Ok, our situation is a bit rough. Both of us have health issues, both of us have a LOAD of baggage.
Essentially, DH started getting really crappy with me, just mouthing of at me. He says I was acting a certain way towards him but all I have ever done is try to be understanding etc. Due to his health I ended up doing the majority of stuff like housework, shopping etc etc and I was knackered at the end of it cos of the fibro and EDS. So, that combined with vulval vestibulitis, previous sexual assault by a couple of people plus unresolved birth trauma from first baby and a uterine prolapse from third baby....... Sex kinda just became really hard for me and he decided it was because I didn't fancy him anymore, so he got really insecure.
Essentially, his insecurities and health issues, my health and sex issues just caused a load of issues. He started sleeping with a knife under the bed cos he was scared of summat (he was abused as a kid at night by his baby sitter), but I can sympathise with that BUT my brother who sexually assaulted me was obsessed with knives and threatened me on a number of occasions. That combined with his nastiness scared the crap out of me. Theres been trouble between us for a while. Monday we split up because he was having one of his weird turns (friends have assured me I did nothing to cause him to treat me the way he did but I figure it takes two to mess stuff up, I am really crap at talking cos of the way I was raised, so I literally clam up. I can write stuff etc.
He stole my bank card, I was just getting more and more freaked out, he was getting angrier and angrier and was terrified that when he finally left the family home I would prevent him seeing the kids.
So, Thursday comes around, I decide to report abuse to the police (the night before he kept being nasty to me, I asked him to leave the room cos it wasn't good and DD3 was there, he refused, I said I would call the police, he kept saying I was mentally deficient and had a defective personality cos of my bipolar and so the police wouldn't believe me) cos I was scared if I did call the police, they wouldn't believe me.
The policeman asked whether I wanted him to go round and get my bank card back (I had NO money), I kept saying no, finally I caved, really I just wanted things down just in case (I was really scared). Policeman goes to get my card, DH has destroyed it, I freak out and decide I can't go home and end up in emergency accommodation with the kids.
It just kept getting messier, I was told to go to the solicitors on Friday and get an occupation order to get him out and us back in but they couldn't do it. The whole time, I was in contact with my support worker who was in contact with DHs support worker who was in contact with DH. It ended up being chinese whispers and DH was told I had an injuntion against him and he would have to take a course for violent husbands before he could see the kids and he was also told that I had reported him as being physically violent, which I hadn't.
Occupation order couldn't be done anyway because everything was closed early. However, DHs support worker managed to get DH to apply for emergency housing and got him to leave me some money. So, we got back into the house Friday evening.
DH is really unhappy.
I know everyone is going to say he deserved it whatever
I knew DH was damaged before I married him, I knew I was damaged, with all the stress of finances, health problems, housing issues etc plus our childhood abuse etc, its hardly surprising things ended the way they did. I think maybe we are just too damaged to be together. One person in the relation ship is one ting, but both of us with all our current issues? Thats another. He admitted a few weeks ago that he treats me badly, he forgets things are hard for me too and he did go to the Docs for help, it just didn't come soon enough.
When things were good with DH they were FANTASTIC, but when they were bad they were dire. He is a BRILLIANT Dad, the girls absolutely adore him and his life revolves around the girls. He isn't a bad guy, hes a lovely guy, he just as problems as I do.
The other thing is, while I have dealt with his health, he has put up with mine, I have bankrupted us due to bipolar, I am more down than up and its hard to live with. I am a self harmer, I overdosed 3 times this past year, he had to cope with that and its not easy, I know its not. Thing is, I was only diagnosed bipolar this past couple of months. Now I am medicated and its really helping, no suicidal thoughts, no self harm, no overspending, no voices etc etc etc, thing is, it doesn't undo whats happened in the past.
I do love him, he loves me, but this past week, its been too much. Its gutting. I have been asking for a proper diagnosis for years and all I got was 'your just depressed', if I had had help sooner, if DH had had help sooner (he is in constant pain, has 2 sleep disorders so hardly sleeps and suffers from depression as a result) then maybe we wouldn't have reached this point.
We have struggled on and on and on with little help or support but its eaten away at us and this is the result.
I have to totally stick up for him, I know some will think 'typical abused partner syndrome', but if you knew as much as I do about whats happened to him, I think you would understand fully too why he is the way he is.
Not that I am an angel, I am a total pain in the ass, the bipolar meds have made me really irritable.
In this relationship, we both messed up.
Again, I must point out he is a great Dad, yeah he might have been crap with me when DD3 was about BUT, I think I was using the kids as an excuse not to talk and he became frustrated.
Hindsight is a bitch.