As I type this Rhyko is just screaming his head off in his bouncy chair. I'm done... I can't do this! I have never been very in love or felt motherly toward him, but the last two weeks of near constant screaming has thrown me over the edge. I'm ready to either toss him out a window or jump off a bridge myself.
The last two weeks he's been fussy, but not so fussy that we can't console him - except from 9pm-midnight. EVERY NIGHT. He just WAILS, and nothing helps. Not diaper changes, EC, nursing, rocking, holding him, tummy time, bouncy chair, toys, nothing... Nothing soothes him. He just wails and tears roll down his cheeks until he's so tired that he just falls asleep. He rubs his eyes this whole time, so I know he wants to be asleep. But, even though I've been doing his nursing that happens sometimes around 7-8 in the bedroom with the lights off and he'll fall asleep after, he still wakes up just in time to start screaming at 9pm. Once he's asleep he sleeps fairly well overnight (with feeds every 2-3 hours) until 10am or so. And we are co-sleeping, so he sleeps in my arms at night.
A new development in the last three days has been... screaming all day - the same night time type screaming where we are unable to console him. The only time during the day he's not screaming is while I nurse him. And the same thing - bouncing, walking with him, singing, playing... nothing.
I have a ring sling, a moby, an Ergo and a cheapy front carrier and he absolutely hates every single one. He can handle being forward facing, but he's so freakin' vommy that the pressure on his stomach like that just makes him puke everywhere when he's in the forward facing carriers. He hates being in the carriers where he's facing me. He beats me with his fists and kicks his legs, as he does when I'm holding him trying to soothe him.
He isn't hardly napping at all - he's awake pretty much all day except when nursing, he tends to sleep 10 minutes or so after nursing every other feed or so. He's feeding every hour almost on the hour, so there's just about 40 minutes or so between feeds. I think he's probably napping a total of about three hours every day, but it's all broken into 10 minute intervals. And he wakes up from these naps screaming.
He is calm and quiet or asleep in the call and we all took a shower together last night and he was very calm and quiet there. But I can't shower or drive him around all day... But those are the only two places he's been calm in the last three days.
Yesterday I'd just had enough. I've had a migraine for the last three days, too, and his screaming just had gotten to me. I put him in his swing in his room and shut the door. My DH was so angry at me, and for good reason. Poor Rhyko was just screaming his head off!
I just get SO ENRAGED! I'm seriously afraid I'm going to do something I regret. The screaming and beating me just really is getting to me. I feel like he honestly hates me! I'm just milk to him!
I don't love him, and this constant screaming is making me dislike him even more.
He's 13 weeks old, now... I feel like the screamy screamy should be over by now! I just read so so so so much while I was pregnant about how calm and happy breastfed babies are and how bonded they are with their mothers and how close they are and how much they love their mothers and that just isn't there with us. I thought that my perservering with the 10 weeks of pumping and working with him on breastfeeding was going to be so good and we would have that... but he's been fussier than ever since we started breastfeeding and I'm feeling like I'd rather feed him freakin' walmart brand formula and give him to a day care during the day and fill his stomach at night so he sleeps 12 hours like formula fed babies do. God, at least I'd get some sleep!
I'm at my wits end. This was just the worst mistake I've ever made in my life. I'm not sure what came over me to make me think I wanted a baby.
I did the unthinkable and let him CIO in his bouncy chair just now and in the time it took me to cry this post into existence, he's fallen asleep. I am so tempted to start sleep training. I can't stand the screaming anymore.