Originally Posted by LunaLady
I'm ready to either toss him out a window or jump off a bridge myself.
I don't love him, and this constant screaming is making me dislike him even more.
Oh Christina... I have felt this way with ALL three of my children. I almost got on here the other day and typed the exact same phrase "toss him out a window." That's exactly how I feel when the crying, grunting, squirming, etc. has gone on for hours and hours with no end in sight and I've slept exactly zero minutes for the umpteenth night in a row. The crazy slips in and you really do wonder why in the world you decided to have kids and if you could just return this one to the store. I'm also a slow to bond mother and do not fall in love with my kids until later. It seems all my kids ask a lot out of me during this time when I feel the least love toward them. It's really difficult. But I now have the advantage of knowing what that love feels like when they get older and develop personalities. When Avery is driving me batty, I look over at ds1, gaze into his large chocolate brown eyes and see that oh-so-endearing smile spread across his little face as he runs over to give me hugs and kisses, and I realize that one day Avery will be a little person, too. He'll smile and laugh and do silly and loving things. It's hard for me to remember this when I haven't really slept in days and as a FTM you've not yet experienced the love of an older child, so it's even harder for you. Top it all off with how you and Rhyko got started, well, it's not surprising that you're having these feelings. These feelings are normal. These feelings are valid. As others have said, it's okay to have these feelings, it's just a matter of what you do and don't do because of them. Taking a break is absolutely the right thing to do when you need it. Screw anyone who cannot understand- lucky them that they never had a challenging child. Rest assured, you know what is best for you and your baby.
Originally Posted by meesh933
What's important is a happy, healthy baby and mommy. If something's not working for you, that's ok, even if it means you're not following AP philosophy or whatever perfectly.
Like everything with pregnancy, birth, and parenting, flexibility is key. Easier said than done, of course, but doing what meets the needs of your baby and your family IS following the AP philosophy. It's not necessary to co-sleep, babywear, cloth diaper/EC, etc. to consider yourself AP. AP is about building an attachment foundation, not about following an exact parenting formula. Now, I personally do not believe in CIO, but what you did- taking a break- is not the same as full on CIO with the explicit intent to let baby cry himself to exhaustion, alone, every time you are putting him to sleep. A baby that is crying himself to exhaustion in your arms or daddy's arms is not being left to CIO. A baby that is put down briefly so mom can get a sanity break is not CIO. You are not a bad mother. No, quite the opposite. You have sacrificed a staggering amount for this baby already and he is very lucky to have you.
Things will change. He will not be a crying baby forever. Please continue to seek help IRL and from us. We are here for you!