Anyone else hsing an only?

[mjdmom]

My son is 5.  We just started hsing this year.  Academics part is going great but we are struggling to connect with other children his age that hs. 

Most hs families we have met have more than one child and are very busy.  I am an introvert so I find it difficult to set up playdates, etc.  My ds is also very slow to warm up with new people and/or new classes;groups.

Any ideas?

[laohaire]

We are homeschooling a 6 year old only child. I am an introvert as well - though DD is not.

While there are obviously advantages to socializing with other homeschooling families, we do not limit ourselves to those. As it turns out, the connections that have worked so far have all been public- and private-schooled kids. We've met with other homeschooled kids but nothing has clicked yet.

I see that your son takes time to warm up to new classes and such. That's fine. Keep taking him to the ones that work for you both, and let him warm up in his own time. Some of our friends have been made from YMCA classes, but none of them were made in the first few sessions. DD has been going for a couple of years and eventually scored two solid, long-term friends. It takes time.

Other friends DD has came from the library, the park, the playground, and a local family resource center. Also the neighborhood. I think she has a good circle of friends, but none were instant (just mentioning that to keep your expectations level).

I try not to come across as desperate for friends. As an introvert myself, I've found that saying to the other parent "our kids seem to play well together" is a solid, home-run opening. Not all resulted in "best friends" but it that statement has always been received well by the other parent, and more often than not leads naturally to an invitation from one of us to do a playdate. But then I let it unfold and see how it goes. Some playdates were fine but didn't really lead anywhere. But others grew naturally into good friendships.

Another thought - friends come in all ages, plus sexes. DD is 6, but her friends range in age from 3 to 10. I would not have thought before that a 10 or 9 year old would want to play with a 6 year old (and DD is a small 6, not precocious). But they do! Not all of them of course, but it's not unusual at all. And DD is fine playing with a 3 year old. I like it a lot because it means she is able to relate to all kinds of people, and exposed to different levels. She also is friends with boys as well as girls. She expresses a marked preference for all things girls, but her closest friend is a boy (as well as a few other friends).

We have a local website that has a calendar of events in the area, and when things are not as busy I scour it for interesting events. I don't know if it's just that we live in a great area or if most places have a lot going on (and we're in the middle of nowhere, so it's not that we're in a huge metro area) but I am constantly amazed at all the cool stuff we can do for free or very low cost. And we do meet people there! Museums, live performances, children's stuff sponsored by the library, events at local farms, all kinds of stuff!

So I think getting out there just increases your chances of finding people who click with your family. Not all of DD's friends are superclose but we've built a network of sorts over time. I think bottom line is that it just takes time and patience and effort. And even if your son is slow to warm up to people, the more you meet, the more likely you'll find someone who he feels comfortable with. As an introverted child myself, my own mom made an effort to identify good friends (sometimes a kid doesn't realize until you point it out how well they get along with another) and make it happen, drive me to their house, have them over, etc.

[KimPM]

I found another mom of an only by posting on my local area forum here on mothering. Also, I sign DS up for activities through our county recreation center and local nature centers. It's a great way to meet other HSers. Maybe you will click with one of them. There is also a yahoo HS group for our local area, is there one for yours?