How to handle not TTC when all you can think about is TTC

[dakotablue]

A little tiny bit of background. It took us two years to conceive DS1. DS2 was a total surprise I hadn't even had a PP period. AND was still bf. I have not yet gotten a PP from DS2. and am tandem bf

Dh and I have, well Dh has and I logically agree we should wait to TTC again for a while. Like maybe space 2 2 1/2 years. This makes sense. I should get into better shape, older children are nice to have and weaning at least one would be good, along with potty learning.

I know all this. I am trying so hard to get on board. I even bought condoms (offline for good sale on durex to last like a year or two) I get this is what we discussed and decided.

BUT I can't get my head around not TTC. I am partially disappointed when Dh uses a condom or doesn't...um deposit. Ever since DS2 was born, like within a day I have been wanting another baby. So So often I get this feeling like someone is missing.

The thing of it is, Dh and I plan on 4-6 kids, so its not like we're not having more. Dh doesn't much see the point of talking about it since...well its decided and I haven't even ovulated yet.

Arg anyone else go through this? advice? I just have baby on the brain, this feels like when we were trying and failing with DS1....

[JenRN]

I feel the exact same way (except I only have one child, and we're only planning to have 1 more at most).

It took us over a year to conceive DD, with a devastating miscarriage in there. I know that doesn't seem like a long time, but most of that time I didn't have cycles and had a GP that didn't seem to think it was a problem. I demanded testing, and I'm pretty sure the only reason he gave in is because I work with him sometimes. I spontaneously ovulated around the 6 month mark, and caught the egg. I switched to a midwife group with my first pregnancy, and after I lost it at roughly 9 weeks (sac measured 5.5 weeks), kept seeing them. While more caring, I was told that no "interventions" (i.e. Clomid) would be given until it had been 1 year TTC FROM THE MISCARRIAGE. This wasn't acceptable to me, so it was an incredibly stressful year of trying to diagnose myself. I ended up on Metformin and used soy isoflavones to mimick Clomid the cycle I finally conceived. I was diagnosed with low progesterone and got on progesterone supplements. I was so worried about miscarrying again, but I didn't. DD is almost 19 months old, and weaned herself a little over a month ago.

DH and I agreed that we wouldn't even discuss TTC another child until DD is 2. (The one and only fight we've ever had was when I brought up another baby when DD was 10 months old). Logically, this makes sense: DD didn't sleep through the night EVER until 14 months old, and still wakes up a couple of times most nights. I'd love to lose some weight and have my body to myself for awhile, and while breastfeeding I could never get below pre-pregnancy weight (which is 25 pounds higher than I'd like to be at). DH is planning to take the first of 4 CPA exams in the first quarter of 2012 - once he takes one, he has 18 months to take the other 3. I highly doubt he'll want to TTC once DD turns 2, but at least until he only has 1 test left or is completely finished. This would mean a HUGE bump in income, which would be great because I'd love to go PRN at the hospital I work at.

But - I am desperate to have another!! It's all I think about. It probably doesn't help that I'm a L&D nurse, and work with some of the most fertile women in the world. I have been charting to track my fertility (DH always uses condoms or we use a diaphragm). This doesn't seem to help, KNOWING when I'm fertile. I keep hoping for an "oops." Part of me realizes that I'm afraid it will take a long time to get pregnant again, even though I ovulate on my own now. And another part of me wants a baby RIGHT NOW THIS SECOND.

Anyway, I don't really have "advice." But I can definitely relate.

[zoeart]

I can also totally relate!

I also have one, and we've just started TTC for #2, and that will be all. But for about 8 months I was ready to start TTC and DH wasn't sure he wanted to have #2 at all. I went through many cycles of despair, anger, etc etc... I decided to stop tracking my cycles as a way to keep myself from knowing when I was ovulating  - I think that definitely helped, for me.

In the long run, I had to actually start thinking about what I would do with my life if we ended up not having another child. I started really being able to see what I would be able to do ( or do sooner) if we didn't have a second child. I think that really helped DH feel like the pressure was off so he could come around to the decision himself, without feeling like I would be devastated if we didn't have #2.

So, dakotablue, I wonder if there's something for you that you can do now/in the next year, that you wouldn't be able to do if you start TTC now? Would it be helpful for you to figure out how to use this time for you, both to get your mind off TTC, but also to make sure you are feeling good in your life with or without the next baby?

Hope this helps!

[etsdtm99]

I have this issue too..  and we have 3 kids!  We actually did have a surprise pregnancy (baby #3, we were using the 'pull out' method) when i was feeling this way ..  Now #3 is 15 months and i'm feeling this way again, but i don't even want to TTC, i just want to not try/not prevent.. even though we've discussed it and we're planning to stop being 'so careful' (pull out, and trying to abstain during fertile times) sometime late next spring/summer ..  I don't even WANT to get pregnant right now .. i want DD2 to be older, i want DS to be older - if we don't get pregnnat til next fall or later DS will be 5 and DD2 will be nearly 3 - that sounds so much easier! ...(i'm also tandem nursing them) but i just can't get it out of my head, i can't help hoping to get pregnant and feeling like we shouldn't be avoiding..  It also took us a year to get pg with DS and i had a miscarriage in the middle of that (11 wks).. maybe that has something to do with this feeling..  i also have that feeling that someone is missing, though i didn't have it when #3 was 0-6 months old.. then it started to come back.. 

[Serenyd]

I'm wanting to start TTC, I have felt the "urge" ever since DD turned 2 in Oct. Problem is I'm in a very challenging graduate program and first trimester fatigue and nausea would not be welcome during my last semester in the program in fact it might be disasterous and cause me to not graduate or to do so with poor grades, it has adversely affected my academic performance in the past. Also I would like to enjoy my summer with my kids and not be sick. I already have 3 (and a stepson who does not live with us). Still I want another baby! There must be a way to make this work! I've discussed it with DP but he is not quite on board. I'm kind of hoping for an oops. We use the withdrawal method of contraception and #1 was conceived this way, but either he has gotten better at it or I'm less fertile or a little of both, I have almost given up getting pregnant by accident. 

[aphel]

I am in this boat! I've been wanting to try again  for a few months now, but like Serenyd, a pregnancy wouldn't work with school right now. I'm in the middle of getting my nursing degree and it would be just nuts to have a baby during the program. In addition to the strain on DH and DD if a new baby was around while mama was still in school, I won't even be technically allowed to return to clinical rotations until 6 weeks postpartum, and there would be no way to make it up. Having a baby mid semester would basically mean I would have to drop out and the reapply the following year.

But I have endo and the longer we wait, the higher our chances of having difficulties conceiving. It's incredibly tough, and I can't stop thinking about wanting another little one right now! As it is, I think we just have to wait until next year, and I will have to pregnant in my final year. With any luck, I'll be in the throes of morning sickness during my OB rotation. Should be interesting!

The one thing that is helping me is thinking about how much more time my 18mo DD is getting to be the baby of the family. I'm really pouring my focus into her right now.

[trekkingirl]

when I get to feeling like I want to be pregnant again I just piggy back on a due date club! That way I get to pick witch part of the pregnancy I feel like being. After spending time reading what the preggo ladies are talking about I feel a bit better. 

[anarchamom]

I can hardly believe I found this thread, but I am so grateful. My partner and I planned to have only one child, and adopt another. But now I can't stop thinking about having another baby. Like many of you I know it isn't the best idea right now. I'm having all of the same feelings that y'all described, and I've felt pretty guilty about it--hoping for an accident, disappointment when my partner is so reliably safe. Oh my. not much we can do. it's so good the hear from others. thanks y'all.

[mamapigeon]

Originally Posted by trekkingirl 

when I get to feeling like I want to be pregnant again I just piggy back on a due date club! That way I get to pick witch part of the pregnancy I feel like being. After spending time reading what the preggo ladies are talking about I feel a bit better. 

I do this too!

I've wanted another since DS was a week old, but have been waiting (not so patiently) until enough time has gone by to up the chance of a VBAC, but we slipped up a little while ago and I'm hoping SOOO bad that I'm pregnant. It's all I've thought about for months, more babies!!!