourself up over any of this.  You did great, and you are doing great.  Try to be gentle on yourself. 

[NewMumJoy]

I'm stillllll here waiting for baby too!!!  (13 days overdue, and counting.......)

My newest worry is that my labor is going to be more difficult than it could have been - if he had come on time - since  A) baby's now starting to turn in the wrong direction,  B) is growing bigger everyday (I believe he could be close to 9lbs now and I'm a tiny framed person),  C) I'm now facing induction (w/the possible chain of interventions) and thus  D) my entire labor will take place at the hospital (bye-bye comfy atmosphere).  All this extra waiting has also left me tired, frustrated, cranky and anxious - not the ideal frame of mind to embark on the physical/mental challenge that awaits....

Fortunately the weather here has been perfect and mild all week, making most of my physical complaints more bearable (I also have more drive to "push myself" despite the soreness/swelling/etc with the hopes of bringing on labor - which hasn't proved effective yet.....)  Now that I welcome any sort of cramping or tightening, it's my stiff sore fingers and crazy itchy belly that are my biggest complaints...

Boots - thanks for sharing your list, I find this kind of input very helpful in setting my expectations as a first timer...... but as 1stTimeMama says, I hope you're not being too hard on yourself over any of this!

[iixivboots]

Guys, thanks for the concern. I cannot say my mood is always stable and it has been hard, but I was truly hoping this list would help some of you, especially the stuff about self-care before labor. Take your iron if you need it because I was truly not able to care for my child for several days I was so weak!

NewMumJoy, I am sorry you are still waiting around, damn that waiting list. As you may remember there was a lot of talk of big baby and induction with us, too. I really wanted to stay home and labor at home, but we were concerned when my water broke for what seemed like the second time although they told us it wasn't that the first time, so we ended up doing our entire labor in the hospital. Worse things could have happened, for sure. The one thing I would ask yourself is if you want to labor through pitocin contractions without pain meds. Of course, I have nothing to compare it to but they were strong, fast, and brutal. I knew I did not want to do the pit with no pain relief so after a few hours and when I got a decent nurse I was ready for an epidural. I was still able to have a vaginal delivery and push effectively but the downside of course is not being able to get out of bed and having to do continuous monitoring.

Thandiwe,

They told me I had a "gross rupture of the water sac" and I had to change those always pads every half hour or 20 minutes or so, depending, but they worked for containing the leak on the way to the hospital and for most of walking around trying to get contractions started, although I did leave a puddle in the empty l and d waiting room...And of course great for PP bleeding.

[andaluza]

Thanks, Boots, I do think it's really helpful!! 

Newmum, I am sorry for all your worries about having labor start through an induction. Can you discuss your concerns with the dr? I know there are stories of escalating interventions, but there are plenty of women who manage to have a relatively normal birth with things they feel they can control even though some medical intervention may be required to jump start things. 

[mtngirl81]

NewMumJoy - I really hope your induction goes smoothly and without any hitches... I'm in the same boat as you and I am going in tomorrow morning for an induction and quite possibly terrified out of my mind that it's going to be the worst case scenario! I keep telling myself to just trust my body and go with the flow and hope for the best...  

Fingers crossed for you!

[NewMumJoy]

Aww, good luck to you too Mtngirl81 !!!  Hopefully we'll both be reporting our happy healthy baby births very soon!!

I've pretty much accepted that I'll be induced and actually do feel that I need it at this point (approaching 2wks post EDD and still not feeling any signs of labor, I'm still pretty convinced that my body won't start this on its own w/o some help).  The doctors here are also very anti-intervention, so we start with just Cervadil and do everything possible before moving on to Pitocin, and to keep this all as "natural" as possible.  I have confidence in them, but it's super frustrating that the hospital hasn't had the "bandwidth" to take us for the past 4 days now!!

The silver lining of this whole induction thing for me is that my inlaws and 10yr old step-DD are arriving today (for 2wks), ruling out our hopes to be laboring at home alone.  I absolutely don't want a houseful of people here while I'm in labor, so it's actually a better thing (or sucks less) that I'll be at the hospital now from beginning to end (despite the fact the local hospital here has the ambiance of a prison!!)

[CCoello]

We're rooting for you, NewMumJoy & Mtngirl81 and anxiously awaiting good news!

[pennywhistle]

I hope your babies come soon...I can't imagine being 2 weeks past due - it must be so frustrating.  I hope any inductions go as well as possible - I don't know much about the different options, but am glad to hear there are more "natural" ways to go.  Fingers crossed for you!

[monkeyscience]

Exciting to see so many of our babies coming! Sol y Paz, bootsvalentine, CCoello, keuriweo, eleuthia, LilyTiger, sarahdb, and anyone else I missed! Sounds like some of you have had a more wild time than others. Definitely looking forward to hearing more, if you ever get the time! Hoping that NewMumJoy is snuggling in with her baby, too!

boots - I love the picture of Lyle with the book! So cute! I'm sorry things have gotten off to such a rocky start for you. Thanks for the advice about things to worry/not worry about. I have been sucking at taking my prenatals, but doing well with my iron supplements and my pregnancy tea extract. And I'm lucky to have a midwife who is an IBCLC, too. And I feel better with you saying not to worry so much about BFing supplies - I just don't know what I need/want/will fit me, and so I'm choosing to wait until after the baby comes. But I worry I'll end up being too exhausted/busy afterwards. Ah, well. And I also bought the most hugest pads ever... the same ones you talked about. Glad that was a good thing for you - I was wondering if it was overkill!

AFM - this is copied from another thread, I am lazy!

Yeah, so I've started enjoying telling people I was due yesterday (or whenever) just to see the panicked looks on their faces, like I might explode into labor at any time. Still lots of nothing going on here (though I woke up with the stiffest joints I've had in awhile!). MIL also predicts Saturday for the baby, because both she and my mom (who are our contact people/PR managers for during/after labor) have things to do that night.

Is it sad that the biggest reason I want the baby to come is so I don't have to make a grocery list and think of dinner ideas any more?? If that is sad, is it sadder that dh wants the baby to come so he can take time off of work and fix his car??

Anyway, I did prep and wash most of my cloth diapers yesterday, and the rest are in the washer now. We aren't planning to use them right at first, and I just got them a few days ago, so I promise I wasn't totally procrastinating. Oh, and if anyone is doing prefold cloth diapers and hasn't heard of it - boiling them for 10-15 minutes with a drop or two of Dawn is waaaaay easier/cheaper than washing them 3-5 times in hot water! So glad someone in my local mom group told me about that.

[mtngirl81]

Just a quick note to say that our baby girl, Kenzie Ella at 8lbs 10oz arrived on Aug 13th after having my water broken by the OB the same day. Finally got home and trying to recover from a vacuum delivery and post partum hemorrhaging...

I hope NewMumJoy has had some luck this week! Can't wait to hear the news...

[CCoello]

Oh, mtngirl81, congrats on your daughter!

I had a vacuum delivery too, and while it was a bit scary I think it was the right thing to do and saved us from a section.

Good luck with your recovery, mama!

[Veritas Vitae]

Congrats, Mtngirl!

Also, I saw on FB that Joy had her little boy!

[iixivboots]

I have been googling and reading articles about it, and I know it's a smaller group of us left, so please don't feel like I'm just wanting to talk to the first time moms. I'm just interested in a discussion about how the early months of motherhood change us as people. Everything I've read online is pretty stupid and cliche like "I miss doing my hair and wearing stylish clothes" (I don't mean to insult anyone if they actually feel that way, it's just from where I'm sitting that does NOTHING to describe the change that has just happened)

For me, as some of you know, I have had a major career reevaluation. I think my career teaching has been great but it's also been immensely draining. Now that I have a child I want to spend time with, I am questioning seriously the impact it has had on my health and happiness. I may go back to it (at least for the rest of the year if my job is available in January) but I don't know if I will continue and if I do there have to be MAJOR changes about HOW I am doing my job.

I don't know, I think I am going to sound corny as hell but after the huge trauma of the first few weeks being a mother has been SO good for me, put my life in perspective, and just increased my feelings of well being. I am not on antidepressants for the first time in ages and I still feel good about myself and my life right now.

I don't feel any huge loss of identity or our free time or whatever. I don't know. Maybe it's because I do have some free time left (I know those of you taking care of baby by yourself while your partners are away have a huge amount of work to do)....Just musing.

I really want to know what everyone else thinks and feels--the good and the bad-- about having your first child.

[Sol_y_Paz]

That was nice to read, I am glad you are doing so well.  I don't think you sound corny since I kind get what you are saying I think - I also feel very different, my perspective is very different.  Life seems so much more complete now.  It has a different meaning.   I no longer get to just pick up and go places without it being a major ordeal, I am a neat freak and my house is a mess, I am a foodie and many nights I only get to eat a larabar and some dry oat cereal for dinner, sometimes I don't get a shower for several days at a time, sometimes my words don't make sense as I am just so exhausted, my back hurts like hell, breast feeding is often painful, and my hair is shedding all over the place but I have never been happier.   There is nothing else I would rather do right now than enjoy time with my baby.  My perspective is that all of this is a blessing and only for a short time, it will fly by, it already has been. 

[andaluza]

Wow, Boots, I am so happy to read how well you are doing! That is wonderful about being off meds!

I've reflected on this a little bit because now is the time I need to start working at home on some work-related things, although I don't have to be at work until January. I'm inching forward with the work, very slowly. Motherhood has given me a general feeling of well being and happiness that isn't comparable to what I get at work. I really like my job and worked hard to get where I am, but I also let it consume a lot of my life in the past and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to let that happen any more. One thing that has really surprised me is how fascinating I find baby M and how I don't tire of watching his little body as he nurses or learning about how to stimulate him and care for him. 

I'm actually at a really important point in my career and need to complete a huge project as soon as humanly possible, but I feel detached from it. I keep trying to remind myself that if I can get through the next few years at work and do well, I'll have a lot more job security and give M more security than my husband and I felt growing up. But I also fantasize about staying home for a few years.

[iixivboots]

Originally Posted by Sol_y_Paz 

That was nice to read, I am glad you are doing so well.  I don't think you sound corny since I kind get what you are saying I think - I also feel very different, my perspective is very different.  Life seems so much more complete now.  It has a different meaning.   I no longer get to just pick up and go places without it being a major ordeal, I am a neat freak and my house is a mess, I am a foodie and many nights I only get to eat a larabar and some dry oat cereal for dinner, sometimes I don't get a shower for several days at a time, sometimes my words don't make sense as I am just so exhausted, my back hurts like hell, breast feeding is often painful, and my hair is shedding all over the place but I have never been happier.   There is nothing else I would rather do right now than enjoy time with my baby.  My perspective is that all of this is a blessing and only for a short time, it will fly by, it already has been. 

Sol, this brought tears to my eyes! :) I am so glad that I am not the only one that feels this way. I really believe it was time for me to be less self-indulgent about a lot of things, but somehow this has also lead me to take better care of myself, too. I am forced to be really physically present in my life every day and it's been good for me.

Andaluza, I am so glad you feel similarly about changing your job priorities. Mine might be more extreme as I am considering leaving the branch of my profession that I am at, regardless of when I go back, but things are so different. Plus, we are all so young and will be working until we are in our 60s or 70s(!) so taking some time now to rearrange work priorities to give us time for our little ones makes sense. I hope we are able to strike that balance!