2nd Child Pregnancies - Page 4 « Back to Group Discussions

[Knitting Mama]

Can you wear the baby and still nurse? I didn't really have to learn how to do that with Cecilia, but I plan on trying with this baby!

Also, can you do more finger foods? Cecilia's pretty good with a fork, but she still prefers her fingers, so unless it's dinner (where we all eat the same thing), I tend to give her food she can fairly easily feed herself.

And finally, who knows what the next six months will bring developmentally!

[pandd06]

This is how I started nursing DS in a wrap when he was 5 weeks old (and still use it now).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKv55QjU-K8

It was a life-saver so that I could eat, work, walk, do chores, etc. while he ate. (It wasn't truly hands-free when he was tiny, but it was one-handed.)

[my mountain]

I feel like I have to defend myself here, because It seems I am a minority.  I did co-sleep with both my kids for around 8-9 months and everytime they woke up hungry they cried, so I really think your comment about crying being the last resort is completely wrong.  Sometimes babies cry.  What exactly are you getting out of co-sleeping at age 2 and over.  They are not in any risk of being hungry, they are capable of sleeping through the night on their own and now you have to go to a different place to be intimate with your partner?  Am I the only one?  My kids share a room and bunk beds, they love it, they are not traumatized adnthey are the sweetest, most loving children I could ask for.

[ithappened]

my mountain for us its a space issue as well as habit..  we live in a studio apartment (ahh european spaces) so even if they sleep in their own bed, we are all still in the same room and having another bed just means less space for other things for us.. ..

I wonder a lot of times if we had a bigger apartment or a house, how things would be different (or not). I'm not sure.

I really think what works for one child may not work for another.. which is why each kid/family is a different case-- we find what works for us given our circumstances and go from there.. :)

[Knitting Mama]

Originally Posted by my mountain 

I feel like I have to defend myself here, because It seems I am a minority.  I did co-sleep with both my kids for around 8-9 months and everytime they woke up hungry they cried, so I really think your comment about crying being the last resort is completely wrong.  Sometimes babies cry.  What exactly are you getting out of co-sleeping at age 2 and over.  They are not in any risk of being hungry, they are capable of sleeping through the night on their own and now you have to go to a different place to be intimate with your partner?  Am I the only one?  My kids share a room and bunk beds, they love it, they are not traumatized adnthey are the sweetest, most loving children I could ask for.

I think the biggest point I would like to drive home is that different things work better for different families. So to you, you can't see anything positive in cosleeping over 2, and that is your prerogative. Me? I see it differently. It's a beautiful thing for my family. My daughter loves knowing I am right there, as is evidenced by how she sleeps fine in her sidecar but loves to come to me for some snuggles partway through the night. I don't feel the need for her to sleep independently of me until she is ready for it, and I have all the confidence in the world that she will reach that point on her own. It's just my way of doing things, and I really hope that you can see that what works for you might not be what works for everyone.

Oh, and for what it's worth, I find it sort of exciting to be intimate in places that aren't just our bed, so it doesn't really affect our intimacy!

[LilyTiger]

I agree that it really is about personal choice and circumstances.  Like mymountain we will probably co-sleep for the first year and then transition the baby to its own room.  I'm the kind of person who really likes her own space, and I was raised in a house where my parents' room was their room.  It taught us early that not everything revolves around the kids and I like that.  I also can't see leaving my own room for intimacy with my husband and I am pretty sure he wouldn't stand for it anyway.  So, our space issues are a little different and my preferences are different.  But I do think it's a very personal decision that really does depend on the kind of values you have and the kind of parent you are.

When we have more than one, we will definitely have them sleep together in their own room.  I did that with my sister and I loved our having our own special space together.  But since this is my first, we've got a lot of ground to cover before we even get there.

Also, pandd06 thanks for that link!  I've been wondering about nursing while baby wearing and I want to do it but had no idea how.  That was really helpful.

[AdinaL]

Just now getting a chance to stick my head in to this group....It seems from reading that I will have the largest age gap.  My daughter will be nearly 6.5 when this baby arrives. 

you

She sleeps in our room, in a twin bed next to our king, and we have a cosleeper, so we will have enough room. I am not going to kick her out of our room at this point, because she vehemently doesn't want to go, and as I have learned in the last nearly 6 years, forcing her to do something she doesn't want to do NEVER works. She will likely decide to move on her own once the baby arrives and we wake her up 80 times a night. LOL All this to say, different things work for different families.  What I get out of room sharing at this age?  Everyone sleeps through the night, and if she needs to cuddle in the middle of the night, she does, without opening doors and waking everyone up. 

Moving from 1 to 2 kids is daunting at this age.  She's had a lot of time to get to be my only kid. Plus we homeschool and I work from home.  I'm a little wary of how this is all going to work. It will work, but it is definitely interesting to think about.  I don't have a lot of issues that arise from younger siblings, like meal time or potty training or anything like that. 

This pregnancy was a heck of a shock, and we thought we were done with one, so I am having to adjust my mind set a lot. We are thrilled, but it was a pretty crazy surprise.  

Anyway....all that to say - hi! :D

[Ninetales]

Originally Posted by Cecilia's Mama 

I think the biggest point I would like to drive home is that different things work better for different families.

This.  I've already said that our arrangement is what works best for us and it's what I *want* to do.  I don't believe I'm obligated to provide any further justification.

Edited by Ninetales - 2/9/12 at 3:50pm

[AdinaL]

I'm probably going to out myself as one of the more radically NFL/AP folks here. (Which I suppose makes sense, seeing as I'm an admin. LOL)  For a whole lot of human history families lived in one or two rooms. And a good percentage of the world still does.  And yet....they've managed to reproduce. A lot. 7 billion a lot.  I don't think folks were sneaking out into the snow to have sex, or heading to the chicken coop to get busy. LOL  

Ninetales - you sound like you are meeting your family's needs as well as your own.  Nice work mama!! It is hard enough to do that at any given time, but sleep is so important. 

[LilyTiger]

AdinaL, that's certainly true, but different cultures have different values too.  My cultural values are not on board with sex in the same room as my children.  If it works for other people, more power to them.  But the historical argument only gets you so far.  Ultimately, it's about the personal values of the family making the decision, and that's why there's so much variation here.  It's one thing I love about these boards: I get to hear from lots of different moms about how they do things, what works for them and what doesn't, and then I make my own decision based on my own experiences, values, and background.

(Now I'll hop off the second child thread, since I just popped in to listen... still waiting for my first.)

[Thandiwe]

I'm pregnant with baby #4.  Babies numbered 3 and 4 wouldn't be here if it weren't for same-room sex!  All in good taste, which of course means you lose out on "some" of the fun, but definitely workable.    That said, I long for the days when I can have my room back, and can actually have a whole region for getting busy...without silence, without fear of waking the baby.  But then again, by then I'll be worried about nighttime surprise visits at inopportune times.

[Thandiwe]

Originally Posted by my mountain 

I feel like I have to defend myself here, because It seems I am a minority.  I did co-sleep with both my kids for around 8-9 months and everytime they woke up hungry they cried, so I really think your comment about crying being the last resort is completely wrong.  Sometimes babies cry.  What exactly are you getting out of co-sleeping at age 2 and over.  They are not in any risk of being hungry, they are capable of sleeping through the night on their own and now you have to go to a different place to be intimate with your partner?  Am I the only one?  My kids share a room and bunk beds, they love it, they are not traumatized adnthey are the sweetest, most loving children I could ask for.

I think what works in your family is awesome.  But just as you don't want someone to classify your situation, I think the flip-side can be said.  There are various and mounting reasons for why I continue to co-sleep.  In our house, my 6 year old and 4 year old crash in their bed in their own room, and then they come to me later on in the night.  We have a queen sized bed and a twin at the foot.  They find space, between my husband, myself, and my 2 year old.  Two year old never left my bed.  I think that nighttime parenting for many doesn't just magically "end" at 2 years; it can continue for so much longer.  And personally we always wanted our kids to feel that there are no boundaries/no restrictions to us in life.  Growing up, my parents had a very locked-doors kind of rule about their bedroom, mainly my stepdad.  As a result, I felt very unwelcomed and alone.  When I heard something, got scared, or felt sick, I felt extremely alone from a very early age.  That continued in other areas of my life with my parents, not just nighttime parenting.  Recalling that experience, I chose early on that my children would know that they are welcomed to come to me at any time about any thing, no matter what, when, or where.  Just my experience.  But to say that you get nothing from co-sleeping past 2?  That's just as bad you feeling like you have to defend yourself.  Different people do different things - doesn't mean you are wrong, nor does it mean I'm wrong. 

[AdinaL]

Originally Posted by LilyTiger 

AdinaL, that's certainly true, but different cultures have different values too.  My cultural values are not on board with sex in the same room as my children.  If it works for other people, more power to them.  But the historical argument only gets you so far.  Ultimately, it's about the personal values of the family making the decision, and that's why there's so much variation here.  It's one thing I love about these boards: I get to hear from lots of different moms about how they do things, what works for them and what doesn't, and then I make my own decision based on my own experiences, values, and background.

(Now I'll hop off the second child thread, since I just popped in to listen... still waiting for my first.)

Totally agree.  What works for you and makes you comfortable is what your family should do. :)  I was just pointing out that our cultural morés surrounding sex are relatively recent inventions.  Ultimately, what works is what you should do. :)  Congratulations on your first!  Such an exciting time!!

[jennyf917]

My DS will be 10 when #2 arrives. We coslept with him but he was a terrible sleeper and didn't sleep through the night until he moved into his own room at age 3. So this time we'll do a bassinet by the bed in the early days and a crib in our room after that. My biggest fear is repeating the experience we had before so I am trying to be proactive with good sleep habits.

[Soon2BeMom]

Hi, I'm just joining in the Due Date Club!  My dd will be 4 1/2 when new baby comes.  I am high risk for premature labor due to a short cervix, so my midwife advised me to wean.  We were down to nursing 1-2x a day anyway, and it had also started to become pretty painful.   Weaning was pretty easy for her (dd turned it into a silly game, lol), but it was harder for me, and I'm feeling pretty depressed about it.  I guess I'm sad about my one-on-one relationship with my dd changing/disappearing.  The first trimester has been hard on me - I've been nauseous constantly, emotional, tired, and I've just wanted to be alone. :(  Not good for a SAHM.  I feel like my (low) energy is already being split between dd and the baby.  We haven't told dd (or anyone) about the baby yet, so I'm hoping after the news is out and I can involve dd with the pregnancy and baby more, I'll feel better about this.

Dd cosleeps with me and dh on full/twin mattresses side-by-side.  When baby comes we'll probably rearrange so we can have a full/full side-by-side, and we'll remove the box springs so we're closer to the floor.  It will be baby nearest to the wall, me, then dd and dh.  We have an extra bed for when dd wants her own bed, but I love the security of having her near me and so far she hasn't expressed any interest in moving out (plus I like having the extra bedroom for mine and dh's "snuggle" room).  We need to start having dh do bedtime more often so dd will be ready for that - she's gone through phases with who puts her to bed, but right now it's a mom-only phase.  I don't feel worried about the baby waking up dd at night - I'm convincing myself that either she'll sleep through it, go back to sleep or she'll start sleeping in the other room.

Dd had been begging to spend the night at her grandmother's lately, so we gave it a try last week.  I stayed there too in a different room in case there were any problems.  It was weird to sleep without her next to me.  Dd had a great time though, so we'll do it again a few more times without me staying before the due date rolls around.

She has been potty trained for a while, but still needs help wiping poo and pulling up pants sometimes, so I'd like to work more on that so she can hopefully potty independently by the time the baby comes. 

Anybody else have any goals they're working toward with their older child before the new baby comes?  Anybody else worried about losing their special relationship with dc#1?

[Soon2BeMom]

Originally Posted by pandd06 

This is how I started nursing DS in a wrap when he was 5 weeks old (and still use it now).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKv55QjU-K8

It was a life-saver so that I could eat, work, walk, do chores, etc. while he ate. (It wasn't truly hands-free when he was tiny, but it was one-handed.)

We used the front wrap cross carry to nurse too.  Once dd was a little bigger (maybe 3 months?), we nursed in the Baby Hawk a lot.  It was summer so I wore a lot of nursing tanks for easy access at home.  I never figured out shirts that worked with nursing/carrying in public though - ideas?

[1stTimeMama4-4-10]

With respect to co-sleeping, DH and I have discussed it multiple times and I think we have finally worked out what we are going to do.  While it would be lovely to have our bed back, that is not going to happen for several years and we are fine with that.  DD has her own bedroom and we just bought bunk beds so that she can start out on the lower bunk.  She won't go there willingly right now, and we are fine with that too. It will be there when she is ready.

My biggest concern is that if DD, DH, and I are in our bed, I will be worried that the new baby won't be as safe as they should be.  So we are going to use the AR Co-sleeper as long as it is a viable option and just take it from there.  DD REFUSED to sleep in anything but our bed snuggled right next to me.  If this baby is like that - so be it. If this baby accepts the co-sleeper, then when he or she outgrows it, we will purchase a mini-crib to sidecar.  We cannot sidecar a full size crib because our room is very little.  When baby outgrows the sidecarred crib, we will then either put a toddler mattress on the floor next to the bed or transition baby into the bedroom with DD, or just let new baby sleep in bed with us. 

It's all going to work out, and we are going to take our cues from DD and the new baby as to how best to meet their needs. It feels good to have a plan, even if the plan is that we will figure it out when we get there!!!

[Knitting Mama]

Originally Posted by 1stTimeMama4-4-10 

 It feels good to have a plan, even if the plan is that we will figure it out when we get there!!!

Amen to this, sistah!  So much of our plan is like this! I feel like it sort of has to be though, because if there's anything that having Cecilia taught me, it's that the best laid plans rarely survive the first engagement! LOL

[1stTimeMama4-4-10]

Originally Posted by Cecilia's Mama 

Amen to this, sistah!  So much of our plan is like this! I feel like it sort of has to be though, because if there's anything that having Cecilia taught me, it's that the best laid plans rarely survive the first engagement! LOL

So true - I planned and planned and planned last time, and pretty much NONE of my plans actually happened the way I wanted them too.  But it all worked out anyway!  So this time, I'm going to skip the plan and just have a few tentative ideas for how to respond to things if they happen.  This is a much healthier approach for me I think. 

[Knitting Mama]

Agreed!