Konayossi thank you so much for responding! I'm sorry you had it rough too with DS1, I am in awe that you agreed to have another child...I'm too afraid I'll get another HN baby. Sometimes I'm not sure it's him, so much as me. I mean, I was perfectly contented to sit around in the afternoons after work and watch hours of TV, or read a book, and ignore dishes, laundry, and bills. I think maybe to someone with more energy and/or patience Kai would not be so hard to handle.
I get what you mean about it getting easier once they can do stuff for themselves. I've noticed lately that he gets REALLY frustrated why he can't get his toys in his mouth (still working on coordinating body parts) and will actually yell at them. He will yell at his toys, and then, usually very quickly, he will begin screaming at ME! Of course, when he CAN get things in there he is so happy and contented...he could stay there for hours.
I have a dear wfriend ( his Grammy, for all intents and purposes) who kept telling me to get him on a scheduled (I kept asking her how exactly? He doesn't understand what I say to him!!), let DH give him a bottle with expressed BM at night, let him lie around and play by himself...my son just doesn't do these things. It wasn't until I forwarded her Dr Sears HN checklist that she called crying and apologizing...of course I didn't need her to apologize, just understand, and support my decision to continue on with the whole AP thing.
To make matters worse, he is already acutely aware of my absence and when I have left him with my sister (who has been with us since he was born...she actually moved in for the first month PP) on Sundays, he creid himself to sleep in her arms and refused to take the bottle from her. Seriously? I am gone for 2 stinking hours to yoga. And I start work next month. Sigh. But it is like you said, I NEED that break once a week. And DH is great, when he gets home from work he immediately takes baby and I get a couple hours of peace. Still though...
Sometimes I do feel like a total failure. I so ascribed to the "just do what they need when they need it and they will be happy contented babies" crap before I had him, that I actually feel like a jerk for some of the things I've said to clients. I couldn't possibly provide for him any more or any quicker, and yet it never seems to be enough. And I'm bone tired about 80% of the time.
Sorry about the rant-i-ness of this :( No sleep last night either. It seriously feels like he is sleeping WORSE as time goes on!!