How often does your 4 year old cry?

[gigima]

I really hates it when my 4 year old cry it makes me stressed out and upset. I feel that she cries a lot for a 4 year old although many of my friends think she is perfectly normal and doing well. On an average day she cries 1-2 times (loud but short usually less than 1 minute). The triggers are mostly similar, she wants something that we won't let her have or we make her do things she doesn't want to. Her daddy has short temper and always shout or hit her if she does not listen to him. That sometimes makes her cry too. I always encourage her to talk and tell us how she feels instead of crying. But so far she's not able to do that. She likes to whine too (a few times a day) usually when she really wants to have things that we already said no. She keeps repeating i want i want in a whining voice. That's really annoying for us! But I'm happy that she hardly has meltdowns/tantrums now (except when she's tired or sick). Anyway to help her to become more mature emotionally so that she won't cry so much?

[pianojazzgirl]

I think only time is the answer.  My ds is 4 and cries at least that often, as did my dd at that age.  It's completely normal.

[meemee]

oye vey!! she is only 4. she cries maybe once or twice a day?!!!

sheesh mama give her a break.

why is her crying getting to you? maybe something to explore. 

whining? isnt that a normal reaction?

i mean dont you whine?

she will soon be out of this phase and soon will be so much different. at least when she whines you KNOW what she wants. that wont be the case always. 

emotionally mature at FOUR? 

she will get there just you wait. you just have to have a little more patience. 

what is a 4 year old without whining and tears. 

to me that is a lawyer in making. the only difference is the lawyer finally figures out what is the most effective language instead of whining. 

[gigima]

Thanks Meemee for your reply That's a good question my husband asked me that b4 he seems not to be affected by her crying at all. I guess maybe her crying makes me feel like a bad mum? And I'm also dealing with her other problems. She's a stubborn/strong-will gal and she can be very defiant. She's also very mean to her little sister sometimes so i hv to watch her all the time. It's so frustrating to me that i spent so much time with her that i neglect my dd2

[mtiger]

I'd be more concerned with Daddy hitting the 4yo for normal behavior.

[missnoodlesmom]

I have a 3.5 year old and a 5 year old.  Some days no crying...other days it feels like constant crying for one reason or another.  They are figuring out how their emotions affect them and how they manifest it (and affect others).  It's a totally normal part of growing up IMO.

[LynnS6]

Sorry, but your friends are right. Not only is she perfectly normal, I think you've got it easy.

My dd is highly emotional and wears her heart on her sleeve. She's 7. She still cries like you described at least once a day. And she's SEVEN. At 4, it was more than that some days. She whined a heck of a lot more than that. The whining we did work on, and it took us a couple of years to get it under control. She's better now, but not perfect. She's just an emotional kid.

Short crying bursts and occasional whining are very typical for 4. They have pretty big emotions and relatively few coping skills. The other thing is that when they're in the middle of a fit, they're not going be able to use their words right then. The time to work on these skills is when she's calm.

Two suggestions:

1. She's at a good age to use the ideas in "How to Talk So Your Children Will Listen" by Faber and Mazlish.

2. As a previous poster said, I think you need to look at why this behavior bothers you so much. Is it because you can't fix it? It might help to think of your job as not fixing it, but as helping her deal with her powerful emotions. Or is it because your parents didn't "tolerate" crying and so you're uncomfortable with the emotion? Or is it any of about 10,000 other possibilities that I couldn't begin to fathom. Whatever it is, it's a good time for you to reflect on your reaction. The books "Becoming the Parent you Want to be" or "Parenting from the Inside Out" might help.