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wet dream or masturbating

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 

I am Sara and I am new here. I also might post this in a couple of rooms because my son also deals with ADD. A couple of days ago while doing laundry, I found a stain on my son ( he is 14 ) bedsheets. It looks like ejaculate and I am so embarrised but overwhelmed. It might not even be that either but I am stuck and I don't know what my next step is. I am a single mom and I know my son would hit puberty eventually but NOW. I am not ready to have this chat with him .

Is it even possible that my 14 year old is masturbating? I feel overwhelmed as my little boy is growing up but that's my son, he is either masturbating or had a wet dream which I believe is part of puberty.

Someone help

post #2 of 6

Whether it's a wet dream or masturbation, I think it's totally normal for a boy his age. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if this occurred even younger.  14 is well into puberty, even for boys who tend to go through it a little later than girls.  Just remember your son will be going through lots of changes and the physical changes take place before emotional maturity.  14 yr old girls and boys are often physically capable of reproducing; and sadly some of them do so, long before they are emotionally ready.  So if it is masturbation be glad it's just that and I would say to try not to make him feel bad about it, because it truly is a pretty normal thing for a teenager.  Better to have him answer his physical urges that way than to engage in premature sexual activity...

post #3 of 6

I'm not really sure why it was embarrassing for you, regardless if whch it was. It's a normal part of development.

 

So... is it safe to assume that you haven't had any sort of conversation with him about puberty, sex, etc.? If so, you need to, Sooner rather than later. Yes, it can be a bit embarrassing at his age, if you're not used to it. Keep it matter of fact, this is stuff you need to know, and make it clear that he can always come to you. You won't be judgmental, you won't grill him, etc.

 

I'm also a single Mom, and I have a 20yo son. It ended up on me to have these conversations, to teach him to shave (my cheeks have never been so smoove!!!), etc. There is *nothing* he cannot or will not come to me with.

 

Keep it normal. Keep it real.

post #4 of 6

As the other posters have said this is normal.  And if you haven't yet, you must talk to him about all the changes that he is going through, both physical and mental.  If you are embarrassed, then tell him that.  I guarantee that he is embarrassed too.  And teach him to wash his own sheets and clothes.  His future wife and/or roommates will thank you for it. 

 

PS  girls have wet dreams too.  We just don't as a rule stain the sheets when we do.

post #5 of 6
I would be surprised if there were any 14 year old boys who didn't masturbate. I would not mention the stain to him, as that would be awfully embarrassing for him, and it's not really your business. I would make books about puberty and sex available to him though. And you might want to teach him how to do his own laundry.

You might also want to think about whether you should post such personal details about your son, considering you have your name, town, and picture on your profile.
post #6 of 6

Boys and girls touch themselves way before it turns into what we know masturbation to be as we get older and become adults. As babies and toddlers, it's exploring, discovering and it's a way to self soothe. It's not that there is a necessarily an age that this stops, but there is an age that it becomes more and a sexual component naturally occurs. Puberty kicks in and boys get excited and now masturbation has a whole other twist added to it. Either way it's natural and not everyone masturbates solely for sexual reasons or only when they are horny. It feels good and can be a stress reliever. My oldest (10 at the time) made some comment about semen in front of his 6 yr old brother and at that time obviously I was obligated to discuss it in a deeper manner ( more than hey it's ok to touch yourself but you need to be in a private space, like your bedroom) and we spoke about why boys get erections and "that white stuff, that comes out of my penis, mom"( that was my 6 yr old's response to me) I'll admit I was a little taken aback and caught off guard but that's parenting. I also know my 6 yr old at the time was not masturbating due to a hot chick he just saw, but because it feels good. Sometimes it hard when you're single, haven't brought up your child in an open environment in this sense and are not sure what to do or how to approach the subject. The great thing is that you seem open and willing to educate yourself.  It might not be a bad idea to find a male in your life that you have great respect for and seek some advice or assistance in this subject. It seems at this stage you need more comfort in knowing it's all o.k rather than now sitting down trying to actually discuss masturbation itself with your son ( that might be way to awkward depending on your situation, you know best) but it's not to late or too early for sex education. Whenever I doubt myself or worry when is the right time or what the content should be I remind myself that if I'm not doing it, someone else is, meaning his friends, tv, internet and so forth. I have always told my boys on top of sex education that I will always tell them the truth and give them the correct information more than their friends will. Each month besides stuff coming up naturally I will just randomly say " Hey, you guys have any questions about sex you need to know about or are curious about, did you hear anything new that I can tell you the truth on?" Sometimes they do have a question and sometimes not. That's just what I have taken yrs to cultivate and isn't the best for everyone else. Best to start some sort of education now though like others are suggesting. Kids are always more curious and prone to trouble when they have never been taught about certain subjects to begin with.

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