3rd child pregnancy « Back to Group Discussions

[IntuitiveJamie]

I remember when I joined my first ddc and would see the third time mommy thread. I remember thinking, 'wow, three kids, third (or more pregnancy), what must that be like?'  It just seemed like such a far away thing. Growing up, I always wanted the perfect 2.5 (not sure how you get the .5 though ). But then when I got married and moved to Mississippi, somehow my tune changed and I started feeling like it would be three. I think it's in the MS water.  Anyways, we had #1, then #2 and that was really all my dh desired. He's felt really settled and okay with just the two boys. But as the years have gone on, I've pressured him on and off for the third child. I def. wanted to try for a girl (fine if it's another boy, but really really want a girl). And I'm not sure what shifted for my dh, but he opened the door for the opportunity and here we are, pregnant with number three.

It's a totally diff. feeling to me than the other two pregnancies. And I mean that in the sense that it's b/c it's the third child. I don't have any of the first pregnancy worries at all. In fact, I'm so tickled by the first time mommies in this month. They are so darned cute to me, with all their concerns and I remember those feelings too. But I don't have any of them this time. I'm totally looking forward to giving birth. And I just feel at peace in general.

I would say the things I think about this time are more based on the logistics of having three children. Like the car size and fitting 3 car seats. (We already went and bought the bigger car). Christmas with three kids instead of 2. The cost of three children. I've even daydreamed of way down the road and with three kids, means the opportunity for even more grandkids (possibly).  I love it!  I do also think about things like, how will I fit 3 kids on my lap to snuggle? Or how will I handle when they are all three going in diff. directions and I only have two arms.

Something is different about the idea of 3 vs 2 for sure. Does anyone else feel that? What's this pregnancy like for you in all regards to it being your third child? What thoughts/concerns do you have about having three kids?

[~Demeter~]

Not my third, lol, but I remember my third pregnancy.... it was so beautifully easy and he was such a beautiful easy baby. I hope the rest of you have as sweet of little ones as my A was for me.

[katroshka]

This will hopefully be my 4th, my 3rd is now 9.5 months old and is 8 years younger than my middle daughter. I guess because of the length of time since my second pregnancy, I was still very nervous and concerned about everything except birth. Birth has always been pretty easy for me, and the third one turned out to be the easiest yet- 45 minutes!

Our first shot at #4 ended in miscarriage at 8 weeks so even this time around I am very nervous, but really looking forward to labor and having another sweet baby to hold.

[Lisanne]

This will be our third I hope :) We could use a bigger car, but it won't be happening so we need to upgrade to narrower car seats instead. Going to be tight back there. It's a great excuse to keep my 5 year old in a 5 point harness forever though. No way to do a booster with 2 other car seats.

[Lizbiz]

I am really excited to have my 3rd bambino.  We want a big family.  I am nervous mostly because I also work full time presently and I know it's going to be a big stretch to keep it all together.  In addition, having 3 kids in China is dif't than having 3 kids in the US.  The infrastructure is just not here to support HOW bigger families in America live.  Everyone has 1 child here with 2 working parents and at least 2 (if not 4) doting grandparents who shop/clean/cook/look after the baby and the working parents.  So there's no Target, no Old Navy, no minivans, no big houses, no yards with swingsets, no clothes driers, no bathtubs, no ovens, no convenience foods in one shop, no carpet... you get the picture!  

One big perk we do have here is reasonable childcare... so we may be hiring additional help next year.  It's not my ideal solution - I'd like to be the one caring for the kiddos... but for now - it is a blessing.

So I'm nervous about the added stress of growing our family in China... and that along with missing our family - it's definitely moving me in the direction of getting back to the US pretty soon!

But, all that aside, I really do trust that it will all work out.  So, I'm just mostly very excited when I'm not nauseous! 

[major_mama11]

I agree that my main concerns, other than of course hoping that all goes well, are related to logistics. We won't need a new car, since we intentionally bought this one a few years back with the expectation that we would need to seat five. Babysitting might be an issue since I'm afraid it might be rough on our babysitter to handle three (although if my middle child goes to preschool next year, that will ease the workload for her). I def will need to cut back my hours at work and stop working over my minimum required amt. 

But I'm also having fun picturing three kids instead of two kids running around the house pretending to be various animals, like my 6-yr old and 2-yr old were doing today. 

[IntuitiveJamie]

I'm starting to wonder if i should be paying more attn to the "don'ts" of pregnancy. Like don't eat certain foods etc. It's honestly not even really on my mind this time. Granted I haven't eaten some of the no no's just b/c they aren't a regular part of my diet..like sushi. I did have tuna noodle casserole the other night. But tuna's something I eat about once every six months, so I'm really not that concerned. I did naturally limit coffee/caffiene, but that seems to happen out of taste. As well as wine. Just not even in the mood. But there's nothing I'm being adamant about or even really concerning myself with like not taking hot showers. I would say I'm taking them pretty warm. That's one I usually really obey.

What are y'all doing third time around? What rules are you bending, which ones are you still very much following?

The only things I do believe in wholeheartedly are focusing on protein intake, regular physical activity and green smoothies. But those three things are pretty normal for me not pregnant.

[cc_mama]

We went grocery shopping as a family today and it didn't go bad, but not great either - looked at DH when we got back to the van and said - now think of adding a baby to the mix :-)  Scary but I'm holding to my belief that we'll figure out when we get there.

[Honey693]

Is anyone else freaking out about the logistics of 3 kids?   I have no idea how I'll grocery shop or go anywhere with 3.  Come August I'll have an almost 4, almost 2 and newborn.  Yikes.

[Lizbiz]

I'm in denial :).  Seriously.  I just figure if I ignore it, it'll work out somehow.  I really have no choice at this point. 

[IntuitiveJamie]

Well I for one, no longer do the grocery shopping with my kids. I just couldn't take it anymore. It became such an awful experience. My kids are so loud (all the time), and you can hear them across the store. They run and play fight. It's so annoying. I finally had to break down and find a different time to do it. I was really annoyed to have to do so, b/c I didn't want to go at night, or on the weekends either, but I just couldn't handle it with the kids.  I can't even imagine three of them!

I don't know if it's a possibility for y'all, but I highly encourage you to try to find a way to go without the kids. It's almost like a vacation and I get it done in half the time.  When babe comes, she'll be in the sling and I like that.

If my three were going to be so close in age, I def. think I would be freaking out a bit.  But my older two will be 6.5 and 5 when this one arrives. I'm hoping they may be helpful (sometimes at least).

But there are things I'm thinking about, for example, yesterday the boys were riding bikes. They each have one bike, one helmet, one scooter.  I was thinking holy cow, we will be adding another bike, another scooter. A third to everything. And we're not "stuff" ppl at all. In fact, I'm pretty minimalist. But stuff like that we don't share. They want to ride bikes together, not wait to take turns. I do think adding a whole other person means adding a lot more things, even as a minimalist. Whether it's adding in cloth diapers again (and a place to put all of them), clothes (gender different, or at least size different). Shoes, jackets, toys, a place to sit at the dining room table, etc.

We have nothing for a baby at this point. It's all been given away. No board books, no teething toys, no baby clothes, nothing. Even keeping things to a minimum, that's a lot of stuff to add back into the house.  And eventually, not anytime soon, but we will need to have a room for this child. But since that's so many years away, I'm not really concerned about that...I do think a bit about it though.

Is a family of 5 considered a large family? I think so.

[folkgirl]

I'm excited. I am definitely experiencing fewer pregnancy worries than I did the first time around. As for how we'll make it work, I think we are just planning on crossing that road when we get there...

We do plan to put 3 carseats in the back of our Prius, though. We really can't afford a different car right now, so I hope we can get the right carseats to make it work!

[SomethingAnonymous]

Originally Posted by IntuitiveJamie 

I'm starting to wonder if i should be paying more attn to the "don'ts" of pregnancy. Like don't eat certain foods etc. It's honestly not even really on my mind this time. Granted I haven't eaten some of the no no's just b/c they aren't a regular part of my diet..like sushi. I did have tuna noodle casserole the other night. But tuna's something I eat about once every six months, so I'm really not that concerned. I did naturally limit coffee/caffiene, but that seems to happen out of taste. As well as wine. Just not even in the mood. But there's nothing I'm being adamant about or even really concerning myself with like not taking hot showers. I would say I'm taking them pretty warm. That's one I usually really obey.

What are y'all doing third time around? What rules are you bending, which ones are you still very much following?

The only things I do believe in wholeheartedly are focusing on protein intake, regular physical activity and green smoothies. But those three things are pretty normal for me not pregnant.

I kinda had the same thought- I have been so laid back this pregnancy, then the other day I remembered "oh yeah arent there like things you're suppose to do when you're pregnant?" lol.  But I normally don't really have any of those things in my life anyway.  How necessary is taking a prenatal vitamin?

Mostly all I have thought about is the logistics of 3 vs 2, exactly like you said.  We have a table with 4 chairs right now, but thankfully the car has 5 seats and a 3rd carseat in the back should fit fine.  I'm pretty sure we have enough room for 3 kids, we just need to change the bed arrangement a little.  I don't think 5 people can fit in a queen size bed : P  Right now I sleep with my 2 kids and my partner usually works late through the night and falls asleep in his office.  He says he doesn't mind lol.   I'm trying to talk to my oldest about possibly having her own bed in about 6 months.  She said "I don't know about that...." lol! If she's not ready, I think I will have to get a sidecar type thing for my 2 year old, he seems content nursing to sleep and then rolling over away from me.  Then keeping the new baby and the 5 yr old in bed with me. And my poor partner will have to be in the other room. I think I mind a lot more than he does though.

[Justmee]

I'm pregnant with number 5, and my baby is almost 4. I have found each pregnancy different, each one has new worries, new "wow, how can I do it with kids of X age" etc." Thank goodness, each one has worked out and all being well this one will also. I've never had such a big gap, I'm looking forward to adjusting back to babies and toddlers, going from my youngest being 4 to my 4 year old being a big brother (finally!!).

[ruskintl]

This is our third and I guess it hasn't really hit me yet.  Our oldest is 6 and in school so I will really only have 2 kids during the day.  I am concerned about our car situation though.  DH drives a beater '95 honda civic, even with Radians I don't know if we can fit 3 across the backseat.  I drive a Mariner but we are selling it to pay off our remaining student loans.  I love that car and will miss it so much!  I know we will be better off debt-free though.  Our plan is to save for a used Sienna.  Sleep arrangements will have to change as well.  Poor DH is sleeping on the couch because the girls sleep with me.  Hopefully we can convince our 6 year old to sleep in her room.

[IntuitiveJamie]

I would really like to have some dialogue about a few things. I thought I'd post them and hopefully some of you would like to chat about it.

1. How do you feel about your youngest becoming the middle child? Do you have concerns about this, and if so what?

2. How do you think the child will handle becoming the middle child.

3. Are you a middle child and could you share some challenges of that, that you hope to avoid with your children.

4.How do you enforce any rules with a third that you had with first or second, like tv time etc? Seems almost impossible to me.

So I'll start answering in next post.

[IntuitiveJamie]

1. and 2. are sort of the same for me in the sense that my main concern IS about my youngest becoming the middle child. On one hand I feel he will love being a big brother, and I think he will be a wonderful big brother. But he is in love with me. We are as close ans a parent/child can be. We love to be touching and around each other. We are drawn together. Our bond is super special and I keep wondering how I will be able to keep that up with a newborn initially and even up into toddler hood. I know what newborns require. The babe is likely to be quite literally on me for the first year. Breastfeeding, bed sharing etc. Sure I have enough room in my lap for Wyatt too. But it's not the same. When him and I snuggle it's like face to face in full embrace. He just recently moved into his brothers room, but a lot of times in the morning he comes in and we have a major snuggling session that really won't be possible with an itty bitty baby between us. I really just don't know, and I guess the reality is, we won't figure it out until the babe is here and we are forced to work it all out. But I am concerned and I do think about it now. I feel like I will miss Wyatt and this bond we share now and he will miss me. And I don't want to become distant b/c of it. I also hope he doesn't completely start acting out b/c of it. That's unlike him, but anyone can be pushed to the point of acting out. And sharing his Momma in this way, would be a good reason.

3. I have no experience with. I do know my MIL is a middle child and thinks it's a mean thing to do to a kid and for years has tried to get me to promise we would only have an even number of kids. We are definitely done after this, so she's nuts! But according to her it's a negative thing. Clearly she didn't have a good experience with it. I guess just always sort of left out. I was thinking of doing some reading on middle child stuff so I can keep myself in check as a parent to avoid some of the main issues. I really don't know what they are though. Just getting lost in the shuffle I guess? 

5.So with my first two there were lots of rules (they didn't know, they were just lifestyle choices at the time). For example, sugar and sweets was really avoided until they were several years old. But how does a kid watch her two much older siblings eat ice cream and you don't give the poor kid any? We still really limit that stuff always. But there's a big difference b/n my oldest two not even having any until they were three and a 1 year old getting it. Same with tv. We allowed no tv as infants and still have limited tv time, as well as pretty censored what they watched. No commercial channels until recently, and no violence until recently. (they are now 4 and 6). Well if the boys are watching tv, how do I not have the babe see it?  We only have one tv and it is in the living room. I guess we'll have to always be in another room or something. Not impossible, but could definitely be challenging at times.  The more I think about it, it just seems like #3 won't have any of the same rules (or any rules) in tact as I did with one and two and I'm not really liking that. I'm going to really have to be creative I guess.

[Lizbiz]

Good questions Jamie! 

1. How do you feel about your youngest becoming the middle child? Do you have concerns about this, and if so what?

I am actually kind of excited for her - I think she'll be such a sweet big sister!  I am in love with my little girl and think the world of her.  She's funny, laid back, observant, and wise for her 2 years in some ways... and I think she's pretty naturally a very open person, so I think a new baby will make her happy.  I'm sure there will be adjustments for her, just as there were for my son when she was born, but I'm expecting that, and trusting that we will work through them together.  

2. How do you think the child will handle becoming the middle child.

See above - I really think she's going to go with the flow!  She is not high needs.  

3. Are you a middle child and could you share some challenges of that, that you hope to avoid with your children.

I am the youngest, so no direct experience - but some of my siblings had it rough being the middle children in such a big family.  They really didn't have quite enough attention growing up.  I hope to avoid that by not having 15 children, lol - even though I am sure glad my parents did or I would not be here! 

4.How do you enforce any rules with a third that you had with first or second, like tv time etc? Seems almost impossible to me.

Also seems impossible to me... I have given up already with 2, lol.  I do control my 2 year old's diet more than my 4 year old though - mostly by giving her just a taste and then distracting her with something else.  So far, so good.  She hasn't caught on to portion size yet.  

[Carolina Kel]

1. How do you feel about your youngest becoming the middle child? Do you have concerns about this, and if so what?

- Right now, Skadi is still a baby to me... 9 months. She'll be around 17 months when this munchkin is born. Because she has been such an easy little one and we've had so many issues with her brother - speech delays and feeding issues - I'm honestly afraid of her suffering the invisible middle child syndrome. :( 

2. How do you think the child will handle becoming the middle child.

- She's little enough, but I think that the age will make it more difficult than when her brother became a big brother to her.

3. Are you a middle child and could you share some challenges of that, that you hope to avoid with your children.

- Sadly, I am not. I am the oldest, but I know that my sister did her best to always to as good or better than I did. She still does. :)

4.How do you enforce any rules with a third that you had with first or second, like tv time etc? Seems almost impossible to me.

- Kids are different and what works for one may not work for all. The big thing overall is fairness and offering the same opportunities tailored to the individual and having the same rites of passage for each. While a 8PM bedtime works for one, it may not work for the next; just as an 8AM wakeup may work for one and not another. For example, my son will hit puberty at a different time than my daughter. Both will be celebrated, just at a different time, and in a gender appropriate way. I know that for my daughter it will mean getting her ears pierced and celebrating her passage to womanhood. :) 

[jenniet]

I'm looking forward to reading through this thread more tonight but right now it's a little busy with my three and five year old boys running around. ;) 

I am very excited about having a third but nervous as well.  We only have one car at the moment and it can't fit three car seats so we will be buying a second, larger car before the baby is born.  I am really hoping for a daughter after having two sons but obviously no matter what we end up with I will feel blessed.  I was hoping that my second child was a girl and now I can't imagine our lives without him.  He is the sweetest little guy and an important part of our family.  I am due on the 27th. Looking forward to chatting more as things progress! 

-Jennie