Mama vs the green eyed monster « Back to Group Discussions

[cat13]

I'm not usually a jealous person. I love my life, and while I have struggles and wish some things were different, I usually don't get into the habit of comparing myself to others. But lately I find that I get jealous over so many things now that I'm a parent! This week and next week I am off work, so I've been spending time with a local mom's group, who are mostly SAHMs in a higher income level than me, so these things are front-and-center in my brain right now.

So, I thought I should post a list so that maybe I can release them more easily (and I'm totally not judging any of you that might have these things). The grass is always greener, you know?

- SAHMs! Why do I have to f$%*ing work full time?!?

- That baby is doing ____ and mine isn't (sleeping, not-crying, not-puking, etc)

- Your house is so amazing! I can't believe I rent this tiny little place.

- Money (I've always struggled with money, but haven't really had any insecurities about it until now)

OK, hopefully I can release these now. Anyone else?

[Beckily]

I'm jealous of parents who can walk their babies when they're upset. I can do it for only a few minutes before my pain level gets too high.

[SouthernStormy]

-Money is a HUGE thing with us too. I'm not necessarily jealous of others with it, just wish we had more of it.

-Baby showers/gifts. (I should be over this by now, lol). Since we were in Texas and hadn't made any close friends we didn't have a baby shower. I figured people would give the baby gifts when we came back to GA since barely any one sent her anything, but no one did . It really bums me out that she was not "celebrated" (other than by me and her dad) in any way before she was born or after. The list of people we received things from was rather interesting- my ex boyfriend, an online friend I met through a pet rescue site many, many years ago, one of my mom's friends from church, someone DH knows through the college ministry he used to participate in and that was pretty much it.

-natural births

I think that's all (for today anyway

[Beckily]

Originally Posted by SouthernStormy 


-natural births
 

YES.
 

[Tamera]

Originally Posted by Beckily 

YES.
 

It's not too late for either of you. My only completely natural birth was my third child.

I'm jealous of people that did things in the "right order". My husband and I are trying to finish college with three kids and I really wish I could just focus on being a mother right now. I hate hate hate college!

[cat13]

Thanks for sharing all. I don't know why these things sneak up on me sometimes. I'm usually a pretty happy person who is content with her life or working to make changes. Now that I've got it off my chest it's actually not really bad anymore. 

[Lynann]

Originally Posted by Beckily 

YES.
 

I can relate to this one as I felt so bad in so many ways about DS1's birth then failure to nurse. I got so jealous when I read about how easy some other women had it for their first, not to mention all the other women at Church who had vaginal births the same summer he was born.

Now that I've had my HBAC with DS2 I still feel that way about DS1's birth, but in a different way (like why he couldn't have had the experiences DS2 has had both for birth & nursing) It IS still possible to have that experience, don't give up on it. I'm living proof that it CAN happen even with a short gap, unlike the horror stories some OB/GYN's like to tell.

Hang in their for your natural birth and keep believing that it will happen for you too.

My issue. I get insanely jealous of others who have family close by and/or family who are involved in their child/ren's lives. My parents & family are 5000 miles and an ocean away. DH's family live 4 hours away but are so uninvolved they might as well live on the moon.

[Peony]

Easy babies. I think they are a myth most days. Out of 4 I have only had 1 kid that didn't sleep on top of me constantly, cry all the time, puke constantly, would ride in a carseat once in a while without screaming every single second, and he turned out to be delayed in most areas. I don't even want a easy baby, I would of been beyond grateful for just normal baby. A kid that doesn't spend every second on me, day or night. I'm currently stuck under him because if I move a muscle he will wake up and then scream through dinner this afternoon. Can't guarantee he still won't. I'd just like to play with the other kids and their toys right now but nope I have to send them away because they will just wake him up. 

And I'm jealous about NT (neurotypical) kids. We do 12 hours of therapy a week in 8 different sessions for 2 kids, only 1 hour of that is in my house. And the schooling. The special schools that can accommodate DD1. The 75 volunteer hours that we are doing now in order to ensure her a spot in a middle school 3 years from now, the hours that we will then start doing at the high school. I get bitter about having to map out her high school years when she is in 3rd grade, but we have no other options. Things used to seem so simple back when I naively assumed I would homeschool my kids and they would all turn out ok. 

I hear the family one. My family is right here and yet I pay to get help if I need it. My mom has a mile long list of rules as far the kids go and what she is willing to do, not much. I see all the grandparents pitching in with their grandkids daily around me but someone would rather shop at Wal-mart and watch TV then take my 2y for an hour. 

[nald1]

babies that sleep through the night and take naps - i cant help but think ive done something wrong

families that spend the weekends doing 'family time' while my husband does "projects" and we argue about time

mothers that have clean homes- how???????

[Baby_Cakes]

I'm mostly envious of moms with clean homes.  My house is a disaster all the time.  It's my New Years resolution to really work on this.  I know I can do better.  ARGH.

[HawaiianBlesing]

"The grass is always greener on the other side until you find out it's just weeds"

I too am very envious of the moms with clean homes.  My house is a wreck all the time.  It doesn't matter.  I keep blaming it on the remodel but I keep telling myself it can't go on forever--can it.

I really need to get organized and get DH on board--he's kind of a slob.

I have a friend that has 3 kids, one is only 2 mo older than DS.  She is a SAHM and her house is spotless.  I'm so envious!

[Baby_Cakes]

I have a friend like that, HB.  She has a HUGE house, a mcmansion type deal, and it's always spotless.  No clutter.  Ever.  It makes me so envious and aggravated.

I amend my jealous rant to include ppl with large houses.  Mine is feeling more and more cramped by the minute.

[Chaika]

I'm mostly jealous of my friends who live in the city I used to live in before I moved in with DH.  I miss it so much!  Every time I go there I see people pushing baby carriages around parks and cool stores and stuff...not to mention my friends who don't have kids and all the fun stuff they do!  But it's now a 90-minute drive away from this subdivision in the middle of nowhere.  This seems so silly and petty now that I'm writing it.  My life is actually relatively low-stress these days and I love spending time with my baby so I shouldn't complain.  I just miss my former artistic and fun life at the same time...

[nald1]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

I'm mostly envious of moms with clean homes.  My house is a disaster all the time.  It's my New Years resolution to really work on this.  I know I can do better.  ARGH.

me too - Im hoping to declutter again - I try to take the opportunity with the indoor winter time to get rid of as uch as possible- it's tough with all the 4 yr old clutter and DH is not great at all- piles follow him wherever he goes!!!!!!

[Jbouck5]

Skinny moms... I hate to admit it, but the one thing I get jealous about is that. I'm not even very chubby, just a little somethin' extra around the edges.

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by Jbouck5 

Skinny moms... I hate to admit it, but the one thing I get jealous about is that. I'm not even very chubby, just a little somethin' extra around the edges.

[Lynann]

Originally Posted by Jbouck5 

Skinny moms... I hate to admit it, but the one thing I get jealous about is that. I'm not even very chubby, just a little somethin' extra around the edges.

I totally get this one. Where does their baby induced jello belly go? Why can't mine do that too?

[Beckily]

I don't get jealous of skinny moms, but I do get a big frowny when they can fit into their pre-preg jeans.

Two weeks after having a baby I weighed myself and I weighed 15lbs less than when I got pregnant.

And yet my jeans don't fit. And those that close... my belly hangs over. They didn't used to fit like that, I hate that.

Luckily I like skirts best, but damn.

[mareseatoats]

Originally Posted by Lynann 

I totally get this one. Where does their baby induced jello belly go? Why can't mine do that too?

On the other hand, I feel like a saggy bag of bones 

[yell]

Yes to not fitting back in pre preg pants.  I've only got 8 lbs until I'm my pre preg weight, but the pre preg jeans are a total joke and I can't see ever getting back into them.  Skinny moms don't bother me as much, because you know they look fine in clothes but get them naked, I'm sure it's a whole other story!

I get a LITTLE jealous about people who own homes.  We are in a 600 square foot apartment.  We're ok, it's a bit cozy, but a house sure would be nice.  Our savings just won't cut it for a down payment at this point.  I live in an area where I would say the average cost of a home is at least 250k.  I'm really not sure how other people swing it.  But I guess less home is less to clean!