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I got an ugly letter in the mail on Christmas Eve! - Page 2

post #21 of 51

geesh.Im glad I dont live in your neighborhood! Im a single mum of 5 boys and MOST of the time I try to keep it calm and even. But when your two oldest are wrestlingand one takes it too far and breaks a cabinet door wth his brothers body, whilst the 3 year old is screaming because he is overtire and you gave him the (gasp) RED cup instead of the beloved BLUE cup and the dog just chased the cat up onto the counter to knock a plant down...well,sometimes you gotta yell. I dont hit them, I dont threaten t hit them, there is just alot of VOLUME in our home. And alot of love too so its all good. But I can imagine if a stranger is strolling past a atime like that, its going to sound like chaos.

post #22 of 51

I'm sorry, but yelling at your kids, even (*especially*) special needs kids, is not a valid parenting choice that should be respected and supported by the community. I'm boggled by the idea that "sheesh, what a world, we can't even yell at our kids anymore" here on MDC of all places.

 

Yelling happens. Kids falling down the stairs happens, too, and no one will judge you if your kid falls down the stairs. If your kid falls down the stairs more than once or twice? Yeah, there's a problem. Same thing for yelling- losing it on a really awful day? Understandable- we've all been there. Thinking your kid *needs* to be yelled at, yelling enough that the neighbors notice, yelling daily, yelling as your default? Time to re-examine your parenting tools.

 

post #23 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by ErinYay View Post

I'm sorry, but yelling at your kids, even (*especially*) special needs kids, is not a valid parenting choice that should be respected and supported by the community. I'm boggled by the idea that "sheesh, what a world, we can't even yell at our kids anymore" here on MDC of all places.

 

Yelling happens. Kids falling down the stairs happens, too, and no one will judge you if your kid falls down the stairs. If your kid falls down the stairs more than once or twice? Yeah, there's a problem. Same thing for yelling- losing it on a really awful day? Understandable- we've all been there. Thinking your kid *needs* to be yelled at, yelling enough that the neighbors notice, yelling daily, yelling as your default? Time to re-examine your parenting tools.

 

 

Could you point out where anyone said that yelling as a default, or even yelling daily, are "valid parenting choices" or that they should be respected and supported? Parents yell sometimes, as you said yourself. The fact that some busybody shoved a note in OP's mailbox implying that she's always yelling at her kids does not mean that she is.

 

And, I don't think yelling should be reported to CPS, even if it is the default (unless it involves a lot of threats or something like that). I'm not the biggest fan of CPS, but I do think they have their place - and their place is kids who are being seriously abused and neglected, not parents who happen to yell a lot. That doesn't mean I "respect and support" yelling. It means I don't think it's CPS-worthy.

post #24 of 51


I totally agree that yelling isn't CPS-worthy (I don't think spanking is CPS-worthy, either, though.) I do think that yelling at your kids can be as bad, if not worse to some kiddos, as spanking, though. Many of us have had less-than-stellar moments where we've yelled or spanked, but I think it's the matter of fact tone that's making me twitchy, like, yelling is just a thing, you know? It's not like I'm *hitting* my kids. I'm *just* yelling, and sometimes you gotta yell.

 

I dunno- if you replace the word "yell" in this thread with "spank," it's quite troublesome, so to people like me, who see them as being equally harmful, the general tone of this is not so hot.

 

I apologize if I've misinterpreted this, though; I'm not super-great with reading tone.

 

 

post #25 of 51

I think they can be equally harmful, but I don't think they are equally harmful.

 

I think the tone in this thread has been a lot more "hey - we're human, and sometimes we yell, even though it's not a great thing to do" than "yelling's no big deal". I don't think I know a single parent who has never yelled, ever, yk? I think the "matter of fact" tone is more "wow - CPS for that?" than "no worries - yelling at kids is awesome parenting".
 

Personally, I'm more worried by the potential damage and anxiety from an unfounded CPS call than I am about the yelling. I've seen kids be really traumatized by their experiences with CPS, and it drives me batty the way people pull out "I'm going to call CPS on you" as some kind of hammer to beat parents with.

post #26 of 51

That sounds like a tough letter to receive.  Once you move past the hurt this letter caused, I suggest that you try to view the letter as someone trying to help you instead of hurt you though.  Either you are perceived as yelling a lot by neighbors passing by or by children talking to their step-mom about their perspective and that is something you may want to explore more and try to problem solve. 

 

I understand yelling and frustration, there have been times when I have been sucked into a cycle of frustration and yelling, especially when I am stressed out and my dd is acting up.  It really is hurtful to not only my dd but also to our relationship though no matter how justified I feel at the time (or even afterwards).  My dd also tends to act worse when I am in a negative cycle rather than better so it is really up to me to pull us both out and you may find that is the case here.  Once I do make a plan for getting myself support and some peace I am able to stay calm and she responds by behaving better so yelling really doesn't seem to do much for me beyond causing more problems than it solves.

 

It may be a simple matter of your children interpreting your emotions incorrectly and labeling the slightest irritations as yelling also, which is something you should explore if you think the letter came from their step-mom.  My dd used to, and occasionally still does, interpret me telling her to do something in a serious tone as me yelling despite my voice not going any louder than its usual tone.  We had to talk many times about what a serious voice is versus what yelling is, why I sometimes use a serious tone, how I feel when I use a serious tone, and how mom's can have a wide range of feelings that extend beyond anger just as children can. 

 

The biggest thing helped solidify the idea that I can be serious without being angry was for me to use my normal happy request voice first then to warn her (still mostly cheerfully) that I would have to use my serious tone to make my request if she didn't listen to my happy voice.  I rarely ever have to move past that and she almost always sees that I am not angry, just serious.  If you think that interpretation is causing the problem rather than actual yelling that may be something that helps.

post #27 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by One_Girl View Post

That sounds like a tough letter to receive.  Once you move past the hurt this letter caused, I suggest that you try to view the letter as someone trying to help you instead of hurt you though.  Either you are perceived as yelling a lot by neighbors passing by or by children talking to their step-mom about their perspective and that is something you may want to explore more and try to problem solve. 

 

I understand yelling and frustration, there have been times when I have been sucked into a cycle of frustration and yelling, especially when I am stressed out and my dd is acting up.  It really is hurtful to not only my dd but also to our relationship though no matter how justified I feel at the time (or even afterwards).  My dd also tends to act worse when I am in a negative cycle rather than better so it is really up to me to pull us both out and you may find that is the case here.  Once I do make a plan for getting myself support and some peace I am able to stay calm and she responds by behaving better so yelling really doesn't seem to do much for me beyond causing more problems than it solves.

 

It may be a simple matter of your children interpreting your emotions incorrectly and labeling the slightest irritations as yelling also, which is something you should explore if you think the letter came from their step-mom.  My dd used to, and occasionally still does, interpret me telling her to do something in a serious tone as me yelling despite my voice not going any louder than its usual tone.  We had to talk many times about what a serious voice is versus what yelling is, why I sometimes use a serious tone, how I feel when I use a serious tone, and how mom's can have a wide range of feelings that extend beyond anger just as children can. 

 

The biggest thing helped solidify the idea that I can be serious without being angry was for me to use my normal happy request voice first then to warn her (still mostly cheerfully) that I would have to use my serious tone to make my request if she didn't listen to my happy voice.  I rarely ever have to move past that and she almost always sees that I am not angry, just serious.  If you think that interpretation is causing the problem rather than actual yelling that may be something that helps.


You make some good points, except that I don't see anything in any of OP's posts to suggest that there's an issue with her children thinking she yells too much. (I'm not saying they don't think that - just don't see anything in the posts to suggest it.)

 

And, I can't imagine how anybody, in any circumstances, could think that dropping an anonymous "we'll sic CPS on you" letter in someone's mailbox on Christmas Eve would help the mom/family in question. Can you explain why you think this might be an attempt to help, because I can't see it at all. It's a threat, pure and simple. Threats aren't attempts to help...anonymous threats are even less likely to be such an attempt.

 

post #28 of 51

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by EarthRootsStarSoul View Post
My younger son (4) has sensory issues and probably Asperger's, so he hates transitions and throws epic tantrums quite often.  My older son (7) gets provoked by his drama and they end up screaming at each other.  Then I have to be the referee and split them up and send them to different rooms.  It probably sounds way worse than it is.


The OPer seems to feel she HAS to yell because one of her kids has special needs. But when asked if he's had an eval and is receiving services, she remained silent.

 

I think there are a couple of things here that could cause her problems. Her child *may* show behaviors that can be misconstrued as being caused by bad parenting, either to a neighbor or a CPS worker.  (I know my spectrum kiddo has from time to time). These behaviors *could* make CPS involvement more likely.

 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by ErinYay View Post

I'm sorry, but yelling at your kids, even (*especially*) special needs kids, is not a valid parenting choice that should be respected and supported by the community. I'm boggled by the idea that "sheesh, what a world, we can't even yell at our kids anymore" here on MDC of all places.

 

Yelling happens. Kids falling down the stairs happens, too, and no one will judge you if your kid falls down the stairs. If your kid falls down the stairs more than once or twice? Yeah, there's a problem. Same thing for yelling- losing it on a really awful day? Understandable- we've all been there. Thinking your kid *needs* to be yelled at, yelling enough that the neighbors notice, yelling daily, yelling as your default? Time to re-examine your parenting tools.

 


 

I agree with this post. Part of what CPS does is look at cases where things like a child has been injured falling down stairs and figure out if there is an underlying parenting problem.

 

Living with a kid on the spectrum, I suspect that many spectrum kids do all things that *combined with something like a parent seeming out of control* could cause a CPS investigation. I would want to have my ducks in a row. I would want documentation about what professionals believe to be going on with my child and clear plan of what sort of therapies my child was getting. 

 

I would not want to answer with "I have to yell because my child has special needs, but no, I've never bothered to talk to an expert about my child."  That, to me, would seem to risk opening the door to a lot of intervention on the part of the state.

 

 

post #29 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post


The OPer seems to feel she HAS to yell because one of her kids has special needs. But when asked if he's had an eval and is receiving services, she remained silent.

 

I think there are a couple of things here that could cause her problems. Her child *may* show behaviors that can be misconstrued as being caused by bad parenting, either to a neighbor or a CPS worker.  (I know my spectrum kiddo has from time to time). These behaviors *could* make CPS involvement more likely.

 

I didn't see where she was saying that she was yelling in that situation...and it's possible that she does have to yell (ie. raise her voice) in order to even be heard, if the two boys are already screaming at each other and melting down.
 

 

I agree with this post. Part of what CPS does is look at cases where things like a child has been injured falling down stairs and figure out if there is an underlying parenting problem.

 

Living with a kid on the spectrum, I suspect that many spectrum kids do all things that *combined with something like a parent seeming out of control* could cause a CPS investigation. I would want to have my ducks in a row. I would want documentation about what professionals believe to be going on with my child and clear plan of what sort of therapies my child was getting. 

 

I would not want to answer with "I have to yell because my child has special needs, but no, I've never bothered to talk to an expert about my child."  That, to me, would seem to risk opening the door to a lot of intervention on the part of the state.

 

I can see that. Of course, going for an evaluation can also open doors people don't want open. My initial attempt to get an evaluation on ds2 left me discouraged and depressed in a way I hadn't been in months. That was July, and I still haven't gone further with it, because I simply don't have the strength to deal with the crap. (My initial evaluation basically said, "ADD, ODD and your parenting sucks" (I'm trying to be "too reasonable" and "talk too much", by saying "we don't bite - it's not acceptable" and setting ds2 back down in his chair). I know I need to go back at some point, but I hoped starting the wheels on an evaluation would help me find tools to cope better with ds2...and it just made me want to give up. Maybe OP has been in a similar situation (or not - hard to say).



In any case, if OP hasn't had an evaluation, then maybe that's a step she should take, just in case CPS does become involved. That still doesn't mean the self-righteous busybody who gave her the letter in the first place are trying to help.

post #30 of 51

Haha....that nosy, cowardly neighbor of yours should be glad she doesn't live next to me! For that matter, I guess it's pretty nice of me to live in the middle of the woods where no one is around us!!

 

We yell CONSTANTLY in this house. Anyone walking by here, would probably think there was some crazy circus family living here. Between the four dogs and the crazy kids who run wild in and out of the house and my DH who is always off daydreaming somewhere...I'm yelling all. day. long.

 

But it's because I'm ***ALWAYS*** in the kitchen, busy, and the kids are ALWAYS either outside or on the other side of the house. So I'm constantly sticking my head out the window and yelling things out to the edge of the woods, where I can see them playing "Oh I KNOW you aren't trying to swing that rake around!!" or "You better not let that dog run off with the cheese, there's no more!!" or yelling out across the house "I hear you playing with the vacuum...you better knock it off kids!"  - and they always yell back "Okay mama!" Or "mama mama mama CAN WE HAVE MORE CHEESE!!!" - we're loud people. They play LOUD games with each other, wild make believe dragon fights, etc...and I let them. I let them yell and be loud...because it's fun for them. We have quiet times..the evening time is really peaceful in my house...by during the day, from sun up until 5 or so in the evening, it is LOUD here.

 

...and if some nosy punk were to pass by, they might imagine that I was "Angry Yelling" at my kids...when in fact, I rarely do that. I do lose my temper sometimes, everyone does...and I don't feel bad about it. My kids have never even ONE time been scared of me. This is a loving and harmonious household. I'm not yelling at them, I'm talking to them....at a yelling volume....and they're doing the same back. They don't do it to other people, they are well behaved and speak with indoor voices when we go to other places....but the nature of our lifestyle at home is such, that yelling is an acceptable form of communication.

 

I find it deeply disturbing that anyone here would support CPS being called on a mother who yells at her kids. I do not believe that ACTUAL "Angry Yelling" is a GOOD parenting choice...but it is not worthy of a call to CPS, IMO.

 

(And this coming from someone who was yelled at viciously by an angry, scary mama as a kid...who was hit a lot and had things thrown at her and was actually emotionally abused in her childhood by a way overwhelmed mother.....so yeah, I DO get how bad it can be. But someone passing by on the street has NO idea what is really going on in the house and if "yelling" is the only "evidence" of bad parenting you have, you need to keep your nosy little self out of other peoples business and not invite the hell of CPS into their lives)

 

OP, the letter you got might make me move. I don't know that I could tolerate living in a neighborhood where I was being monitored by my neighbors in that fashion. I would NEVER ever be mad at a neighbor for coming to me personally and saying something to me about my yelling...but an anonymous note!? That would have me so mad and on edge....AHHHH!

post #31 of 51

Eeeek.  Sorry for the not-so-nice letter, OP, and sorry that things can be hard as a single mom.  However, I agree with ErinYay.  This letter, though mean, could be a great impetus for determining if you really do yell unnecessarily, and what you could do to stop.  In every piece of negative, yucky criticism I receive, I try to find out if there is truth behind the ugliness.  Because sometimes people aren't so great at truth-telling in a nice way. 

 

FWIW, I feel for you.  But this subject is close to my heart; my parents both spanked and yelled, and the yelling has been FAR more damaging to my relationship with them than the spanking. 

post #32 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by rachieface View Post

Eeeek.  Sorry for the not-so-nice letter, OP, and sorry that things can be hard as a single mom.  However, I agree with ErinYay.  This letter, though mean, could be a great impetus for determining if you really do yell unnecessarily, and what you could do to stop.  In every piece of negative, yucky criticism I receive, I try to find out if there is truth behind the ugliness.  Because sometimes people aren't so great at truth-telling in a nice way. 

 

FWIW, I feel for you.  But this subject is close to my heart; my parents both spanked and yelled, and the yelling has been FAR more damaging to my relationship with them than the spanking. 



This wasn't "negative, yucky criticism". This was a direct threat. Maybe OP does yell too much. None of us know that. I just haven't seen anything in this thread to suggest that she does. A nasty letter from an anonymous source wouldn't even make me think twice about my parenting (and I second-guess myself constantly). I always consider the source, and when the source is a gutless, anonymous maker of threats, what they have to say doesn't mean much.

 

People like the one(s) who left the OP that note are the source of a lot of problems, for a lot of people. The only possible result of a note like that is to add more stress to someone's life, and if the busybody thinks she yells at her children too much, adding more stress isn't going to be helpful.

 

I'm actually feeling really discouraged by the fact that a significant number of people on this thread seem to be assuming that OP does yell at her kids all the time, just because she received a nasty note to that effect. That old saying about "where there's smoke, there's fire" is wildly inaccurate, and an anonymous accusation is hardly proof of guilt. Frankly, the phrasing of that note comes across to me as an all out attempt to make OP feel like crap, and I see no evidence of real concern anywhere in it.

post #33 of 51

I have found being a single mom opens you up for so much more criticism and interference from others. Its maddening.

post #34 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emilie2 View Post

I have found being a single mom opens you up for so much more criticism and interference from others. Its maddening.



 

 

Exactly.

Not to mention, there are some people have nothing better to do than sending threatening letters to neighbors. If they were really so concerned, then drop by and offer to help. Sometimes parents shout. Parenting can be hard. Im sorry you have to go through this OP.

post #35 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post


You make some good points, except that I don't see anything in any of OP's posts to suggest that there's an issue with her children thinking she yells too much. (I'm not saying they don't think that - just don't see anything in the posts to suggest it.)

 

And, I can't imagine how anybody, in any circumstances, could think that dropping an anonymous "we'll sic CPS on you" letter in someone's mailbox on Christmas Eve would help the mom/family in question. Can you explain why you think this might be an attempt to help, because I can't see it at all. It's a threat, pure and simple. Threats aren't attempts to help...anonymous threats are even less likely to be such an attempt.

 


Until recently I wouldn't have thought that my dd thinks I am yelling much and my posts certainly tend to reflect that, but my dd did think that and if the op thinks the step-mother is involved with the letter then she is probably getting the information about that from the kids. 

 

I don't think the timing or the tone of the letter were necessarily the best, but people pointing out how much my mother yelled to her and the effects it had on me and my brother really was helpful to her as a parent and she did use it to change.  I have also had parenting things pointed out to me that hurt to hear at first but that do help me to change how I parent and it is that that I find helpful.  Even a negative letter at a bad time can be a good thing in the long run if you can use it to make a change that helps your kids feel more comfortable.

 

I can see this letter as both a threat and a well intentioned but poorly written letter to motivate a parent to think about what they are doing and make a change quickly.  I know people who don't think very far beyond the black and white and can see them saying or writing something like this meaning only to be helpful to my child, especially when they are extremely concerned and mail the letter without waiting a few days to see if they truly want to send something with that tone. I have also known people who would go so far as to call CPS for little things or to cause trouble, but they wouldn't warn the person they are making trouble for first.  The warning is really what makes me think that somebody without much tact is trying to be helpful in a very tactless way.  Even if I am way off base though I think that there can still be positive found even in this negative situation, but I am generally an annoying optimist so that may be why.

 

post #36 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by EarthRootsStarSoul View Post

 

 

My younger son (4) has sensory issues and probably Asperger's, so he hates transitions and throws epic tantrums quite often.  My older son (7) gets provoked by his drama and they end up screaming at each other.  Then I have to be the referee and split them up and send them to different rooms.  It probably sounds way worse than it is.  I know exactly what is going on with both of them and work hard to be calm and strong and set a good example.  ...



People who don't interact with kids with sensory disabilities on a regular basis don't get how quickly situations can escalate, and think something much more, for lack of a better word, scary, is going on.  As a SpEd teacher, I try really hard when I see parents in public places who are clearly struggling with their kids to make sure I 1.  don't make negative assumptions,  and 2.  offer help if it is appropriate.   Sounds like you are working hard with your boys to develop skills to handle these situations- I would hope your neighbors would be understanding (but I know our own curmundgeon neighbors wouldn't...)

 

 

post #37 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by One_Girl View Post


Until recently I wouldn't have thought that my dd thinks I am yelling much and my posts certainly tend to reflect that, but my dd did think that and if the op thinks the step-mother is involved with the letter then she is probably getting the information about that from the kids. 

 

Why do you say that? It's possible, but why "probably"? Maybe she just has it in for the OP. I've watched a stepmother slam a door in the birth mom's face, in the pouring rain, when she showed up to pick up her dd from a visit, for no reason other than her whacked hatred of a woman who had her husband before she did. Even if it is the stepmom, that doesn't mean the children have said something to her.

 

I don't think the timing or the tone of the letter were necessarily the best, but people pointing out how much my mother yelled to her and the effects it had on me and my brother really was helpful to her as a parent and she did use it to change.  I have also had parenting things pointed out to me that hurt to hear at first but that do help me to change how I parent and it is that that I find helpful.  Even a negative letter at a bad time can be a good thing in the long run if you can use it to make a change that helps your kids feel more comfortable.

 

That might be true. However, getting a letter of that kind wouldn't cause me to reassess anything, and I'm not sure why it would have that effect on anyone.

 

I can see this letter as both a threat and a well intentioned but poorly written letter to motivate a parent to think about what they are doing and make a change quickly. 

 

Fair enough. I can't. I see it as a threat, pure and simple. Letters like that assure me that the write is a busybody, who cares about nothing but feeding their own fat ego.

 

I know people who don't think very far beyond the black and white and can see them saying or writing something like this meaning only to be helpful to my child, especially when they are extremely concerned and mail the letter without waiting a few days to see if they truly want to send something with that tone. I have also known people who would go so far as to call CPS for little things or to cause trouble, but they wouldn't warn the person they are making trouble for first.  The warning is really what makes me think that somebody without much tact is trying to be helpful in a very tactless way.  Even if I am way off base though I think that there can still be positive found even in this negative situation, but I am generally an annoying optimist so that may be why.

 

If I were the OP, I'd find positives in the situation, but they wouldn't be the ones you're referring to. I'd be very reassured that this kind of toxic individual is the sort who has issues with my parenting. (BTDT, actually - over the woman in our complex who threatened to report me for not making my toddler wear shoes. By the time all was said and done, I was more confident in my choices in that area, and less concerned with what my neighbours think, than I'd ever been before.) I can't see any way in which this can be considered helpful. Anonymous threats are nasty and nothing else. I'm sure the busybody got to give herself (almost certainly a woman - for whatever reason, very few men seem to go in for this particular kind of bullying) a nice self-righteous pat on the back for Christmas, so someone got something out of it.

 

post #38 of 51

I say probably there because I don't like to make blanket statements that only have one point of view because it is close-minded, cuts off any discussion, and would be very arrogant in this case since I don't know all that is going on.  I would reassess things if sent a letter like that because I tend to try to reflect on what I am doing as a parent and it would worry me to be perceived as negative.  It could be that I reflect and find no reason to worry but I would at least reflect because my dd matters a lot to me and I don't think that all of my parenting choices are 100% wonderful at all times.  I have fallen into negative cycles that I regret in the past I don't let any parenting criticism (even the ill tempered comments flung at me while fighting) go by without reflection and action where necessary, especially since it really isn't a frequent thing for me to receive. 

 

Even if it turned out to be proven to be a malicious letter meant to only cause distress on a special day by someone I despise I would still view it as helpful because to me it would be a reminder to be mindful as a mother, something I always view as helpful because as a single mother I find it easy to get overwhelmed by dealing with the ups and downs of parenting alone.  Also, as I mentioned before I tend towards optimism so it is hard for me not to find help and positive even in the worst things I have been through.

 

I am not interested in fighting or reading repetitions of the same theme anymore because I have better things to spend my time on so I won't be engaging in any more argument.  You are free to your opinion and I am free to mine.  I am sure the OP will take the opinions that resonate with her to heart and leave the rest whatever the opinion is.

post #39 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by One_Girl View Post

I say probably there because I don't like to make blanket statements that only have one point of view because it is close-minded, cuts off any discussion, and would be very arrogant in this case since I don't know all that is going on.

 

Fair enough. You can assume that OP is probably yelling too much at her kids, instead. There is no way to say something is "probably" going on in this situation without making blanket statements.

 

  I would reassess things if sent a letter like that because I tend to try to reflect on what I am doing as a parent and it would worry me to be perceived as negative.  It could be that I reflect and find no reason to worry but I would at least reflect because my dd matters a lot to me and I don't think that all of my parenting choices are 100% wonderful at all times.  I have fallen into negative cycles that I regret in the past I don't let any parenting criticism (even the ill tempered comments flung at me while fighting) go by without reflection and action where necessary, especially since it really isn't a frequent thing for me to receive. 

 

Even if it turned out to be proven to be a malicious letter meant to only cause distress on a special day by someone I despise I would still view it as helpful because to me it would be a reminder to be mindful as a mother, something I always view as helpful because as a single mother I find it easy to get overwhelmed by dealing with the ups and downs of parenting alone.  Also, as I mentioned before I tend towards optimism so it is hard for me not to find help and positive even in the worst things I have been through.

 

I am not interested in fighting or reading repetitions of the same theme anymore because I have better things to spend my time on so I won't be engaging in any more argument.  You are free to your opinion and I am free to mine.  I am sure the OP will take the opinions that resonate with her to heart and leave the rest whatever the opinion is.


Fair enough. I'm not trying to argue, in any case. Nobody knows what's going on. I'm just more inclined to give the mom who gets the nasty letter on Christmas Eve the benefit of the doubt than I am to give the nasty letter writer the benefit of the doubt. You find value in anonymous accusations of bad parenting, and major, nasty threats. I don't. It's not an argument. It's simply a completely different baseline in how we assess value.

 

I have no desire to see every parent who yells disappear off the face of the earth. I'd be more than happy to see every single person who has ever sent a note like the one the OP received vanish from the face of the earth. You obviously see things differently. There's no argument - just a different baseline. I was just trying to understand how anyone could see this as anything but nasty and threatening, and where people are seeing an attempt to help. I don't see it, even a little bit.

 

Sure - OP can probably take something positive out of it, even if it's just learning not to trust neighbour who can't be trusted (if that's where it came from). One can get something positive out of almost anything.

post #40 of 51
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ErinYay View Post

I'm sorry, but yelling at your kids, even (*especially*) special needs kids, is not a valid parenting choice that should be respected and supported by the community. I'm boggled by the idea that "sheesh, what a world, we can't even yell at our kids anymore" here on MDC of all places.

 

 



Wow, that is way offensive.  Where did I or anyone write anything like that??? irked.gif

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Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › I got an ugly letter in the mail on Christmas Eve!