2nd Child Pregnancies « Back to Group Discussions

[Knitting Mama]

We have threads for most everything else, so let's give us second time moms a thread too!

I feel like a LOT will change in my life having a second child, especially with a young (she'll be just over 2) daughter. Until now, she's gotten nearly all of my attention. I've tried to make sure that she's fine with independent playing too, and she is for the most part, but that doesn't meant that she's used to her parents not giving her attention exactly when she wants it! Also, she LOVES babies now, but what if having one 24/7 makes her change her mind? 

The other thing we've been working on is Cecilia spending more time with Papa. I would imagine because I am a SAHM, she's been very a Mama-only girl. There was a time when she'd pitch a fit if Papa even looked at her funny. At this point, she loves spending time with him if she knows I'm not around, but still prefers me when I am there-- unless it's tower building time! Then it's all about Papa!

[Ninetales]

I'm so back and forth on everything.  Some days I'm super excited and love the idea of having two little ones, other days I'm terrified.  I wasn't even going to try to potty train Elsa until age 2 and now I'm really not in a hurry to do it.  I figure if I push it too soon she could just regress anyway. 

My probably biggest concern is how I'm going to work the bedsharing thing.  Elsa doesn't tolerate me turning my back to her most of the time and I can't very well put the newbie between us.  I don't want to shove her out when the baby comes but I don't know how else to make it work.  I remember her early days and she seemed so fragile. 

I'm encouraged because she's been on a baby loving kick lately.  She points them out in pictures and on tv, and all kids she sees out and about she calls babies.  She has a doll that she carries around and kisses and pats on the head which is totally cute.

[marinak1977]

Yep, excited and terrified here too. DS will be 2 and a half by then, so I'm hoping he will be easier too. He is surprisingly mature for his age, so it's easy to get fooled into feeling comfortable.
I am hoping to make the adjustment as fair to him as possible. At least he has to share attention with the dogs now, but it's not the same since they almost always get set aside for him.

[1stTimeMama4-4-10]

These are my fears exactly.  DD will be 28 months when the baby comes and I am soooooo worried that we won't be there for her the way she wants us to be.  I am particularly concerned about bed sharing because like Ninetales, my DD doesn't like it when I turn my back to her.  I don't have any idea how we will all be able to sleep together when the baby is here and I LOATHE the idea of making DD stop all the things she loves because I have to do them with a baby.  How do people do this? I am so frightened of screwing it up. 

[rebecca10]

Ninetails, I love that about calling everyone babies. My daughter is the same way--nine year olds give her odd looks when they see this tiny toddler refer to them as babies

I'm with all of you -- super excited about number 2, but nervous too, especially about the bedsharing thing. My husband wants to move my daughter, who will be 2 1/2 when the baby comes to her own room before the baby gets here. I don't know.

And my daughter is a very sweet, generally well behaved kid, but she is used to lots of one-on-one attention, so I think it is going to be a huge adjustment. Probably won't help that she's supposed to start preschool within days of my due date.

[Ninetales]

I think it's funny how so many of us are even going to have similar spacing. My daughter will be 2 and a half when the baby is born too.

[Knitting Mama]

We have a sidecarred crib, and I can generally get Cecilia to at least start the night in it. My goal is for her to sleep in it more and more as we get closer to baby time, so that the newb can be between us. I don't really know how to encourage her to use it more, though, beyond just, well, using it like we already do.

[marinak1977]

DS nurses in bed, but generally likes his own space when he sleeps. He nurses before sleep and in the morning. So I'm hoping I can transition him to snuggling more with DH, and seriously shorten the morning session. He still asks to nurse when he's hungry rather than asking for food, so I need to get vigilant about keeping his tummy full.
He is mostly nightweaned though. Unless he isn't feeling well.
I don't know if I want to get DS his own bed. I really want him to transition when he is ready, not because of the baby. I do need to get his room setup though (it currently has a giant guest bed). So much to do. Sigh.

[sallyrae17]

My son will be a little over three when the baby is born and I guess I'm not too stressed out about it. I'm sure he's going to have jealousy issues and there will be some really tough times, but I like to just take things as they come. I don't want to get all worried about something that might not happen. 

As for bedsharing, we have a crib right next to our bed that my son sleeps in - most of the time. He generally sleeps in the space between his bed and ours. :) Anyway, We have a guest room with a queen in it and I've decided that I can always sleep with both of them in there by myself if I need to. I've already slept the past week in our guest room with him due to its proximity to the bathroom. Anyway, I know there's a ton of stuff to worry about, but I just can't seem to worry about it at the moment. Maybe it's because I'm too concerned with this whole nausea thing. :-/

[isras1]

My son will be just turning 2 when this LO arrives also :) I too swing back and forth between excitement and joy, the unknown of what is to come. Yes, many families have and will continue to have more than one child but it feels so monumental to me, lol. We bedshare and have begun to successfully have him sleep in his Big Boy bed that is side car next to ours, most of the time he ends up sleeping in the crack between the two beds. My DH wants to move him out, I thought that we could transition him to a mattress on the floor but I don't know how to do that. This isn't a wait and see kind of thing, for there is prep work to do for my DS to help with the transition of a new sibling. I guess some research and advice seeking is needed, lets share what we learn?

[Knitting Mama]

I think my ideal would be one huge floor bed in our room, but convincing my husband that we need to give up our perfectly good queen sized bed and spend the money to get a king is not easy at all.

[lari]

My son will be 3 and a half when baby shows.  Currently he has his own big boy bed but pretty much comes to our room and crawls in bed with us every night around 2 .  I'm starting to already take him back to his room and tuck him back in in his own bed just because I want him solidly sleeping in his own room when the baby comes.  I don't want him to feel like he was kicked out becasue of the baby, but honestly that's the very reason I'm encouraging the transition now.  Our son is all over the place sleeping too and neither DH nor I get a good nights rest when he sleeps with us even though I adore waking up to a tiny toddler body next to me.  I was really paranoid co-sleeping with DS in the early months and I know I would be way to stressed out about the toddler smothering the little one when he/she comes if we all co-slept together.  Man, I'm envious of all of you with your cribs... DS crawled out of those at just past 2.  

[Ninetales]

We already have a king size, there's room for a baby but I don't think Elsa will want to give me up. We tried the side car thing for about nine months before I got rid of it because she didn't sleep there even once.

[Montessortof]

I guess I will have a bigger age gap than most of you. My son will be turning 4 right around when the new baby comes. I'm kind of worried about the big age gap because I wanted my kids to be close in age so they can play together as they grow up. Unfortunately, I had a lot of trouble getting pregnant the second time, so that didn't happen.

I think the larger age gap will make my life easier in the beginning, at least. DS will understand what is going on and be able to talk about his feelings, so I won't have to guess about jealousy and all that. He's a great sleeper, never wakes up in the night, and is totally fine in his own room. He's even able to entertain himself for a pretty good stretch of time. So I guess I'm mostly worried about how he will interact with the new baby, not about how I'll deal with parenting them both at the same time.

Is anyone else dealing with a due date close to your older child's birthday? I'm already worried about what I should do for DS's birthday party. What if I go into labor and have to cancel the party? Or if I have a tiny baby that can't be exposed to a bunch of grubby preschoolers' germs? DS has been to a bunch of his friends' parties lately, and he is already talking about what he wants to do when he turns four.

[moremadder]

I have a similar gap to yours, Montessortof -- my son will turn 4 the month after my due date. I wanted a longer gap so I could give each kid a lot of attention for the first several years, but I do sometimes wish they were going to be closer in age so they could grow up together more. I'm also worried that my son might be a little too used to having all the attention for himself. It's going to be a major adjustment for him. We just told him about the baby this week and he is extremely excited though. He's really into babies right now, which is great. I hope it lasts when the reality of a crying, demanding infant who is too young to play but needs lots of mom's attention comes home!!

[Ninetales]

I heard something once, that whatever spacing you end up with, ends up being the perfect spacing for you.  There are so many good things about every kind of spacing.  So I'm sure we will all be happy in the end!

How is everyone doing?  We must be busy with our older ones or something, since our thread doesn't move much.  :)

[moremadder]

Sounds like a good way to look at it Ninetales. :-)

Anybody else hear that the transition from 1 kid to 2 kids is actually harder than the transition from 0 to 1? I find it hard to believe. Going 0 to 1 was a pretty big change.

[Knitting Mama]

What I have heard mostly, from my friends with many, is that 1 is super hard, 2 is a little easier than 1, and then 3 and onward it just gets easier and easier, for many reasons-- your experience, the help from your older kids, etc. I get told ALL the time by my friends who have more than one that I'm in the hardest stage right now with just Cecilia. So I'm going to take that to heart! 

[Harmony08]

I am another one with the four year gap. My son will be 3 years and ten months when this baby is born.  I am happy about the gap though I do also wish they were closer together.  I just wasn't ready before.  Oh well.  My biggest concern is sleeping too.  We have a king mattress on the floor but it seems like just enough room for the three of us honestly.  We will have to squish to fit another one.  I like my space ;)  But I worry what is the baby wakes my son up too much or something like that.  I don't know.  I suppose we will find out!

[angireid]

My kids are a little closer together, they will be 18 months apart, I am vervous about the co sleeping too, I cant imagin kicking my little one of our bed already, trying to get him to snuggle up to dad but he's pretty insistent on mommy these days. He turned 1 today...