At my wits end with the crying!!!!!!!!!!!!! - Page 2 « Back to Group Discussions

[seraf]

I didn't notice if he is on meds for reflux. Perhaps he needs a different one? Some work better for different people.  

Its hard when you don't feel attached but it takes time sometimes. 

I can see worrying about nipple confusion but if you're really worried you might hurt him it is the lesser evil. 

You mentioned baby wearing. Have you tried putting him on your back?  Don't try it I'd you're feeling frustrated but that was the only carry I could put my screamer in sometimes. Even Shay, when he is tired and pukey, I can put him on my front. I think they smell the milk and want to nurs but the back lets the feel secure and nod off. I used to wear DD up there for hours ( with nursing breaks) every evening. Shay will take nice long naps back there too. 

Finally if he is crying to signal potty need, you might feel more same not doing EC. 

[LunaLady]

Thank you all for the advice! I am taking it all to heart - I am desperate to find something to help us!

He's not on medication for reflux, I am trying to manage it with diet. We tried Zantac and it did absolutely nothing, and we're not going to go to the PPIs.

Today has been GREAT, though! Hardly a cry has the baby emitted.... BLISS!

He was crying as normal last night from 9-midnight and DH kept him in the living room while I went to bed about 11pm (after trying to nurse, soothe, comfort, rock, bounce, sing to, etc). DH said he fell asleep after about a half hour of rocking in his rock n' play thing, with a pacifier in his mouth. They came back and woke me up at 4:30am for a nursing - it was SO nice to get that long chunk of sleep!!! Rhyko slept with me after he nursed and was quite squirmy and didn't sleep really well. He kept moving and grunting like every minute or two. 

We nursed again at 7:30am and then again at 9:30am and got up. He was awake and happily played with the dangly toys in his bouncy chair while I worked on a crafty project and then he nursed again at 11am and fell asleep when I was burping him. I put him in his swing at 11:30am and he slept until 2:30pm and I nursed him and again he fell asleep at the breast, so i put him back into his swing and now, at 4:20pm he's still sleeping! 

I think he's tired... I think the reflux is pretty well under control, but I think he's having a hard time with the sleeping!!

So, how much should he be sleeping during the day?

[LunaLady]

And yes - thankfully DH is working from home this week and next, so he's been able to help. And i had my mom come over last night so she could hold Rhyko.

DH just thinks I'm impatient and stubborn and crazy for being to enraged by the screaming crying. He doesn't understand. He's got so much more patience than I do (except with me on this issue!!), so the crying doesn't really bother him. He feels bad for the poor baby (and I do, too - but not in the moment), where I feel angry at him when he's screaming.

[CDsMom1031]

We had the same issue for a few days.

I got Gripe Water for Colic, 'twas wonderful. I mix it with the probiotics.

Also, when he's screaming, my DH puts him stomach down on his legs and bounces him. He puts his head in-between his legs and just BOUNCES. I mean, like, hard. Like, I thought he was going to give him shakin' baby syndrome the first time I saw him do it. But kiddo loves it... And he passes out and/or shuts up almost instantly. It helps him pass the gas...

I can't tell you how many times I cried with him because I was so frustrated and didn't know what else to do.

Now... He'll sleep from midnight-9a with one feeding in there somewhere... Then he's awake for 1-2 hours before sleeping for 1-2 hours.

Before... He was sleeping like crap. Same issue as you. To get him to sleep more, I'd literally move my rocking chair into my bedroom closet where it was cold, quiet, and dark, swaddle him as TIGHT as I could, and rock him until he passed out... It would take upwards of an hour sometimes, but it got easier.

It was also around the 5-6wk age he started and it magically got better around 7wks.

Good luck.

Edited by CDsMom1031 - 12/21/11 at 6:05pm

[meesh933]

Originally Posted by LunaLady 

So, how much should he be sleeping during the day?

At 6 weeks or so (his adjusted age, right?), I still try to get mine to go back to sleep within an hour or two of waking up. So the day is basically a chunk of an hour or so of awake time, followed by about the same amount of sleeping time. So really, roughly half of MY waking hours, the baby is sleeping. My DD needed (or at least wanted) less, this baby seems to need more. It does sound like Rhyko needs more sleep than he was getting, and that getting it helped his attitude a lot - YAY! I hope he keeps it up for you.

Also, RE: the co-sleeping, babywearing, ECing, etc: like seraf said, if the EC seems to be causing problems, there's nothing wrong with dropping it. Same with the co-sleeping, or any of it, really. If he squirms and doesn't sleep well with you, it's ok to change things if it helps, even if it's not the "ideal" parenting you imagined. What's important is a happy, healthy baby and mommy. If something's not working for you, that's ok, even if it means you're not following AP philosophy or whatever perfectly.

[seraf]

I'm glad you had a better day. I don't know what's truly normal. I think Shay sleeps almost 20 out of 24. I'll count tomorrow. 

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by LunaLady 

I'm ready to either toss him out a window or jump off a bridge myself.

I don't love him, and this constant screaming is making me dislike him even more. 

Oh Christina... I have felt this way with ALL three of my children.  I almost got on here the other day and typed the exact same phrase "toss him out a window."  That's exactly how I feel when the crying, grunting, squirming, etc. has gone on for hours and hours with no end in sight and I've slept exactly zero minutes for the umpteenth night in a row.  The crazy slips in and you really do wonder why in the world you decided to have kids and if you could just return this one to the store.  I'm also a slow to bond mother and do not fall in love with my kids until later.  It seems all my kids ask a lot out of me during this time when I feel the least love toward them.  It's really difficult.  But I now have the advantage of knowing what that love feels like when they get older and develop personalities.  When Avery is driving me batty, I look over at ds1, gaze into his large chocolate brown eyes and see that oh-so-endearing smile spread across his little face as he runs over to give me hugs and kisses, and I realize that one day Avery will be a little person, too.  He'll smile and laugh and do silly and loving things.  It's hard for me to remember this when I haven't really slept in days and as a FTM you've not yet experienced the love of an older child, so it's even harder for you.  Top it all off with how you and Rhyko got started, well, it's not surprising that you're having these feelings.  These feelings are normal.  These feelings are valid.  As others have said, it's okay to have these feelings, it's just a matter of what you do and don't do because of them.  Taking a break is absolutely the right thing to do when you need it.  Screw anyone who cannot understand- lucky them that they never had a challenging child.  Rest assured, you know what is best for you and your baby.

Originally Posted by meesh933 

What's important is a happy, healthy baby and mommy. If something's not working for you, that's ok, even if it means you're not following AP philosophy or whatever perfectly.

Like everything with pregnancy, birth, and parenting, flexibility is key.  Easier said than done, of course, but doing what meets the needs of your baby and your family IS following the AP philosophy.  It's not necessary to co-sleep, babywear, cloth diaper/EC, etc. to consider yourself AP.  AP is about building an attachment foundation, not about following an exact parenting formula.  Now, I personally do not believe in CIO, but what you did- taking a break- is not the same as full on CIO with the explicit intent to let baby cry himself to exhaustion, alone, every time you are putting him to sleep.  A baby that is crying himself to exhaustion in your arms or daddy's arms is not being left to CIO.  A baby that is put down briefly so mom can get a sanity break is not CIO.  You are not a bad mother.  No, quite the opposite.  You have sacrificed a staggering amount for this baby already and he is very lucky to have you. 

Things will change.  He will not be a crying baby forever.  Please continue to seek help IRL and from us.  We are here for you! 
 

[KaliShanti]

Originally Posted by Jaimee 

Like everything with pregnancy, birth, and parenting, flexibility is key.  Easier said than done, of course, but doing what meets the needs of your baby and your family IS following the AP philosophy.  It's not necessary to co-sleep, babywear, cloth diaper/EC, etc. to consider yourself AP.  AP is about building an attachment foundation, not about following an exact parenting formula. 

I totally agree with this.

For me, co-sleeping = me losing it. I cannot sleep with my babies in my room let alone in my bed. I wake up ALL night to grunts and squirms... and baby wakes up 1-3 times. He's rested, I'm not. So within the first week, baby goes to his own room. I don't let him cio at night- he wakes up to eat and I hear him and go get him to feed then put him back to bed. And I get uninterupted sleep in between nursings. But that is MY family's way of doing it and that's ok.

If your parenting isn't allowing you to BE attached, change it.

But anyway, *hugs*

[augustmom]

Hugs mama. Everyone is giving you great advice. 

[Abraisme]

Yes, Coralie sleeps about 20 hours a day at 3 weeks old.
 

Originally Posted by seraf 

I'm glad you had a better day. I don't know what's truly normal. I think Shay sleeps almost 20 out of 24. I'll count tomorrow. 

[LunaLady]

Thank you all so much for the support and advice. 

Yesterday was just sooo much better. He took like four 1.5-2 hour naps and we didn't have a screamy screamy session from 9-midnight! I was so worried that because he'd slept so much during the day that he wasn't going to sleep all night (I had a feeling of dread like all evening in anticipation) but he nursed at 8pm and fell asleep at the breast and I put him in his swing after that and he slept until 10:30pm and woke for a feed, so I went to bed at that time with him and we nursed in bed and I think I fell asleep before he did, but I woke at 2am to him squirming and ready for another feed. He ate again at 4:30am and 7:30am, then a snack at 8:30am and he fell asleep and I put him in his swing... he's there asleep now and it's 9:10am.

Before I wasn't making sure he had so many naps, but he wasn't displaying interest in them much anymore - but I think all this putting him in his swing when he gets drowsy has really helped him to nap better.

Kali, how do you do the sleeping in different rooms? I don't really think Rhyko likes co-sleeping to be honest, he's pretty fussy at night, but sleeps amazing in his swing. But, I don't feel like he should be sleeping in his swing during his daytime naps AND all night... but he's got the reflux going on, he can't be flat. I can't even sideline nurse because he can't be flat, all the milk just comes pouring out. He's like a tea kettle. LOL.

Yesterday was just such the break I needed and I feel so refreshed and I even told Rhyko how much I love him this morning during a nursing session. And I felt like I meant it. I know the next time he screams at me for hours on end I'll rethink that, but I guess it's better than nothing? ;)

Thank you all again for the help... gosh, I needed it so bad. I feel much better, now. And thanks for the reassurance that I'm not crazy or mean or a bad parent. 

[jill the pill]

I have an easy baby and I still am slow to really bond with her.  She cluster feeds until 3am almost every night and I feel terrible because I hate feeding her. My nipples are still so sore at 6 weeks and I've wanted to throw her out the window quite a few times.  Something that has helped us with the crying is gripe water called http://www.colicease.com/  It works great and we used it on our older daughter as well.  Hang in there!

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by LunaLady 
I was so worried that because he'd slept so much during the day that he wasn't going to sleep all night (I had a feeling of dread like all evening in anticipation)

But, I don't feel like he should be sleeping in his swing during his daytime naps AND all night... but he's got the reflux going on, he can't be flat. I can't even sideline nurse because he can't be flat, all the milk just comes pouring out. He's like a tea kettle. LOL.

That's a common misconception about infant sleep.  Many parents figure more naps=less nighttime sleep, but it's quite the opposite.  If the naps are the proper length/frequency during the day, nighttime sleep will be better.  It's all about properly organizing their sleep.

As for the swing, I know many a parent that has had their baby sleep in the swing at night as well.  It's okay and it won't last forever.  One day you'll see that he's doing better and you'll try  putting him in your bed again, his crib, or his own bed and it will work just fine.  If you do end up using the swing all day and night, though, I suggest getting rechargeable batteries and a charger so that you don't go broke buying D batteries! 
 

[CDsMom1031]

Originally Posted by Jaimee 

That's a common misconception about infant sleep.  Many parents figure more naps=less nighttime sleep, but it's quite the opposite.  If the naps are the proper length/frequency during the day, nighttime sleep will be better.  It's all about properly organizing their sleep

My LO slept from 830-9 last night! He woke up at 2 and 5 for feedings. I was freaking out come 11p. I was so sure he was going to wake up at anytime and be up all night. So I learned there's no such thing as too many naps!

[LunaLady]

Okay, I may just try the swing tonight and see how he does. I am also afraid us not sleeping together will impact my milk supply... Is that silly?

Our swing plugs into the wall

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by LunaLady 

Okay, I may just try the swing tonight and see how he does. I am also afraid us not sleeping together will impact my milk supply... Is that silly?
 

It's not silly if he does end up sleeping really long blocks at night and if you're still establishing your milk supply.  Prolactin receptors are mainly formed at night during the first 6 weeks of breastfeeding.  Are you past that at this point?  If these receptors are still being formed then it is important to nurse frequently at night.  But if your milk supply is well established then it should be fine.  The reason co-sleeping supports breastfeeding is b/c you can easily feed baby in the bed as often as he needs and he will be encouraged to nurse b/c he can smell it.  But that doesn't mean that he won't wake at appropriate times to nurse if he's in another room.  It will just be more work for you to get out of bed and nurse him.  It's a trade off between that increased effort on your part and the deeper sleep you may get by having him in the other room.  Experiment and find out what works best for all!
 

[Autumnshades]

Out of sheer desperation my little one slept in the swing a few nights ago!  I tried to get him settled and happy for 5 hours, and he would have nothing of it, just screamed and screamed and screamed.  Eventually I moved the swing next to our bed, put him in it, and eventually he fell asleep.  He slept for 4 hours.  He must have been tired.  He is a little better the last few days, less crying thankfully.  Had my last midwife visit yesterday and I asked her how possible it is that his teeth are a source of pain for him, and I was right ... he has two big ol' bumps on his lower gum - She said some babies start teething way early.   Been giving him Camilia for that and it is helping.  He seems happier.  We actually managed to leave the house today ... I was desperate for fresh air! :D  Besides the sun is shining, that in itself is a mood enhancer and little Eli had a nice snooze while we were walking.

I am glad your little one is doing somewhat better Lunalady!  Sending you a hug!

[Krystal323]

big huge hugs.  i also used to get really irrationally angry at my babies when they were tiny and i had no idea why they were *still* crying after i'd tried every good-mama thing i knew how to do to soothe them.  the anger-reaction is a strange feeling because logically, you know that the baby can't help it, and is probably crying cause she's uncomfortable and needs your help.  Yet when you've tried everything several times...it's just frustrating.  I'm sorry that your DH gets mad at you--while i can understand his perspective, it's also really not helpful to you...

i remember one night when my 2nd babe was about 2 months old, just laying in bed holding her on my chest, screaming and crying right along with her cause i didn't know what else to do. my 3rd had silent reflux, and i remember putting her in her swing and stepping out onto my porch to smoke because i was so completely insane from the crying.  It really does get better--and if you can do something proactive to deal with your negative feelings in the moment, that's a good thing, even if it entails baby crying for a little while.  

please don't underestimate your own needs and feelings, and please make sure you get help and keep communicating your needs to those that can support you.  Glad to hear you had a decent night the other night!  baby steps, right?? :)

[seraf]

I'm glad things are getting better. 

Out of curiosity I recorded every awake time for my 7 week old during the day. He woke 16 times today, 2 of which were my fault. 5 of his wake ups were 30 minutes or longer. The longest was 45 minutes. The shortest were long enough to find the boob and crash again. He was awake a total of 5 hours and most of his wake ups were relate to either nursing or peeing. Only once did he wake, look around for 10 minutes and drift back off all on his own. Longest interval of sleep was 55 minutes with a total of 5 sleeps 30 minutes or longer. 

It sounds like very short wake and sleep cycles. Amusingly I consider him to be a good sleeper. 

[CDsMom1031]

Seraf- What does your siggy mean? Just curious.