Daughter's First Period - Strange Things - Page 2

[~Adorkable~]

Originally Posted by whatsnextmom 

Something to keep in mind too, it's not just the physical part that girls can react to. Talking about periods is pretty easy but as it turned out, what stressed my own girl out wasn't "periods" but what they stood for.

 At least in our case, that was the stress trigger, not the bodily function.

This is such a good point and a great thing to gently acknowledge (but not exspect her to chat about yet) with a daughter and be forgiving about.

[kpax]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

having your DD tell you so you can mark it on the family calendar ain't one of them. I do believe that doing so is a completely horrid idea and not in line with gentle parenting at all.

Who said I was going to mark it on the family calendar? I'm insulted you assumed that without asking more questions. She has her own calendar. By the way, I live alone with her, I'm a single Mom, so there really is no "family calendar" but she does have her OWN calendar in her OWN room.

Anyway, thank you all for your responses.

Edited by kpax - 12/28/11 at 8:11pm

[ameliabedelia]

My girls are too young still, but I what my mom did (and what I'm planning to do) is she kept assorted supplies in the bathroom, show us how to use them, show us how to deal with stains and gave me a private calendar to mark days off on.   We had tampons on the bathroom, my mom did tell me about the risks of TSS with using them, told me not to use them all the time and suggested that they only be used for when necessary (like swimming) as they do carry some risks, but she left the choice up to us.

With my girls, I also plan to talk wtih them a bit about normal cycles and what is normal and what isn't. (ie. if they have bleeding longer than 7  days, really heavy bleeding, or extremely long cycles, mid-cycle spotting then it could signify a hormonal imbalance and we could work on it using diet/supplements, etc.  I realize that some cycle irregularity is normal, but there are also a lot of people who live with condition like PCOS for years without treatment, and I think if there is any type of hormonal imbalance, it's better to seek treatment (we typically try natural treatments first), then just live with it and think it's normal.

I do think girls need privacy with this and for the most part should be able to keep track of their periods and be able to tell if something is "wrong" so long as they are given the proper information in the beginning.

[philomom]

Originally Posted by ~Adorkable~ 

I remember when my mom showed me her "secret" code on the calendar  in her office, there was tiny marks that seemed like nothing and I thought it run that no one knew what the meant. For decades I had my own code, even when I lived alone, it was just habit. Even now with my digital calender I have a fun way to mark things and only get graphic on my ttc calender tha is private.  The has never been a shame thing at all! It was a personal matter that was mine to be my own way with.  I may have been handled differently because I did not start till right at my 14th birthday.


Btw I would think that the mom who wanted to know each month so "that she knew everything was ok" that ok meant not pregnant, just my thought. As a teen I would have not gone well wIth that oversight.

I have a secret code, too. And I showed my daughter. But she keeps her own calender in her own room. I just told her it was vital to keep track because your period is a health marker of sorts.

[kpax]

Originally Posted by ameliabedelia 

she kept assorted supplies in the bathroom, show us how to use them, show us how to deal with stains and gave me a private calendar to mark days off on.

Those are my next steps.

[kpax]

Originally Posted by philomom 

 just told her it was vital to keep track because your period is a health marker of sorts.

Exactly. My thoughts were, why not get her used to keeping track and help it become a habit? It's something we should do when we are older anyway.

[artekah]

Originally Posted by karne 

My dd told me that there is a free ap on the ipod touch for charting cycles. It's a high tech version of keeping a calendar, I guess. In our situation, it's great. DD is very independent, and the ap works for her.

That sounds great. When I got my first period (just before I turned 14) my mom taught me how to chart--noting my temp on graph paper and using color codes with colored pencils. Made it into a fun and interesting project. After the first couple months I stopped charting until my adult years, but I am so glad she gave me that knowledge and the power to make sense of my irregular cycles so early in life. I'm definitely going to do the same for my daughter!

ETA: I am also in favor of little secret symbols! I made up my own and still use them to this day. That way you can mark it on any calendar and nobody will know what it is. For bleeding, I draw a little circle with 5 dots around it, looks like a doodle of a flower. I vary the size and darkness of the symbol, and sometimes the number of dots, to show how heavy the flow is. 3 little dots in a triangle indicates spotting. A heart for sex, a circle with an exclamation point in it for ovulation (although those won't be relevant yet for her.) For 10 years I kept track of my cycle by just marking little secret symbols in my day planner I used for school.
Edited by artekah - 12/28/11 at 10:59am

[TiredX2]

Originally Posted by philomom 


I have a secret code, too. And I showed my daughter. But she keeps her own calender in her own room. I just told her it was vital to keep track because your period is a health marker of sorts.

Just so I'm clear, though---- completely "random" periods for even a couple years after starting is normal, right?  Like, isn't it common for girls to skip months until they are older?  I don't think I would have been able to accurately predict my periods for years after originally starting.

[whatsnextmom]

Originally Posted by TiredX2 

Just so I'm clear, though---- completely "random" periods for even a couple years after starting is normal, right?  Like, isn't it common for girls to skip months until they are older?  I don't think I would have been able to accurately predict my periods for years after originally starting.

I don't know that it's your average girl is totally random for "years" but it's also not unheard of. It's a good idea for a girl to track her periods even if they are irregular. Sometimes you can find patterns as to why some months are skipped (like my best friend growing up who's period stopped every swim season because her body fat levels dropped to low to menstrate.)

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

kpax-

I need to ask to edit your post to Linda on the Move.  Please avoid personal attacks.  Feel free to debate the post, not the poster. 

[kpax]

Originally Posted by QueenOfTheMeadow 

kpax-

I need to ask to edit your post to Linda on the Move.  Please avoid personal attacks.  Feel free to debate the post, not the poster. 

Ok, edited.

[One_Girl]

I was horrified when I started my period and I remember several talks about puberty and sex education.  My mother took me out for ice cream and made it feel like a wonderful thing, but it wasn't something I cared to share with her because it was something I felt secretive of.  My desire for privacy in many areas of my life didn't hurt our relationship, in fact I think it helped that my mother gave me the room I needed to grow and make decisions about what to share and what not to share even if it was hard for us to grow apart in some ways.  I don't remember ever asking her for any products and I don't see any reason to track your period, as a child or adult, unless you start having problems that you think might be related.  I certainly don't track mine and I won't be asking my child to.  As someone else pointed out, it is very clear just from the trash can that a period is occurring. 

Since she is so resistant right now I think you should let go of the calendar idea go all together, make sure you have plenty of products on hand, and track it as best you can from what is in the garbage can if you really feel that it is something you have to do.  If in a year from now her period has not regulated or you feel the time is right to suggest it then I think you should have a discussion again with her, and the doctor if it is a medical concern, but for now the unpredictability is normal and expected so I suggest making sure she feels that her privacy is respected by letting the issue go for a while. 

[karne]

The charting piece, in our family, is something that is important to my dd.  She likes to be prepared, and she is very active, with many afterschool and weekend commitments.  She likes to plan, have supplies to take with her, and not be caught unprepared.  I think it's great because it's giving her a sense of control, and making that piece of her life feel more manageable.  I have been completely surprised by the autonomy in this regard, but I think it's healthy, and I do whatever I can to support it.  I don't see the fun in guessing for girls this age...they have to be prepared at school, etc.  In my dd's group, they often bring an extra set of pants or sweats to school, and generally help each other out as needed.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by TiredX2 

Just so I'm clear, though---- completely "random" periods for even a couple years after starting is normal, right?  Like, isn't it common for girls to skip months until they are older?  I don't think I would have been able to accurately predict my periods for years after originally starting.

YES!  It's completely normal, and I think moms telling their DDs anything else could cause needless panic.

I found such an interesting graph in a book on menopause that showed regularity of periods with age and it totally fascinated me. Most women are regular by age 20. The younger the menstruating woman, the less likely she is to be regular.

The graph showed how women are then regular for most of their reproductive years, and our bodies go haywire again during peri-menopause.

But teen girls can have their periods just as all over the place as peri-menapausal women. Of course, anything really out there should be mentioned to a health care provider. But irregular periods in an of themselves in a teen girl don't mean that anything is wrong.

[Mirzam]

Originally Posted by TiredX2 

Just so I'm clear, though---- completely "random" periods for even a couple years after starting is normal, right?  Like, isn't it common for girls to skip months until they are older?  I don't think I would have been able to accurately predict my periods for years after originally starting.

Yes, my eldest got her first period at 12 3/4, and didn't get the next one until she was almost 15 when they became quite regular.

[whatsnextmom]

Originally Posted by Mirzam 

Yes, my eldest got her first period at 12 3/4, and didn't get the next one until she was almost 15 when they became quite regular.

It's possible that first one wasn't a real period. I had the same thing happen but in hindsight, I think I actually just broke my hymen while playing slip and slide with my cousins that afternoon. This is actually not uncommon with athletic girls and can explain having one period and then not another for a full year. It can also be a body weight thing. My DD didn't start until about a month before her 14th birthday but she also didn't hit 100 pounds until then either. Once she started, she was pretty regular right of the bat... just like me... pretty clockwork from day one.

[ProLifeWoman]

Please do not listen to other's that berate you or belittle you. Being a mom is hard work and it is different for all of us. My daughter just started her first period last month. She was prepared with many talks. Just be there for her and make sure she knows she can come to you for anything. You are a good mom and she is lucky to have you there for her. Every girls' period is different and having her chart them is smart. Chart your own so she can feel normal during this process of her period becoming regular. It will be irregular for a few months but will settle into a pattern. take her to lunch and talk about it. In plain simple language. The more she knows the better. Just hang in there. We moms have to help each other through the tough times and believe me....there are tough times for ALL of us!

[CarrieMF]

If she has an ipod/iphone I use P Tracker lite(there is a paid version too).  I can track when it starts/ends, symptoms(though I don't do that), how long my cycles are, when i should be expecting it, etc.  

[purplerose]

cyclespage.com is a good site! i used it for years and years. after a few cycles, it estimates when your next period will start and when you ovulate. it's been a while since i've used it so it may be even better now.

[pattimomma]

You might want to by her the book Cycle Savvy: The Smart Teen's Guide to the Mysteries of Her Body by Toni Weschler. She's the same author as Taking Charge of Your Fertility.