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Weekly Chat: December 25-31.... The last of 2011! - Page 3

post #41 of 74


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by BubbleMa View Post

Name: Sarah

Weeks/Days along: 21 weeks

Appointments: Jan. 4th

Symptoms: Bigger boobs/nipples/areolae + sensitivity, extra emotional

Food: No real cravings or aversions.  I can eat mostly everything.

Exercise: Not as much as I should be.

Body changes and other milestones: Bigger boobs/nipples/areolae, belly button is starting to flatten out

Thoughts:  I finally told my mom the week before Christmas.  She seemed happy, but it's hard to tell through email.  When I visited over Christmas we talked about the baby a lot, and she seemed genuinely happy and excited. :)  I didn't get any snide comments or anything!    I was worried for nothing!  SO's mom on the other hand hasn't said a single word to me about it since he told her.  We saw her a few days before Christmas and when everyone else was congratulating us and asking about the baby she didn't say a word.  She didn't even ask how I was feeling or anything.  We talked about other things, but she never once mentioned the pregnancy.  Same thing when I saw her yesterday.  I guess she wanted us to be married first, but that's stupid IMO because SO was married when he had his two kids and his (ex) wife is a witch and they ended up divorced.  So how is their crappy relationship better than our healthy relationship just because there's a piece of paper??   Ugh.  Whatever.  If she doesn't treat this baby the same way she treats the other kids, we're going to have serious problems! 

 

Sarah, I can relate.... My man and I are not married (although we plan to when we can).  I am, in fact, still trying to get officially divorced from my ex.  So the timing of our new baby is a little weird, especially in others' eyes, but that's when it happened - right in the midst of my messy life.  I don't like that it dampens my enthusiasm to share our baby news with some of the more conservative/judgemental relatives.  But my man and I are super excited about our baby girl and are really happy with each other - he's wonderful!! - so I am trying to just be accepting of the whole situation myself and know that someday the divorce will be final :)
 

 

post #42 of 74

Sorry for going off there, re-reading my post I sound a little insane. Nonstop extended family will do that to a person. That and having an aunt I see once a year ask me questions about whether my boobs are sore.

 

I feel like this pretty much sums up my attitude towards "just you wait and see" comments: http://www.stfuparentsblog.com/post/128878200/im-sorry-but-who-died-and-made-you-ladies

 

Ok the shower thing has been mentioned enough times that I really just have to ask. Forgive me if this is a stupid question but... can't your partner hold the baby long enough for you to shower? Or are people just not into night showers?

 

Ozzy - I had no idea they made rocking papasan chairs! I think my mom is still desperately hoping I'll reclaim the one I left at her place after college. I think my physical therapist would have me hanged if I did, they're not great for your back.

 

BubbleMa - sorry to hear your mother-out-law is getting you down. But I don't think there's any reason people should get married just because they're having a kid. In fact, that seems like just about the worst time/reason to get married. 

 

I'm feeling left out of the coffee club, I've never been really into the stuff. :D

post #43 of 74
Thread Starter 

of course your partner can hold the baby...  but depending on you sleep deprivation, etc. when partner is holding the baby you may want to sleep or have a million other things you would rather do with your precious free time.  So yeah, a shower may seem like 5 minutes, not a big deal, but if you have 20 five minute things to do it can be hard to narrow down and prioritize....

 

Its funny because a lot of the first time moms from my last DDC were shocked that they couldn't get as much done post baby... like dishes, eating, and showering, and sleeping.... so I think having low expectations can be good...

post #44 of 74
Thread Starter 


I still haven't told my parents!  hahaha. I have an ultra sound pic all scanned and ready to email... I just haven't.  My parents(my mom specifically) tends to create drama... and I just don't want to deal with their reaction..... so I haven't told them.  I don't want them anywhere near the house when baby is born, after our last baby's birth, so the longer I wait the less time they have to plan their "helpful visit".......

Quote:
Originally Posted by BubbleMa View Post

Name: Sarah

Weeks/Days along: 21 weeks

Appointments: Jan. 4th

Symptoms: Bigger boobs/nipples/areolae + sensitivity, extra emotional

Food: No real cravings or aversions.  I can eat mostly everything.

Exercise: Not as much as I should be.

Body changes and other milestones: Bigger boobs/nipples/areolae, belly button is starting to flatten out

Thoughts:  I finally told my mom the week before Christmas.  She seemed happy, but it's hard to tell through email.  When I visited over Christmas we talked about the baby a lot, and she seemed genuinely happy and excited. :)  I didn't get any snide comments or anything!    I was worried for nothing!  SO's mom on the other hand hasn't said a single word to me about it since he told her.  We saw her a few days before Christmas and when everyone else was congratulating us and asking about the baby she didn't say a word.  She didn't even ask how I was feeling or anything.  We talked about other things, but she never once mentioned the pregnancy.  Same thing when I saw her yesterday.  I guess she wanted us to be married first, but that's stupid IMO because SO was married when he had his two kids and his (ex) wife is a witch and they ended up divorced.  So how is their crappy relationship better than our healthy relationship just because there's a piece of paper??   Ugh.  Whatever.  If she doesn't treat this baby the same way she treats the other kids, we're going to have serious problems! 

 



 

post #45 of 74

Ok, that makes sense.

 

Admittedly when people mention the shower thing, I tend to imagine a world where they want nothing more in life than to bathe and their partner is incapable of caring for the baby, a la every movie/tv show/advertisement ever where the dad has no clue what to do with a baby. 

 

I'd hope that in this day and age those attitudes are pretty much gone. Of course, my husband is much better with kids and housework than I am so in our house it would be me putting the diaper on backwards while dinner burns.

 

Thankfully my mother in law got me this for Christmas: http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Owners-Manual-Instruction/dp/1931686238

post #46 of 74
Thread Starter 

oh and if you are nursing, baby often eats every 2 hours... which you think that you have two hours between feedings.... but by the time you've nursed baby each side (20-30minutes) burbed baby, changed clothes from spit up, etc. eaten a snack since you are always starving from nursing, and then gone pee, its time to nurse again!  hahaha!

 

 

Not trying to freak anyone out... but there are periods of time when partner is at work and getting up at 5 to shower or have some free time before DP goes to work is just not as appealing as precious sleep....

post #47 of 74

LOL - I'm sorry Km84...In 5 minths you may be like "What the heck were those ladies talking about?" cause your babe is mellow OR you'll be like "wow. I stink" LOL

Mlovesj is right - thank god my first forray into parenting wasn't twins. I can't imagine. I think it is truly just such a lifestyle change and you feel so vulnerable with this new life that like Forest said - 20 different 5 minute things to do is so overwhelming, that it will depend on where you put your priorities and sometimes a shower loses.

 

You know though, I don't remember the shower thing being a problem with #2, #3 and I don't worry about it with #4. I think that is because I have had two easy kids since the hard one, and also cause if a babe is crying and cant be comforted and I am on the verge of a breakdown cause I can't take a shower - Baby will get put down while I go take that 10 minutes to my self. Not really even an issue.

Could just be a first time mom trying to adjust to it all phenomenon. lol

Also, some people have DH's more willing to help, or nannys or what not...

 

Regarding the marriage thing: Sorry Sarah you are going through that. I'm ranting in the paragraph ahead. LOL

 

Ok, can I just say something that I don't mean to sound hyper religious or anything like that but to me it is just common sense....What should be seen as more of a commitment? A piece of paper stamped by our government acknowledging a legal partnership OR a human life that shares both of your DNA?

 

Especially if the people throwing a fit are Judeo-Christian - ketuva (marriage covenents) are part of the Jewish culture but this idea of a marriage contract we have is through the state. I think is someone is throwing a stink about not being 'married' by the state I' would ask them their priorities.

The whole bastard idea certainly didn't keep Hagar from concieving Ishmael. Or Miriam/Mary concieving Yahushua/Jesus. No marriage contract  there, kwim?

 

Anyways  sorry you ladies are going through that by your more 'conservative' members of family. I'm going to shut up now. I'm feeling chatty and on't want to offend any one who knows I don't mean it in a cruel way.

 

 

post #48 of 74

oh and sorry in advance for typos or misspellings. My pc is all weird and i cant really see what I type too well. Just going by touch and hoping I get it right. Maybe I'll reset my machine.

post #49 of 74

Oh, on the shower note...have any of you tried a mesh sling?  My sister used one with her DD and it really worked great for them (her SO used it too).  :)  I think I'll probably get one of those.  I probably wouldn't use it every single time (how do you shave while wearing a baby??) but I could at least use it when SO can't help out with the baby.  Plus, we could use it the beach and pool! :)

post #50 of 74
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BubbleMa View Post

Oh, on the shower note...have any of you tried a mesh sling?  My sister used one with her DD and it really worked great for them (her SO used it too).  :)  I think I'll probably get one of those.  I probably wouldn't use it every single time (how do you shave while wearing a baby??) but I could at least use it when SO can't help out with the baby.  Plus, we could use it the beach and pool! :)



hahaha I haven't really shaved in like 10 years. I think the sling is cool, and some babies like the shower. My 2 year-old hates the shower... so he wouldn't like it.  When he was tiny I would put him in the bouncy seat and shower fast.  Eventually when they sit up you can put them in the shower with some toys and just be quick...

 

But my shower in my alone time.  So I pretty much insist on DH caring for the baby while I shower.... I just need the space and some time to relax. 

 

Yeah I think 1st baby is such a psychological shift, that that is the hardest part.... and being exhausted, and hungry... maybe it is just me but I am like starving and very thirsty for weeks postpartum.... due to nursing...

 

eat lots of chocolate now to have a nice mellow baby :LOL!

 

Onemoreontheway, I totally agree with you about marriage. Interestingly, children out of wedlock *is not* even a religious thing, but a civil thing-- there are no illegitimate children when it comes to religion.... but just the state... back in the "olden days" there wasn't a separation between the two necessarily (old testament times)... but yeah, I doubt anyone being really religious if they judge people like that!  Its hard enough being a parent and having a partner and all that without extra baggage.... gesh! 

post #51 of 74
Is it just me or is this the most awesome weekly chat yet? I read/post from my iPhone because we don't have Internet and I totally feel like every post is totally great! smile.gif

- To those who are snappy - I am worse this pg than I was with dd1 and 2 and all I keep thinking is, this better go away after I have the baby because I cannot COPE being this much of a b**** all the time. Omg. I completely relate to not wanting to be around family this season because they're all grating on my nerves so much more than usual! My mantra lately is "your sense of perspective will improve in a few months" because, right now, I do not have it. And at least I know/remember I don't have it...most of the time that keeps me from feeling like my sanity is slipping from my grasp.

- onemore - thanks for the chin up on homeschooling. I actually was home schooled...I think it's making it harder? Right now? Because I want to do the things my parents did right, but i also really want to not do things the way they did on a lot of levels. Dd1 is 5 1/2 and not reading with any proficiency yet and that feels so behind to me. Right or wrong...there it is. I don't want to threadjack but...6 yrs and 4th grade reading level?! Wow. What method are you using for reading? We're largely unschooling...but with some waldorf and Montessori and our own hodgepodge thrown in. I don't want to push the kids so young, but dd1 is ready to read if she (and I!!! Not disciplined at all here) would just apply herself a bit...attention spans are leaving much to be desired.

- Sarah and others, I'm sorry youre getting family static over relationship status...your baby is loved by you and your partners and that's the most important gift you can give. Not some paper stamped by govt.

- forest - we waited a long time to tell my mil (who lives down the street) about this baby and her snippy comments about us not being able to afford this baby make me wish we hadn't told her at all. I'm sorry your family creates drama - my side does that too...we have a standing ban on visiting post partum for that reason. Can you insist they do not visit when the baby is born? Would that help?

- on showers...I always managed to squeeze one in while dh was home from work. Even if it was late at night and more rushed, where there's a will, there's a way. This time, it will be three and dd1 will be 6 so she's old enough to keep track of dd2 for 10 minutes while baby naps. With 1&2, once in awhile I'd bring the baby bouncy seat into the bathroom and just keep baby in there while I showered.
If you have a bathtub, you can do baby bathtime. But our apartments have always had showers only (boo!!). Plus, there's a LOT to be said for five or ten minutes of mommy time.

- dreams...people keep dying in mine! What the heck? Last night I dreamt that my dad and an old hs friends' dad both died. Totally depressing and on the heels of dh cancer death dream and the murder-mayhem-flashmob dreams...bring back the sex dreams! Those were way more fun.
post #52 of 74

LHM: Reading method...excuse me while I laugh..I am so not organized...

Thats the thing - I'm just doing what I can and going by their interest.

I have read to them every day since they were born, and did some things right - some things wrong. I bought these 'sight words' dvds and played them from the time they were 3 or 4. They knew their sight words pretty quick before I did phonetic and also some lessons out of "Reading Reflex" I also let them play on Starfall.com (free)

I did 2 weeks of hooked on phonics K level, I have encouraged reading in any way I could with frequent trips to the library...Yet one of my kids couldn't read at her grade level but the younger one (who has Special needs) is reading at a fourth grade level.

Basically, I used any and all programs I could find to teach until my kids *grasped* whatever I was trying to teach.

 

I muddled my point in my post so I'll try not to this go around - I have totally learned that some kids give you superior results that can easily inflate your head (imagine if I only had this child who was a whiz at reading- I would think *my* way was the right way...uhh..whatever that way would be lol)...On the other hand, some kids you can try and try and barely break 'even' with as with my eldest.

 

Thats why homeschooling is great. You get to meet your kids on their level. Even if cousin Jo is 3 grades ahead on a couple subjects, your kid is going to be leaps and bounds ahead on *other* and it is going to happen when you least expect it.

 

My daughter who reads on her level (and it is a struggle) has totally shown improvement with this online reading game called "HEADSPROUT". I highly, highly,highly recommend it. It's $100 (I believe) for the first 40 lessons but honestly - my daughter improved so much by playing that game and enjoyed it so much that it was worth it.

 

The main thing I *have* to avoid is comparing my kids to other peoples kids. In manners, education, everything.

Its a selfish motivation. Either it will inflate my head or depress my heart. Who needs those extremes?

 

 

 

I love our weekly chats here. Even more so since I read some of the other DDC's...there was one a couple weeks ago I was reading and I was like "Holy crap I can't imagine spending 9 months with this crunchy vs mainstream whine whine whine attitude going on in a ddc"...It was pretty obvious that was what was going on with the "I'm too crunchy and don't feel comfy" and then a bunch of others chiming in about how overly granola they are.

 

I wanted to say: If you want to eat your placenta, eat your placenta and be proud! But understand that some people will find that gross and that doesn't make them wrong any more than it makes you weird. Quit 'yer whining!

 

I didn't though. I just closed it out thinking "Where are your brass ovaries?" lol

 

I really hope no one ever feels left out or like they don't belong here cause of /ap or no apreligion/crunch factor/lifestyle whatever, and with this group of awesome women? I don't think its likely.

This is the best DDC of the four I have now been in!

post #53 of 74

 

Name: roxi

 

Weeks/Days along: 22w, 2d

 

Appointments: meeting potential doulas in early jan, prenatal appointment with cnm i just switched to (from my ob) on jan 17

 

Symptoms: feeling good--i had an awful cold!!! over xmas in minnesota, but now that i'm in ca most of my symptoms are gone, or departing

 

Food: tacos! i just had some awesome raw tacos (in cabbage leaves) at a natural foods market near my parent's house. my brother made whole wheat/cornmeal pancakes with agave syrup for breakfast... it is blissful here (ca, i live in a tiny college town in oh)

 

Exercise: not much now since i'm on vacation

 

Body changes and other milestones: feeling the baby move a lot. my mom says i don't look pregnant, just like i ate a cake. haha

 

Thoughts: missing my husband! he stayed in mn but he's going back to oh tomorrow to prep for classes. so we won't spend nye (or his birthday!) together. it is nice to see my parents & brother, tho, and it was fun visiting his family in mn. everyone is excited about the baby! my husband found out the sex on xmas (i knew, but he waited for the surprise). he was convinced the baby would be a girl (it's a boy!). my mom & i like to thrift together, so we spent today visiting a few thrifts and picking up a ton of baby clothes super cheap. and we went to the fabric store and i picked out some quarter yards for a baby quilt... i have a few projects i want to do; 1. baby quilt 2. baby duvet 2. knit rabbit lovey 4. felt shoes 5. felt quiet book 6. flannel bibs (so far i knit a blanket and made a mobile with patchwork birds and branches from our yard). i'm not teaching spring semester so i'll have plenty of time to make things. i really want to start getting the room set up when i get back home--we need to make a trip to ikea. i have a bookcase and a dresser so far; i want one of those shelving unit things and some baskets to put in it, a crib, etc. 

 

my mom was saying we should have a baby shower while i'm here but there was no good day to do it on, since this weekend is the new year and i leave next saturday. my husband's sister and aunt want to throw one in mn in march, tho, so i guess i will fly there for that... as long as i don't have to stay in my fil's house :/ he smokes a pipe in the house and i had enough of that over xmas; i think it added to my cold symptoms, or at least to a general sense of irritation. plus he has weird food issues and does things like feed people pancakes made with eggs that expired in APRIL (i hid upstairs until danger had passed). my husband hid, too, but everyone else ate them... they know their dad has issues with food but i guess they don't care. my mom is the same way sometimes but i can outright tell her it's gross and i'm not eating it; my fil is temperamental and has fits when people people disagree with him, haha. 

post #54 of 74

Oh Roxi...Thats sad about your FIL. I am not that uptight with the expiration dates on some things but that sounds like he has a serious issue. Especially if he gets defensive about it. I can't imagine eating eggs from April (unless they were done with the mineral oil trick for long term storage or dehydrated or something)..Sad.

 

I love to thrift too :)

post #55 of 74

i will eat eggs past expiry date, tho only after they're tested (sink in water=bad). but yes, i am super picky about food (vegetarian; my fil is a duck-hunter & very midwestern (freezer full of gross clearance foodstuff)--he thinks all i need to eat is a boiled potato and some biscuits. so i just bring my own food now, it is easier, especially as i am SO HUNGRY). so that's fine, i just eat my own food, and run away when he makes swedish pancakes (it's like a tradition, he loves making them for his kids & grandkids, but he lets the milk and eggs get too disgusting). & yeah, he thinks it is fine even when it is obviously not. i am glad we don't live there tho it wld be nice to be close to family & friends... while we were there he got in a big fight with his youngest daughter over whether she ought to return a dvd player or pack it in her bag that ended with "you're not welcome here & don't come to my funeral" and she left to stay in a hotel and fly home. my parents can be wacky, too, but my husband's dad is fairly astounding. the smoke makes me feel super insane tho, at least food i can do something about, but he works in his office until like 3 or 4am in the room right under where we sleep, and i just smell the smoke when i'm trying to sleep and it makes me feel uncomfortable. he thinks the smoke is good for you tho; that it kills germs or something. he's really into it & goes to pipe shows & sells them there & on ebay & owns a couple thousand pipes. 

 

& yes, thrifting! it's so fun! i like the challenge of looking for something awesome. we found some cute baby blankets that are new for $4/each--i looked them up online and they retail for $30! & i got a $400 suitcase in great shape (to bring everything home in, lol) for $12! plus many baby clothes for 25 cents-99 cents. 

post #56 of 74



Grr...it's not letting me multi-quote properly. :(

 

Anyway, about the marriage issue...my thing is this: back in the day before judges and marriage licenses existed, were those people less married than people who get married today?  I don't think so.  Just because SO and I haven't been "officially" married by the government doesn't mean we're not deeply committed to each other and our family.  God knows what's in our hearts, and IMO that's all that really matters.  I'm really debating whether or not I want to get married at all, I just don't think it's any place for the government...but there are disadvantages for unmarried couples when it comes to insurance and things like that.  So...blah.

 

On the shower note: I hear you about that being alone time.  Me too!  Even though I get plenty of alone time right now, there's still something about being in there that's peaceful for me.  I guess it depends on the baby and circumstances.  If SO is out of town and baby is going to scream and cry the entire time I'm in there, then I'll just strap her on and hop in.  kwim?  I'm hoping this one is as chill as DD was, but I doubt I'm going to get that lucky twice.  lol

post #57 of 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by persephassa View Post

i will eat eggs past expiry date, tho only after they're tested (sink in water=bad). . 



You want the eggs to sink!  That means that there is no extra gas in the air cell.  If they float to the top they are expired/spoiled!

 

KM84 - You are cracking me up!  Even if life won't be rosey after the baby is here, I still don't want people raining on my parade with the negative aspects of having a child.  One person I had just met started asking me questions like: "what are you going to do when you two want to go out?"  My reply was "get a baby sitter."  That and we only go out like once a year anyway!  We've been married for 7 years so I think we've had enough time to "go out"!!!  Seriously though, we plan on our lives changing, not ending.  Of course we're "from the country" and it seems like the "city people" feel like their lives are going to end, where as, we recognize that it will be different, but we can still do tons of fun stuff with babies and kids. 

post #58 of 74


Onemore, so flipping funny! I love it. It's so true. This is my first time on a mothering board, and I love it! I just recommended it to a friend who is due in August. I hope she gets a good one as well!

 

Quote:

...

 

I wanted to say: If you want to eat your placenta, eat your placenta and be proud! But understand that some people will find that gross and that doesn't make them wrong any more than it makes you weird. Quit 'yer whining!

 

...

 

My 20 week ultrasound is in an hour and a half and I'm so nervous. I had been super excited up until this morning. Now I just feel anxious. I pray more than anything that this is a healthy baby with all its bits and pieces in the right places and I'm certainly hoping it decides to share certain bits with us today. :)

 

So far this pregnancy, thrifting has saved me a bundle. At my local St. Vincent's I found a brand new men's extra, extra large jacket that I can wear to the barn for $9! We've also been blessed with a crib, bassinet, pack n play, swing, exersaucer (sp?) and a boat load of clothes and toys all second hand from friends for free. We are so thankful! 

 

Also, I'm fully expecting that I won't be showering very often and my legs will be neglected for at least 12 months.

 

post #59 of 74


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by KM84 View Post



God I hope not. I have been a total bitchface lately. I can't stand being around most anyone, and I started snapping at my husband for making us miss "our" train, despite the fact that we hadn't yet bought tickets and they come every half hour. The holidays drove me NUTS with everyone getting up in my business about the pregnancy. They weren't even that bad, and no one was rude.

 

But OH MY GOD if I have this conversation one more time I'm going to scream:

Person: How are you feeling? [they always seem to expect the answer to be "great" at this point]

Me: Well, better than I was, though I'm still super tired

Person: [laughing] Oh just wait to see how tired you are once the baby gets here!

 

Why does everyone feel the need to tell me this, as though it has yet to be brought to my attention?

 

Other comments I'm not appreciating include "enjoy [hobby] now, you'll never have time for it again!" Because apparently no parents have hobbies. Also the idea that I will never experience quiet again, which makes no sense to me because I remember plenty of "quiet time" in my house growing up.

 

Seriously, if having kids was half as unpleasant as these folks are making it out to be, the human race would be extinct.


YES!

 

I just wish people would stop asking how I am feeling.  Or not talk about it at all.  I am SO sick of the questions and like you, sick of the stupid comments.  it's like once you're a parent, you're obligated to be annoying to pregnant women, like OMG you're gonna want to kill yourself once thsi baby is born.  I GET IT.  I have waited 29 years of my life to become a parent because I was preparing myself for this.  I am not a teen mom.  I am an adult and I understand what I "got myself into".  People are so annoying right now. 

 

And that's not to say that I don't want advice from people, if I ask.  But it's the constant comments ALL the time that are uninvited.   You can't say anything these days without getting unsolicited advice from everyone you have ever met.  YES I know, my life is going to change.  That is the idea.  I actually planned this, so leave me alone.

 

 

Oh and I am feeling a bit better now.  Still in Oklahoma until Sunday night.  Can't wait to be back home, but it hasn't been bad over here.  Except being sicker than everm that was insane.


Edited by janellody - 12/30/11 at 8:34am
post #60 of 74
Thread Starter 

I think the advice from random people gets stupider when the baby is born... people have told me the dumbest things about how to care for my infants/toddlers...

 

I can't stand it when people tell me my baby is a boy or a girl based on the shape of my belly.... like "oh you are having a girl because of XYZ," ....

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