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I got an ugly letter in the mail on Christmas Eve!

post #1 of 51
Thread Starter 

It reads:  "The next time we walk past your house and you are screaming at your little boys, we are calling Social Services.  Those two innocent boys do not deserve to be treated the way you treat them.  If you are having trouble being a Mom, its okay to go get help!  But do not take your problems out on those two little boys.  We wish you well, and we hope you get some help for yourself.  But we are going to make sure those little boys are safe."

 

WHAT??? -- WHAT??? 

 

Part of me thinks my ex's wife is behind this, she has sent me some extremely nasty text messages lately. 

post #2 of 51

Please be careful. I had a neighbor call police on me when we were living in an apartment for my yelling at the kids. They went to stay with their dad to give me a break and it took me two years to get them back.

I did yell at my kids tho back then I try not to now.  Social services never got involved with it but the courts did and it was hell.

post #3 of 51

Are you yelling at your kids?  Loud enough for people walking by to hear?

 

If it's completely untrue, I don't think you should worry about it. Could be some kook.  I think if you're yelling a lot, you should consider getting help.   I don't think yelling at kids is appropriate either. 

 

post #4 of 51
Yes, be careful.

If there's even a grain of truth in this... get some help and stress relief. Its okay to get a sitter, arrange a playdate or leave them with a trusted relative while you re-charge.
post #5 of 51

Also wanted to say hugs mama!!!!!!  Thinking of you.

post #6 of 51
Thread Starter 

It's illegal to yell at your kids?  No I'm not yelling a lot, but it happens.  In our neighborhood, houses are six feet from the sidewalk.  I can hear my neighbors television or phone ringing. 

post #7 of 51

No its not illegal  but pm me and i will tell you my story- i am not very open about it but will share it with you.

It s a sad story that started with me yelling....a neighbor hearing.....

 did not realize how bad I sounded.... until the police were at my door and took a report.

Fwiw the neighbor did not like me and should have approached me first as your neighbor seems to have but alas it was over 4 years ago.... and we don't live in an apt now and I do my best to not yell...

 

 

post #8 of 51

Yelling at your kids isn't illegal. I can understand being uncomfortable if I heard it happening, especially if it happened a lot. But in and of itself? It's not abusive to the point of needing the intervention of CPS.  That's just cuckoo, seriously. Sorry you got such a nasty note. :(

post #9 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emilie2 View Post

Please be careful. I had a neighbor call police on me when we were living in an apartment for my yelling at the kids. They went to stay with their dad to give me a break and it took me two years to get them back.

I did yell at my kids tho back then I try not to now.  Social services never got involved with it but the courts did and it was hell.

 

Sounds like this was more of a custody shenanigans thing than an actual "omg you're yelling at your kids too much, you're an unfit parent, we're taking your kids away" kinda thing. Right? Either way, I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I couldn't even imagine.

 

post #10 of 51
Thread Starter 

Yeah, I will definitely be more conscious to keep my voice lower, but part of me still thinks the step-mom or some other busybody is behind this.  Just think, someone sent this to me on Christmas Eve on purpose! 

 

My younger son (4) has sensory issues and probably Asperger's, so he hates transitions and throws epic tantrums quite often.  My older son (7) gets provoked by his drama and they end up screaming at each other.  Then I have to be the referee and split them up and send them to different rooms.  It probably sounds way worse than it is.  I know exactly what is going on with both of them and work hard to be calm and strong and set a good example.  And we talk about it A LOT.  I compliment and reward good behavior, let them make their own choices whenever possible, don't believe in spanking or intimidation.  My house is clean, there's food in the kitchen, overall my kids are happy and friendly and outspoken, we have friends over all the time, the dog is well-trained.  Whatever.  Social Services is more than welcome to come over and check the place out.  I'd love to tell them all about the primary research I'm doing to help college students with mild ASDs develop stronger writing skills and learn to speak their own minds.  And how that philosophy carries over into my parenting.  :) 

post #11 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by EarthRootsStarSoul View Post

Yeah, I will definitely be more conscious to keep my voice lower, but part of me still thinks the step-mom or some other busybody is behind this.  Just think, someone sent this to me on Christmas Eve on purpose! 

 

My younger son (4) has sensory issues and probably Asperger's, 



even if it is the step-mom, she can still call CPS and file a report and you can still be investigated. Some CPS investigators are wonderful, and some aren't. It's a crap shoot best avoided.

 

Has your son had an eval, has access to appropriate services, etc? If not, I would get the ball rolling. If your son's behaviors could be suspected as the result of poor parenting and you don't have documentation of special needs, it could cause you problems. If you son has special needs that could result in some people thinking he is best off receiving services that you aren't getting him, that could cause you problems, too.

post #12 of 51

Yes... it was a custody battle that stemmed from my yelling at my kids one night and the police being called by a neighbor.

post #13 of 51

GEESH!  Sometimes parents yell.  Sometimes parents yell at each other!  I could see if it was yelling constantly and they heard that but to call CPS/CAS over yelling seems a bit extreme.  I try not to yell very often but it does happen.  My husband and I don't yell at each other but it does happen with people.  Oh man, parents can't even raise their voice anymore without getting threatened!  I homeschool, don't vax, co-sleep...you get the idea.  I already have enough strikes against me.  Now I have to worry that I raise my voice? 

As a sidenote, I was Christmas shopping and felt very sad by the way other parent were treating their children.  I just felt drained when I was done.  I understand parents getting annoyed or upset but it was the berrating and ignoring that just left me with a bad feeling.

I think there is a difference between a parent who yells on occasion because it is one of those days and a parent who yells constantly, berrating their children.  At least I hope CPS would see it that way.

post #14 of 51

I think what i would be bothered more by, than the note, is that its anonymous. you're left feeling like the neighborhood is watching, and you have no idea really who is "the one" trying to make you miserable. Awhile ago, "someone" called the police on me stating there was a child left alone in my house. I had just pulled up when the cop car got there. My two boys were in the back of my van, but my daughter had beat me home (from school)  and had been sitting on the porch for literally like five minutes before i got there(the person would have had to call as soon as she got off the bus, or even before.) this wasnt the first time it had happened, but we live in a VERY safe neighborhood with involved neighbors that she knew well, it was nice weather, and it was not unsafe for her to hang out for a little while at home until i could get there. She told me later the girl across the street said "my mom said the next time your mom isnt home when you get home from school she's calling the police!" ..i dont know if thats true or not (my dd has issues with truth telling) but i find it VERY bothersome that a neighbor would do that instead of just asking me if i needed her to keep an eye on my dd until i could get home. We're not talking hours, or even an hour, but like fifteen minutes or less a handful of times. The cop came, saw my dd was older (8, almost 9 at the time) asked if there were smaller children home alone, i said no. I showed him my boys in the car, he complimented me on extended rfing. I asked if there was a law about children home alone, he said no its a gray area, but no set age. I told her i NEVER left her to go do something, the only time she was EVER alone was if i ran into a train or traffic or whatever and was hurrying home but didnt get there before she arrived. He suggested i get her a key (which i did, school had just started and she'd only been living with me for two months at that point.) But all of this took place in my front yard in a 'hood where everyone sits on the porches and watch their kids play, so im sure it was all the talk of the neighborhood.

 

But i felt really betrayed, why in the world would someone's first response be to call the police?! It made me really paranoid like my neighbor's were watching me all the time. Having that cop show up really scared my dd who had been a foster child and thought she might have to leave our family. That was way more damaging than sitting on the porch for a few mins. I started wondering, sheesh if i yell at one of my kids, is somebody calling? if my boys are out playing in the front yard, and i run in to use the bathroom, is someone going to call?? if my dd tries to curry favor with a neighbor by saying she's sooo hungry and hasnt eaten all day (as i said, she's got issues) is someone going to call?? I already have another neighbor who called the city because my cat got out (and he's not even an outdoor cat just an old guy that can push the door open if my boys dont shut it all the way.)

 

Sorta makes me want to live out in the country where the neighbors are far away.

 

 

 

post #15 of 51

Ugh queen jane thats awful

post #16 of 51

I hope it wasn't anything besides someone trying to get under your skin. Sounds like an empty threat to me. Go on about your life and have fun with your kids. If CPS does come knocking, act concerned that they were called, "Because I love my kids and they are amazing. Why would anyone think that something is wrong in my house? Would you like to come in and have something to drink?" I don't think that CPS would investigate you on one anonymous tip that you were yelling at your kids. There would have to be more than one call or something worse than just a one time, "she was yelling at her kids." And yelling? You weren't physically beating your kids on the front porch. I think someone is trying to get to you my dear. Hugs to you Mama.

post #17 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by csekywithlove View Post

If CPS does come knocking, act concerned that they were called, "Because I love my kids and they are amazing. Why would anyone think that something is wrong in my house? Would you like to come in and have something to drink?"


Unfortunately, I agree with a PP: some CPS employees are amazing, fair, non-judgmental people who sincerely only want the best for the kids they're investigating. And some are bitter, jaded, and judgmental folks who see the worst in everything. And that's an insider's perspective.

I would not invite any official agent into my house without documentation telling me it was no longer optional. They may have trouble getting just cause for a search, but if you invite them in you may give them what they need for it. Don't go borrowing trouble!
post #18 of 51
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by queenjane View Post

I think what i would be bothered more by, than the note, is that its anonymous. you're left feeling like the neighborhood is watching, and you have no idea really who is "the one" trying to make you miserable.

Yeah exactly!  My neighborhood is pretty tight-knit, and I would hope that since my neighbors are my friends that they would act like friends.  A friend would offer help, not tell you to go get help.  "Hey you seem stressed out, want to come in for a cup of coffee?"  That's what I would do for a friend.  I wish I knew who sent the letter to take them up on their 'offer' of help.  "That'd be great! Why don't you come over from 4:30 to 5:30 every evening and entertain my kids so I can make supper?"  HA!  Whoever sent the letter knew my kids names!  And I'm the only single parent in the neighborhood. 

post #19 of 51

No one needs a reason to report you.Consider it a benefit you got the letter so you can make sure everything is always in order. Clean house,food in the fridge,,beds for all....all the things they will check.

 

Any person can make a call on you.Then social services or the police will show up to scope things out. Be nice. Even if all is in order if you piss them off they can find a way to make your life hell.

 

If you want to find out who left the note make a copy of it and go door to door. Gauge reactions when you ask,"Did you leave this note? I would really like to discuss this with the person who left it for me. I want them to know how it made me feel,and to explain what is going on in MY life." You may or may not talk to the writer,but pehaps the person who wrote it told another.People talk. Once you know you SHOULD talk about how you felt.feel,and your sitaution.Let them know that offering help in any way is far better than threats.

 

In the meantime be grateful for the kids and what you do have.Life can be crazy,but having each other is a blessing we should not forget for long(if at all).

 

Wishing you well!

 

ps. I would go nuts wondering who was watching me an/or who reported me....if a neighbor did that to me over any issue. For some notes are easier,but they are way more *hostile* than direct confrontation.

post #20 of 51

Maybe you could ask your neighbors.  Was it sent to you or dropped off?  Maybe if it was dropped off someone saw them do it.  Then you'd know who did it.  Or maybe they will fess up and say they sent it. 

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