I am 28 weeks pregnant and getting so frustrated and beaten down. I feel like I have no control over this pregnancy and upcoming birth, and I'm afraid I won't be able to have any more control over how I raise me child either.
First off, there are no midwives available where I live, so although I would love to have a homebirth, there is nobody to attend. So I'm stuck giving birth in the hospital which I'm not looking forward to because I don't have any say over which doctor(s) will be at the birth, and I don't know whether to trust what they have to say about things like interventions - I have no reference other than what the doctors tell me.
Not to mention that I haven't gotten anywhere near the level of prenatal care from my family doctor that I have heard about from my friends who were lucky enough to get midwives.
I would love to be able to stay home after the baby is born, but I can't afford to take more than 6 months off so I feel cheated by this stupid economy out of something as simple as breastfeeding my own child until they wean naturally. It makes me so mad. It's not like I'm trying to maintain a high standard of living - my partner and I rent a cheap basement apartment and he works full time while taking evening courses, but his job is minimum wage and he's got student loans to pay off, so I don't have any choice or we'll have no place to live. We're both educated and we work hard, we don't have any expensive hobbies or vices (or extras like phones, internet, cable TV, or even a car). All I want to do is live my life and be a good mother and I'm not even allowed to do that.
Then there's school. I know I'm thinking way too far ahead but I don't believe in the public school system, at least not for young kids. I just don't think it's the best way to educate them and get them excited about learning and expanding their creativity. Of course private schools are out of the questions because of the cost, but what if I can't even afford to stay home and homeschool? I'm just stuck.
I feel like on every issue my hands are tied. I just want to have some control over how my child is raised but I feel like the whole thing has just been hijacked. Ever read Brave New World, where the babies are grown in a lab and conditioned to become a certain type of person? I feel just like that, like there's so much external control over how things are done that I have less influence over this child's future than does the government, and I want to get out but I can't find a way.
I know this sounds pretty closed-minded and immature but I'm just so depressed recently I can't seem to see through all this stuff. I don't know where to look for a solution.